


Iridescent

by linksofmemories



Series: B-Side [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alpha Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Intersex Omegas, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Miscommunication, Omega Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2020-10-24 12:53:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 99,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20706317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linksofmemories/pseuds/linksofmemories
Summary: One day, Bambam knew that Jinyoung was going to stop looking right past him. He was going to really see him and take him in and be completely captivated. At least, that was what he was hoping for, because all Bambam had ever done was see and love Jinyoung for everything that he was.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in the same universe as my [_Fractured Colors_](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1096779) series, but it is not necessary at all for you to read any of those fics first. I wrote that series before I started stanning GOT7, so the boys aren't even mentioned in it. They're completely standalone stories.
> 
> Korean ages do not exist in this fic. Everyone is referred to and refers to themselves as their international age.
> 
> Also, I know everyone writes ABO fics differently, so I wrote a primer for mine. It's all explained in the fic as it goes, but if you want to know up front [here is the link to the info on my tumblr](http://erinmichelley.tumblr.com/aboprimer).
> 
> [Moodboard](https://twitter.com/linksofmemories/status/1215203100715253760)

To say that Bambam was homesick would be a complete understatement. He did his best to hide it around his fellow trainees, but it was something he couldn’t run from when he was alone. Even though technically he was never alone. The only time he got to himself was when he was in heat, and that wasn’t exactly a relaxing time for him. He supposed he was lucky that the company gave him space to go through it by himself, instead of loading him up on harsh suppressants and making him work through it. That was a thought his mother had put into his head before he left and he hadn’t been able to shake it.

And now he was thinking about his mother and how much he missed her and his siblings and the ache of homesickness was taking root in his chest once more.

He glanced around the dark room, taking in the other boys who were fast asleep in their beds. Bambam hadn’t had the chance to really get to know any of them yet. His Korean was too basic to use for any meaningful conversation. He understood more than he knew how to speak. It was like his brain could comprehend others’ words, but when it came to forming his own, he stumbled over sentence structure.

There were a few other trainees who were foreigners, but they came from Korean families, so their language skills didn't need much work. Only one other trainee could sympathize with him and that was Mark, an American from a Taiwanese family, who was also an omega. Bambam thought that the two would be close. His English was much better than his Korean and he liked the idea of having an older omega friend to confide in. Mark was difficult though. He either kept to himself or argued through conversations. It was like everything someone said to him was an invitation for a fight, so Bambam kept his distance.

“Hey.”

The hushed voice easily broke him out of his thoughts. Bambam looked away from Mark, who looked annoyingly angelic as he slept, and turned to face Yugyeom who was in the bed across from him. The two looked at each other for a few long moments before Bambam waved his hand in the air, hoping it worked as the universal sign for, “what do you have to say?”

“Why are you awake?” Yugyeom finally asked.

Bambam felt the strong urge to roll his eyes, but he stopped himself before he could.

“I can’t sleep,” he said. It was a simple statement, easy enough to say without him pausing to carefully think about each word.

“That makes sense,” Yugyeom said. “I can’t sleep either.”

He was finding it difficult to see any meaning in their conversation. Yugyeom had joined the company after him and was a few months younger, despite looking like an adult already at only 13. He had rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly when Bambam asked him about his height, citing a growth spurt and his genes. Apparently his father had been a very mature-looking teenager as well. Bambam came to the conclusion that he was an alpha and that becoming abnormally tall at a young age was just something alphas did. Yugyeom had proved him wrong less than a week later, casually mentioning that he was actually a beta.

“Okay,” Bambam said. He wasn’t sure how to respond to Yugyeom’s attempt at starting a late night (or was it early morning?) conversation.

“What are you two doing?”

Bambam turned over in bed again, seeing that the few words he and Yugyeom had exchanged somehow managed to wake up Mark. Gone were the soft features of his sleeping face, having been replaced by a deep scowl instead.

“What did Mark-hyung say?” Yugyeom asked, making Bambam realize that Mark had spoken in English.

“Go back to sleep,” Mark said, in English again.

“Sleep?” Yugyeom said. “I know that word. Is he telling us to go back to sleep? Tell him I’m sorry for waking him up.”

“He’s speaking way too fast,” Mark said. “Bambam, what is he–”

“Goodnight,” Bambam finally declared, in English so Mark would understand. He tugged his blanket over his head as a visual representation, hoping that Yugyeom would take the hint.

No one spoke up again, so the conversation was over. He wouldn’t even call it a conversation. It was the most the three had spoken to each other outside of training though, so he considered it a small win. Bambam liked both of them, despite Mark being defensive by nature and Yugyeom just…naturally rubbing him the wrong way sometimes.

His relationship with Yugyeom was strange. He assumed they would be instant friends since they were so close in age, but they tended to argue more than anything. Bambam had been a trainee longer, but Yugyeom picked up on dance moves and choreography much faster than him. He tried to help Bambam with his Korean, but the impromptu lessons always left them both frustrated.

Bambam knew that he was mostly frustrated with himself though. When he was back home, it was second nature for him to fit in. He could easily start conversations and make friends in an instant. His mother always told him he had never been shy a day in his life. So, it was jarring, moving to a new place and being expected to adapt.

Just as his eyelids started to feel heavy once more, the sound of an alarm filled the room. He groaned in tandem with the rest of the boys. Bambam pushed the blanket off from over his head and glared at the ceiling. This quickly proved to be a mistake since someone turned the overhead light on. He pressed his palms to his eyes, wanting nothing more than to sink into his bed and go back to sleep.

His wish wouldn’t be granted though. He had a packed schedule today. Half of it was Korean lessons and the other half was dance practice and he was equally dreading both. He would be stuck in a classroom with Mark for the first part of the day and for the second part he would be comparing his every move to Yugyeom’s.

Life as a trainee was so much different from how he thought it would be – from how he _wanted _it to be.

Their group moved in a herd out of the dorm once everyone was dressed and fed. He was quickly picked out along with Mark and then taken to a tiny classroom that he wouldn’t be surprised to learn doubled as a storage room. Their instructor was an older omega woman who only spoke English and Korean and had a tendency to give Bambam apologetic smiles whenever he fell behind. A mating bite was prominent on her neck and he often felt his eyes linger on it for too long. He knew he was too young to even think about mating, but he couldn’t always stop his mind from wandering.

“So, I’ve gone over your work from last time,” she said, passing them back a packet of worksheets. “You’ve both made a lot of improvement.”

Bambam’s worksheet was littered in a confusing combination of remarks made in red pen and sparkly star-shaped stickers. He glanced at Mark’s, noting the lack of stickers and scarce red marks. The comparison made him slump down in his seat, feeling even more like a child next to him.

It was difficult not to compare himself to Mark. There were whispers in the company and among the trainees that only one male omega could debut at a time. It would be too much of a shock to the public to debut multiple omegas, especially if both of them were foreigners. Competing against Mark seemed like the natural thing to do, even though he knew he was losing.

“Not too bad,” Mark said.

His voice was so soft that Bambam almost didn’t hear him. Their teacher was wiping down the small whiteboard she rolled into the room every day. Mark’s eyes were on Bambam’s paper, quickly scanning over it.

“Your handwriting is better than mine,” he said.

“Uh, it is?” Bambam asked.

“Yeah,” Mark said. “You’re better at speaking too. I’m just good at remembering stuff, I guess.” He gestured toward the worksheet with only a few red marks. “I’m jealous.”

“Oh,” Bambam said.

That was the only thing he knew to say. English was the one language they could really communicate in, but Mark complimenting him had surprised him so much that he was forgetting it. He chose to nod and smile instead, hoping that he came across as grateful and pleased. It seemed to work since Mark smiled back, softly.

He wasn’t sure what had made Mark say something nice to him, but he wasn’t going to question it. Maybe he was starting to feel as lonely and out of place as Bambam was. Maybe he came to the conclusion that having his guard up around everyone wasn’t going to make things easier for him.

The rest of the lesson was uneventful. It ended with the three of them in a circle, speaking only in Korean. For the first time he noticed how he could smoothly say things that took Mark a bit longer to think through. Their teacher was patient for the most part, but sometimes she would cut in, supplying Mark with the correct word to say. His mouth would quickly furrow into a frown before he begrudgingly said the word. It was like he was admitting defeat.

“I told you,” Mark said once they stepped out of the classroom, finally having been dismissed. “I can barely talk. I sound like an idiot.”

“I don’t think so,” Bambam said. “You’re just more, um–” He scrunched up his face, trying to find the right English word, “You think about what you say.”

“I’m thoughtful?”

“Right, that’s the word.”

“Thanks, Bambam.”

Those words came with a finality that seemed to signal that they were done talking. Perhaps that was enough bonding for one day. Bambam would take it though. He felt somehow lighter as they entered the dance studio, walking in on their group doing some basic exercises. Mark claimed a spot near the back and Bambam was set on joining him when he saw Yugyeom out of the corner of his eye. He was waving frantically at him to get his attention, and once Bambam was looking at him, he pointed next to him.

Bambam dragged his feet across the floor, joining Yugyeom at the other side of the room. If Mark could speak to him kindly, he supposed it wouldn’t kill him to be nice to Yugyeom. They followed the instructor for a few minutes before Yugyeom leaned toward him.

“How was your lesson?” he asked.

“It was fine,” Bambam said. “How’s this class been?”

“Easy,” Yugyeom said. “I was getting kind of bored, so I’m glad you showed up when you did.”

It was in that moment that Bambam realized that the weird tension between them had been entirely his doing. Yugyeom was just trying to make a new friend. They were the youngest in the company and he wanted to reach out to Bambam so that they could partner up.

He suddenly felt very stupid, as he tried to pay attention to their instructor. The cure to his homesickness would never be making new friends. That certain kind of ache couldn’t be healed so easily, but it could be distracted for a while.

“You’re the best one here,” Bambam said. “You would be bored.”

Yugyeom’s eyes widened at the compliment, but he quickly masked his surprise. Bambam couldn’t entirely blame him for being taken aback though. Yugyeom hit him lightly on the arm, a grin forming on his lips.

“Thanks,” he said. “You’re really good too.”

Bambam was starting to think that today was his best day at the company. Korean lessons had been okay, Mark was nice to him, he was finally warming up to Yugyeom, and their dance instructor hadn’t called him out to scold him while they practiced. He felt lighter in a way that he hadn’t felt since he started living in Seoul. Things seemed to be going his way and it seemed like it would continue. He left the studio with the rest of the group a couple of hours later. Yugyeom was by his side, looking just as carefree as Bambam felt.

His cellphone started to vibrate in his pocket. The only calls he ever got were from his family, so he quickly took it out, eager to speak to whoever was checking in on him. According to his caller ID, it was his mother and he couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his lips.

“My mom – uh, eomma,” Bambam said, showing the buzzing phone to Yugyeom.

“You should answer it then.”

Bambam nodded before making his way back into the now empty dance studio. He sat on the floor and took a deep breath before answering the phone.

“Hi Mæ̀,” he said.

“Hello,” his mother said from the other line. Her voice was filled with warmth and familiarity and just one word of a language he was so comfortable speaking was enough for him to be flooded with homesickness again. “I just wanted to check in on you and see how your day was going. Have you eaten yet?”

“No, not yet,” Bambam said. “Have you?”

“Of course,” she said. “Baby helped me. You two remind me so much of each other. Neither one of you ever want to leave me alone.”

In his head he could perfectly imagine his little sister helping their mother prepare lunch. She probably wouldn’t be much help, but just her presence would be enough to make a task like making lunch more enjoyable.

“I’m definitely leaving you alone now,” Bambam said. “I’m far enough away from you.”

“But your presence is all around this house though,” she said with a sigh. “A few letters came for you again today.”

“Oh,” Bambam said, shifting uncomfortably on the floor. He knew exactly what kind of letters she was talking about. “How many?”

“Five this time,” she said. “One from a member of the royal family. I think he’s only a distant, _distant _relative of the king though.”

“That’s…interesting, I guess.”

His 14th birthday was coming up in a few months, so he didn’t imagine the influx of letters would slow down anytime soon. They first arrived when he turned 13 and he had read through half of one, mistaking it for a birthday greeting from a relative. Alphas sent letters of intent as soon as omegas were considered “of reservation age.” It was an old tradition that mostly older alphas still practiced. Sometimes the letters were all business, stating intent to mate as soon as he was 18 and then listing gifts they could provide to his family. Other letters were explicit and stomach churning, like the first one he had ever opened.

“I threw them all away,” she said. “I wish I could take your name off of that list. You’re not even living in the country anymore, but the letters keep coming.”

“Just don’t read them,” Bambam said. “Keep throwing them away.”

“Oh, I know,” she said. “There’s no way my son is going to mate with someone who doesn’t even want to get to know him first. Especially since most of these alphas are closer to my age than yours. You’re going to mate for love, just like I did with your father.”

“Of course I will.”

The mention of his father was always so bittersweet. He had passed away when Bambam was too young to even have any memories of him. All the stories his mother and older brothers told him about him made his father seem like a hero. Sometimes he wondered if he was really as great as they said, or if they were reminiscing through rose-colored lenses.

“Now, tell me all about your day,” she said. “I want to hear everything. What are you and all of your friends up to?”

Right. His “friends.” He didn’t want her to worry about him, so every time she called he would exaggerate the truth. She was under the impression that he was fitting in nicely with everyone. He had plenty of friends and was excelling at all of his lessons. There wasn’t any reason for her to worry or feel unsettled while he was living so far away.

They talked for a while longer and he was able to keep it together until she started talking about her day. She went into more detail about making lunch with Baby and then told him what his brothers were up to lately. The restaurants were doing good business and she was keeping busy. All she was doing was describing mundane, everyday events, but he could picture them so clearly in his head.

After he hung up, he clutched his phone in one hand while the other rubbed at his eyes, trying to prevent the tears from falling. He was too old to be acting like such a baby and he had been away from home for too long to still be crying after every phone call with his mom. There was a knock on the wall in the studio and he quickly turned his head to see Mark in the doorway, standing awkwardly with his hands in his pockets.

“Sorry,” he said. “I forgot my jacket.” He went to the corner of the room where there was indeed a balled up lump of clothing. “I didn’t understand anything you were saying, obviously, if that makes you feel better. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I didn’t really know when a good time to come in would be.”

“‘Eavesdrop?’” Bambam repeated the word slowly, not wanting to mispronounce it.

“Um, it means to overhear,” Mark said. “Like, listen in on a conversation you’re not supposed to listen to.”

“Oh, okay,” Bambam said, tucking that word away into the English dictionary in his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just being silly.”

“I don’t think you are,” Mark said. “That was a call from home, right? I get emotional when I get those too.”

He slid down the wall so that he could sit next to Bambam on the floor. His arm wound around his shoulders and Bambam found himself leaning into Mark.

“I’ve got a little brother,” he said. “He’s not an omega, like us, but we always got along really well. I miss him a lot.”

Mark had to take a deep breath, almost like he was trying not to get emotional as well. He was trying to put up a strong front for him and Bambam almost told him that he didn’t need to do that. Bambam wanted to ask more about Mark’s family, but two loud and distinct voices carried into the room. He turned his head to see two familiar alphas walk in, dressed for dance practice.

Bambam didn’t know much about Jaebeom and Jinyoung, other than they were two trainees who had been at the company longer than him. There were rumors going around that they were going to debut soon, but Bambam wasn’t sure if there was any truth in that. He didn’t know what rumors to believe, especially since everyone always seemed to be whispering behind someone’s back about something different every day. Bambam didn’t even want to think about what people said about him, the small foreign omega who everyone tended to avoid.

It didn’t surprise him that Jaebeom and Jinyoung both instantly focused on Mark, seemingly looking right through him. Bambam stood up quickly and Mark jumped up to his feet as well, his arm still tightly holding onto his shoulders.

“We didn’t know anyone would be in here,” Jinyoung said to Mark.

“We’re leaving now,” Mark said. It was the strongest and surest Bambam had ever heard him speak Korean.

He steered Bambam out of the studio and into the hallway. The tight grip on his shoulders didn’t relax.

“Is something wrong?” Bambam asked. “Do you not like them?”

“I don’t know them,” Mark said. “That’s one piece of advice I can give you, I guess. Don’t let yourself be alone with alphas you don’t know.”

The way he said those words made Bambam want to ask him so many different questions. Mark’s jaw was clenched and his eyebrows were pulled together in annoyance. He was aggravated, but it wasn’t directed at Bambam.

“Okay, I won’t,” Bambam said, if only to calm him down. “I promise.”

Mark seemed to relax at that, but Bambam was still curious. He wondered what made Mark so hostile when it came to alphas. It was probably best not to push things though by asking. After all, he barely knew Mark. They had just started talking like they were friends today.


	2. Chapter 2

“I think you should have stayed at the dorm today,” Mark said, pressing the back of his hand against Bambam’s forehead. “You look miserable.”

“I am miserable,” Bambam confirmed.

It was the second day of his heat, which was always the worst day for him. The first day was spent mostly sleeping and feeling exhausted. After sleeping an entire day away, he would be sweaty and aggravated for the next one. His heats usually lasted four days, which was the average, but after a few doctor visits, he learned that his were more intense than most. Luckily, his suppressants worked well for him, so his heats never kept him bedridden. Well, almost never.

“I’ve got the ice chips.”

He looked up at Jackson who joined them, crouching down next to Bambam and offering him a plastic cup full of ice. One of his hands cupped Bambam’s cheek and the sense of having two hands pressed against his face made him feel suddenly nauseous. He pushed their hands aside before gratefully taking the cup of ice.

“Sorry,” Jackson said. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to have a heatstroke.” He paused. “Is that a thing? I know anyone can get a heatstroke, but is there like, a specific term for an omega getting a heatstroke?”

“I don’t know,” Mark said. “Probably? It sounds like a thing.”

“How are you doing?” Jackson said, turning his attention away from Bambam. He covered Mark’s forehead with one of his hands. It didn’t stay there long since Mark grabbed his wrist and pulled him away. “Is your heat as bad as his?”

“No need to worry about me,” Mark said. “I’m a pro.”

Omegas’ heats were always easy to predict. They happened three times a year, every four months, and one was usually around the omega’s birthday. Despite being four years apart in age, Bambam’s May birthday was four months away from Mark’s September birthday, so their heats always matched up. It was comforting in a way. At least he wasn’t alone in his misery, even though Mark was much better at handling his heats than he was. He wondered if he too would grow used to them eventually.

“Yeah, you seem okay,” Jackson said. “But what do I really know? I’m just a beta.”

“You’re willing to learn more than most alphas,” Mark said.

“I’ve got ice chips!”

The three of them turned to see an enthusiastic Yugyeom, holding a plastic cup of ice just like Jackson had done only minutes ago. His eyes scanned over the situation, taking in Bambam’s mouth full of ice, making his smile turn into a disappointed frown.

“Oh, I’m too late,” he said, sitting down next to Bambam.

“We can never have too much ice,” Mark said. “Thanks, Gyeomie.”

Yugyeom’s cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink at the praise. He shoved the cup into Bambam’s free hand. The feeling of holding onto two cold cups was nice for a moment, but soon all Bambam could feel was the condensation from both of them dripping down his hands. He placed them on the floor before rubbing his palms against his shorts.

Dance practice was in the middle of a break and he had taken solace in the corner of the room. No one at the company made him join the others while he was in heat, but since Mark was still practicing, he felt obligated to as well. Things had been going smoothly at first, but the more he sweated during practice, the more he was reminded he was in heat and should probably be taking it easy.

“You can keep talking in English, if you want to,” Yugyeom said, pulling his long legs up to his chest and then resting his chin on his knees. “I should probably practice.”

“That’s okay,” Mark said. “We need to practice Korean. Especially Jackson.”

“It’s my fifth language,” Jackson said. “I’m trying my best.”

“Five more minutes!” their dance instructor said from the front of the room. The group of four groaned. None of them were ready to get back to work.

Mark, Jackson, and Yugyeom all got to their feet, but Bambam stayed on the floor. He wasn’t dizzy or nauseous, but his entire body felt weak and heavy. A few of the other trainees looked back at their little group. They checked on Mark first, most likely noting that it didn’t even look like he was affected by his heat. Their eyes then drifted to Bambam. He knew he looked like the complete opposite of Mark who was composed and in control.

“Bam, seriously, go back to the dorm,” Mark said. “You look like you're about to pass out.”

“I’m fine,” he protested.

“You’re really not,” Jackson said.

He wanted to argue with them and insist on staying until the end of practice, but neither one of them looked like they were going to listen. Yugyeom stood to the side, watching worriedly as Jackson bent down and scooped Bambam into his arms.

“Arms around my neck,” he said, holding him bridal style.

“This is embarrassing,” Bambam said. He still did as he was instructed to though. Just because he wanted to complain didn’t mean he wanted to fall. “Everyone already thinks I’m pathetic.”

“Everyone can go fuck themselves,” Mark said.

His voice was so low that Bambam was the only one who heard the remark. Despite feeling like his body was slowly shutting down, he still found the strength to laugh at the harsh curse word.

Yugyeom waved his arms at the instructor to get his attention. Once he was looking at them, he seemed to know what was going on before Yugyeom could even speak.

“We’re taking Bambam back to the dorm,” he said. “His heat is–”

“I understand,” the instructor said. “Go ahead and make sure he gets back safely. Jackson, Yugyeom, I expect you both to come right back.”

“I’ll be coming back too,” Mark said.

“No need,” he said. “I don’t need you to be escorted back as well if you end up like him.”

Bambam watched as Mark’s hands formed into fists and his jaw clenched. He didn’t argue with the instructor though. Mark led their group out first, followed by Jackson carrying Bambam, and then Yugyeom. No one said anything right away, but the silence seemed to be eating Jackson up.

“He’s my least favorite instructor,” Jackson said. “I don’t even think he’s that good of a dancer.”

“Well, he’s my favorite instructor,” Mark said.

His entire body seemed to sigh in disappointment as they stopped in front of the elevator. Mark hit the call button before leaning against the opposite wall, his arms folded across his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Jackson said.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I’m used to it. We both are. Right, Bambam?”

“Unfortunately,” Bambam said.

“What did he just say?”

“I have no idea.”

“I think it was Thai,” Yugyeom said.

It was definitely Thai. When he was feeling as bad as he was currently, he couldn’t bring forth the energy to speak in a foreign language. The others didn’t pressure him to talk anymore. He pressed his face against Jackson’s neck, taking in his neutral scent and finding comfort in it. Some alphas and omegas found betas useless. They didn’t understand their purpose in society, despite them making up the majority of it. Bambam never bought into that elitist way of thinking. Betas like Jackson and Yugyeom helped to balance out everything. It was comforting knowing that he had two people looking out for him who didn’t have any ulterior motives, like an alpha might have. Neither of them were overbearing either, like Mark tended to be at times.

The elevator dinged, signaling that it had arrived on their floor. As soon as the doors slid open, Bambam was hit by the scent of multiple alphas. He whined and tightened his hold on Jackson’s neck, trying to get even closer to him.

“Hey, what are you guys – _oh_,” Jaebeom said, his eyes widening as he looked at Bambam. “Turn these things off. You shouldn’t be filming this.”

Of course there was a camera crew with them. Now even more people than he would have liked were witnessing his heat while it was at its worst.

Jaebeom and Jinyoung were less than a week away from debuting as a duo. Cameras had been following them around for days, wanting to document every moment. This was of course a moment that would never be shown to anyone. Especially since Jinyoung was covering the lenses of the two cameras with his hands.

“Is he okay?” Jinyoung asked.

“He’ll be fine,” Mark said. “He probably needs to take a double dose of suppressants and then sleep it off. It happens sometimes.”

The tiny bud of glowing happiness that had bloomed in his chest at the concern in Jinyoung’s voice was soon squashed.

“And you?” he said to Mark. “Are you all right? You’re in heat too.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Mark said. “My heat doesn’t affect me like that.”

“Still, you should take it easy, hyung.”

“I’m _fine_.”

There was agitation in Mark’s voice now. He didn’t snap at people as much as he used to when Bambam first met him. His personality had morphed into something much more relaxed, but that didn’t mean there weren’t instances when he could bring some of that bite back.

“I worry about you,” Jinyoung said. “Both of you.” He said the last part quickly, almost like an afterthought.

“He doesn’t need you to worry about him,” Jaebeom said.

“And I don’t need you to speak for me,” Mark said.

“Can we go now?” Yugyeom said, breaking through the tension between the three of them. “Bambam is nearly unconscious.”

That seemed to bring everyone back to focusing on the problem at hand. Jaebeom backed away from the elevator and kept a respectful distance between himself and Bambam. It wasn’t necessarily taboo for an alpha to be around an omega while they were in heat. Just as long as the alpha kept their hands to themselves and didn’t make any unwanted advances, everything was fine. While Jaebeom kept clear, Jinyoung placed a hand on Bambam’s arm for only a fraction of a second.

“Feel better soon, Bam-ah,” he said.

The brief touch was enough for that one patch of skin to feel instant relief. Bambam wanted to reach out to him again, but Jackson was already walking into the elevator. Yugyeom and Mark shuffled in as well. Bambam could make out Jinyoung giving Mark an apologetic smile right as the doors slid shut.

“You hit the button for the wrong floor,” Jackson said.

“No I didn’t,” Mark said. “We’re bringing him to the heat rooms, not the dorm. It’ll be better for him there. Did you get his bag, Yugyeom?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I picked it up before we left.”

“Good,” Mark said. “His suppressants are in there. A change of clothes too, I think.”

“He’ll definitely need that,” Jackson said.

Bambam could hear a grimace in his voice and his embarrassment seemed to multiply tenfold. He was regretting not skipping practice now more than ever. The stubborn part of himself that always felt like he had something to prove wouldn’t have allowed that to happen though.

“I’m sorry,” he said. His words sounded thick and more accented than usual.

“Don’t apologize,” Jackson said. “And don’t talk either. You should be using as little energy as possible right now. Just be deadweight while I carry you.”

He slapped one of his hands lightly on Jackson’s chest, trying to show him how annoyed that statement made him. It didn’t come across clearly though, since Jackson laughed in response.

The elevator made its way to a floor in the company building that was designated for omegas. Most of the omegas who worked at the company were behind the scenes only employees. They worked in finance or promotion or advertising or management or as stylists. Very few omegas worked as idols, or even backup dancers or music producers.

They entered the first heat room on the floor, a cramped bedroom that had a small cot in it and not much else. Jackson deposited him on the bed and Bambam could instantly, and mortifyingly, feel how he had soaked through his shorts. He turned onto his stomach on the bed, pushing his face into the pillow and groaning loudly.

“It happens,” Mark said. “Stop being dramatic and get changed.”

“I can’t help but be dramatic,” Bambam said, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “It’s part of who I am.”

Mark shook his head, but Bambam could see that his mouth was turned up into a fond smile. He grabbed the bottom of Bambam’s shirt and tugged on it lightly, signifying that he was going to take it off. Once he was shirtless, he looked over to the others. Jackson was standing awkwardly, holding the clean clothes from Bambam’s bag. Yugyeom was in the corner of the room. His eyes were focused on the ceiling and Bambam couldn’t blame him for wanting to avert his eyes. There were some things in life that best friends just didn’t want to see.

“You two can go back,” Bambam said. “I’m okay. I’ve got Mark-hyung to take care of me.”

Yugyeom’s shoulders sagged in relief and Jackson wasted no time dropping the clothes onto the end of the bed.

“I’ll see you in a few days then, I guess,” Yugyeom said, idling in the doorway while he waited for Jackson. “I hope it isn’t too bad.”

“Yeah,” Jackson said. “What he said. You’re welcome for carrying you here, by the way.”

“I was going to say thank you eventually,” Bambam said. “Even though you only just stood in an elevator. It’s not like you went up any stairs.”

“You are just…” Jackson wagged a finger at him, his lips pressed together in annoyance. Whatever insult he had planned was never voiced though. “Just don’t die, okay? I’m sure an omega has died during their heat before. So, don’t do that.”

“Jackson always had a way with words,” Mark said as soon as the door closed behind them.

He helped Bambam change his clothes and then got him a glass of cold water to help down his extra dose of suppressants. Bambam was under the covers of the cot, feeling cooler than he had before. His eyes were starting to get heavy and he knew it wouldn’t be long until he drifted off to sleep.

“I saw Jinyoung touch your arm earlier,” Mark said. “I know he didn’t mean anything by it, but are you okay? An alpha’s touch can be a little intense during a heat. Even if it was just something brief like that.”

“It didn’t bother me,” Bambam said.

“Good,” Mark said. “That’s good.”

The silence that stretched between them wasn’t uncomfortable. Bambam didn’t know when he started seeing Mark as a brother. It was nice to have someone who was close to him be like a member of his family. He still got homesick often, but having true friends at the company helped to lessen his longing for home. Jackson was a part of their little brotherhood as well, but there were some things he could only talk to Mark about since he was also an omega.

“I think he likes you,” Bambam said. “I think they both like you.”

“Who?” Mark said. “Jackson and Yugyeom?”

“No,” Bambam said. “Well, maybe. I meant Jaebeom and Jinyoung.”

“Oh.”

Mark didn’t say anything else after that. Bambam didn’t know why he had brought it up in the first place. It was probably a combination of being overheated and so close to a drug-induced sleep. A hand made its way through his hair, smoothing over his scalp and lulling him to sleep even more.

“Get some rest,” Mark said. “Your phone is in your bag, so call me if you need anything. And, well, the trunk is in here, if you wake up and, uh, need it.”

Bambam could only move his head against the pillow in a way that he hoped looked like he was nodding. The trunk was something he was familiar with. There was one in each heat room and they were all supplied with certain… “tools” to help an omega through their heat.

After Mark left, he was alone with only his thoughts. He did truly believe that both Jaebeom and Jinyoung had some sort of attraction to Mark. It made sense. He was an omega close to their age and the two always seemed to tense up whenever he walked into a room. Mark was either unbothered or unaware of the attention though. He was all about getting his work done and talking with friends and improving himself. It was like he didn’t have the energy to spend caring about alphas. Bambam envied that about him.

He liked Jinyoung a lot. It was stupid, he knew that. The alpha treated him like a little brother. He would dote on him constantly and talk about how adorable he was. There wasn’t any way he was going to ever see him as anything more than that. Especially since Mark was clearly the obvious option for an alpha Jinyoung’s age.

And that was just fine with him, he realized as he finally let himself fall into a deep sleep. No one needed to know how he really felt. His feelings would just be a nuisance.


	3. Chapter 3

“If I have to do another one of those, I think I’m going to throw up,” Youngjae said, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor.

“Get prepared to throw up then,” Yugyeom said. “They’re weekly evaluations, hyung. So, unless you debut within the next seven days, you have to keep doing them.”

“Maybe this was a mistake,” Youngjae said. “I haven’t felt this terrible since I walked into the dorm and saw Bambam naked.”

“I said I was sorry about that,” Bambam said.

It was supposed to have been a practical joke. Bambam had been home alone at the dorm and changing clothes after taking a shower. He heard the door unlock and thought it had been one of the other guys and, well, it hadn’t been. It had been Youngjae, the newest trainee who definitely wasn’t prepared to see a naked Bambam on his very first day.

“Yeah, well I’m never going to be able to unsee that,” Youngjae said. “I’m scarred for life.”

“I’m sorry my tiny omega dick traumatized you.”

“I wouldn’t call it _tiny_–”

“Can we please not talk about Bambam’s dick?” Yugyeom said.

“Do you want to talk about my vagina instead?” Bambam said.

Just the use of the word “vagina” had both Youngjae and Yugyeom yelling in protest. He tilted his head back, laughing at their reactions. One thing he learned about living with a bunch of male alphas and betas was that all of them were intrigued by omegas, but never wanted to talk about the finer details. He had the power to make them cringe with just a few keywords.

The reactions never made him feel unwelcome though. Not anymore, anyway. Their trainee group had started off with over 30 guys, but now they had been dwindled down to just 13. With the bigger group, there had been a few who avoided him and Mark at all costs. Some would talk about them behind their backs or even made crude remarks purposely loud, so that they would overhear. Now that their trainee group was a fraction of what it was, all the bad apples had already been kicked out of the company.

“Do I even want to know what you’re all talking about?”

Jinyoung walked into the hallway to join them. He looked at Youngjae who was still sitting on the floor and then to Bambam and Yugyeom who were on either side of him. One of his eyebrows was raised inquisitively and Bambam swore he had never seen anyone so handsome before.

“Definitely not,” Yugyeom said. “Bambam’s being weird again.”

“So, he’s being himself?” Jinyoung said.

His lips turned up into a soft smile as he rustled Bambam’s hair. The action was so familiar to Bambam that he leaned into it and managed to stay calm, so that his face didn’t turn a blushing red. His crush on Jinyoung hadn’t gone away over the past year, but it hadn’t evolved into anything else either. He knew there were plenty of factors as to why nothing had changed. Bambam was underage, Jinyoung doted on him like he was a little brother, and the most obvious factor of all, Mark was the omega Jinyoung couldn’t take his eyes off of.

It made sense. Bambam wasn’t upset or mad about it. Despite being young, he liked to think he was reasonable and observant. The two were only a year apart in age and Mark was, well, _Mark_. Bambam was sure that every trainee at the company had at least a small crush on him. Even he had a crush on Mark for about a week last spring. Mark had paid for his dinner and Bambam’s heart had skipped a beat when they locked eyes from across the table.

So, he couldn’t exactly blame Jinyoung, an alpha, for pining away after the most obvious and suitable choice, Mark, an omega close to his age. It was neat, logical, a pairing that made sense.

“Youngjae-hyung doesn’t think he can do weekly evaluations anymore,” Bambam said, taking the attention off of himself.

“Giving up so soon?” Jinyoung asked. His hand had moved from the top of Bambam’s head to the nape of his neck, his fingers softly playing with the ends of his hair. “You’ve only been here for a few months.”

“I’m not giving up,” Youngjae said. “It’s just… Does it ever get easier?”

“I don’t know if I’m the right person to give that advice,” Jinyoung said. “It’s a little different for me since I’ve already debuted. They’re not going to get rid of me.”

“That was the least helpful advice I’ve ever been given,” Youngjae said.

“Technically, it wasn’t advice, I was just telling you the truth,” Jinyoung said. “And I did preface it by saying I wasn’t the right person to ask.”

Bambam shared a look with Youngjae and Yugyeom that he interpreted as them all not being impressed by Jinyoung’s answer. Even though he wasn’t wrong, but none of them would ever admit that. Sometimes Bambam wondered why he even liked him in the first place. They were complete opposites in so many ways. He thought at first that he just latched onto the first alpha he saw, but he had met Jaebeom first and he didn’t feel anything when he looked at him.

It would go away eventually though. First crushes always faded with time. He wasn’t planning on being forever infatuated with Jinyoung.

They headed back to the dorm together. The other trainees had already left since their evaluations had ended earlier than theirs. Bambam wondered if anyone had gotten cut. The company was slowly running out of male trainees and he couldn’t help but hope that a new group would debut soon. If one did, he hoped he would be in it. He didn’t know if he could survive another round of training after a group debuted and another wave of trainees entered the company.

He ate dinner with Youngjae and Yugyeom, enjoying their company like he always did. When he first met Youngjae, he had been a bit skeptical of him at first. He was older by a year and a beta, so he had a good chance of debuting before Bambam did. That thought had agitated him at first, but as he got to know Youngjae better, he started to feel bad for having some sort of resentment toward him.

A game of rock-paper-scissors after eating left Bambam the loser and the one left to do the dishes. He was scrubbing at a particularly stubborn clump of burnt…something in the bottom of one of the pans, when someone bumped shoulders with him. Bambam looked up to see Jinyoung, by his side and peering into the sink.

“Are you here to help?” he asked.

“No,” Jinyoung said. “I’ll keep you company though.”

“How considerate.”

Jinyoung laughed before grabbing one of their only clean dishtowels. He grabbed a bowl Bambam had already washed. “I guess I can dry them for you.”

“_Very _considerate.”

It was like everything he did or said got Jinyoung to smile at him like he was the most amusing thing he’d ever encountered. Nothing he did ever made Jinyoung truthfully laugh. It was like he was just amused simply by Bambam’s existence.

“I don’t think Youngjae’s going to have to worry about the evaluations for much longer,” Jinyoung said.

“Is he getting kicked out?” Bambam said, startled by the sudden admission.

“No, no, I should have worded that better,” Jinyoung said. “It’s the opposite actually. I think the company is going to debut a group soon. There’s not many of us left and they’ve spent too much time and money on us to just kick us out now.”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense,” Bambam said.

He continued to wash the dishes, this time in comfortable silence with Jinyoung next to him. It was weirdly nostalgic to him. Bambam could remember helping his mother in her restaurant. He would do everything from cooking rice to sweeping the floor to waiting on tables to cleaning dishes. Anything she would need, he would do for her. He always admired her more than anyone. Bambam couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult it was to raise four children on her own as a widowed omega. She had done it near flawlessly though.

“I want to be in the same group as you,” Jinyoung said, taking the final dish from Bambam.

“You do?” he asked. His eyes were focused on the sink as he rinsed away soap suds and any remaining bits of mushed up food. “Why?”

“I like having you around,” Jinyoung said with a shrug. “I have two older sisters, so I’ve never gotten the chance to be the one to look out for someone like that.”

“Well, there’s always Youngjae.”

“I’ve only known him for a few months.”

“Yugyeom.”

“Yugyeom is Yugyeom,” Jinyoung said. His tone was filled with such distaste that it made Bambam finally look away from the sink and at Jinyoung. Instead of making an expression that showed how much Yugyeom’s very existence bothered him, Jinyoung was smiling. “You finally looked at me.”

His hand went to the nape of Bambam’s neck again, like it had back at the company. This time was different though. Before it had been a gentle touch, but now it was heavier, almost grounding. It was like he wanted to keep Bambam in place, with his eyes focused on him. For the first time in a while, Bambam couldn’t stop the heat from flooding to his face.

“I was focused on the dishes,” Bambam said.

“Okay,” Jinyoung said with an airy tone that suggested that he didn’t believe him.

“I thought you’d want to be in a group with Mark,” he said before he could stop himself.

Jinyoung’s hold on his neck lightened just enough for Bambam to turn his head away. The air between them shifted, but it didn’t turn uncomfortable. Jinyoung seemed confused more than anything.

“We could all be in the same group,” Jinyoung said.

“Two omegas in one group?” Bambam said. “I don’t think that would make us very marketable.”

“It’d make us interesting,” he said. “We wouldn’t be the first either. Another group debuted last month with three omegas.”

Bambam had completely forgotten about that. It had been a hot topic at the time, but people had moved past it quickly once it stopped being so interesting. That was how the world worked, he was learning. Things were interesting and exciting until they weren’t.

“You’d pick Mark over me though,” Bambam said.

“That’s not – I, well…” Jinyoung trailed off.

He didn’t know why he was torturing himself by asking questions he already knew the unfavorable answers to. Maybe it was his way of trying to make himself get over Jinyoung. There was no use in wishing for something that was impossible.

“I don’t even know why you’re bringing this up, Bam-ah,” Jinyoung said. “You’re both my friends, but in different ways. I can’t compare the two of you. I don’t see you as being the same just because you’re both omegas.”

“I know,” Bambam said. “I don’t know why I even mentioned it. I’m just tired, I guess.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung said. His voice was soft and he was clearly at a loss for what to say. Bambam didn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure he knew what he was arguing for either. “Go take a shower and get some rest. We’ve got another long day of work tomorrow as well.”

“Yeah, I know,” Bambam said. “Thanks for helping with the dishes, hyung.”

Before Jinyoung could have the chance to say anything else, Bambam backed away from the sink and left the kitchen. He went to the bedroom that he shared with a few of the other guys to find it empty except for Mark. His evaluation had been the very first one that morning, so Bambam imagined he had plenty of time to himself the rest of the day. He was lying on his bed, his arms crossed over his eyes like he was trying to block everything out.

“You’re not packing your bags, so I’m guessing that’s a good thing,” Bambam said, sitting down on the edge of Mark’s bed. “Do you have a headache or something?”

“No,” Mark said. “I’m just thinking.”

“I’ll let you think then,” Bambam said.

He knew better than to pressure Mark into talking when he didn’t want to. Bambam’s preferred method of talking about things that bothered him didn’t work for everyone. When it came to Mark, he seemed to close in on himself even more when someone tried to coax him into opening up.

Bambam gathered the things he needed for a shower and then headed to the bathroom. He washed quickly, wanting to save some hot water for the other boys. Being in the bathroom was some of the only alone time he was granted and even that wasn’t always guaranteed. When he first arrived in Seoul, his roommates were all uncomfortable around him when it came to changing clothes and using the bathroom. With others they would walk into the bathroom even when the door was closed, but with Bambam they would always keep their distance. He actually appreciated the distance and missed it at times. Now everyone was so comfortable with him that they barged in whenever they wanted to.

He wiped away some of the condensation from the mirror to look at himself properly. His mother always told him that he was, “very handsome, just as handsome as your older brothers.” She never used the words “pretty” or “beautiful” to describe him; she always shied away from those descriptors that were mostly used toward women and omegas. Bambam knew she did it so that he wouldn’t feel different from his brothers. They were both betas and all he did when he was young was idolize them. Then his little sister was born and she was also an omega and he had felt torn in the middle.

Now, looking at himself, he realized that he wasn’t handsome or beautiful. He was cute. Adorable, even. He looked young for his already young age and the braces that were glued to his teeth weren’t helping him look any older. His face was still round from baby fat and there were a few pimples making themselves at home on his chin. He liked how he looked though, because he looked like himself. Sometimes he was afraid that the women who did idols’ makeup or assigned them strict skincare routines would hand him a bottle of something that paled his tan skin and turned him into something he wasn’t.

“Hey, Bambam!” Jackson’s voice said from the other side of the door. “Are you almost done in there?”

“Yeah,” he said. “You can come on in.”

Jackson swung the door open, armed with his own necessities for a shower. He leaned over toward Bambam and inhaled deeply.

“Why are you smelling me?”

“I’m just making sure you used soap,” Jackson said.

Bambam hit him with his toothbrush, but Jackson was unaffected by the attack. He laughed it off before turning on the shower head and sticking his hand under the running water.

“It’s still hot,” he said approvingly. “Good job.”

“I’ve learned how to take a quick shower,” Bambam said. “How was your evaluation today? You were one of the first ones to go, right?”

“I think it was one of the best ones I’ve had,” he said. “I was still nervous for it though. I don’t think that’ll ever go away.” He pulled his shirt off and Bambam did his best to keep his eyes on Jackson’s face. “Mark had a tough time. The instructor was kind of a dick to him.”

“What happened?”

“He messed up a martial arts trick,” Jackson said. “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, because, well, you know those moves aren’t exactly easy, but Mark is the best out of us, so if he messes up, it’s suddenly a big deal. The instructor made it seem like he was just a pretty face after that. Which, I mean, he _is _pretty, but he’s a lot more than that.”

“That’s messed up,” Bambam said.

“Yeah, it is,” Jackson said. “Jaebeom was talking to him about it before I rushed to come in here. I just hope those two aren’t yelling at each other again.”

Bambam left the bathroom with the resolve to talk to Mark. He certainly hoped that Jackson was right and that Mark and Jaebeom weren’t fighting. Those two always had trouble seeing eye-to-eye and he didn’t want that to be the case after Mark had a rough day.

When he entered their bedroom, he was surprised and relieved to find that Mark was alone on his bed. It was almost like he hadn’t moved since Bambam went to take his shower.

“Jackson told me about the evaluation,” he said.

Silence stretched between them for so long that Bambam thought Mark was already asleep.

“It was okay,” Mark finally said. “I’m mostly just mad at myself.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Bambam said. “We all make mistakes. Jackson also said Jaebeom-hyung was in here. Did you two fight again?”

“No,” he said. “He just came to check on me and see how I was doing. I’m fine, so he left.”

“Well, if you want to talk, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Bambam.”

Nothing more needed to be said between them. Bambam got under the covers of his bed before he grabbed his phone and sent a few texts to his family to tell them about his day. He beat a few levels of a puzzle game Youngjae told him about before he decided it was time to go to sleep. Bambam turned onto his side to face Mark so that he could wish him goodnight, when his eyes instantly focused on a spot on Mark’s neck. It was a red mark, right under his jawline. Despite his complete lack of experience, Bambam still knew what it was. He had no idea who gave it to him though, but he did know that there was one person in particular who he wished had nothing to do with it.


	4. Chapter 4

Yugyeom was sulking and Bambam didn’t know why. After recording for one of the music shows they were doing for the first week of their debut, Yugyeom had made a spot for himself in the corner of their dressing room. The others were removing makeup and changing into their own clothes, but Yugyeom didn’t move an inch.

“Is he okay?” Youngjae asked Bambam. “He was fine for the recording, but now he’s just…sitting there.”

“Maybe he’s not feeling well?” Bambam said. “Upset stomach? Our lunch was a little sketchy.”

“It was the same thing we had yesterday,” Youngjae said. “And no one got sick then.”

“Late reaction?”

Youngjae shrugged, clearly not believing Bambam’s reasoning, but not curious enough to really push the issue. He joined Jackson and Jinyoung who were talking to one of their managers. Bambam went to Yugyeom, determined to understand why he was in a bad mood all of a sudden.

“So, what’s going on?” he asked as soon as he sat next to him. “Did you miss a step during recording? One tiny step that no one’s going to notice, but you’re going to have nightmares about?”

“No,” Yugyeom said. “Well, I don’t think so. I’ll have to watch the recording and see if I did.”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Bambam said. “What’s wrong then? Are you feeling sick?”

“I feel fine.” A pause. “Physically, at least.”

That remark sounded like the start to a very long conversation. Yugyeom pushed himself down on the couch so that he appeared to be shorter than Bambam while they were sitting. He rested his head on Bambam’s shoulder and sighed loudly. The entire act was a bit dramatic, but Bambam tended to be dramatic at times too, so he knew not to complain.

“Unrequited love is difficult,” Yugyeom said.

“You’re not in love with me, are you?” Bambam asked.

“What?” Yugyeom said. “No, of course not.”

“I was just making sure,” Bambam said. “So, who’s the unlucky lady? Is she in another group? One of our stylists? A fan? A childhood friend you haven’t spoken to in years, but can’t seem to forget?”

“All of those are wrong,” Yugyeom said. “You’re not even a little bit close.”

Bambam was about to ask further questions when Mark and Jaebeom walked into the room. Their hands were linked together, but after they did a quick glance around the room, more than likely taking note that no cameras were on, they pulled away. Jaebeom even went as far as wiping his hand on his pant leg, which Bambam thought was a bit excessive. He could just have sweaty palms though, he supposed.

There was another heavy sigh next to him and Bambam looked at Yugyeom whose mouth was turned into a pout as he stared at Mark and – _oh_. It was that kind of unrequited love.

A week before their debut, Jaebeom, Mark, and Jinyoung had been brought into a meeting with what seemed to be half the managerial staff at their company. The other four members had waited at the dorm, not knowing what the meeting was about or what was going on. When they came back, all three were in a bad mood. Jaebeom had been the one to explain to them why the meeting had been called.

Interest around the group’s debut was a bit lackluster. People seemed to think that they would either be a junior version of 2PM or a copy of other boy groups that had debuted over the past year or so. To build interest and make them stand out, a last resort had been put into place. A group had never debuted with two of the members in a relationship. It was unheard of and, in Bambam’s humble opinion, a terrible idea. He had seen how fans of Korean groups could turn possessive and enraged when the members were dating, but that seemed to only happen when they were dating people outside the group. No one had ever tested to see what the response would be like for two members, an alpha and omega, who were in the same group to date.

Mark and Jaebeom had been sacrificed for the sake of experimentation and, well, the results hadn’t been unsatisfactory. The public was definitely more interested and the people who were already calling themselves their fans were excited for the most part. Bambam felt bad for the two of them though. They weren’t actually dating and he didn’t know how a “break-up” would even happen.

“Can you not touch me every second we’re on stage together,” Mark said.

“I don’t touch you every second,” Jaebeom said. “I don’t touch you when we’re performing.”

“Performing is different,” Mark said. “That’s choreographed. When we’re just standing around though, in the background while the MCs are talking, you don’t need to hold my hand or put your arm around me.”

“We’re dating though. I’m just trying to make it believable.”

“We are _not _dating.”

“Not in real life, no, we’re not,” Jaebeom said. “But according to the rest of the world, we’re together.”

“I need some air,” Yugyeom said. Watching their argument made him look even more nauseous.

“I’ll come with you,” Bambam said.

They slipped out of their dressing room without anyone noticing, since all eyes seemed to be on Mark and Jaebeom. Neither of them were that familiar with the building they were in, since they had only been there a few times, but they knew the way to the cafeteria. The work day was coming to a close, so the staff was cleaning tables and taking out the trash when they got there. Yugyeom talked briefly to someone who was sweeping the floor to ask if it would be all right if they sat down for a few minutes. Once they got approval, they sat at a table in the corner and Yugyeom instantly put his face in his hands.

“You’re lucky Jinyoung-hyung wasn’t the alpha they chose,” he said.

“What do you mean?” Bambam asked.

“I might be the youngest in the group, but I still notice things,” Yugyeom said. “I especially notice things about you. You can’t hide anything from me.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“You like Jinyoung-hyung,” he said. “You have for a while. I never said anything because I didn’t want to embarrass you. Because honestly? I don’t see the appeal.”

Bambam didn’t know what to say to that, because he didn’t know why he liked Jinyoung either. He was good-looking, but there were plenty of good-looking alphas at their company. He was nice to Bambam, but so were other alphas. Maybe it was the way Jinyoung was so gentle around him. Every time Bambam talked to him, he would always smile softly and encouragingly and attention like that from an alpha could get a little heady, he supposed.

“Well, you like Mark,” Bambam said, using his recently acquired information to change the subject.

Yugyeom didn’t seem interested in disputing his statement. His shoulders fell and he rested his cheek against the tabletop, dejected.

“I never stood a chance,” Yugyeom said. “I don’t know why I’m so upset. It’s not like I ever thought he would like me.” His eyes suddenly widened in panic. He sat up in his chair and Bambam likened his expression to the worried look he got when one of their managers was critiquing his performance. “I don’t like any other guys though. I’m not – I’m not like _that_. It’s just, uh, Mark-hyung is an omega and, they’re different, right? Male omegas are different from other guys. It’s still weird that I, uh–”

“Hey, calm down, man,” Bambam said, resting a hand over one of Yugyeom’s. “It’s okay. I don’t think that it’s weird or wrong for you to like Mark.”

He had experienced plenty of culture shocks when he first came to Korea. One of the most obvious ones was the certain unspoken rules about same-sex attraction. The only way it was considered acceptable and normal for two people of the same gender to be together was when they were an alpha and omega. That was it, the sole scenario. Everything else was frowned upon. Yugyeom, being a male beta, was probably told from a young age that the only suitable partner for him would be a female beta.

“Okay,” Yugyeom said. His entire body seemed to relax. “Thanks.”

It didn’t feel like a natural end to the conversation, but Bambam didn’t want to push Yugyeom to talk anymore about it. He liked to think that they were close enough friends that he would open up to Bambam about anything, including any questions he had about his sexual orientation. Bambam definitely wasn’t an expert on the topic, but he wasn’t prejudiced like a lot of other people and he liked to think he was a good listener.

“It’s kind of funny,” Yugyeom said. “We’re debuting with a song called ‘Girls Girls Girls’ while announcing to the world that two of our members are dating.”

“To be fair, the song is mostly about how girls supposedly love us,” Bambam said, “it's not only how we supposedly love girls. So, I think we’re in the clear.”

“If you say so.”

They both laughed and the awkward tone of their conversation seemed to fade away. His friendship with Yugyeom was one he treasured. He was close to Mark and Jackson, but they tended to coddle him at times since he was a few years younger than them. They were his friends and they bonded by speaking in English and talking about being foreigners, but there was definitely a maturity gap. With Yugyeom, he could just be himself. They could talk about serious topics, but most of the time they kept things light. It was simple and easy and he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

“There you two are.”

Jinyoung was walking toward them, his eyebrows raised in disbelief, like he was annoyed that they had the audacity to sit and talk to each other. Bambam took a moment to look at Jinyoung’s short hairstyle and silently mourn the length it had been before he chopped it all off for their debut. He was still handsome, but it definitely wasn’t his best look. In fact, it might have been his worst.

“We’re about to leave,” Jinyoung said. “You should have seen our manager do a headcount. He counted us three times, like he couldn’t believe we didn’t add up to seven each time.”

“Sorry,” Bambam said. “We needed some space from today’s episode of Mark and Jaebeom getting annoyed with each other.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung said. “Well, that’s understandable.”

Bambam looked from Jinyoung to Yugyeom, noticing that they had matching disappointed expressions. He supposed that was what happened when the person they liked was with someone else. The relationship wasn’t even real, but it still hurt. He was lucky, like Yugyeom had said. If Jinyoung had been Mark’s fake partner, he knew he would be devastated.

“Let’s head back,” he said, standing up. “We shouldn’t keep the others waiting.”

“You’re right,” Jinyoung said. “Come on, let’s go.”

On the car ride back home, he was with Mark and Jackson, crammed into the backseat. Mark’s head was tilted back and his eyes were squeezed shut, like he was fighting a headache.

“You know I don’t envy you,” Jackson said, “and I know it’s got to be difficult, but can’t you just try and get along with him? You two were doing okay for a while.”

“Yeah, when I wasn’t expected to act like I was in love with him,” Mark said. “This whole thing is bullshit.”

“Then why did you agree to it?”

“I didn’t exactly have a choice,” Mark said. He opened his eyes and glanced briefly at Bambam before making eye contact with Jackson. “You weren’t at the meeting. You don’t know what it was like.”

“Of course I don’t,” Jackson said, “because you don’t want to talk about it. And neither does Jaebeom or Jinyoung. You’re all just angry at each other, in a silent and passive aggressive way. The rest of us are affected by it too, you know. Right, Bam?”

He didn’t exactly appreciate being brought into the conversation so suddenly, but he did agree with Jackson. The situation Mark and Jaebeom was in wasn’t ideal and he understood the frustration, so he could sympathize with them. Still, something needed to be done.

“Can we all just talk about it when we’re back at the dorm?” he said. “I don’t know how much we can stand you two yelling at each other.”

Jackson put his hand on his shoulder in silent support as they waited for Mark’s response. Maybe it would help Mark understand that everyone was frustrated, not just him. They were a team and they were supposed to overcome obstacles together.

“Yeah, okay,” he said. “Sounds good.”

They didn’t talk for the rest of the drive back to the dorm. Bambam had never been more unnerved by a silence in his life. Mark was introverted by nature, but whenever the three of them were together, they were always loud and talkative. He even noticed their manager, who was driving, look at them through the rearview mirror like he was concerned about the silence.

Their car arrived first so they waited in the common room of the dorm for the others. Bambam sat with Mark on the couch while Jackson stood in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips. He had somehow managed to appoint himself as the mediator and was more than likely going over what he wanted to say.

When the other four members arrived, Jackson went straight to the door to corral them into the room before they could go off and do their own thing. Youngjae and Yugyeom squeezed next to them on the couch while Jaebeom and Jinyoung stayed standing, both looking at Jackson expectedly.

“We decided that we need to work this out,” Jackson said. “I know you two are pissed about the dating thing, but yelling at each other isn’t going to solve anything.”

Apparently that was all Jackson had planned out to say. He waved his arms between Mark and Jaebeom, like he was trying to symbolize them coming together and figuring things out.

“Okay,” Mark said with a sigh, resigning himself to defeat. “I’m sorry for getting annoyed with you whenever you hold my hand or put your arm around me. I know you’re just trying to keep up appearances. It’s not an ideal situation, but if anyone found out we were faking, it would just embarrass us and the group.”

Bambam could tell that he had been thinking about this for a while. He watched as Mark stood up and approached Jaebeom who was still looking at him with some caution. He was probably waiting for Mark to snap and become angry at him. They both grasped each other’s hands in a handshake, like a truce had been formed.

“And I’m sorry if I touch you too often or make you uncomfortable,” Jaebeom said. “Just let me know if it gets to be too much and I’ll back off, okay? I won’t take it personally anymore.”

“Good,” Jackson said. “That was good. And the rest of us will call another intervention if we feel like you two are causing too much tension again.”

“Sounds good,” Jaebeom said. He placed a hand on Jackson’s shoulder. “Thanks for keeping us in check.”

“No problem,” Jackson said. “Someone has to do your job for you.”

All of them laughed at Jackson’s response, even Jaebeom who was the one being targeted by it. The air in the room seemed lighter and it was easier to breathe, but then Bambam looked at Jinyoung and the air tightened up once more. His bemused smile was so clearly forced.

“Maybe one day we’ll get so successful that you two can announce an amicable breakup and no one will care,” Jackson said.

“That’d be nice,” Mark said, “but I get the feeling that I’m going to be stuck with this guy for a while.”

“Hopefully I can show you that that isn’t a bad thing,” Jaebeom said.

Flirtatious was the first word that came to mind when it came to describing Jaebeom’s grin at Mark. He was trying to be charming and even somewhat succeeding, judging by the way Mark’s eye roll was almost affectionate and Bambam was lost. There were plenty of people his age who were dating and in relationships, but he had been a trainee for so long that he had never gotten around to trying it out for himself. So, he couldn’t pick up on the nuances going on between Mark and Jaebeom. One second they were arguing and the next they were looking at each other like _that _and he had no idea what was going on.

Bambam did consider himself an expert when it came to reading Jinyoung though. He could tell that he wasn’t pleased with the development that was happening in front of him. His mouth was formed into a straight line and his eyes were glued to Mark and Jaebeom’s hands that were still linked in a frozen handshake.

“It’s good that you two talked,” Jinyoung said.

Everyone else seemed to agree since their attention went from Mark and Jaebeom to what they were going to eat for dinner. Jinyoung slipped away from the group and Bambam stood up, wanting to go after him to see if he was okay. Mark had the same plan as him though.

“I’ll go talk to him,” Mark said to Jaebeom in a low voice before he headed to Jinyoung’s bedroom.

Bambam dropped back onto the couch next to Yugyeom who looked just as confused as he felt.

“I think this is one of those moments where I’m really feeling the age difference,” Yugyeom said. Bambam was the only one who heard him since Youngjae was laughing loudly at one of Jackson’s jokes. “Do you have any idea what just happened?”

“I have no clue,” Bambam said.


	5. Chapter 5

“‘Perhaps the most fascinating thing about JYP Entertainment’s new boy group, is the relationship between the two oldest members. The group itself leaves much to be desired, but idol fans and the general public are all invested in the budding romance with group leader, JB, and the eye-catching omega from America, Mark’ – who even writes this stuff?”

Jinyoung was the one reciting the news article from the tiny, cracked screen on his phone. It was like with each word he read, the more annoyed he became. This was the fifth article he had read out loud in the last 20 minutes. They were taking a break from filming the dance practice video for their first comeback. The news that Jaebeom and Mark were dating had been released the day of their debut, months ago, but journalists and gossip writers were all still fascinated with their relationship.

Everyone in the group did a good job of ignoring it. Most of them had even gotten used to it and accepted it as a new constant in their lives. Jinyoung was not faring as well as the rest of them.

“They’re all from gossip websites, hyung,” Bambam said, taking a seat next to him on the floor. “They don’t mean anything.”

“Yeah, like that doesn’t mean anything,” Jinyoung said. He gestured to the other side of the room where Jaebeom’s arm was around Mark’s waist, despite none of the cameras being on. “They’re awfully good at ‘faking it.’”

“Okay, enough of this shit,” Jackson said, snatching Jinyoung’s phone from his hand. “I don’t like what they say about us either. We have people’s attention, but it’s not for a good reason.”

Bambam knew that Jinyoung wasn’t upset because people didn’t like their music or thought that they were just another generic group. Those were criticisms that had been thrown at them from their debut. Jinyoung was upset because everyone was buying into Jaebeom and Mark’s façade of a romance.

“I’m just frustrated,” Jinyoung said.

“Yeah, I get that,” Jackson said. “You know the best way to deal with that though, right?” He glanced over at Bambam, his lips pursed in thought before he shrugged. “You’re old enough to hear this.” He looked back to Jinyoung. “You’ve got to fuck your frustrations out.”

“What a genius solution,” Jinyoung said.

It didn’t sound like a genius solution to Bambam. Instead, it sounded like one of the worst ideas Jackson had ever had. Bambam knew that Jinyoung was an adult and he had probably had certain experiences, but he thought all of that would be put on hold after their debut. There wasn’t time for them to meet new people and there was a section in their contract that said they couldn’t date anyone for the first three years after their debut. The other guys hated the “no dating” rule, but Bambam loved it. In three years he would be an adult too. The rule bought him time.

“Just get on one of those apps, put in your profile that you just want something casual, and there you go,” Jackson said. “Someone to fuck your frustrations out on…or into?”

“What happens if someone from the company finds the profile?”

“Tell them that someone is using your picture and it’s not you.”

“What if the person I hook up with tells people and it spreads all over the internet?”

“Don’t hook up with someone like that,” Jackson said. “No girl has ever said anything about me on the internet, even though I guess it’s different for you. You’re into girls, right?”

“Well, yeah,” Jinyoung said. “I’m into all omegas.” He paused. “Except for Bambam, of course.”

“I would be concerned if you were into Bambam,” Jackson said. “He looks like he’s 12.”

“You two do know I haven’t moved from this spot, don’t you?” Bambam said. “I’m hearing all of this.”

“We’re just telling the truth,” Jackson said.

It was a truth he didn’t want to hear though. None of what they were talking about was something he wanted to hear. It was like they had unknowingly tailored a conversation filled with all the things he didn’t want to think about.

“You used to have someone, right?” Jackson said. “Why don’t you just ask them?”

“It’s complicated,” Jinyoung said. “Actually, no, it’s not complicated. I wanted something more, but they didn’t, so they ended things.”

“Sometimes it’s never too late.”

“They’re with someone else now.”

“Okay, in this case it sounds like it’s too late,” Jackson said.

Bambam’s savior came in the form of the crew telling them that their break was over. He jumped to his feet and quickly made his way to Yugyeom who was doing some light stretching.

“I hate it when we film these things,” Yugyeom said. “I don’t like the idea of all my mistakes being forever trapped on camera.”

“You don’t make any mistakes,” Bambam said. “The rest of us should be the ones who worry.”

“You’re so nice to me, Bam-ah,” Yugyeom said, grinning up at him from his spot on the floor.

“I’m just being honest,” he said.

He never found any reason to lie, even if it meant making someone feel better. Yugyeom was the best dancer in their group and he had no reason to worry about filming a dance practice video.

Yugyeom reached his arms up to Bambam, making grabby hands at him in a silent request to help him to his feet. Bambam took his hands in his before pulling him up with all his strength. He had gotten a bit taller since joining the company, but Yugyeom still towered over him. Bambam silently prayed for another growth spurt sometime soon.

“Back to your starting positions, everyone,” their instructor said.

The camera was turned back on and Bambam glanced at Jaebeom and Mark. Despite being opposed to the dating situation at the beginning, they had slowly accepted their roles. Bambam didn’t think they actually had genuine feelings for each other, but there was a sense of comradery between them. Jaebeom held onto Mark’s hand as they got into position, his thumb running over his knuckles right before they dropped each other’s hands and the music started. It was a tiny detail that would more than likely be cut from the final video, but Jaebeom still put effort into everything when it came to Mark.

It made Bambam a little jealous. Not because he was attracted to Jaebeom, that definitely wasn’t the case. It just made him think about how chivalrous he could be in a fake relationship. Bambam wished he could be with someone who was half as kind to him whenever he found himself in a real relationship.

They filmed a few different versions of the dance practice until everyone was finally satisfied. As soon as they were officially wrapped for the day, Bambam unzipped his jacket and bunched it into a ball on the floor, using it as a makeshift pillow. He spread out his limbs like a human starfish, staring up at the florescent lights and contemplating never moving from that spot. After running through the song so many times, he was exhausted and ready to go back to the dorm to curl up in his bed.

“Get up,” Jinyoung said, kicking his leg. “We’re leaving soon. You can relax when we get back to the dorm.”

“I think you might have to carry me there,” Bambam said.

“You can manage on your own.”

“You’re no fun.”

“That’s what they call me,” Jinyoung said. “I’m No Fun Jinyoung.”

“No one calls you that,” Bambam said. “Can you at least help me up?”

Jinyoung sighed, as if the act of pulling Bambam up to his feet was a great hardship for him. He reached down and took Bambam’s hands in his to pull him up, like Bambam had helped Yugyeom before. This was different though. Instead of simply helping him to his feet, Jinyoung used so much force that he sent Bambam standing and then stumbling into his chest.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung said, his placed his hands on Bambam’s biceps to steady him. “I don’t know my own strength sometimes.”

Bambam’s skin felt like it was on fire under Jinyoung’s touch. He had been hugged and casually touched by him before, but it never happened right after practice and they’d never been this close. This close he could see the thin layer of sweat on Jinyoung’s neck and how his skin was slightly flushed and he needed to take a step back.

“What an alpha-like thing to say,” Bambam said, giving himself a mental pat on the back for being able to keep his voice steady.

“Well, I am an alpha, so technically everything I say is alpha-like,” Jinyoung said.

“You’re so annoying. Omegas don’t like cocky alphas.”

“I haven’t heard any complaints.”

“Not to your face,” he said. “I bet that’s why Mark doesn’t like you.”

That was not what he wanted to say. It was what he was thinking, but he never wanted to voice it. He looked at Jinyoung, hoping that there was a chance that he hadn’t heard him. No such luck. Jinyoung’s mouth was set into a straight line and his posture was rigid. Bambam opened his mouth to say something, most likely an apology, when the rest of the group called out to them, telling them it was time to go.

Jinyoung walked away without a second glance at Bambam, his fists clenched at his sides. Bambam had never hated his lack of a brain to mouth filter so much in his life. Thinking about why Mark didn’t seem to show any interest in Jinyoung was something he had been mulling over for literal years. He had never voiced his thoughts though, because he didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Until now anyway.

He went after Jinyoung, grabbing his hand before he could leave the practice room.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he said. “That was stupid. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just tired after practice.”

“We’ll talk later, Bambam,” Jinyoung said.

It didn’t take much strength for Jinyoung to take his hand out of Bambam’s grasp. He walked out of the practice room, right past Yugyeom who had been waiting for him.

“What did you do?” he asked once Jinyoung was further down the hall, walking with Jackson and Youngjae.

“Why do you think I did something?” Bambam asked. “Maybe he was the one who said something stupid.”

“Jinyoung-hyung does say stupid stuff sometimes, but right now, he looks angry and you look apologetic, so…” Yugyeom trailed off, giving Bambam a pointed look. “You’re the one who said something dumb.”

“He was just…” Bambam sighed. “He was just talking about being an alpha and I said he was being cocky and that omegas don’t like cocky alphas and that was why Mark didn’t like him.”

“Oh,” Yugyeom said. “Wow. That was _mean_. I’m happy you don’t have a crush on me, you’d probably say all sorts of mean things.” He paused. “Wait. You were mean to me when we were trainees. Did you used to like me?”

“Ew, no,” Bambam said, hitting his arm. “And I didn’t want to be mean. I just had a thought and then I spoke it and now I’m regretting it.”

They continued to walk, trailing behind the other guys in the group. Bambam took note of Jaebeom’s arm around Mark’s shoulders, even though there definitely weren’t any cameras around. Most employees at the company knew it was a staged relationship as well. There wasn’t any reason for them to be playing the role of the perfect alpha and omega couple. Maybe they had just gotten used to it, or maybe they actually wanted to be close to each other.

Jinyoung had worked his way between Jackson and Youngjae. His shoulders seemed to have relaxed a bit as the three of them talked. Bambam had no doubt that he would tense up again whenever Bambam tried to apologize later.

“I’ve only ever said nice things to Mark-hyung,” Yugyeom said. His eyes watched as Jaebeom’s arm went from Mark’s shoulders to his waist. “I don’t think it’ll do any good though.”

“You don’t know that,” Bambam said. “Besides, we’re still kids. He’s not going to show any interest to someone who isn’t legal.”

“That’s true,” Yugyeom said. “I guess I have time to perfect my charms.”

“How can you perfect something you don’t have?”

It was Bambam’s turn to get hit.

“A year and a half,” Yugyeom said. “Just you wait and see. I’m going to be so charming, that no one will want to turn me down.” There was determination in his voice, but Bambam could still sense some worry. They were talking, but Yugyeom’s eyes hadn’t left Jaebeom and Mark. “I was supposed to be an alpha, you know. My father is and so is my older brother. Almost all the men in my family are, for as long as we can trace back our family tree. Like 89% male alphas, or something like that. I’m just a beta though.” He finally tore his eyes away from Mark to look at Bambam. “Do you think Mark-hyung would want me more if I was an alpha?”

“I don’t think he’s thinking about wanting you at all right now, Gyeom,” Bambam said. “Honestly, I really don’t think he cares about stuff like that. I think your chances are just as good as they would be if you were an alpha, or even an omega.”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

When they arrived back at the dorm, Bambam was ready to make a beeline to the room he shared with Yugyeom. He would get some time to relax after a long day of work and then he could think over what he was going to say to Jinyoung. His plan was quickly taken off course. As soon as his hand was on the doorknob of his bedroom door, a hand grabbed his elbow and pulled him away.

“Really?” he said as Jinyoung dragged him into his room. “You couldn’t even give me time to prepare myself before you start yelling?”

“I’m not going to yell,” Jinyoung said. “Sit down. Let’s talk.”

Jinyoung was the only one who had a room to himself. It was the smallest room in the dorm, but Bambam was still envious of the privacy he had. He liked rooming with Yugyeom, but time to himself was also appreciated.

Bambam sat on the edge of Jinyoung’s bed and looked up at him expectantly. He imagined Jinyoung had already prepared an entire speech for him during the drive back to the dorm.

“Why did you say that?” Jinyoung asked.

There was no need for him to elaborate. Bambam knew exactly what he was referencing.

“I don’t know,” Bambam said. “I didn’t mean to. It just slipped out.”

“Okay, then, why did you think it?”

“I don’t know,” Bambam said again, feeling like a broken record. “You do like Mark though, right?”

It was a question he had never asked him outright. He knew the answer to it. It was impossible not to notice the fondness Jinyoung always had for Mark. Despite knowing what he was about to say, Bambam still didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t know if his heart was strong enough to hear the confirmation to something that he always felt was true.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said. He took a seat next to Bambam on the bed. “Yeah, I do. For a while now.”

“Does he know?”

Jinyoung laughed, but it was dry and completely lacking in humor. The sound of it made Bambam almost uncomfortable. “Trust me, he knows.”

“Oh,” Bambam said. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

He wasn’t sorry though and he hated that part of himself. Bambam knew he should want what was best for Jinyoung, he knew he should want him to be happy. At the same time he didn’t want that happiness to be found with someone who wasn’t him.

“That meeting we had, before we debuted,” Jinyoung said. “They told Mark that he should choose which one of us he wanted to, you know, put on a show with. He didn’t even hesitate before he said Jaebeom. Everyone was surprised. Those two are always fighting. Well, _were _always fighting. They’re so close nowadays.” He put his face in his hands. Bambam awkwardly patted him on the shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. “No one was more surprised than I was though.”

“Why?” Bambam asked. “Did you ever get the impression that he liked you?”

Jinyoung shook his head and Bambam instantly knew that that was the wrong question to ask. Bambam placed his hand on the back of his neck, like Jinyoung did for him so many times. It was just a casual, warm touch, hopefully something that felt grounding to him.

“It’s complicated,” Jinyoung said. “Way too complicated for a kid to understand.”

Somehow those words hurt more than Jinyoung admitting that he had feelings for Mark. Bambam knew it was true though. He _was_ just a kid.

“I guess none of that matters anymore though,” Jinyoung said, raising his head to look at him. “I need to stop being so hung up on Mark.”

That was a statement that Bambam wholeheartedly agreed with.

“Jackson’s right. There are plenty of single omegas out there for me to choose from.”

And that was something that he absolutely didn’t want to hear.

“Thanks for listening to me ramble, Bam-ah,” Jinyoung said. “I can always count on you.”

“Uh, you’re welcome?”

The transition from Jinyoung hanging his head and longing for Mark to thanking Bambam for listening to him happened so quickly. Bambam got the feeling that Jinyoung was putting on a strong front to hide him from a bigger truth. He really was just a little kid, a younger brother figure in Jinyoung’s eyes. It wasn’t a surprising realization. Jinyoung always doted on him, ever since he first started getting to know him after joining the company.

Bambam wasn’t caught off guard by Jinyoung’s familial feelings toward him. That didn’t make them hurt any less though. He supposed Yugyeom wasn’t the only one who needed the next year or so to work on his charms.


	6. Chapter 6

Yugyeom’s palms were sweaty. That was the only thought that was keeping Bambam grounded at the moment. He couldn’t even remember whose idea this was in the first place. It was just something they casually brought up every time they were in their shared hotel room.

The group had been touring Japan for a few weeks now and he had been enjoying every moment of it. Bambam still couldn’t believe that they had debuted almost ten months ago and they were already on tour. Everything was moving so fast for them. Yugyeom was the one he talked to the most when it came to his worries and excitement. He was also the one he went to when he talked about his insecurities, which was what led them to that moment.

“We don’t have to do this,” Yugyeom said. “It was a weird idea. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

So this was Yugyeom’s idea. Or he was the one taking credit for it, at least.

“It’s okay,” Bambam said. “I don’t think it’s weird.”

He didn’t know what possessed him to say that. It _was _weird. Maybe he just didn’t want Yugyeom to feel bad and affirming his idea was the only way he knew how to do that.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Yugyeom said. “It’s just practice. Besides, everyone always makes a big deal out of their first kiss, and I’d rather have mine with a friend I can trust instead of someone I don’t know that well or–”

Whenever Yugyeom started to ramble, it was almost impossible to get him to stop, especially when his voice got even higher pitched and almost whiny. Bambam squeezed their linked hands together before moving forward and pressing his mouth to Yugyeom’s.

It wasn’t exactly what he would describe as an actual kiss. From what he had seen in dramas and movies and between his older brothers and their girlfriends, kisses were tender and sweet. The perfect meeting of two pairs of lips. This was definitely not that. He had puckered his lips up and they had hit Yugyeom’s teeth, since he had been in the middle of talking. A few long, silent seconds passed before they both pulled away. Yugyeom’s face was a vibrant pink and Bambam imagined his was a matching shade.

“We’re not counting that,” Yugyeom said. “That didn’t count as a real kiss.”

“Agreed,” Bambam said.

He wasn’t sure when they started talking in detail about the concept of a first kiss. It was probably while they were talking about one of their favorite topics: Mark and Jinyoung. Yugyeom would spend too much time with his eyes following Mark and Jaebeom’s every move, while Bambam kept his eyes away from all the pretty and petite female omegas Jinyoung flirted with. It was like every time they were at the company or at a recording studio or at a restaurant or just simply taking a walk, Jinyoung found an omega to charm. His success rate was unbearably high. Bambam considered watching the flirtation his own tailored brand of torture.

“Whenever I think about kissing someone, I’m always just, um,” Yugyeom let go of Bambam’s hands and moved them to cup his face instead, “holding their face. That’s romantic, right?”

“I think so,” Bambam said. “I’m very focused on you right now. That seems like a good thing.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” he said. “Okay, good.”

They sat in silence, simply staring at each other while Yugyeom continued to hold Bambam’s face in his sweaty hands. He wanted to call the whole thing off, but they had come too far to quit now. Especially since Bambam had been the one to throw himself at Yugyeom. He couldn’t just change his mind since he was the first instigator.

“Just go for it,” Bambam said, closing his eyes. “Be gentler than I was though.”

“Will do.”

He was left in suspense for a few long seconds. Bambam imagined that Yugyeom was working up the nerve to kiss him. It was an awkward moment, but he felt strangely calm. He was safe with Yugyeom. There wasn’t anything for him to worry about.

The first press of lips against his was timid and soft. There wasn’t any pressure and it almost felt like someone was just teasing his lips with the tip of their finger. Yugyeom became bolder though, giving him a firm peck. He pulled away for a second and tilted his head to the side, their noses brushing together before they kissed again.

And it was…fine. They were only exchanging soft, chaste kisses. Yugyeom’s hands had moved to his shoulders and that allowed more freedom for Bambam to move. He tried to match what Yugyeom was doing, following along to the best of his novice-level abilities.

“Well, that was that,” Yugyeom said after finally pulling away. Bambam opened his eyes, taking note of his still flushed face and how his lips were a darker shade of pink. “Was I terrible?”

“No,” Bambam said. “It was nice. Was I terrible?”

Yugyeom shook his head and they both seemed to sag with relief. All the awkwardness between them melted away. After a beat of silence, they both started to laugh. Bambam was feeling relieved for more than one reason. Of course he was relieved that Yugyeom wasn’t revolted by his kissing skills, but he was mostly relieved that kissing Yugyeom made him feel nothing. There weren’t any butterflies in his stomach, his heart wasn’t skipping any beats, and he wasn’t having any sudden thoughts of holding Yugyeom’s hand or going on a date with him. A strong desire to kiss him again was also lacking.

There had been a small part of him that had been afraid that kissing his best friend would awaken some sort of dormant romantic feelings. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. Yugyeom didn’t seem to be feeling anything like that either, since he looked just as carefree and relieved as Bambam felt.

“At least we got it over with,” Yugyeom said. “I’ve been kissed. I’m not a total loser.”

“I don’t think never having been kissed makes you a loser,” Bambam said. “You do a great job of that all on your own.”

Yugyeom wasted no time reaching behind him and grabbing a pillow to hit him with. He fell onto his side and braced himself to be hit by the pillow again. Once Yugyeom made a move to attack once more, he grabbed onto it before he could be hit and tried to pull it out of his hands. Bambam wasn’t very successful, but playing tug-of-war with a pillow was better than getting hit with it. Either way he was outmatched. Yugyeom possessed strength that surpassed both of the alphas in their group.

“I surrender,” Bambam said, finally letting go of the pillow. Laughing was making him weak and his stomach was starting to cramp. “Have mercy.”

The pillow was tossed to the floor and he finally felt like he could breathe. He was on his back now, lying sideways on the bed. Yugyeom fell on his back next to him and they both looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm down after their laughing fit.

“Why do you like Jinyoung-hyung?” Yugyeom asked.

“Are you trying to be more like him?” Bambam asked. “Kissing me made you fall in love with me and now you’re trying to steal my heart?”

He giggled, turning his head to look at Yugyeom, but he wasn’t laughing with him. His mouth was turned down into a small frown, so Bambam stopped laughing.

“I’m being serious,” Yugyeom said. “You’ve never given me an honest answer whenever I’ve asked you. Is it just because he’s an alpha?”

“No,” Bambam said. “Maybe that’s why I paid attention to him at first, but that’s not why I like him. It’s definitely not why I’ve liked him for as long as I have.”

“Then what’s the reason?”

Like a lot of things in his life, it was complicated. It was true that when he started to really take notice of Jinyoung, it was because he was an alpha. More specifically, because he was an alpha who was close to his age. The passing curiosity turned into something deeper the more he got to know Jinyoung.

“He’s just…good to me,” Bambam said. “I know he gets annoyed easily. He gets annoyed with the two of us all the time. But when he’s not acting like I’m a pest, he’s nice to me. He listens to what I have to say. He’s also uptight and he can ruin how good-looking he is with some terrible hairstyles and he can be easily agitated.” He knew he was rambling. This wasn’t a good answer and he wasn’t describing Jinyoung in a very positive light. Bambam closed his eyes and tried to focus on how Jinyoung made him feel. “He looks out for me, he takes care of me, he’s always worrying about other people before worrying about himself. I just like being around him. Is that a good enough answer?”

“If it’s a good enough answer for you, then it’s good enough for me, I guess,” Yugyeom said. “I still don’t really get it though.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t like alphas,” Bambam said. “You like girls and Mark.”

“True.”

Bambam rested his hands on his stomach, tapping his fingers in an irregular pattern. He knew it was probably his turn to ask Yugyeom why he liked Mark so much, but he already knew the answer. Talking about why he liked Mark was one of Yugyeom’s favorite things to do. Still, Bambam wanted to be a good friend, so he turned his head to look at Yugyeom, prepared to ask him what it was about Mark that had him so in love.

“Do you want to kiss again?” Yugyeom asked before Bambam could even open his mouth to speak.

“What?” Bambam said. “Why?”

“I just want to give it another try,” Yugyeom said. “I feel like I can do better.”

“It wasn’t bad,” Bambam said. “You don’t have anything to prove to me.”

“I know,” he said. “I just want to try it again. Please?”

Kissing Yugyeom hadn’t been unpleasant. It was harmless. So, he shrugged.

“Okay,” he said. “Go ahead.”

He squeezed his eyes shut again, finding it easier to wait for Yugyeom to make the first move. The mattress shifted slightly and he could envision Yugyeom sitting up on his side before placing a hand on Bambam’s chest and kissing him. It started off just like the first one Yugyeom initiated. Their lips met in a few brief kisses and then they opened their mouths up a bit more, sliding their lips together.

It still felt really nice. This one was lasting longer than the one before it though so Bambam started to let his mind wander. In his head, he wasn’t kissing Yugyeom. He was kissing Jinyoung instead. The alpha probably wouldn’t be so hesitant normally, but maybe he would be for their first kiss. He wouldn’t want to rush Bambam into anything, he would take his time and be a perfect gentleman. Eventually, he would realize how much Bambam liked being kissed and he would cup his jaw and murmur a soft, “_Bam-ah_” against his lips before deepening it.

Yugyeom did what the imaginary Jinyoung in his mind did, running his tongue against the seam of his lips and then slipping inside as soon as Bambam parted them. Jinyoung would be turned on by Bambam’s sudden moan though. Yugyeom definitely was not.

Bambam opened his eyes just as Yugyeom pulled away from him. They shared matching horrified looks.

“I didn’t mean to,” Bambam said quickly. “It was involuntary. I didn’t mean to – um, make that noise.”

“It’s okay,” Yugyeom said. His panicked expression contradicted his words. “That happens? That’s probably something that happens.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Bambam said. “I wasn’t even thinking about you when I did it.”

“Who were you thinking about?” Yugyeom said before quickly answering his own question. “Jinyoung-hyung? You were thinking of him while we were kissing? You _moaned _because of him?”

The look on his face made it seem like that was the most revolting thing he had ever heard.

“Of course I wasn’t thinking about you,” Bambam said. “Who else would I think about? Weren’t you thinking about Mark?”

“No,” Yugyeom said. “I was thinking about being precise. I was practicing while you were using me for your fantasy.”

Bambam was ready to tell him that they were both using each other, in a way. That what they were doing was mutually beneficial. He didn’t get around to telling him though, because there was a knock on the door of their hotel room.

Yugyeom almost tripped over his own feet as he got off the bed. Bambam sat up, pressing his hands to his face to feel how warm he was. The person at the door was either one of their managers or one of the other members. He hoped it was a manager. They would take one look at his flushed face and think that he was sick. One of the members would realize that something else was going on.

“Hey, hyung,” Yugyeom said after opening the door. “What’s up?”

“Can I borrow your toothpaste?” It was Youngjae. He was definitely the type to ask questions. They were doomed. “I forgot to pack mine and Jackson-hyung has this weird coconut toothpaste that I don’t want to try.”

“Sure,” Yugyeom said, stepping aside to let him in. He sat down next to Bambam on the bed while Youngjae went into their bathroom. “I thought you were rooming with Jaebeom-hyung though.”

“I was, but about an hour ago, Jackson was knocking on our door,” Youngjae said. He had brought his toothbrush with him, so he was already brushing. “Mark-hyung kicked him out and sent him to fetch Jaebeom-hyung for, well, I’m sure you can imagine.”

“Unfortunately,” Bambam said.

Mark and Jaebeom’s relationship had changed drastically since their debut. What had started as a hesitant partnership had turned into actual attraction. As far as Bambam could tell anyway. His relationship with Jaebeom wasn’t something Mark often talked to him about. He didn’t think the two had fallen in love, but at some point in time things had gotten physical. There were some hazy moments of their relationship timeline that Bambam wasn’t sure about. And he would prefer it if it stayed that way.

One glance at Yugyeom told him that this wasn’t something he liked hearing. He wasn’t shocked or surprised, just disappointed.

“What have you two been up to tonight?” Youngjae asked. “Your faces are both red. Did you try a new face mask or something?”

It was the perfect excuse and Youngjae had been the one to bring it up. They were actually going to get away with this.

“Uh, yeah,” Bambam said. “Yugyeom wanted to try a new one, but it was a little too harsh.”

Yugyeom nodded along to Bambam’s explanation. Youngjae looked at them both carefully before walking back into the bathroom. Bambam heard him spit in the sink and then he heard the shuffling around of bottles and the opening of a trashcan lid and he was checking to see if they were lying or not.

“So, was it a sheet mask or a clay mask?” Youngjae said. “Because I don’t see any new–”

“We were kissing,” Yugyeom said.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” Bambam said, hitting Yugyeom on the shoulder. “What is wrong with you?”

“I thought he was going to figure it out!”

“Actually, I thought you two had been drinking,” Youngjae said. “This is a lot weirder.”

Bambam fell backwards onto the bed, covering his face in his hands as Yugyeom frantically tried to explain what happened.

“We’ve just been talking about how neither one of us has kissed anyone before,” he said, “so, we thought we would try it. We’re friends. We trust each other. We don’t like each other like that. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I never said that you did,” Youngjae said. “I just said it was weird.”

“Because we’re both guys and I’m not an alpha?” Yugyeom said.

“No, of course not.” Youngjae’s voice was gentle as he spoke. “It’d be hypocritical of me to judge you for both being guys.”

That was an interesting development to the conversation. Bambam took his hands off his face and sat back up. Youngjae had taken a seat on the other bed, so they were all facing each other. He didn’t know what to say and he imagined Yugyeom didn’t either, judging by his silence. It wasn’t the ideal reaction, he knew that. Youngjae was looking at the two of them like he was scared of what they would say.

“Okay,” Bambam said. “That’s cool. Um, so you’re–”

“Bisexual,” Youngjae said. “Is that–”

“That’s fine,” Yugyeom said. “I don’t care. Do you care, Bambam?”

“Nope,” Bambam said.

The scared look on Youngjae’s face changed into one of relief. He wasn’t grinning his usual vibrant smile, but he seemed calm. It was like a weight he had been carrying around – one Bambam never noticed until now – had lifted.

“Do the other guys know?” Yugyeom asked.

“Yeah, they have for a while now,” Youngjae said. “I was always trying to figure out how to tell you two, but there never seemed to be a good moment. I don’t even know if now was a good moment, but I’m happy it’s over.”

“I’m happy you told us,” Bambam said.

“Well, I never would have if Yugyeom hadn’t admitted to kissing you,” Youngjae said. “If he could say that, I could tell you that I was bi.”

“I really thought you were going to figure it out,” Yugyeom said, his voice taking on what was now his signature whiny tone. “It felt better to come clean.”

“If you say so,” Youngjae said, standing up with his toothbrush still in hand. “I’m going to head back to my room. If you two ever feel the need to practice kissing again, you know where to find me. You should at least ask someone who has experience.”

The door to their room shut behind him, leaving Bambam and Yugyeom in a somewhat shocked silence.

“I can’t believe Youngjae-hyung has experience,” Yugyeom said.

“I can’t believe I’m not surprised that Youngjae-hyung has experience,” Bambam said.

He truly wasn’t. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Of course Youngjae, who smiled brightly at everyone and seemed to have his own magnetic pull that drew people in, would attract all sorts of people’s attention.


	7. Chapter 7

Bambam was sitting in a stylist’s chair, having his hair blow dried, for what felt like an exceedingly long time, while he went through his mail. He had brought it along with him to the M Countdown studio so that he could read it while he had some downtime. His mail box at the company had been overflowing since he hadn’t checked it in a few weeks. Most of the letters were from hopeful alphas, all wanting him to mate with them as soon as he turned 18. His 18th birthday was next month and he was terrified.

He used to be excited about his 18th birthday. Bambam would finally be recognized as an adult. People would think that he had matured into a young man, instead of being an annoying little boy. The idea of being taken more seriously was appealing, but the most appealing part of it was, he hoped, Jinyoung finally seeing him as a mature omega who was worthy of his attention.

Now, he didn’t think he was ready for his birthday. Maybe being older would change the way Jinyoung saw him, and not in a positive way. Instead of seeing him as a younger friend, a little brother, someone to look out for, Jinyoung might start seeing him as an omega he wasn’t interested in. Omegas were considered the most desirable when they were recently matured. Bambam didn’t want to think about what would happen if Jinyoung finally saw him as an adult and then quickly decided that he didn’t find him attractive.

“You’ve got plenty of offers there, huh?” the stylist said after finally turning off the hairdryer. “Any of them interesting?”

“They all say more or less the same thing,” Bambam said. “Just in three different languages.”

He received letters in English and Korean, but of course the majority of them were written in Thai. It was like the more he became recognizable in his home country, the more alphas came forward to announce their undying love for him. All the letters were telling him that they wanted him to come home and that they would mate him on his birthday and provide him with everything he could ever possibly want until the end of his days.

“Are you planning on making a decision anytime soon?” she asked. “Your birthday is coming up soon, right? The big 18th birthday. I heard one of the producers talking about it.”

“Yeah, in a few weeks,” he said. He looked up from his letters and made eye contact with her in the mirror he was sitting in front of. Then he glanced down to her neck where a faded mating mark was. He hadn’t even realized that she was an omega. “How did you make your decision?”

“My alpha and I were childhood friends,” she said, her mouth forming into a soft smile. “She’s a few months younger than I am, so after I turned 18, she freaked out. She kept telling me not to mate with anyone else.” She rolled her eyes. “As if that would ever happen. She’s an idiot, but she’s my idiot, you know?”

“Did you mate right after she turned 18?”

“Yeah,” she said. “We both wanted kids right away and both our parents were willing to support us while we worked things out. We’re expecting #2 right now.” She patted her still flat stomach, smiling proudly.

“Congratulations,” he said before turning back to his letters, his stomach feeling a little queasy.

Mating scared him. Not only was it permanent, but it also always resulted in a pregnancy. The mating wouldn’t take if there was anything in the way of the natural process, like a condom or birth control. He was one of four siblings and he liked being part of a big family, but he wasn’t in any rush to become a parent at 18. Bambam supposed that was one of the reasons more and more omegas were joining the entertainment business. They didn’t have the same pressure to mate when they were so young, since they were in the public eye.

“Is that the script?”

Bambam looked away from a letter to see Jinyoung taking the seat next to him. He was already dressed in his chosen MC outfit for the day and his hair and makeup were immaculate. Like always, he was so perfect that Bambam found it difficult to look at him for too long.

“No,” Bambam said. “I’m just going through some mail.”

“Fan mail?” Jinyoung asked.

“In a way,” Bambam said.

“I’m all done,” the hairstylist said, interrupting their conversation. “You two should be getting the call to go on soon.”

“Okay, thanks,” Bambam said.

He turned in his chair to wave goodbye to her before facing Jinyoung again. Jinyoung, who was looking through his stack of letters.

“Those are private,” Bambam said. “You shouldn’t read them.”

“I wasn’t going to read them,” Jinyoung said. “I was just curious to see how many you had. And they’re fan mail ‘in a way?’ What does that even mean?”

“It means that they’re letters from alphas,” Bambam said. He grabbed the stack of envelopes out of Jinyoung’s hands. “Alphas who want to mate with me.”

“Alphas who want to _what_?” Jinyoung said.

“Mate with me,” Bambam repeated, calmly. “I’ve been getting them since I was 13. I’ll keep getting them until I’m mated. It’s not a big deal. All omegas get letters.”

“Alphas have wanted to mate with you since you were 13?” Jinyoung said. “You’re only 17 now.”

It really was telling how different the life of an alpha was. Alphas weren’t encouraged to send letters until they were older, most of them starting when they were middle-aged. Either the alpha had never mated or the omega they were mated to was becoming too old. Bambam always thought that it was unfair that alphas could have multiple omegas, but omegas could only have one alpha. It wasn’t like he wanted more than one alpha, but in the name of equality, he thought it should be fair for omegas to have the option as well.

Receiving letters and proposals was just something an omega went through. He knew for a fact that Mark got more offers than he did, and he was considered “old” for an unmated omega. Alphas didn’t worry about mating when they were so young. Most of them got mated in their 30s.

“It’s not like I’m going to accept any of these, hyung,” Bambam said. “I’m going to mate with who I want to, when I want to.”

“As you should,” Jinyoung said, nodding in approval. “Hopefully with someone close to your own age.”

“Yeah, of course,” Bambam said. A three year age difference was close, right? Better yet was a two year and eight month age difference. “That’s what I want, too.”

“Good,” Jinyoung said.

He took the stack of letters from Bambam and, as if to prove a point, dumped them into a small trashcan on the other side of the makeup table.

“You really should have recycled those,” Bambam said.

“It was a symbolic action.”

“It would have been just as symbolic to throw them in a recycling bin.”

Jinyoung looked unimpressed by his remarks, but Bambam couldn’t help the small bit of happiness radiating throughout his body. He knew Jinyoung wasn’t trying to assert himself as Bambam’s alpha by throwing the letters away. Jinyoung was just trying to be a good friend by making sure he knew that he shouldn’t feel pressured to accept any requests. Still, it was a nice feeling, having Jinyoung disregard so many alphas for the sake of Bambam’s best interests.

“We should really go over the script,” Jinyoung said. He had a stack of cue cards with him. “We’ve only had this job for a month. I don’t want them to fire us anytime soon.”

“You don’t have to worry about getting fired, hyung,” Bambam said. “You’re one of Korea’s most eligible alpha bachelors, after all.”

“I was #42 on a 50 person list,” Jinyoung said. “It’s more embarrassing than anything else.”

“If you say so.”

The two of them had been hired as permanent MCs on M Countdown recently. He had initially been excited about the idea, but after learning that Jinyoung was his cohost, his emotions had shifted to being dreadfully nervous. Living in a dorm with Jinyoung and being in the same group together meant that he saw him every day. Bambam became used to that level of closeness, but going to the same place to work together every week, just the two of them, could be nerve-racking.

While the cameras were on, he could focus easily on his job. He _needed_ to focus, since there were so many moving parts to it. There were different people to interview and artists to introduce and he liked to memorize his lines whenever he could, instead of reading cue cards. The worst part about his time alone with Jinyoung were the drives to the studio and then back home again. Bambam was rarely at a loss for words, but he never knew what to say whenever they were in the car alone together.

The show taping went by quickly that day. Time seemed to fly between practicing his lines with Jinyoung all the way to going back to the dressing room after the show was over. He was in charge of removing his own makeup, if he wanted to, and changing back into the clothes he arrived in. Usually he kept his makeup on, but Jinyoung was always in a rush to remove his. He went into the restroom in the dressing room and changing into his own clothes. Once he stepped back into the dressing room, Jinyoung wasn’t removing his makeup like usual. He was talking to an omega.

Bambam recognized her as one of the makeup artists who worked at the M Countdown studio. She was unmated, judging by the spotless skin of her neck, but there was a ring on her finger, symbolizing that she was either engaged or married. Bambam had once heard a group of alpha trainees describe omegas with rings as “on reserve.” He was happy that none of those alphas were working at their company anymore.

“So, that’s my number, if you have any questions,” she said, tucking a strand of dyed red hair behind her ear. “Calling at any time is fine. I always have my phone on me.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jinyoung said. “I can’t live without it.”

“Oh, totally,” she said.

They both laughed like being attached to one’s phone was the height of relatable comedy. Bambam started rummaging through his bag, not for any reason other than to look busy.

“How long have you worked here?” Jinyoung asked.

“A few months,” she said. “I started in January. My boyfriend doesn’t like the idea of me working, but I talked him into it.”

“It’s nice to work,” Jinyoung said. “Everyone should keep busy with something. Especially if it’s something you love.”

“That’s what I told him,” she said. “And, well, I love this.” She held up a black bag that Bambam assumed held all of her makeup supplies. “I’ve been working with mostly female artists here. I don’t think they’ll let me work with the male artists unless I’m mated. Especially not the alphas.”

It was rare for a male omega to become an idol, but even more rare for a female alpha to become one. Bambam could only think of one or two off the top of his head. It made sense that producers more than likely didn’t mind her working with only groups of girls and women.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind working with you,” Jinyoung said. “I don’t bite, so no worries.”

The two of them laughed again and Bambam couldn’t take it anymore. It had been almost a year since Jinyoung decided to stop pining after Mark and pursue other omegas. He didn’t know the details of what he got up to when he was with these omegas, but Bambam got the feeling he was currently getting a front row seat to the awkward flirting.

“I’m going to the car,” Bambam said to Jinyoung. “I want to get home soon, so don’t take too long.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung said. He seemed surprised by Bambam’s presence, like he hadn’t even noticed him standing in the same room as him. “I won’t be long.”

As he waited in the car, Bambam could feel his agitation with Jinyoung grow. At first he tried to tell himself that he had no business getting upset by Jinyoung flirting with a pretty omega. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, because he was single and he could do that. Then Bambam remembered the ring on her finger and the mention of her “boyfriend,” and he became increasingly annoyed. Alphas shouldn’t show interest in taken omegas, even if they weren’t officially mated. It was rude and arrogant and everything he liked to think Jinyoung wasn’t.

By the time Jinyoung opened the car door and joined him in the backseat, Bambam’s arms were crossed over his chest and his eyes were darted.

“That was a good show today,” Jinyoung said. “We didn’t mess up any lines. I think we’re becoming more natural.” He smiled cheerily at Bambam but his grin quickly disappeared. “Are you all right? You look upset. Do you feel sick?”

“In a way,” Bambam said. He turned to look out the window as the car started to move. There wasn’t much to look at though since a black curtain was blocking his view of the outside world. “You seemed close to that omega you were talking to.”

“Which omega?” Jinyoung said. “Myungsoon? The makeup artist?” Bambam nodded his head, his eyes still focused on the curtain. “I’ve talked to her a few times, yeah. She’s nice.”

“And she has a boyfriend,” Bambam said.

“Yeah, she does,” Jinyoung said. He sounded confused by Bambam’s sudden questions. “Are you upset that I talked to her?”

“No.”

Bambam spoke too quickly and the word came out sharp and annoyed. He wasn’t doing a good job at convincing him that he wasn’t bothered.

“Yes, you are,” Jinyoung said.

A hand cupped one side of Bambam’s face and soon he was being turned to look at Jinyoung. He imagined a few different expressions the alpha would have, but an amused grin wasn’t one of them.

“I’m not upset,” Bambam said, pushing his hand away.

“Bam-ah, what’s going on?” Jinyoung asked. “I was being nice to her because she wanted me to pass along her business card to some people at the company. She wants to expand to working on MVs.” He pushed Bambam’s bangs out of his eyes and the small touch seemed to set his skin on fire. “Did you think I was flirting with her? I would never be interested in a taken omega.”

“It sounded like you were flirting with her,” Bambam said. He suddenly felt very small and young and stupid. “I’ve just seen you with so many omegas lately, that I just assumed she was another one you were interested in.”

“Is that what you really think of me?” Jinyoung asked. His smile quickly turned into a troubled frown. “That I’m okay with any omega? Or that I want as many as possible?”

“No,” Bambam said. “I don’t think either of those things about you, hyung.”

Honestly, he didn’t know if he even believed himself when he said that. He never got the impression that Jinyoung was sleazy or disrespectful toward omegas. Nothing he did made him think that Jinyoung only saw omegas as conquests or boxes to tick. Still, it was difficult to see him as a total gentleman either. He liked hitting on omegas and taking them on discreet dates and just simply looking at them. For all his talk about being over Mark, Bambam still noticed how Jinyoung’s eyes lingered on him from time to time. And how his eyes always seemed to pass over Bambam without interest.

“Good,” Jinyoung said. “I know this must be hard for you. You came to this country when you were so young – and you’re _still _– young. There are so many alphas here who want to take advantage of you, but I’m not one of them. I don’t write omegas letters like the ones you get. I don’t go after omegas who are taken by someone else.”

Bambam could tell by the earnest tone of his voice that Jinyoung was being truthful, but he couldn’t stop himself from messing with him. He felt the corner of his mouth move up into a grin.

“Did you seriously just give me a ‘Not All Alphas’ speech?” Bambam said.

“That was not my intention.”

“It’s definitely what it sounded like though,” Bambam said. “Are you about to tell me that you’re a ‘nice guy’ and that you hate getting friend zoned?”

“I don’t know why your approval even means so much to me,” Jinyoung said. “All you do is make fun of me.”

“Well, you make it so easy for me.”

Normally, Bambam would reserve making fun of one of the older members for when he was with Yugyeom. The two worked the best as a team, but it was nice to do some teasing by himself. Jinyoung was glaring at him, but there was some humor in his eyes, so Bambam knew he wasn’t taking it too seriously.

“I hope you and your future alpha are very happy together,” Jinyoung said. “You and your 80 year-old groom who sent you a letter when you were 17.”

“You’d never let me do that,” Bambam said. “We both know you would crash the wedding and save me from his wrinkly and arthritic hands.”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said, no longer wanting to keep going with the joke that hadn’t had a chance to really start. “I would. I’ll always come to your rescue if you need me to.”

Bambam was suddenly becoming very warm, almost as if Jinyoung was touching him again. “I know you will, hyung.”


	8. Chapter 8

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday.”

“You didn’t ruin my birthday, Bam,” Mark said, running a hand through Bambam’s hair. “I didn’t want to do anything special for it anyway. It’s not like I had big plans.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t.”

Bambam didn’t think he would be feeling better for a while. At least for the next three days. He had woken up that morning in heat and while his heats had never been easy, this one was unusually intense. His sheets had been soaked through with sweat and his entire body felt heavy. They didn’t have a schedule for the day, so the original plan had been to go to dinner to celebrate Mark’s birthday. That hadn’t happened though. As the day went on, his heat got stronger and stronger. He took care of himself a few times, after making Yugyeom leave their shared room, but nothing seemed to work. It was like his suppressants were suddenly ineffective.

“We should probably call a doctor,” Mark said.

“No,” Bambam said, shaking his head. “I’m fine. I’ll just sleep it off.”

Someone had changed his sheets sometime today – he was so out of it that he didn’t know who it was – and now he was curled up in Mark’s lap, trying to make everything stop. What he felt the most was the overwhelming heat of his body. Usually arousal and mild discomfort were the main sensations, but this was completely different. He felt like he was burning from the inside, boiling in his own body. Pain was what he could feel more than anything else.

“Do you think you can even fall asleep when you’re like this?” Mark said. “This isn’t a normal heat, even for you.”

That was easy for Mark to say. He was in heat too, but he was almost completely unaffected. His skin was lightly flushed. At breakfast that morning he had leaned into Jaebeom a little more than usual. Those were the only signs. Bambam wondered what it was like to have suppressants that worked to help already mild heats. For not the first time in his life, he was jealous of Mark.

“I’ll just double up on my suppressants,” Bambam said. “I’ve done it before. It’ll work out fine.”

“You’ve doubled your suppressants before?” Mark said. “Are you _insane_?”

“A single dose wasn’t working, so I – _fuck_!”

He grabbed his lower abdomen after a sharp pain pulsed through it. That was a new symptom. Pains like that had never happened during his heat before. Another spike of pain hit and he shouted out, curling into Mark’s lap.

“That’s it, I’m calling a doctor,” Mark said. “Or I’m driving you to the hospital. Those are your two options right now.”

“Mark, seriously, I’m fine,” Bambam said between labored breaths. “Sleep is all–”

There was a loud knock on the bedroom door and Mark didn’t waste any time standing up to answer it. Bambam thought for a second that time was passing for him so strangely that Mark had already somehow called a doctor. He wasn’t that out of it though, since the voice on the other side of the door belonged to Jaebeom.

“I heard screaming,” Jaebeom said. “Is he okay?”

“He was screaming, how do you think he is?” Mark said.

“Right,” Jaebeom said. “That was a stupid question. Is there anything I can–”

“Call a doctor.”

“That’s a good idea, but I don’t know any–”

“Then call one of our managers, explain what’s going on, and get them to call a doctor,” Mark said slowly, like he was explaining something to a child.

He was suddenly reminded of their trainee days. Bambam could remember when Mark started a fight with anyone who looked at him the wrong way. After their debut he had become much more quiet and sweet, the ideal omega. Hearing him talk to Jaebeom like he was incompetent was weirdly nostalgic.

“Okay, I will,” Jaebeom said, keeping his tone even. “And how are you? Do you need anything? I could help you again, like I did for your last heat.”

“I’m fine,” Mark said. “I’m not worried about myself right now.”

Bambam couldn’t see Jaebeom since Mark had only opened the door enough so that he could talk to him. He did see his hand reach into the room and link with one of Mark’s. They held hands for a moment before separating. Mark put his hand on the doorknob, ready to close the door when he took a startled step back.

“Youngjae!” he shouted into the dorm. “I thought she was staying in our room.”

“She ran past me!” Youngjae said from outside. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

It wasn’t necessary for Bambam to ask who they were talking about, because a tiny white dog was jumping up on his bed to join him. Coco, the Maltese that Mark and Youngjae had adopted a few months ago, seemed initially excited to see him. She went straight to him, licking the side of his face before her entire mood shifted. After sniffing him, she started to whine and nudge him with her head. He scratched behind her ears in an attempt to soothe her.

“I’ll get her,” Youngjae said. “Is it okay if I come in, hyung?”

“Yeah, just for a second,” Mark said.

Bambam didn’t want any more people seeing him in his current state, but he decided that he had no choice when it came to the members. They had all seen each other at their lowest and he supposed this wouldn’t be any different from that.

“Oh, Bammie,” Youngjae said. “It’s never been this bad before, has it?”

“No,” Mark said. “This is a first.”

Youngjae squeezed his shoulder before scooping Coco into his arms. Her whines continued and she struggled in his hold.

“What’s wrong with you?” Youngjae said, frowning at the puppy. “Do you want to stay with Bambam? Are you worried about him too?”

Coco didn’t need to know how to talk to clearly give her answer. She wriggled her way out of Youngjae’s arms until she landed back on the bed next to Bambam. His hand found her again, giving her pets as he tried to calm her down. It was almost relaxing in a way, having her there with him. Focusing on taking care of someone else was a nice distraction.

“Maybe she should stay with him until the doctor gets here,” Mark said. “Her instincts probably know that something is wrong.”

“Yeah, good idea,” Youngjae said. “We’re all in the other room if you need us. Especially Jinyoung-hyung. He hasn’t stopped pacing this entire time. I think he needs something to do.”

Before Mark could respond, the door was pushed open even more and Bambam could clearly see Jaebeom, standing behind Youngjae. He had his phone against his ear.

“Our manager found a doctor and I’m on the phone with her now,” Jaebeom said. “She can be here in an hour. She says we should put him in an ice bath until then.”

“I guess we have something for Jinyoung to do now,” Mark said.

“I’ll take him to buy some bags of ice from the convenience store around the corner,” Jaebeom said. “Can you and the others get him in a cold bath?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

It didn’t sound good to Bambam. All he wanted to do was keep petting Coco until he eventually fell asleep. He got the feeling that no one was going to listen to what he wanted though.

His mind was less focused on his future ice bath and more focused on Jinyoung being worried. Bambam knew that everyone was worried about him, but the idea of Jinyoung pacing while thinking of only Bambam was some kind of silver lining to this mess he had found himself in. It didn’t make the pain go away, but it was a pleasant thought to latch onto.

“Can you bring Jackson in here?” Mark said to Youngjae.

Bambam continued to pet Coco, whose face was now pressed against his chest. Her whining had stopped, but she refused to move away from him. Most of the time, Coco was a vibrant ball of energy. She was always jumping from one person to the next, demanding attention and giving them tiny kisses. Bambam even had their dog worried about him.

“Hey, Bam,” Jackson said when he entered the room. “I’m going to carry you to the bathroom, okay?”

He knew that arguing was useless at this point. Especially now since his tongue was starting to feel as heavy as the rest of him. Bambam gave a small nod, giving his permission. Jackson scooped him into his arms and he was instantly reminded of being a trainee and having to leave dance practice because of his heat. Jackson had been the one to carry him then too.

As soon as he was off the bed, Coco started to bark in distress. She clearly didn’t like that he was being taken away.

“It’s okay, Coco-yah,” Youngjae said, coming into the room as well. “Bambam’s going to be fine. Jackson-hyung is helping him.”

Bambam wasn’t able to hear the rest of Youngjae’s conversation with Coco since he was being carried away. He didn’t even have the strength to wrap his arms around Jackson’s neck to hold on to him. It didn’t matter though. The walk from his and Yugyeom’s room to the bathroom was short and Jackson was moving quickly.

Once they got to the bathroom, Mark and Yugyeom were already there, filling up the tub. Mark had a hand on the back of Yugyeom’s neck, rubbing the skin there.

“He’s going to be fine,” Mark said in a tone not unlike the one Youngjae used while consoling Coco. “We’re going to get Bam through this heat and then we’ll get him on better suppressants. Or the doctor will figure something out. There’s got to be a way to stop this from happening again.”

“I’m just really worried about him, hyung,” Yugyeom said. “His heat has never been this bad before.”

“I know,” Mark said. He turned to Jackson and Bambam. “Let’s get him undressed and then in the tub.”

“No,” Bambam said, finally managing to voice a few words.

“You’re not really fit to argue right now,” Jackson said. “Besides, we’ve all seen you naked before.”

“Not…” Bambam said. He hated how weak and soft his voice sounded. It was difficult to talk too. He also had to think longer to come up with the words in Korean or English, instead of Thai. “In heat. Not… in heat.”

“I’m sorry,” Mark said. “I know this sucks, but this is the only way we can help you.”

That put an end to any argument that would have started. Jackson sat him down on his shaky feet for just the right amount of time to take off his shirt and sweatpants. He was soon being submerged into the cold water. There was some relief at first. The shock of the cold was welcoming to his overheated skin. He tilted his head back against the wall, giving a small sigh.

His relief was short-lived though. The cold water soon became an uncomfortable lukewarm. It was like his body was heating up the water and rejecting the cold. Mark seemed to understand what was happening because he quickly turned on the faucet again.

“There needs to be room in the tub for the ice,” Jackson said.

“We’ll drain some water out then,” Mark said. “Right now, he needs this.”

As they waited for Jaebeom and Jinyoung to return, Youngjae made his way to the bathroom. He leaned against the doorframe, holding a still whining Coco in his arms.

“She won’t calm down,” he said. “She definitely knows that something is wrong with Bambam.”

“Bring her over here,” Mark said.

Youngjae walked to where Mark was sitting on the edge of the tub. He transferred her to him and Mark turned to get her close enough to Bambam so that he could pet her head. His hand was wet, so he was matting her hair, but she didn’t seem to care. Her whining had stopped and she seemed to calm down some.

“You’ve got the whole family worried about you now, Bam,” Jackson said.

The remark was probably meant to comfort him, but all it did was make him think of his very first heat. He had been 11 years-old and his mother had cared for him throughout it. First heats were usually rough, but his had apparently been dangerous. He couldn’t remember anything that happened though. His mother and brothers told him about how they had to call a doctor to have him sedated and then monitored until it was over. He had been prescribed the strongest suppressants available right after.

Every heat since then had been difficult, but none of them were as scary as the first. He might be required to stay in bed for a day or two. They never got so bad that he needed a sedative though. He hoped things would stay that way, even though he wasn’t optimistic.

When Jaebeom and Jinyoung showed up with bags of ice, the others dumped them into the bath. The relief was immediate, but it slowly started to fade as his body became warmer and warmer. It wasn’t working and Bambam could feel everyone becoming increasingly worried. He hated that. He never wanted to be the cause of anyone’s anxiety, but that was exactly what was happening.

“When did that doctor say she was going to get here?” Jackson asked.

He was sitting on the toilet with Coco on his lap. Youngjae was sitting on the floor next to him, leaning against Jackson’s legs and trying his best not to look too panicked. Yugyeom had already been kicked out of the bathroom for becoming too stressed. Mark had asked him to leave in what was perhaps the softest voice he’d used all night. With everyone else he was snappy, even to Bambam whenever he insisted he was fine, but he had calmly escorted Yugyeom out of the bathroom, instructing him to change the sheets on Bambam’s bed and stay calm.

“Jaebeom said an hour and that was,” Mark took his phone out of his pocket to check the time, “an hour and 15 minutes ago.”

“Doctors are always late though, right?” Youngjae said. “Isn’t that what people say?”

“That saying being proved doesn’t exactly help us right now,” Mark said. He stuck his hand into the bathtub and frowned. “Shit. We’re out of ice and the water’s already warm. I’m going to tell Jaebeom to call her again.”

That ended up not being necessary. The bathroom door opened and Yugyeom stuck his head in, a relieved smile on his face. “The doctor’s here.”

“Finally,” Jackson said, handing Coco back to Youngjae. “I’m going to get him out of the tub. It’s not doing him any good anymore.”

“I’ll go talk to her,” Mark said.

Everyone started to jump into action while Bambam stayed still. It was like things were finally moving, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Jackson pulled him out of the tub and wrapped him up into a towel before carrying him back to his bedroom. He’d never felt so useless in his life.

“He’s in here,” Mark said, leading the doctor to Bambam.

“And this is his room?” the doctor, an older woman with graying hair, asked. “Who does he share it with?”

“Yugyeom, the beta who was just outside,” Mark said. “They’re the same age. They get along really well.”

“Well, sharing a room with a beta wouldn’t agitate his heat to this degree,” she said. “You also live with two alphas?”

“Yeah, but they’re in other rooms,” Mark said.

“Do you know if he’s been intimate with either one of them?”

“Uh, definitely not.”

“You don’t know or he hasn’t been intimate with them?”

“He hasn’t had sex with either of them,” Mark said. “One of them is my boyfriend, but that’s not – look, I’m 100% positive Bambam’s never had sex before. With anyone, not just alphas.”

Talking was usually something that came easily to Bambam, but he had been fighting with that all night. He knew he should be the one answering the doctor’s questions and he was embarrassed that Mark had to take over for him.

“What suppressants does he currently take?” she asked.

Mark handed her the bottle that was on Bambam’s nightstand and she read the label quickly. Her lips instantly turned into a frown.

“These are very strong suppressants,” she said. “And they’ve been working fine until now?”

“He’s always had bad heats, but they were never this bad,” Mark said. “He told me today that sometimes he doubles the dose.”

Using all the strength he had in his body, Bambam looked up at Mark, trying his best to use his facial muscles to glare at him. Mark ruffled his hair, which was easier said than done since it was difficult to truly ruffle hair that was damp from sweat and bath water.

“Sorry, Bam,” he said. “You should never lie to a doctor though.”

“He’s right about that,” the doctor said, finally looking at Bambam. “It’s nice to see that you’re still aware of your surroundings, even if everything else is a bit difficult. I’m Doctor Cha.”

She looked back at the pill bottle in her hands, giving a somber shake of her head before placing it back on the nightstand. With her was a black case which she placed on the small amount of space on Bambam and Yugyeom’s shared dresser.

“This is his first heat after fully maturing, is that right?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Mark said. “The one that happened around his birthday came early. Do you think that has anything to do with it?”

“I think that has everything to do with it,” she said. She had started taking things out of her bag, but her back was blocking Bambam’s view. “A small percentage of omegas, especially those who have never been sexually active, start to panic after maturing. Their body starts to send out a signal, telling alphas that they’re young and fertile, by going into an extreme heat. It most commonly happens with omegas who already have difficult heats and who also have an alpha in mind. Especially if that alpha lives in close proximity.”

“So, you’re basically saying that this is all Park Jinyoung’s fault?” Jackson said.

Bambam had completely forgotten that Jackson was even in the room with them. That didn’t stop him from using all of his strength to glare at him as well.

“Park Jinyoung?” Doctor Cha repeated. “Isn’t he the music producer who owns–”

“A different Park Jinyoung,” Jackson said. “He’s in our music group. Bambam’s had a crush on him for years.”

This was literally the worst time for his body to go into a paralytic-like state.

“The young alpha who was pacing in the other room?” she asked.

“That’s him,” Mark said.

“Well, that makes things easier for me then,” she said. She turned back to face Bambam, her hands folded in front of her. “Bambam, I’m going to have to give you a sedative. It should shorten the length of your heat and you’ll be sedated for the remainder of it. Afterward, you should have a day of rest and then we can have a consultation where we talk about what to do next.” She looked at Mark. “I’m hoping you can repeat all of this back to him when he wakes up, in case he doesn’t remember.”

“Of course,” Mark said. “I’ve always looked out for him during his heats, so I’ll be watching over him.”

“I’m sure that was very helpful to him before, but I’m afraid your presence won’t be of much assistance to him now,” she said. “I’ve also noticed that you’re in heat and all this stress isn’t helping you either. For you, I prescribe you take a break, preferably with that boyfriend you mentioned earlier.”

Mark, who had managed to keep himself composed for the entire day, seemed to finally crack. His mouth opened like he wanted to argue with her, but she patted his shoulder and gave him a gentle smile and his shoulders sagged. It was like all the tension had snapped and he realized that all of the responsibilities he was giving himself were too much for him to handle.

“Okay,” Mark said. “I’ll go after you give him the sedative.”

“No, I want you to go now.” She pointed to Jackson as well. “Both of you. Send that Jinyoung in.”

“Why?” Mark said quickly. His body became tense once more.

“An alpha’s presence can be very relaxing while an omega is in heat,” she said. “It becomes irritating after a few minutes, if the two aren’t becoming intimate, but it’ll only take a minute for the sedative to work. He can be of assistance, unlike the two of you.”

Bambam thought that that was a harsh way of putting it, but he could also tell that she was only doing it to get them out of the room faster. Jackson folded first. He went to Mark, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and walking with him out of the room. Less than a minute passed after they left until Jinyoung came to the door.

Just looking at him made Bambam’s body seemed to sigh with relief. There was a tiny voice in the back of his head, one he had no control over, that was overjoyed. It was saying, “Finally, _my_ alpha is here.” He quickly told the voice to shut up.

“They said that I was needed?” he said. Jinyoung talked directly to Doctor Cha, almost like he was afraid to look at Bambam. “I’m not sure how I can help.”

“Just sit next to him,” she said. “I need to give him a sedative and he’ll be more relaxed if an alpha he trusts is with him.”

“A sedative?” Jinyoung said. “It’s that bad?”

“It is,” she said. “Go on. We need to do this quickly.”

Jinyoung sat down on the edge of the bed, still looking completely unsure of the situation he had found himself in. He seemed to be in a staring contest with the ceiling, his eyebrows knitted together in the way they always were when he was thinking something over. It didn’t take long for him to come to a conclusion though. He laid down on his side, facing Bambam. There was concern all over his face, but unlike with the others, it didn’t make him feel guilty. Bambam liked that Jinyoung was worried about him.

“Hey, Bam-ah,” he said, placing a hand on his cheek.

Just that alone gave him more relief than a million ice baths ever could. For the first time since waking up that morning, Bambam felt like he was himself again.

“Hey,” Bambam said. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Jinyoung said. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Bambam could feel Doctor Cha take his arm and prepare it for an injection. He couldn’t look away from Jinyoung though. He wasn’t afraid of the idea of getting a sedative either anymore. All he felt in that moment was calm and so, so stupidly in love.

Jinyoung seemed to be more focused on the needle than he was. His eyes kept flitting back and forth between Bambam’s gaze and Doctor Cha. He chose between the two of them by cupping the back of Bambam’s neck and leaning forward to press their foreheads together. Being so close to Jinyoung, while he was in heat, felt incredible, but he wasn’t able to enjoy it for long. There was a prick in his arm and then after only a few moments, he was fading off to sleep.

***

Bambam woke up with a terrible taste in his mouth and a dull, aching headache. His entire body felt like it was one huge bruise. He wasn’t in heat though, so that was a relief. His eyes were too heavy to be opened, so he took in his surroundings with his other senses.

He was in his bed, in clean dry sheets and clothes. Bambam could hear the other members talking, even though their voices were muffled through the walls. They were laughing and yelling at each other and that was good. That meant no one was worrying about him. Everything was okay again. He could smell Jaebeom’s kimchi-jjigae, but it was dulled because another scent was overpowering his sense of smell. A scent that was distinctly Jinyoung’s.

After finding the strength to open his eyes, Bambam saw Jinyoung in the bed next to him, almost like he had never left. He still remembered everything that happened, so he could tell right away that Jinyoung had moved since then. His clothes were different and his hair was damp from a recent shower.

“I’m alive,” Bambam managed to say, his voice was as rough as he felt.

“Dammit,” Jinyoung said. “I was hoping you weren’t going to make it.”

“You would have missed me,” he said. “Can I get some–”

“Water? Yeah of course.”

Jinyoung helped him to sit up in his bed and take a few slow sips of water. He wanted to down the entire glass at once, but Jinyoung made him go slowly. Once he was done, Jinyoung pressed his face against Bambam’s shoulder, sighing deeply.

“You are never allowed to do that again,” he said.

“You don’t have to tell me that,” Bambam said. “I don’t want to go through that again either.”

“I know,” Jinyoung said. “I know. Of course you don’t want to, I just…Seeing you like that was so hard and I felt like I couldn’t do anything to help.”

“Yeah, but you did help me, hyung,” Bambam said. His face was warm, almost like he was still in heat, even though he definitely wasn’t. “Just being with you makes me feel better.”

Maybe it was too much to say. Bambam didn’t have any plans to tell Jinyoung how he felt about him anytime soon, but those words had almost sounded like a confession. He wasn’t ready for that yet. He wasn’t ready for a rejection.

Jinyoung didn’t say anything to him in words. He pulled him into a hug and ruffled his hair like Jackson always did. Like an older brother would treat a younger brother. In the end, nothing had changed between them at all.


	9. Chapter 9

The end of the year brought with it a crammed schedule that left very little room for breathing. Bambam always thought that people took off work and relaxed for the last few weeks of a year, but that didn’t seem to be the case for them. He wasn’t sure why he was so surprised, the end of last year was busy as well. Maybe he thought it was because they were rookies and still needed to prove themselves. Their second year anniversary was in a month and plenty of other groups had debuted after them. They weren’t rookies anymore.

December consisted of award shows, finishing up a fan meeting tour, and holiday music shows. Every day they were doing something different. Bambam enjoyed the variety, but he wished there were longer breaks between their activities. Today was technically a day of “rest,” but that just meant they weren’t being driven to a new venue or put on an airplane. They were at the company, going over choreography for the same songs they had already performed thousands of times.

He was tired of it, and he could tell everyone else was too.

“I can appreciate perfecting something,” Jinyoung said, taking a seat next to him on the couch in the dance studio, “but this is just ridiculous.”

“If you feel that way, then this is really unnecessary,” Bambam said. Yugyeom was the only one who was still practicing. The rest were taking a break. “I guess we’ll only know if it’s completely useless when Yugyeom stops.”

“He’ll never stop,” Jinyoung said. “How is it that the best dancer always thinks he has to work the hardest to make something perfect?”

“I’m going to tell him you think he’s the best dancer.”

“Don’t you dare,” Jinyoung said. “I have a reputation to uphold. I can’t let Yugyeom know that I actually like him.”

Bambam laughed, thinking not for the first time since Mark’s disastrous birthday, that things weren’t awkward between them. Something had changed during his last heat though. Jinyoung wasn’t treating him any differently than usual, but he almost seemed more aware of him. Whenever they went to work together to host M Countdown, Jinyoung would always make an effort to spend more time with him than anyone else. The number of pretty omegas he flirted with had started to dwindle as well.

When he went to his consultation with Doctor Cha, Jinyoung and Mark had gone with him, while his mother had been on speakerphone. It had been a little hectic as he tried to translate for his mother while keeping up with the questions Mark and Jinyoung kept asking the doctor. He had been prescribed even stronger suppressants (and instructed to never take a double dose). Doctor Cha even advised Jinyoung to spend more time with him while he was in heat. Just being around him for short amounts of time would help. They hadn’t been able to test that though, because his next heat wasn’t due for another two weeks.

“I’m going to call it for today, guys,” their instructor said.

“There’s still an hour left of practice though,” Yugyeom said.

“I think we all know that none of you need it,” he said. “Especially when you’re this tired. Go home, eat something, and get some rest. You’re done for the day.”

An announcement that dance practice was being ended early would have usually made them all erupt with cheers. They were so exhausted that some half-hearted elated shouts were all they could muster.

“Well, I’m not sticking around long enough for them to change their minds,” Mark said. He had been lying on the floor only moments ago, but was now grabbing his bag and slinging the strap over his shoulder. “I’ve got leftovers at the dorm. You guys can eat out if you want to.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jaebeom said. “I can cook you something. You don’t need to eat leftovers.”

“Wow, so chivalrous,” Mark said, in English with a coy smile. Bambam knew that Jaebeom had no idea what “chivalrous” meant, but he didn’t seem to mind the confusion because Mark was kissing him. “Thanks.”

“I’m happy to do it,” Jaebeom said. “I like doing nice things for you.”

“I’ll come too,” Yugyeom said, rushing up to the two of them and carrying his bag in his arms like it was a large baby. “I’ve always liked your cooking, hyung.”

“Yugyeom, I only offered to cook for–”

“You always make extra,” Mark said, cutting Jaebeom off. “Anyone else coming?”

The other four all declined the invitation. Bambam didn’t want to be stuck doing the dishes if he lost a game of rock-paper-scissors and he liked going to restaurants. Jaebeom’s cooking was good, but he could only make a few dishes and he wasn’t in the mood for any of them.

After Mark left with a disgruntled Jaebeom and a cheery Yugyeom, Jackson started to laugh.

“The kid’s been a legal adult for a month and he hasn’t wasted any time,” he said.

“I don’t know why he’s even trying,” Jinyoung said. “It’s not like Mark and Jaebeom are forcing their relationship. They’re happy together.”

“He’s still giving it a shot though,” Jackson said. “You think either one of them has caught on?”

“Jaebeom-hyung definitely has,” Youngjae said. “Mark-hyung is either completely oblivious, or he doesn’t mind the attention.”

“What do you think, Bam?” Jackson said.

“I think I want samgyeopsal-gui for dinner,” Bambam said. “Or gamjatang. I can’t decide.”

While Jackson and Youngjae both made noises of agreement, like they were suddenly reminded that they were starving, Jinyoung laughed. He placed a hand on the back of Bambam’s neck, squeezing lightly.

“You must be hungry if you would rather talk about food than gossip,” he said.

“I just don’t like gossiping about my best friend,” Bambam said, feeling the need to defend Yugyeom. “But, yeah, I’m also hungry.”

After his own 18th birthday, Yugyeom had been completely focused on Mark. He never overdid it, like Bambam feared that he might. Yugyeom’s affection for Mark was never suffocating, but he always made sure Mark knew he was around. He would sit next to him when they ate and give him extra compliments at dance practices and after every performance. The casual touches were probably the most extreme thing that he did. Whether it was putting an arm around him or leaning his head on his shoulder, Yugyeom tried every single move he knew to get closer to Mark. Bambam didn’t know if any of it was working, but Mark never seemed annoyed or uncomfortable with the bonus attention. Jaebeom was the only one truly agitated by it, but he held his ground since Mark wasn’t upset.

It was interesting to watch unfold, even if Yugyeom’s efforts never resulted in anything.

“Mind if we tag along?” Jackson asked. “I don’t want to see Jaebeom strangle Yugyeom for saying Mark has pretty eyes.”

“We don’t mind,” Jinyoung said.

They all collected their belongings and while pulling on his coat, Bambam realized that Jinyoung had spoken for him as well. He wasn’t upset. When he mentioned eating dinner, he’d intended for the four of them to go together. It was just bizarre that Jinyoung had told Jackson that “we” didn’t mind. He had spoken for them like they were a unit, a pair that came together. It was a tiny detail and one that he normally wouldn’t obsess over, but things had been a little bit different with Jinyoung ever since his last heat.

Bambam got the feeling that Jinyoung was looking at him differently now. He was always tactile with him. Ever since they were trainees, Jinyoung had wrapped him in hugs and held his hand and patted him on the head. The same behavior had carried into their rookie days, but for the past three months, the touches changed. Handholding turned into their hands intertwined, with Jinyoung’s thumb stroking his skin. Hugs seemed to linger. The hand on the back of the neck would sometimes turn into the barest brushes of Jinyoung’s fingertips over the spot where a mating bite would go.

He didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. Bambam wasn’t going to start making his feelings for Jinyoung obvious, like Yugyeom was doing. He wanted to see if this sudden shift in body language really meant anything. It could be a temporary change or, if Bambam allowed himself to get hopeful, it could be the start of their relationship turning into something new.

The four of them ended up at a restaurant in a small shopping district. They had been to it a few times before since it was a good distance from their company. It was hard to eat at any of the places close to where they worked because there always seemed to be fans outside, waiting for idols to come out.

“We probably look so depressing to everyone,” Jackson said once they’d all taken a seat around a table. “Four guys all alone two days before Christmas. Everyone else is on a date.”

Booths at the restaurant were all private, but Bambam had also noticed as they walked through the place that there were plenty of couples. He didn’t think they made a depressing group since he liked to think going to dinner with good friends was anything but depressing, but Jackson seemed to think differently. He slumped in his seat before falling over onto Youngjae who was reading over the menu.

“Envision with me, Youngjae,” Jackson said. “The two of us, on a double Christmas date with two beautiful girls.”

“You want me to pretend that Jinyoung-hyung and Bambam are girls?” Youngjae asked.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” Jackson said. “Two completely different people. Jinyoung and Bambam aren’t even here. They’re back at the dorm, watching Jaebeom scowl as Yugyeom tells Mark how beautiful he is without makeup. We’re just two normal guys, out with two beautiful women, and as we leave the restaurant it starts to snow and it’s just… romantic. It’s very romantic.”

“You really painted a picture, hyung,” Youngjae said. “So, do you want me to order the gamjatang to be extra spicy?”

“Youngjae, you know I don’t have the spice tolerance for that,” Jackson said.

“So, you _do _want it to be extra spicy?” Youngjae said.

As the two bickered, Bambam couldn’t help but feel like there was something off about them tonight. He always thought they had one of the more easygoing and carefree friendships in the group, but their chemistry was off. Youngjae wasn’t laughing at every word that came from Jackson’s mouth and Jackson was almost trying too hard to make him laugh. It was unsettling, but not as unsettling as Jinyoung putting a hand on his thigh.

And that was the last sign he needed to know that something strange was definitely going on with Jinyoung.

“I need to pee,” Bambam said, standing up. “You do too, right Youngjae-hyung?”

“Uh, no,” Youngjae said. Bambam gave him what he hoped was an appropriately panicked look. “I mean, yes, I do need to do that.”

They headed to the restroom without a look back at Jackson and Jinyoung. The restroom at the restaurant was only a single room, but they entered it together.

“What’s going on?” Youngjae asked.

“Jinyoung just touched my thigh.”

“Okay,” Youngjae said. “Is that all?”

“No, that’s not all,” Bambam said. “He’s been acting weird ever since my last heat. He keeps touching me.”

“Like, inappropriately?” Youngjae said. “Is he making you uncomfortable?”

“No, he’s just…” Bambam said. “I’m really confused.”

He put down the toilet lid and sat on the seat, placing his face into his hands. His thigh still felt like it was burning where Jinyoung touched him. It hadn’t been a simple brush or a friendly pat, it had felt deliberate and possessive and he didn’t know what was going on.

“Hey,” Youngjae said softly. He knelt on the floor in front of Bambam and took his wrists in his hands, giving them a gentle tug until Bambam took his hands away from his face. “What’s going on?”

“I think I’m going crazy,” Bambam said.

“I hate to break it to you, but I think you’ve been crazy for a while now, Bam,” Youngjae said.

The remark made him laugh, but it wasn’t enough to lighten up his mood. He knew he was acting paranoid. Explaining the full story to Youngjae was a good idea, he realized. An unbiased, outsider’s opinion could be helpful.

“Did he just accidentally bump you under the table and now you’re freaking out?” Youngjae asked.

“No, it’s not like that,” Bambam said. “Can I just explain what’s going on and then you can tell me if I’m thinking too much into everything?”

“Yeah, of course,” Youngjae said.

He stood up to get off of the restroom floor and then leaned against the wall. The room was so small that Youngjae felt just as close to him than when he did when he was kneeling in front of him.

“So, you already know that he helped me during my last heat,” Bambam said. “He was by my side while I was given the sedative and he stayed with me until I woke up. I thought that he was just looking out for me. Being an older friend. Being a good hyung, but things have gotten weird since then.”

“How so?”

“We went to see Doctor Cha with Mark for my consultation,” he continued. “She prescribed me new suppressants and told me that Jinyoung’s presence would be nice to have around in small doses while I’m in heat. I was on the phone with my mom during the appointment and after I hung up, Mark left the room to use the restroom and I thought that that was the end of it. Jinyoung and I were getting ready to leave, but Doctor Cha stopped me and said…” He took a deep breath before quickly saying the rest. “She said that I can try new suppressants all I want, but my heats are too strong and eventually they’ll stop working and the only way to settle my heats and make them normal is to get mated.”

“Oh,” Youngjae said, his eyes widening. “Wow, that’s…And Jinyoung-hyung was in the room when she said that?”

“Yeah.”

“Did she direct it at him in any way?”

“No, she said it right to me,” Bambam said. “Ever since then, he’s been closer to me and now he just touched my thigh under a table and I don’t know if…I don’t want to say it out loud.”

“I’ll say it for you then,” Youngjae said. “You think he’s trying to fulfill some sort of duty and show you that he would be a good mate?”

Hearing Youngjae’s theory made Bambam feel two emotions at once. Validated, because he wasn’t paranoid and going crazy and coming to conclusions too quickly. And miserable, because maybe there was some truth to his theory if another person could make sense of it as well.

“Isn’t this a good thing, if that’s what he’s trying to do?” Youngjae said. “Bambam, you’re in love with him. We all know you are. He’s never said anything about it, but I’m sure he knows too. Don’t you want to be with him?”

“Not like this,” Bambam said. “I don’t want him to think that he’s doing me a favor or saving me because my suppressants are going to stop working eventually. I want him to want me like I want him.”

“Then make him fall in love with you,” Youngjae said. “If we’re right, and he’s actually considering mating with you because he has some kind of hero complex, then make it so he wants you too. Do that, or tell him to back off.”

The last thing Bambam wanted to do was tell Jinyoung to back off. He might be confused as to why Jinyoung was becoming so different around him, but he didn’t exactly dislike it. Bambam had liked him since he was 13. He wasn’t stupid enough to let an opportunity pass by.

They left the restroom and went back to the table where Jackson and Jinyoung had already ordered their food. Jinyoung was turning over pieces of pork belly on the grill when Youngjae took the seat next to him instead of Bambam.

“You two were gone for a long time,” Jackson said when Bambam sat next to him. “We were about to call a search party.”

“Bambam’s stomach was bothering him, but he’s fine now,” Youngjae said.

“You probably shouldn’t eat too much if your stomach is hurting you,” Jinyoung said.

“I’m fine,” Bambam said.

Jinyoung placed a few pieces of pork on Bambam’s plate first before serving the other two and himself. It was a small gesture, just like the countless of other things he’d been doing for him the past few months, but it didn’t go unnoticed. He noticed the multiple glances Jinyoung sent his way while they ate. He noticed him shortening his laughs to Jackson’s lame jokes just to see if Bambam thought it was funny too. He definitely noticed the way Jinyoung would knock their hands together as they both reached for more food.

“I’m ready to get some sleep,” Jackson said once they left the restaurant. He stretched his arms up over his head and yawned, putting on a show. “Let’s share a cab back to the dorm.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to go home yet,” Jinyoung said. “The shops around here are still open for a little while longer. I want to look around.”

“Suit yourself,” Jackson said. “I’m heading back.”

“Me too,” Youngjae said. “It’s getting late and we have practice in the morning again.”

Bambam was ready to join the two of them, when Jinyoung wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Are you going to keep me company, or are you going to leave me too?”

It wouldn’t be out of character for him to say that he had no problem leaving Jinyoung alone. He was tired and the thought of being alone with him, especially after his talk with Youngjae, was making him anxious. Turning him down would be so easy, but for some reason he couldn’t do it.

“I’ll stick around,” he said.

Jinyoung smiled and it wasn’t disingenuous. It didn’t seem faked or forced. He was smiling because he was happy with Bambam’s decision. Jinyoung wanted to spend more time with him.

“I can always count on you, Bam-ah,” he said.

They said goodnight to Jackson and Youngjae (who gave Bambam a pointed look before they left), then started to walk down the street, looking at the shops. Many of them were decorated for Christmas, the street seemed a bit brighter with the addition of fairy lights framing shop windows. Jackson’s comment about couples being all around them seemed to be true as well. Most of the people they passed were holding hands as they walked. A café they went by was full of people on dates, sharing pastries and gazing into each other’s eyes.

He wondered what people thought when they looked at him with Jinyoung. No one seemed to recognize them, so maybe they just assumed that they were an alpha and omega, out on a Christmas date. Or maybe they only saw two lonely friends who only had the company of the other while the rest of the world seemed to be madly in love. Bambam wasn’t lonely though, even without a partner.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Jinyoung said, speaking for the first time since they parted ways with Jackson and Youngjae.

“Why would you make me uncomfortable?”

“Come on, you know exactly what I’m talking about,” he said. “At the restaurant, when we first got there, I…I put my hand on your leg and then you instantly had to use the restroom.”

“I had to pee.”

“When you came back, you sat next to Jackson.”

“Youngjae-hyung sat down next to you first.”

“Probably because you told him to when you were in the restroom.”

“I didn’t,” Bambam said. His face was hot and he felt like he was being trapped. “Your hand brushed against my leg. I don’t know why you’re apologizing.”

“We both know that’s not what I did,” Jinyoung said.

_Make him fall in love with me or tell him to back off. Make him fall in love with me or tell him to back off. Make him fall in love with me or tell him to back off. Make him fall in love with me or tell him to back off. Make him fall in love with me or tell him to back off._

“There’s a bookstore over there,” Bambam said, pointing across the street. “You’re always reading. You probably need a new book.”

“I don’t need a new book,” Jinyoung said.

“Then you can pick one out for me,” Bambam said.

“You don’t read.”

“Please, hyung,” he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “Can we please just go to the bookstore, so you can tell me about the boring autobiography you read last week and you can recommend me a short story collection that I’m not going to read? _Please_.”

Jinyoung seemed to get the hint. The hint being that he was having an internal crisis and he didn’t want to talk about Jinyoung’s hand on his thigh.

“Okay,” Jinyoung said.

They went to the store, where the owner told them that it was closing in 20 minutes. They walked around without saying anything until Jinyoung saw a nonfiction book that he had read last year and he described it to Bambam. Jinyoung picked out a novel for himself and a book of poems for Bambam and when he checked out, he did it one-handed, since one of his hands hadn’t left the small of Bambam’s back since they entered the store. And Bambam never mentioned once whether or not that made him uncomfortable, because he still wasn’t sure if it did or not.


	10. Chapter 10

“I’m going to miss spending every Thursday with you,” Jinyoung said.

“I’m sure there will be plenty of Thursdays for us to spend together in the future,” Bambam said. “We already see each other every day.”

“It’ll be different though,” Jinyoung said. “This was something the two of us did together.”

It was their last day cohosting at M Countdown. They had just finished the recording and were in their dressing room for the last time. Staff kept coming in and out of the room, wishing them farewell and handing over small gifts like flowers and cards. Plenty of their guests were omegas Jinyoung had flirted with over the past year. He gave them all polite smiles before bringing his attention back to Bambam.

“Change is nice though,” Bambam said. “It’s nice to move on and try new things. Besides, we’re having a comeback in a couple weeks and then we’re going on tour. We don’t have time to do this every week anymore.”

“When did you get so practical?” Jinyoung asked.

“I guess I’m growing up.”

“Yeah, I guess you are.”

One of their farewell gifts from the staff were flower bouquets they had been given on stage while giving their goodbye speeches. Bambam’s was sitting on the table in front of him and he was contemplating whether or not he should buy a vase on the way home. He’d gotten flowers before, but they always came in pots or he let them shrivel and die out of water.

“Look at me,” Jinyoung said.

Bambam turned his head without thinking. Following Jinyoung’s command was as easy as breathing to him. It felt like the most natural thing to do.

Apparently Jinyoung had also been thinking about what to do with his own gifted bouquet. He took a pink rose from it (the thorns having already been cut off) and snapped almost the entire stem off before tucking it behind one of Bambam’s ears.

“Beautiful,” he said with a pleased smile.

“Thanks,” Bambam said, touching the rose before putting his hand back in his lap.

His confusion with Jinyoung’s behavior had only increased over the past few months since the Great Hand Touching Thigh Incident of 2015. (That was what Yugyeom called it, anyway.) Bambam’s heat in January had been one of the mildest ones he ever had. The new suppressants worked for him and Jinyoung spending time with him had helped as well. He still needed time to himself to take care of his sexual urges and he found those times to be somewhat satisfying instead of torturous.

Jinyoung never openly stated that he liked Bambam or explicitly asked him to go on a date or told him that he wanted to be together. He was just flirting and giving him compliments and holding his ground. Every action he did seemed calculated and well thought out. It was like he was constantly testing the waters, to see how Bambam would react to his advances.

So far, Bambam hadn’t turned down any of the flirting. He didn’t reciprocate it, but he didn’t tell him to stop or ask for an explanation. Bambam just let it happen.

“Do you want to go to dinner together?” Jinyoung asked.

“Uh, no,” Bambam said. “I’m hanging out with Yugyeom tonight.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t have any plans to hang out with Yugyeom, but he needed some time away from Jinyoung. While Jinyoung was lamenting the end of their days being cohosts together, Bambam was glad it was over. He enjoyed working as an MC, but he needed space. Bambam never thought he would want to get away from Jinyoung. Sometimes he wondered if he was still in love with him, but then Jinyoung would do something like smile at him or put a flower in his hair, and his heart would start galloping in his chest. He loved him, but he needed time on his own to really think things through.

“What plans do you two have?” Jinyoung asked.

“I’m not sure,” Bambam said. “We haven’t decided yet. He misses me, apparently.”

“He’s been spending too much time attached to Mark, huh?” Jinyoung said.

“I guess so,” Bambam said.

Jinyoung left him to finish getting ready to leave. He took his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text to Yugyeom, informing him that they were hanging out tonight. A reply came quickly in the form of a thumbs-up emoticon and seven different colored hearts.

When they got back to the dorm, they found Mark and Jaebeom on the couch in the common room, watching a movie. Maybe “watching a movie” wasn’t the right way to describe it. A movie was playing on their television, and at some point in time the two were probably watching it, but they weren’t doing that anymore. Mark was straddling Jaebeom’s lap, planting kisses down his neck while Jaebeom’s hands rested on his waist.

Bambam and Jinyoung stood in the doorway, watching them make out for several moments before Jaebeom finally opened his eyes and saw them.

“Fuck!” he said. “What the hell are you two doing?”

“Waiting for you two to notice that we were standing here,” Jinyoung said. “It’s been minutes.”

It had only been seconds, but Bambam didn’t correct him. It seemed funnier to make them believe that they had been so oblivious to two people watching them for that long.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Jaebeom asked.

“I wanted to see how long it would take,” Jinyoung said. “What movie do you have on?”

“Honestly, I couldn’t tell you,” Mark said, getting off of Jaebeom’s lap. “We weren’t really paying attention.”

While Jaebeom seemed annoyed by the interruption, Mark appeared to be more relaxed. His cheeks were tinted red though, so Bambam could tell he was embarrassed. Jaebeom must have noticed as well, since one of his hands was rubbing his back, like he was trying to soothe him.

“Well, I’m going to eat dinner,” Jinyoung said and without another word, headed to the kitchen.

“I’ll see what Yugyeom’s up to,” Bambam said.

“Hey, wait a second, Bam,” Mark said. “How was your last day?”

“It was fine,” Bambam said. “There were a few comebacks. Taemin had the number one song. They gave us flowers.” He lifted up his bouquet. They hadn’t stopped on the way back home to buy a vase, so he still didn’t know what he was going to do with it.

“Who put the flower in your hair?” Jaebeom asked. “Or did you do that yourself? Is that some kind of fashion trend weren’t not cool enough to know about?”

“No, it’s not a trend,” Bambam said. He had completely forgotten all about the rose Jinyoung had tucked behind his ear. “I just felt like doing it.”

“It looks cute,” Mark said just as Bambam was finally walking out of the room.

“Thanks,” Bambam called back to them from the hall. “Enjoy your movie!”

He entered his shared room with Yugyeom and pressed himself up against the door as soon as it was closed. Yugyeom was on his bed, under the covers and scrolling through his phone with his headphones on. For the second time that day, someone was completely unaware of him entering the room. Bambam sat down next to Yugyeom, causing him to shout in surprise and throw his phone into the air.

“What are you doing?” he said, clutching his chest.

“Hanging out with you,” Bambam said. “What are _you_ doing? Wait. Don’t tell me you were jerking off.”

“I was not jerking off,” Yugyeom said. “I was just listening to music because I didn’t want to hear them outside. Are they still–”

“Making out?” Bambam said. “Yeah. I don’t think you would be able to hear them though. They have a movie playing on the TV.”

“I needed a distraction anyway,” Yugyeom said. He took his headphones off and placed them, along with his phone, on his bedside table. “How was your last day?”

“Terrible,” Bambam said.

“Oh no,” Yugyeom said. “What happened?”

They moved around on the bed, getting comfortable for a night of talking. Bambam used to think that talking was a waste of time to spend with a friend. There were so many other, more exciting things they could do. Now, as he got older, he realized how talking was a useful pastime.

“He put a flower in my hair and said I was beautiful.”

“What a dick.”

“I know, right?” Bambam said. “How was your day?”

“I was playing a video game with Mark-hyung, but Jaebeom-hyung interrupted us and then they started to make out, so I left.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah,” Yugyeom said, sighing. “I don’t think I’m ever going to love anyone like I love Mark-hyung.”

As much as Bambam loved to complain about his confusion with Jinyoung, he knew that to be a good friend, he had to do a good amount of listening as well.

“Before we start, let’s order some food first,” Bambam said.

“Can we get pizza?”

That wasn’t an option that was anywhere near the top of his list of preferred takeout foods, but Yugyeom was pouting and he didn’t have the heart to deny him.

They ordered the pizza and after waiting for it to arrive, Yugyeom made Bambam meet the delivery person downstairs. He didn’t want to leave the room and risk seeing Mark and Jaebeom still kissing in the common room. His worries were for nothing though. Jackson, Jinyoung, and Youngjae were in front of the television now, and they were actually watching something instead of letting it play in the background. Coco was in Youngjae’s lap, fast asleep while he scratched the top of her head.

After making his trip downstairs to the lobby of their building and then back up again, he went straight to his room where Yugyeom hadn’t moved. He was still buried under his covers, swiping across the screen of his phone.

“I heard a moan from the other room,” he said. “I knew I should have kept my headphones on.”

“You might have just imagined it,” Bambam said.

As soon as he spoke, he too heard a moan from the room next to theirs. It was soft and breathy, but still loud enough to be heard through a wall. Bambam didn’t want to think about what was going on, so he took out his phone and started to play music through a speaker. It drowned out any outside noises and Yugyeom seemed to relax.

“I’m being stupid,” Yugyeom said as they spread out the pizza boxes on his bed. “I know they have sex. I’m not a little kid. I just don’t like thinking about it.”

“That makes two of us,” Bambam said. “Are you sure Jaebeom-hyung isn’t doing it to mess with you?”

“I’m positive,” Yugyeom said. “I don’t think he would stoop that low. Besides, that was Mark-hyung moaning.” Bambam looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. “It sounded like him. It’s not like I want to be able to identify his moans.”

“Sure you don’t,” Bambam said, unbelieving. “So, are you thinking of giving up? Maybe try dating someone who isn’t already taken?”

“That makes sense,” Yugyeom said, “but other people aren’t Mark-hyung.”

Bambam wanted to tell him that that was obvious. They were all one of a kind. He knew that feelings just couldn’t fade away because someone was trying to be logical though. It was probably impossible to make someone stop having affection for a certain person. The feelings either faded naturally over time, or they never went away.

“He’s just always been so nice to me,” Yugyeom said. “When I went with him to the States to visit his family last year, he really took care of me. And he’s beautiful and he has the prettiest laugh and I just want to make him happy. That’s all I want. I want to make him happy and take care of him like he always does for me.”

“You already do that, Gyeomie,” Bambam said. “He already loves you.”

“I also want to have sex with him,” Yugyeom said.

“Okay, well, that’s a goal to strive for, I guess,” Bambam said.

“And it’s all I can think about lately,” Yugyeom said. “Especially with _that _going on all the time.” He gestured toward the wall of their room, that Mark and Jaebeom were on the other side of.

“Well, what’s stopping you?”

“A lot of different things,” Yugyeom said. “Were you even listening to me?”

“I was,” Bambam assured. “I know what’s stopping you from being with Mark, but what about other people? I’m sure there are plenty of people who want to hook up with you. It might be a nice distraction.”

“Seriously?”

“Why not?” Bambam said. “You can tell me all about it too. I can live vicariously through your experiences.”

“There’s nothing stopping you from doing the same thing,” Yugyeom said.

“Yeah, there is.”

There were a million different reasons why having casual sex with someone wouldn’t work for him. The obvious reason was that Jinyoung was the only person he wanted to do it with. He was also an omega, and while there wasn’t an official rule stating he had to save himself for his future mate, it was preferred that he remain untouched. It was an old-fashioned rule that he doubted many omegas followed. He knew that Mark didn’t. Maybe that was the traditional part of himself that liked the idea of it. It was a romanticized notion, but he still liked it.

“With the way he’s been acting lately, I don’t see Jinyoung-hyung turning you down,” Yugyeom said. “You could probably go into the other room right now and tell him what you wanted and he would do it.”

“I know,” Bambam said. “And that’s why I’m not going to.”

He wasn’t going to lie and say that he hadn’t in some ways enjoyed the extra attention from Jinyoung lately. It was confusing and frustrating at times, but it also made him feel good. Being wanted felt nice, even if the motivations behind Jinyoung’s actions were still unclear.

“If he’s already made up his mind to go after you, then there’s no way he won’t fall in love with you,” Yugyeom said.

“That’s what I keep telling myself,” Bambam said. “Waiting to see if it’ll actually happen though is torture.”

They finished eating and dropped the empty pizza boxes on the floor. Usually, Bambam felt the need to clean up any mess that he saw, but tonight he felt content to wait until later to throw their trash away. The two got under the covers together and Bambam watched as Yugyeom flipped through different movies on his laptop, trying to find something to watch.

“You really think people would want to have sex with me?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Bambam said. “You’re hot.”

“Is that really the only trait I have?”

“It’s the only one you need when it comes to people wanting to fuck you,” Bambam said. “Are you seriously thinking about it?”

“Maybe?” Yugyeom said. “It’d be nice to have experience. It’s not like Jaebeom-hyung is going anywhere and I don’t want to make them break up.” His hand stopped moving on the trackpad of his laptop as a sudden thought came to him. “But they might break up one day. And I’ll be there.”

“You’ll be there,” Bambam agreed. “But you’re not going to wait around until then, right?”

Yugyeom seemed to hesitate before he kept browsing through movies. His teeth were biting down on his bottom lip as he considered Bambam’s question. He looked equal parts nervous and determined.

“Yeah,” he finally said. “I’m not going to wait anymore. I’m not giving up or anything, I’m just…going to give them some space. I’ll see how things work out for them.”

The answer was relieving for Bambam to hear. For a while he had been worried that Yugyeom would put his entire life on hold waiting for Mark. It wasn’t like he thought that it was impossible for the two to ever be together, but with the way things were between Mark and Jaebeom, Bambam couldn’t see a change happening anytime soon.

They settled on a superhero movie that took no brainpower to comprehend. Yugyeom fell asleep before they were even halfway through and Bambam took great care in closing his laptop before slipping out of his bed. He plugged in Yugyeom’s laptop to charge and then looked at the greasy pizza boxes on their floor. Bambam cringed at the mess before bending over to pick up the trash.

He made his way to the kitchen to throw it away, when he stopped in the hallway. The only light on in the dorm was from the common room, where Jackson and Youngjae were sitting on the couch. Unlike earlier in the day, the television was off and the atmosphere between them was uneasy. Bambam stayed in the hallway, holding the pizza boxes to his chest and wondering if he should go back to his room or keep walking to the kitchen.

“I just don’t want to do this with you anymore,” Youngjae said. “Hyung, this is really…it’s difficult for me and I–”

“It’s difficult for me too,” Jackson said. Bambam looked down to notice that Jackson was holding onto Youngjae’s hand like it was a lifeline. “I’m still confused about a lot of shit, but I don’t want to stop–”

“I do want to stop though,” Youngjae said. “Unless you’re ready to tell the others that I’m your boyfriend.”

“But you’re not my boyfriend.”

“Exactly,” Youngjae said. “Look, hyung, at first I was happy to help you figure this out, but I can’t be with you like this.” His voice was starting to sound watery, but he kept it together, blinking quickly to stop himself from becoming too emotional. “Take some time to figure out what you need, but don’t expect me to help you anymore.”

As Youngjae stood up from the couch, Bambam realized he had only seconds to act before he was caught eavesdropping. He looked to the door of his bedroom, calculating how long it would take him to run back inside, when he heard a deep sigh. Youngjae was standing next to him with his hand held in front of him as a cue for Bambam not to say anything.

“At least the guy you’re in love with isn’t trying to convince himself that he’s straight.”

On that note, Youngjae made his way into his own bedroom, leaving Bambam alone in the hallway, holding empty pizza boxes to his chest and, for the first time in a while, confused about something that had nothing to do with Jinyoung.


	11. Chapter 11

“Trade rooms with me,” Jaebeom said, shoving a hotel room key into Bambam’s hand.

“Uh, no,” Bambam said. “I like my room.”

“All hotel rooms are the same,” he said. “Trade with me.”

“Let me rephrase that then, I like my roommate.”

“Well, I like him more.”

“We like him the same amount, but in different ways.” He handed the key back to Jaebeom.

“Bambam, seriously, trade rooms with me.”

They were in the hallway of their hotel, outside of where their rooms were. He knew exactly why Jaebeom was so desperate to trade rooms with him. It was their first night in Tokyo on their tour and also the first show Jaebeom was performing in. He had missed the first three because of his back injury and Bambam knew it was still causing him problems, but he was determined to perform. Jaebeom hadn’t been traveling with them, which meant that he hadn’t had the chance to spend a lot of time with Mark. Hence why he wanted to trade rooms so badly, since Bambam was Mark’s roommate.

If Jaebeom’s roommate would have been any other member, Bambam would have agreed. But he was rooming with Jinyoung and that was the last person Bambam wanted to be alone with in a hotel room.

“I don’t want to room with Jinyoung,” Bambam said.

“Youngjae has his own room,” Jaebeom said. “Share with him.”

“There’s no way he’s giving up a single room.”

“Sleep in Jackson and Yugyeom’s room then.”

“They’d make me sleep on the floor.”

“Then sleep in one of our manager’s rooms.”

“Ew, no.”

Jaebeom tilted his head back and groaned, clearly frustrated with him. He didn’t care. Bambam wasn’t going to give up what would be a good night’s sleep just because Jaebeom wanted to get laid. Sharing a room with Jinyoung would be a nightmare. He would undoubtedly try his hand at flirting with him again. Things would be awkward. Bambam would panic. Besides, Jinyoung never cleaned up after himself and Bambam liked to keep things neat.

“Bambam,” Jaebeom said, placing his hands on his shoulders. “Please. Just for our first night here. One night, that’s all I’m asking. I’ll tell Jinyoung not to even breathe in your direction, if you want me to.”

“Well, that’s a bit extreme.”

“Seriously, Bam,” he said. “I will get on my knees right now and beg for you to trade rooms with me.”

“Okay, go on.”

It was clear to Bambam that Jaebeom hadn’t thought that statement through. His mouth fell open slightly and he looked at Bambam and then to the floor, like he couldn’t believe he would actually have to get on his knees. He imagined it was a demeaning thing for him to do, kneeling in front of an omega. Jaebeom seemed determined though. He clenched his jaw, not unlike in the way he did that made them all make fun of him, and started to lower himself when Mark came rushing toward them.

“Jinyoung traded rooms with me,” he said, a wide smile on his face.

“Oh, thank fuck,” Jaebeom said. He stumbled backward when Mark wound his arms around him, his face grimacing, must likely in pain from being hugged so tightly. “Bambam was about to make me beg on my knees.”

“I wasn’t going to make you do anything,” Bambam said. “You’re the one who suggested it in the first place.”

“Really?” Mark said.

His eyebrows were raised in surprise before he smiled slyly at Jaebeom. Mark whispered something in his ear that made Jaebeom’s face turn red and Bambam had never wanted to leave a conversation so badly in his life.

“Maybe Jinyoung-hyung is okay with trading rooms, but I’m not,” Bambam said.

“Then ask Jackson to swap with you and you can room with Yugyeom,” Mark said.

“No one should have a problem with that,” Jaebeom said. “The perfect solution.” He cupped Mark’s face in his hands and kissed him soundly on the lips. “You’re so smart.”

Bambam found it funny how only minutes ago Jaebeom’s attention was focused solely on him and now he was like a lovesick puppy. He didn’t know the exact date when things seemed to change between the two of them. Their relationship started off as an idea from their company, to draw the public’s attention to the group. At some point over the past two years, the fake affection they played up on camera, turned into something real. Bambam didn’t think it was possible for Jaebeom to not look at Mark like he was the most beautiful thing in existence.

“I can’t believe you’re kicking me out because you want to have sex,” Bambam said. “You’re abandoning me.”

“It’s too late to try guilt-tripping,” Mark said. He held up the keycard that Jinyoung had definitely given him. “I already got what I wanted. Sorry, Bam. We can room together some other time.”

He didn’t believe that for a second. Bambam imagined for the rest of the tour, there would be plenty of room swapping so that Mark and Jaebeom could be together. He couldn’t help but wonder if he would act the same way if he were in a relationship.

The door to one of the rooms opened and out stepped Jinyoung. He had already changed into his pajamas and was rolling his suitcase behind him. “It’s all yours, hyung.”

“Thanks,” Mark said. “I’ll go get my stuff.”

Bambam took that as his cue to open up the hotel room that he had shared with Mark for only a few hours when they checked in earlier. All four of them walked into the room and Bambam sat on one of the beds, folding his arms over his chest.

“Go ask Jackson to trade with you,” Mark said. “He’s not going to turn you down.”

“I know,” Bambam said.

“Ask Jackson to trade what with you?” Jinyoung asked, placing his suitcase on the bed that used to be Mark’s.

“Rooms,” Jaebeom said. “Bambam wants to room with Yugyeom.”

It was nice of Jaebeom to word it like that. He could have easily said that Bambam didn’t want to share a room with Jinyoung, which was closer to the truth.

“Thanks again, Jinyoung,” Mark said.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me, hyung,” he said. “All hotel rooms are more or less the same. It doesn’t matter to me.”

Mark and Jaebeom left the room, leaving Bambam alone with the one person he wanted to avoid being alone with the most. Jinyoung opened up his suitcase, taking out a book and his toothbrush and toothpaste.

“I already showered, so I won’t take long in the bathroom,” Jinyoung said. He paused. “Not that that matters, since you’re moving rooms.”

“Right.”

Jinyoung took a few steps toward the bathroom before stopping and turning around. Bambam hadn’t moved at all from his spot on the bed.

“Is there another reason why you want to trade rooms?” he asked. “Does it have anything to do with me?”

“No,” Bambam said. “I just want to hang out with Yugyeom.”

“You’re always hanging out with Yugyeom.”

“So?” he said. “I like spending time with my best friend. Is that a bad thing?”

“I never said it was a bad thing,” Jinyoung said. “I was just wondering if that’s really the reason you don’t want to be with me.”

There was a double meaning there, with the way he worded that sentence. Bambam quickly got to his feet. He had a feeling that this conversation was about to go to a place that he wasn’t ready to visit yet.

“Bam-ah,” Jinyoung said softly.

“I’m going to Jackson and Yugyeom’s room,” Bambam said.

He left without taking any of his things with him, because despite all of his complaining, part of him wanted to stay with Jinyoung. He wanted Jackson and Yugyeom to be too settled into their room to want to trade with him. He wanted everything between him and Jinyoung to be simple again, but he knew the only way for that to happen would be through a long conversation.

Bambam knocked on the hotel room door directly across from his own. It opened after a few seconds to reveal Jackson, hair in disarray and a few days’ worth of stubble on his upper lip and chin. He was also shirtless, but that always seemed to be an afterthought when it came to Jackson.

“Hey, Bam, what’s up?”

“Please trade rooms with me.”

“What, why?” he said. “You like rooming with Mark.”

“Yeah, well, he’s not my roommate anymore,” Bambam said. “I’m with Jinyoung now.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Jackson said. “Jaebeom and Mark wanted their alone time, huh?”

“Exactly,” Bambam said. “So, will you trade with me?”

Jackson tapped his chin, like he was suddenly in deep thought. There wasn’t any real reason why Jackson would turn him down, but Bambam didn’t like how he was pretending to think about things. He could just be leaving him in suspense, or he could be thinking of a reason to not trade rooms.

“Why don’t you want to stay with Jinyoung?” he asked. “You still like him, right?”

“Yeah,” Bambam said.

There wasn’t any reason to lie about his feelings for Jinyoung around any of the members. He knew that he had made it obvious to all of them over the past few years.

“So, shouldn’t you want to spend more time with him?” Jackson said. “Isn’t that what people who are in love do?”

Bambam wanted to ask him if he wanted to spend more time with Youngjae then, but he stopped himself from doing so. Jackson had no idea that he had overheard his conversation with Youngjae a few months back. He still wasn’t entirely sure what was going on between the two of them either. Nothing had changed between them when they were performing, or even when it was just the seven of them hanging out. Sometimes Bambam wondered if he had imagined that entire interaction. But then he would notice the two of them out of the corner of his eye. He would see Jackson reach for Youngjae’s hand and Youngjae quickly pull away, like he wanted nothing to do with him.

“I just need some time away from him,” Bambam said. “Please, Jack, just do this for me.”

“What are you two talking about?” Yugyeom walked up behind Jackson, looking equally disheveled and ready for bed.

Jackson tended to start all conversations with Mark or Bambam by speaking in English, so Yugyeom was understandably confused.

“He’s stuck in a room with Jinyoung and he wants to trade,” Jackson said, switching to Korean.

“I thought Jinyoung was with Jaebeom.”

“He was, but Mark and Jinyoung traded,” Bambam said.

Theoretically this was supposed to be an easy fix. Jackson and Jinyoung spent plenty of time together, so they shouldn’t have any issues with sharing a room. Bambam and Yugyeom had been roommates since they were trainees and they always got along well. Figuring out room assignments wasn’t supposed to be this difficult.

“I’m already comfortable though,” Yugyeom said. “Can’t you just sleep in the same room as Jinyoung-hyung for one night?”

“No,” Bambam said. “He’s going to try and talk to me.”

“You love talking to him.”

“Not lately, I haven’t,” Bambam said. “Why are you all making this so difficult?”

“You’re the one making things difficult, Bam,” Jackson said. “Just go back to your room. All of your stuff is already there and the rest of us are settled.”

Bambam looked at Yugyeom, hoping to sway him with some kind of best friend telepathy. He didn’t seem to be moved.

“I agree with hyung on this one,” Yugyeom said. “It’s just one night. Tell him you’re tired and go right to bed. You won’t even have to talk to him and we can swap rooms tomorrow.”

He hated that they were making so much sense. Bambam turned around without saying another word and walked back to his room.

“Goodnight, Bam,” Jackson said. “Sleep tight. I love you!”

Bambam unlocked the door and reentered his room, feeling defeated. Jinyoung was on the bed, scrolling through his phone while writing in a journal. His eyebrows were scrunched up in concentration and Bambam couldn’t help but think about how cute he looked.

“You’re not Jackson,” Jinyoung said, looking up from his phone. “Was Yugyeom already asleep?”

“No,” Bambam said. “They just thought it was too late to trade rooms. We’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Earlier that day, Bambam had already unpacked everything he needed for his nightly routine in the bathroom. He grabbed a clean pair of pajamas before locking himself into the small room. Jackson was right. He _should _want to spend time with the person he was in love with. Everything had been so weird lately though. Whenever he wasn’t with Jinyoung, he was thinking about him, but whenever they were in the same room, Bambam wanted to run away. He missed how things used to be.

Bambam turned on the shower, letting the water heat up as he stripped out of his clothes. All he wanted to do was take as little time as possible in the bathroom so that he could go to sleep. He stepped under the hot water, taking a few moments to calm himself down before he started to wash his hair. Bambam tried his best to not think about Jinyoung in the other room and how he couldn’t look him in the eye anymore without feeling awkward. Jinyoung had been acting bold lately in ways that he found surprising. Touches became more deliberate, the compliments seemed to be increasing, and there had now been more than one “hand touching thigh” incident. While all of his advances probably seemed obvious to other people, they felt so muddled to Bambam. Was he actually attracted to him, or was Jinyoung only doing those things out of a sense of duty. One day, Bambam’s suppressants would stop working and the only thing that would save him would be an alpha. Of course he wanted that alpha to be Jinyoung, but he didn’t want Jinyoung to offer himself only because he thought he should be the one to “save” him.

One of the best things about showering at a hotel was that the water didn’t go cold. He was used to living with six other people, so hot water was more of a luxury than anything else. It had been awhile since he’d gotten the chance to really enjoy a shower. The water pressure was nice, unlike the showerhead at the dorm that sometimes felt more like a light rain. Bambam considered taking advantage of the shower by enjoying himself even more, but he pushed that thought to the side. He didn’t want to risk Jinyoung hearing him touch himself. Controlling the noises he made was something he had learned over the years, but he didn’t want to take any chances.

Once he was done washing, Bambam brushed his teeth and went through his curated skincare routine that he’d been doing since their debut. He changed into his clean pajamas before wrapping a towel around his shoulders to catch any water that dripped from his still wet hair. When he stepped back into the bedroom, Jinyoung was right where he left him, squinting at his phone and scribbling in a notebook.

“What are you even doing?” Bambam asked.

“You should really dry your hair before going to bed,” Jinyoung said after glancing up at him.

“Way to completely avoid my question.”

“Come here,” Jinyoung said.

He patted the spot next to him on the bed and Bambam’s legs started to move on their own. Jinyoung took the towel from his shoulders and placed it over his head, applying gentle pressure over his hair to help dry it. Moments like this were so confusing to him because they almost felt like the old Jinyoung. Drying his hair was what he used to do for him when Bambam was younger than he was now. It was brotherly, almost maternal.

“What are you writing in your notebook?” Bambam asked again.

“Promise you won’t laugh at me?”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Jinyoung laughed, carefree and loud and he didn’t cover his mouth with his hand like he usually did. Bambam felt almost enchanted by the rare display of raw amusement from him, when he noticed the flush on his cheeks and how he could suddenly smell his breath.

“Hyung, have you been drinking?” Bambam asked.

“A little,” Jinyoung said. “Am I not allowed to?”

“Of course you’re allowed to,” Bambam said. Jinyoung was past the legal drinking age by almost two years and he wasn’t totally far gone. That wasn’t saying much though, since Jinyoung’s tolerance was low to begin with. “I was just asking.”

“Okay, well, I was studying,” Jinyoung said.

Bambam wanted to ask what that had to do with drinking before he realized that Jinyoung was answering his previous question.

“Studying what?” he asked.

“Thai.”

That was not at all what he expected Jinyoung to say. Bambam grabbed the top of his journal in an attempt to take it from his hands, but Jinyoung was faster. He pushed it under the covers of the bed, hiding it from him.

“Why are you studying Thai?”

“We have a concert there in less than two weeks,” Jinyoung said. “I want to be prepared.”

“That’s nothing you have to study for,” Bambam said. “I’m going to teach you all a few phrases to say to the crowd before the concert.”

“I know,” Jinyoung said. “I want to learn more though.”

“Why?”

“Why do you need to know so badly?”

“Because I feel like it has something to do with me,” Bambam blurted out. His voice was rushed and he sounded upset and he didn’t know why. He was so confused by everything and all he wanted was a real answer. “I feel like…I feel like everything you’ve been doing lately has something to do with me.”

“Bambam, what are you trying to say?”

It wasn’t the best time to do this. Jinyoung had been drinking and Bambam had been on edge all day, but he couldn’t wait anymore. He was tired of passively accepting all of Jinyoung’s compliments and affectionate touches.

“Are you just messing with me?” he asked. “Do you really want me or are you just leading me on? Or are you only acting like you like me because you feel like it’s the next step when it comes to taking care of me?” He felt a few tears slide down his face and he hated this. He hated crying and being vulnerable and being what everyone thought he should be because he was an omega. “I just need you to tell me.”

Jinyoung’s entire body seemed to sigh.

“Oh, Bambam. My Bam-ah.” One of Jinyoung’s hands cupped his cheek and suddenly, his face was incredibly close to his. Bambam could make out individual eyelashes and he could feel the warmth of his breath against his mouth right before Jinyoung kissed him.

For some unknown reason, the only thing Bambam could think was that kissing Jinyoung was nothing like kissing Yugyeom. The kisses he shared with Yugyeom had been friendly and sweet and timid, but safe and warm. There hadn’t been any butterflies in his stomach, his heart hadn’t skipped a beat, but it had been nice, comfortable.

Jinyoung’s kiss felt like it was burning him. Heat flooded throughout every inch of his body so quickly that he almost felt sick. The hand on his cheek was like a brand, claiming and hot and he felt confined. Jinyoung’s soft lips moved against his unresponsive ones before he pulled away, looking at Bambam with dark eyes.

“Fuck,” he said, the harsh word seemed so out of place coming from Jinyoung. “When did you get so beautiful?”

Bambam was going to be sick.

He pushed against Jinyoung’s shoulders to use as leverage to get off of the bed. Bambam turned around on his heel without taking a look back as he headed to the door. Even when Jinyoung called out to him, he kept walking until he was in the hallway. He could hear a ringing in his ears and his face was hot with shame and embarrassment and heartbreak and he just needed to be comforted. His first thought was that he wanted his mother, but that was impossible, so he went to the next best thing.

Bambam pounded his fist against the door of the room next to the one he had just been in. He didn’t stop knocking until his hand started to ache, just in time for the door to open. Mark was on the other side, looking disheveled and annoyed. He was wearing one of Jaebeom’s shirts that was too big on him, showing off a newly formed bruise on his collarbone. Bambam opened his mouth to try and explain what was going on, but the tears must have spoken for him. Mark brought him into his arms without a word, smoothing a hand down the back of his head.

“Hey, you’re okay,” Mark said, in English. “I’ve got you. You’re okay, Bam. It’s all okay. I’m here.”


	12. Chapter 12

“So, who wants to go first?” Bambam asked.

Neither Youngjae nor Yugyeom spoke up, and Bambam kept quiet as well. The three of them were in Bambam and Yugyeom’s room, lying shoulder to shoulder on Bambam’s bed and staring up at the ceiling. Coco was walking back and forth over top of them, too restless to sit down and relax, but still wanting to stay close to them. They had been like this for the past 30 minutes.

The night had started with Yugyeom telling Bambam that he needed to talk about something, but he hadn’t elaborated after that. Youngjae then came in, also claiming he needed to talk, but not offering up anything more either. It was an annoying situation to be stuck in the middle of – literally.

“I guess I could talk about what’s been bothering me,” Bambam said.

“Please don’t,” Youngjae said. “We already know what’s been bothering you.”

“Okay, fine, I won’t say anything then.”

He didn’t blame Youngjae for not wanting to hear him talk about Jinyoung. It had been five months since Jinyoung kissed him and no progress had been made since. They only talked if it was about work or if the cameras were on and they had to interact.

“I’ll go first,” Youngjae said.

Finally, things were going somewhere. Yugyeom seemed to relax next to him, the pressure being taken off of him momentarily. Bambam turned his head to look at Youngjae, only to see that he was squinting up at the ceiling with his lips pursed, like he was thinking something over.

“Are you going to say anything?” Bambam asked after a minute of silence. “Do you want us to guess?”

“I slept with Jackson-hyung again.”

“Oh, hyung,” Bambam said just as Yugyeom said, “What do you mean ‘_again_?’”

“You didn’t tell him?” Youngjae asked.

“I didn’t think I should,” Bambam said. “I thought you wanted to keep it a secret.”

“Yeah, but you tell Yugyeom everything.”

“Tell me what?” Yugyeom said.

Bambam hadn’t told anyone what he had overheard back in March. He still wasn’t sure exactly what was going on between Jackson and Youngjae, and he didn’t feel like it was his place to tell anyone what he saw. Jackson and Youngjae were also a lot better at pretending like everything was okay between them than Bambam and Jinyoung were. When they were around the others it was like nothing was wrong with them.

“Jackson-hyung and I are…” Youngjae trailed off there. It seemed that he didn’t know exactly how to define their relationship. “Involved. In a way.”

“That is so unhelpful,” Yugyeom said. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that we’ve had sex before.”

“Well, I figured that out when you said that you slept with him again,” Yugyeom said. “When did this start? And how does Bammie know about it?”

“Last year,” Youngjae said. “It’s complicated. And Bambam overheard the two of us talking one night. I haven’t really talked to him about it either.” He paused, like he was realizing something for the first time. “Honestly, I haven’t told anyone about it.”

“Why not?” Yugyeom asked. “We already know that you’re bi. It’s not like we care.”

“You didn’t know about Jackson though.”

For all the years Bambam had known Jackson, he never once doubted that the other was straight. Of course that changed after he found out that he and Youngjae had some sort of physical relationship. It wasn’t like Jackson had ever said or done anything homophobic. He wasn’t bigoted in any way. Bambam just always assumed he was a straight guy with no issues toward gay people.

“I probably shouldn’t have even told you,” Youngjae said. “I just needed to tell someone or I was going to explode.”

“It’s okay to tell us,” Yugyeom said. “We won’t tell Jackson-hyung that you said anything.”

“Yeah,” Bambam said. “So, are you two actually together now?”

“No,” Youngjae said. “I just…slipped. I was feeling lonely and he was there and saying nice things to me and – I’m such an idiot. He’s confused or in denial and he’s just using me.”

“I can’t see Jackson-hyung using someone like that,” Yugyeom said. “Especially not you.”

Bambam had to agree. Whenever Jackson was around Youngjae, he always seemed to be constantly seeking his approval. He was energetic most days, but being with Youngjae always heightened his mood. Bambam could relate to the feeling of being in a better mood just by standing by a certain person.

“I need to put an end to things,” Youngjae said. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“You could always try dating someone,” Yugyeom said. “If you were with someone else, that would really end things. You could ask out a girl who works at the coffee shop around the corner who always gives you extra whipped cream even though you don’t ask for it and eventually you go out to dinner and go back to her place and you watch a movie but then you start making out and then next thing you know she’s on top of you and you’re having sex for the very first time and it’s awkward and you leave right after and never call her back.” He took a deep breath. “That’ll definitely make you stop thinking about Jackson-hyung, at least for a little while.”

Coco was the first one to respond to Yugyeom’s rant. She barked at him and walked over his chest, clearly concerned by the rate at which he had just spoken. Bambam finally took his eyes off of the ceiling, turning his head to the side to look at his best friend whose face was bright red.

“You lost your virginity and you didn’t tell me?”

“I’m telling you now,” Yugyeom said. “Bam, it was terrible. I didn’t know what to do with my hands. Or the rest of my body.”

“When did this even happen?” Youngjae asked.

“Last week,” he said. “Everyone was busy, so I went on a walk and I ended up at the coffee shop and I think we’ve been flirting for a while now, so I just kind of…asked her out and things escalated from there.”

“Yeah, it sure sounds like they escalated,” Bambam said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Yugyeom said. He looked surprised, like that wasn’t a question he expected Bambam to ask. “It was just really bad.”

“Do you want to go into detail?” Youngjae asked. “I could give you some advice for next time.”

“Really?” Yugyeom said. “You’d do that?”

“Hyung, how much experience do you have?” Bambam asked.

“Enough,” Youngjae said with a shrug.

Before Bambam could even ask what that meant, there was a knock on the door. Coco started to bark, but Youngjae pulled her close to him to calm her down.

“Come in!” Yugyeom said.

The door opened to reveal Jinyoung on the other side of it. Bambam felt dread pool in his stomach and he hoped that he wasn’t there to see him.

“What are you three doing?” he asked.

It was a valid question. Bambam imagined they made a confusing picture, the three of them crammed onto one bed with Coco.

“Hanging out,” Yugyeom said. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for Bambam,” he said.

That was the last thing he wanted to hear. Avoiding Jinyoung had become his specialty over the past few months. He had managed to stay away from all potential one-on-one conversations with him. They never talked about the kiss, only because Bambam never allowed them to have an opportunity to talk about it. Now, he seemed to be trapped.

“Well, you found me,” Bambam said. “The three of us were kind of in the middle of something, so you should really go.”

“Actually,” Youngjae said, sitting up, “I was getting ready to go back to my room.”

“And I need to finish packing for our trip,” Yugyeom said. “He’s all yours.”

Bambam wondered what kind of life he had lived in a past life to gain him such treacherous friends.

“Great,” Jinyoung said. “I need to talk to you about something. Do you want to go on a walk?”

No, he definitely did not want to go on a walk. Youngjae and Yugyeom were both nudging at him though, like they thought this was a great idea. They probably saw this as the potential end to the awkwardness around Jinyoung and Bambam.

“I’m kind of tired,” he said. “I don’t really feel like going out tonight.”

“We won’t be gone that long.”

“Hyung, I don’t–”

“Please, Bambam.”

Seeing Jinyoung so vulnerable was a rare sight. Usually he saved all the emotion for when he was acting or addressing the crowd at one of their concerts. He was always put together, in control, sometimes even a little bit stuck-up and stoic. But now he didn’t care about keeping up appearances. He looked open and worried and _tired_. Jinyoung mostly just looked tired.

“Okay,” he said. “Let me get changed.”

“Thank you,” Jinyoung said before stepping back outside.

Yugyeom took his hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Bambam appreciated the gesture, but it did nothing to calm his racing heart.

“Make sure you actually talk about what happened,” Youngjae said.

“I know,” Bambam said. “Maybe while I’m gone you can go talk to Jackson.”

“How about we focus on solving one problem at a time,” Youngjae said.

For once, Bambam didn’t put much thought into what clothes he changed into. He had been in his pajamas only moments ago, but now he was trading them for a pair of jeans and a thick sweater. It was early November and the weather was starting to get colder, especially at night. He stepped out of his room to see Jinyoung waiting for him. Wordlessly, they went to the front door where they put their shoes on and then left the dorm.

They didn’t say anything at first, as they walked down the street. It was a familiar walk, one they had all taken countless times since moving into the dorm. Jinyoung took one of his hands, lacing their fingers together. His palm was warm and slightly sweaty and somehow that made Bambam feel better. It was nice to know that Jinyoung was nervous too.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

That sentence alone was enough to take a huge weight off of Bambam’s shoulders. It also made anxiety bubble up inside of him. The topic he had been avoiding for months was now right in front of him and there was no running away from it anymore.

“Why?” Bambam said. “Because I wasn’t ready for it or because you didn’t want to kiss me?”

“Of course I wanted to kiss you,” Jinyoung said. “I’m always thinking about kissing you.”

“Oh,” Bambam said. He imagined his face was flushed for a reason that had nothing to do with the chilly air. “That’s nice to hear.”

“I thought that showing and not telling was a good idea,” he said. “I thought that I had done enough so that you wouldn’t freak out if I… Obviously having a drink beforehand wasn’t a good idea either.”

“Definitely not,” Bambam said. “Especially since you have no tolerance.”

“Fair point.”

Bambam laughed at Jinyoung’s easy agreement. He wished things could be simple between them. They used to laugh at each other’s dumb jokes all the time. Things were different now, but maybe if he actually tried to have an honest conversation with Jinyoung, it would get better.

“What were you trying to show me?” Bambam asked. “That you’re interested in me? Were you trying to court me?”

“In a way, yeah,” Jinyoung said. “After your heat last September, I freaked out. I had a complete panic attack, you can ask Mark-hyung all about it.”

He knew that Jinyoung was trying to explain things to him, but Bambam still felt a slight sting at hearing that he went to Mark for help and not him.

“I’ve always just seen you as a little brother,” he continued. “You were just a cute little omega who used to kiss me on the cheek and act all shy.”

“That’s not who I am anymore though,” Bambam said.

“I know,” he said, “and it took me a while to realize that, but I know it now.” Jinyoung stopped walking, leaving them standing in the middle of the sidewalk. It was late at night and not many people were out. They were practically alone. “This past year I think I was trying to show you that I could be a good fit for you, but I was also figuring out what I really wanted.”

Bambam had no idea where this conversation was going. He thought that Jinyoung admitting to wanting to kiss him was a good enough indicator, but he still wasn’t sure. Jinyoung just might be about to confirm Bambam’s fear that he was only showing interest in him because he felt like it was better for Bambam to be with him, instead of another alpha. He didn’t want to hear that the only reason Jinyoung showed any interest was because he wanted to help him with his heats, like it was some kind of duty he had to uphold.

“I want to try this between us,” he said. “I want to take you out on dates and tell the other guys that you’re my boyfriend and kiss you whenever I want without you freaking out.”

“Oh,” Bambam said, again, because he didn’t know what to say.

“Bam-ah,” Jinyoung said. “I really want to be with you. I just…I want you.”

Jinyoung leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. Their noses brushed and Bambam could feel the warmth of Jinyoung’s breath against his lips. It wasn’t bad though. He wasn’t scared or unsure anymore.

“Can I…?” Jinyoung didn’t finish the question, but Bambam knew exactly what he was asking.

“Yeah.”

He squeezed his eyes shut at the exact moment Jinyoung kissed him, for the second time. It was completely different from the first one they shared. Kissing him in a hotel room had been strange and uncomfortable, like he was being hidden away. Being outside, even at night, in the middle of the street, was freeing. They still needed to be cautious, but it was nice, being out in the open.

Jinyoung cupped the side of his face, deepening the kiss and opening his mouth up against Bambam’s. He reached for Jinyoung’s shoulders, holding onto his jacket as they pressed closer together.

“Was that a better first kiss?” Jinyoung asked once they parted.

“Much better,” Bambam said. He went in for another peck and he could feel the shape of Jinyoung’s smile. “You’ve redeemed yourself.”

“I’m glad,” Jinyoung said. “I’m sorry I ruined your first one.”

Bambam couldn’t help but smirk, amused that Jinyoung naturally assumed he was his first kiss. It wasn’t far off from the truth. His kiss with Yugyeom wasn’t romantic, but he still counted it as his first one.

“You’re not the first person I’ve kissed,” he said.

“Oh,” Jinyoung said, his eyes widening. “Really? Uh, who – no, it doesn’t matter. That’s fine. I’m not the type of alpha to get upset over something like that. You’ve kissed someone else before? That’s perfectly all right. I don’t mind. That was then, this is now and–”

“Relax,” Bambam said. “It was Yugyeom. We just wanted to get our first kisses over with. It didn’t mean anything.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Jinyoung said. “Not that I was feeling bad because you’ve kissed someone else. Because I don’t care. I’m completely unaffected.”

“Clearly,” Bambam said. “I’m glad I’m learning now that you’re the possessive type.”

“I’m not possessive.”

“So, if I decided I wanted to be an actor–”

“You’ve never shown any interest in acting before.”

“–and I got cast in a drama where my love interest was an alpha and we had _multiple _kiss scenes, then you would–”

“Kill him,” Jinyoung said.

He started laughing as soon as he said it, more than likely wanting Bambam to know that he was joking, but he could sense that there was some truth to the statement. Oddly enough, Bambam wasn’t bothered by it. In fact, he kind of liked it.

“I’m not being serious,” Jinyoung said after Bambam didn’t respond right away.

“Yes, you are,” Bambam said. “You would totally kill someone for me.”

“Well, maybe a few people.”

“You must really like me, huh?”

“You have no idea.”

Bambam liked to think that he did actually have a good idea of how Jinyoung felt. He was being kissed again though, so he kept that to himself. Despite knowing Jinyoung for years and knowing that the alpha loved him like he was family, Bambam didn’t want to tell him that he loved him tonight. He had been in love with Jinyoung for so long, but he knew that whatever Jinyoung felt for him wasn’t that strong yet. That was all right with him. Bambam could wait.

They walked back to the dorm together, their hands still linked. Bambam kept taking peeks at Jinyoung, noting his soft, content smile and how his shoulders had relaxed. Apparently Bambam wasn’t the only one who had a lot weighing down on him.

“I guess we should tell the others,” Jinyoung said when they were in the elevator.

“Tell them what exactly though?”

“You really need me to say it again?”

“Obviously,” Bambam said. “Neither one of us talking to each other directly was how we got into this whole mess.”

“Good point,” Jinyoung said. “We should tell them that you’re my boyfriend then, huh?”

Bambam had no idea how a simple word such as “boyfriend” could make his heart start pounding in his chest. He nodded in approval, not trusting himself to not say something embarrassingly overenthusiastic. His nonverbal response got him a smile from Jinyoung, and another kiss. Bambam could definitely get used to being kissed just for doing something that Jinyoung found cute or endearing.

“I’m so happy right now,” Bambam said with Jinyoung’s arms still wrapped around him.

“Me too.”

And he was happy. Happier than he’d ever been. So, Bambam couldn’t help but feel a little bit of dread, because whenever things seemed to be going his way, he felt like he was waiting in suspense. Everything couldn’t stay happy and perfect and bright forever. What went up had to come down eventually.


	13. Chapter 13

“So, is everyone pissed at me?”

“No one is pissed at you.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Bam,” Jackson said from the other line. “They’re at least disappointed.”

“Okay, maybe a little disappointed,” Bambam said.

He wasn’t lying when he said that no one was mad at Jackson. They all understood how busy he was and how hard he worked himself. It wasn’t something that they liked, watching him become exhausted and sick by overworking, but they also knew that they couldn’t stop it. If anyone could get him to slow down it would be Youngjae, but his attempts had been as unsuccessful as the rest of theirs.

“And Youngjae’s moving out to get away from me,” Jackson said. “Because I fuck everything up.”

“You don’t fuck everything up, Jack,” Bambam said with a sigh. Almost every conversation he had with Jackson lately sounded more or less the same. He would go on talking negatively about himself and Bambam would have to reassure him that he wasn’t a terrible person. It was as worrying as it was headache-inducing. “Youngjae isn’t moving out because of you either. He’s getting a place with his brother. You know how hard it is for us to see our families. He just wants to spend more time with him. He isn’t the only one moving out of the dorm either.”

“Who else is moving?” Jackson asked.

“Mark and Jaebeom,” Bambam said. “Mark told me they’re thinking about getting their own place.”

“Oh, shit,” Jackson said. “That’s a big step.”

“Is it?” Bambam said. “They already live together.”

“You know it’s different.”

In a way, Bambam supposed that he did know. They had moved into a bigger dorm recently and he couldn’t help but feel like it was the last one they would share together. Youngjae was moving out next week to live with his brother. Mark and Jaebeom were looking for a place of their own. Jackson seemed to only live there for half the year since he was splitting his time between Korea and China. Jinyoung, Bambam, and Yugyeom were the only ones still committed to living in the dorm. Jinyoung because he thought it was too troublesome to find his own place and Yugyeom was too uncomfortable living on his own. And sleeping on his own. Bambam still shared a room with him, despite there being plenty of space in the new dorm for him to have a room to himself.

“They’re really taking this seriously, huh?” Jackson said. “At first they couldn’t stand each other.”

“It’s been a few years since then,” Bambam said. “We might get an invite to a wedding soon.”

“I know you’re trying to tell a joke, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that ended up happening,” Jackson said. He sighed out a deep, “fuck. They’re going to get married, aren’t they?”

“Most likely.”

It was a thought he always had in the back of his mind. Of course he wasn’t opposed to the idea of Mark and Jaebeom getting married. They were good together and clearly in love and mature enough to figure out how to make a marriage work. Bambam could see them getting mated in the future as well, when they were ready to truly settle down and have kids. It all seemed like a natural progression to their relationship. The only thing Bambam needed to worry about was consoling Yugyeom when it all eventually happened. For all his attempts to meet new people and grow as his own person, he was still so obviously attached to Mark.

“I call being Mark’s best man for the wedding,” Jackson said.

“I think that’s something he chooses for himself,” Bambam said. “And he would probably ask his brother before anyone else.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Yeah, I guess one day we will.”

Bambam was sitting in the room he shared with Yugyeom, dressed and ready to go to their event tonight. It would only be the six of them since Jackson was working in China. The six of them making appearances without Jackson was slowly becoming a regular occurrence. None of them complained about it, but there was an underlying sense of unease. Jackson’s presence was usually loud and vibrant; he was easily missed.

“So, how’s Youngjae?” Jackson asked. “Has he said anything about me while I’ve been gone?”

“Not really,” Bambam said. “He’s just been busy with the move. I haven’t talked to him lately. We’re all going out tonight though. Do you want me to ask him about you?”

“Definitely not,” Jackson said. “I don’t need to ruin his night by making him think about me. Just give him a compliment for me, okay? Tell him he looks really beautiful as a blond. Make him smile.”

“You’re so fucking lame.”

“You _also _look beautiful as a blond,” Jackson said, making kissy noises.

“Okay, I’m hanging up now,” Bambam said.

“No, wait,” Jackson said. “Let me talk to Jinyoungie. I want to wish him good luck for tonight.”

“Why don’t you just call him?” Bambam said. “He has his own phone.”

“Is that Jackson?”

Standing in the doorway of Bambam’s room was Jinyoung. His hands were in his pockets and he was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a sweater. Bambam thought he looked a little too casual for the event they were going to tonight.

“Yeah,” Bambam said. “How could you tell?”

“You were speaking in English,” Jinyoung said.

“Is that him?” Jackson said. “Put him on the phone.”

“Fine,” Bambam said before handing his phone to Jinyoung. “He wants to talk to you.”

Jinyoung’s expression brightened and he quickly took the phone from Bambam. The two had always been close, but it was like their relationship had strengthened recently. Jinyoung had turned down a few dates with Bambam just to hang out with Jackson. He could understand why too. They were all trying to get in extra time with Jackson since his schedule had been so hectic lately.

“Seun-ah,” Jinyoung greeted warmly. “How was your flight?”

He sat down on the bed next to Bambam, placing his free hand on his thigh. It was a simple touch that Jinyoung frequently did, and Bambam never felt the need to run away from it anymore. He leaned against Jinyoung as he spoke to Jackson, somewhat listening to the conversation, but mostly just focusing on the heat of Jinyoung’s body and how his hand felt warm and heavy on him.

They hadn’t progressed very far in their physical relationship. At first Bambam was ready to do anything and everything with Jinyoung, but he learned that he was surprisingly shy when it came to sex. He hated even the idea of being timid, but all it took was Jinyoung touching his hips or reaching down for his ass while they were making out, for him to put things to a stop.

“Thank you,” Jinyoung said. “No, I’m not nervous. This isn’t the first event for the film, so I have somewhat of an idea of what I’m doing. I’ll have the other guys there to cheer me on too.” There was a pause and Jinyoung’s mouth formed into a frown. Jackson was probably apologizing or self-deprecating again. “I know you want to be here, but your schedule has been worked out for a while now. Just hearing your encouragement is enough for me.” His frown deepened. “You want me to tell Youngjae _what_? Jackson, I’m not flirting with Youngjae for you. There’s someone else I’d much rather flirt with.” An eye roll. “No, it’s not you.”

A few more words were exchanged between them before Jinyoung finally ended the call. His last expression was a soft, fond smile that almost looked a little sad. Maybe even pitying. Bambam knew that none of them envied the situation Jackson had found himself in. The busy schedule between multiple countries and the struggling relationship he had with Youngjae. Everything just seemed to be a mess for him lately.

“So, you told Jackson that you weren’t nervous for tonight, but is that really true?” Bambam asked. “You weren’t just saying that to make him feel better about not being here, right?”

“I’m a little nervous, sure,” Jinyoung said. “It’s not anything for anyone to worry about though.”

“Okay,” Bambam said. “Well, if you change your mind and decide that you’re nervous, I’m here.”

“I know,” he said. “Thank you.”

Jinyoung kissed him, softly and surely, his hand cupping the side of Bambam’s face. Kissing Jinyoung was a luxury that Bambam never got bored of. Like most things he did, Jinyoung always thought everything through. It was as if he had envisioned each step of kissing Bambam from start to finish before their lips even touched. The kisses never felt calculated or cold though, they were always warm and loving and capable of making his heart race and toes curl.

“You know what would make me not nervous at all?” Jinyoung said once they parted.

“What?”

“Going to this premiere with my boyfriend being my boyfriend, not just my bandmate.”

That was another hurdle they had yet to jump in their relationship. The list of people who knew they were together wasn’t that long. They told their families, the other guys in the group, and a few people at the company. Their managers asked if they wanted to publically announce their relationship and Bambam had quickly rejected that offer. An alpha and omega together wasn’t anything scandalous, and the moderately warm reactions to Jaebeom and Mark’s relationship showed that they wouldn’t experience any major backlash. Still, Bambam just wanted to keep Jinyoung to himself. At least for a little while longer.

“I’m sure you’ll be in plenty of other movies,” Bambam said. “I’ll be more than happy to brag about my movie star boyfriend then.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung said. He still seemed disappointed though. “I’m not going to pressure you. I just want you to know that whenever you’re ready, I’ll be ready too.”

Bambam got the feeling that he wasn’t only talking about going public. There was something else that Bambam wasn’t ready for that Jinyoung had no issue with. It was times like these that made him feel the age gap between them. Three years wasn’t that long, but when it came to the experience that Jinyoung had, Bambam felt like he was far behind him.

“So, is this what you’re wearing?” Bambam said. “It’s kind of casual for a movie premiere.”

“The official premiere was last year,” Jinyoung said, standing up. “I wore a suit to that, remember? Tonight is just a small screening.”

“I still think you should make some kind of effort,” Bambam said. He gestured to his own outfit. “At least I look good enough for both of us.”

“You always do.”

He laced their fingers together and pressed a kiss to Bambam’s knuckles before walking him out of the bedroom. The other four were waiting in the common room, all in casual outfits due to Jinyoung’s instructions. Bambam was starting to feel overdressed before he reminded himself that, when he compared himself to the rest of them, he was almost always overdressed.

“Are you two finally ready to go?” Jaebeom asked.

“Yeah, we got caught up talking to Jackson,” Jinyoung said.

“Oh, really?” Yugyeom said. “How is he?”

“Honestly?” Jinyoung said. “He’s spiraling, but that’s not really anything new.”

None of them were surprised by Jinyoung’s description of Jackson, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t worried about him. Bambam’s eyes went to Youngjae who was standing by the front door. He was bundled up in a coat and scarf, most likely wanting to combat against the cold February weather. His arms were wrapped around himself and Bambam couldn’t remember him ever looking so small. Like the rest of them, there was worry etched across his features, but there was something else there too. Longing, helplessness, regret. Bambam wasn’t entirely sure.

“Well, let’s get going,” Mark said. “We don’t want to make Jinyoung late to his own movie premiere.”

“Yeah, no one would hire you for another one if you were always late to everything,” Jaebeom said.

“It’s not like we’re driving ourselves there,” Jinyoung said as they headed to the door. “Our managers are driving, so it won’t be on me.”

As they all headed out the door, Bambam stayed toward the back of the group next to Youngjae.

“So, you look great with blond hair,” Bambam said.

“Are you trying to get me to compliment your hair?” Youngjae asked.

“No,” he said. “I just thought I would let you know. It suits you. You look really handsome, hyung.”

He knew that the last sentence was a mistake as soon as he said it. Instead of being flattered by the compliment, Youngjae looked suspicious.

“Jackson-hyung told you to say that, didn’t he?” he said.

“Yeah, he did,” Bambam said, seeing no reason to lie when he had been caught. “He wanted me to do something that would make you happy and everyone likes compliments.”

“And he told you to tell me that I’m handsome?”

“‘Beautiful’ is the word he used, actually.”

They stepped out onto the street outside of the dorm where two cars were waiting for them. Mark, Jaebeom, and Yugyeom got into one, but Jinyoung stalled outside of the one he was going to take by himself to the venue.

“Go wish Jinyoung-hyung good luck,” Youngjae said before joining the others in the second car.

Bambam went to Jinyoung who had his hands stuffed in his pockets. He had been watching Bambam’s exchange with Youngjae with curious eyes.

“Is he okay?” Jinyoung asked. “What were you two talking about? He looked upset.”

“I said something dumb,” Bambam said. “I’ll talk to you about it later. Right now, I’m just here to wish you good luck.”

“Thank you,” Jinyoung said, smiling softly. “I would kiss you right now, but I don’t want to risk having our picture taken.”

“You didn’t seem to care about that when you kissed me for the second time,” Bambam said.

“It was an impulsive decision,” he said. “Besides, I don’t think our managers would be too happy to watch us do that.”

They settled for a hug instead. Jinyoung pressed his face against Bambam’s neck, breathing him in and trying to ground himself. Bambam knew all of that talk about not being nervous had just been for show. He wound his arms around Jinyoung tightly, trying to send him as much calming and grounding energy as he could.

“It’s like you said, this is a casual event,” Bambam said. “It’s not your first time talking about this movie. You’re proud of your work and we’re all proud of you. You’ve got this.”

“I know,” Jinyoung said. “I’m not worried about any of that. I just…I just want you to like it. I want you to like _me_.”

“Of course I like you,” Bambam said, chuckling. “I thought I’d made that obvious.”

“I didn’t word that right,” Jinyoung said. He pulled away from him so that he could look directly at Bambam. “I want you to like me as an actor. I want you to be proud of me. Even if we’re keeping things private for now, I still don’t want to embarrass you.”

“Oh, hyung,” Bambam said. “It’s too late for that. You embarrass yourself all the time.”

He cracked a smile at his own joke, hoping that Jinyoung felt the same way. Easing the tension by saying something funny was one of Bambam’s specialties, but it didn’t seem to work this time. Jinyoung still looked tense.

“Bam-ah, I know you’re joking, but I’m trying to be serious right now,” Jinyoung said. “I want you to be proud to call me your alpha.”

Hearing those words had a different effect on him. Calling someone his “boyfriend” was very different from calling someone his “alpha.” It felt more permanent, more serious. It wasn’t a word that Bambam had even used to describe Jinyoung in his head. He was Bambam’s boyfriend who just so happened to be an alpha. He never thought of him as _his _alpha before.

“I am,” Bambam said. “Wait, hyung, do you actually think I’m embarrassed of you? Is that why you think I want to keep things private?”

Jinyoung didn’t have a chance to respond to that since the horns of both cars started to blare. They were going to be late and they wouldn’t be able to blame their managers for it either.

“I’ll talk to you about this later,” Jinyoung said. “I have to get going.”

“Yeah,” Bambam said. “Good luck, hyung.”

“Thanks.”

He watched Jinyoung get into his waiting car and drive away, an uneasy feeling washing over him. When he entered the van he was taking with the others, he noted that Mark, Jaebeom, and Yugyeom had all packed themselves in the back seat while Youngjae was sitting in one of the middle row seats. Bambam sat next to him.

“Is he less nervous now?” Jaebeom asked.

“I’m not sure,” Bambam said. “I don’t know if I was much help.”

The drive to the venue was quiet except for Mark talking to Yugyeom. Bambam looked over his shoulder a few times to see that Mark was showing him some apartments that he had looked at with Jaebeom. Yugyeom was doing his best to act excited and pleased for them, but Bambam could see right through him. Every time Mark would give a compliment to an apartment’s hardwood floors or great view or high ceilings, Yugyeom’s shoulders would sag in disappointment. He knew he was fighting a losing battle.

“Beom-ah wants to get more cats, but I want a dog since Youngjae is taking full custody of Coco,” Mark said. “We already have Nora, but he wants at least two more.”

“You like cats,” Jaebeom said.

“Yeah, but dogs are better,” Mark said. “We can have one of each. Nora and whatever dog we adopt.”

“Or Nora, two more cats, and the dog we adopt,” Jaebeom said.

“That’s way too many pets.”

“We’ll take good care of them,” Jaebeom said. “I’ll be a great appa.”

“Oh, you will?” Mark said, giggling.

Jaebeom took his hand in his, bringing their joined hands into his lap. He was looking at Mark with a sort of dazed look in his eyes. It wasn’t anything new. Every time Bambam caught Jaebeom gazing at Mark, it always seemed like he was looking at the most precious, beautiful thing in the universe. Anyone could see that Jaebeom worshiped the ground Mark walked on, that he would do anything for him.

“Yeah, pets, plants, kids, anything,” Jaebeom said. “I’ll be great at taking care of them.”

“I know,” Mark said, his voice so soft that Bambam knew the words were only meant for Jaebeom.

Yugyeom had long since turned his head to look out the window.

When they arrived at the venue, they were put in line to take photos. Mark and Jaebeom were ushered forward to take pictures together before Bambam, Youngjae, and Yugyeom joined them for a group photo. Youngjae was looking at his phone as they waited while Yugyeom’s eyes were locked on Mark and Jaebeom, smiling at cameras as Jaebeom’s hand rested on the small of Mark’s back.

There were two girls behind them, talking to each other as they waited for their own turn.

“I don’t know much about the idol group he’s in, but the lead actor is so handsome, isn’t he?” one of them said.

“He really is,” her friend said. “He’s an alpha too and you know what I heard?”

“What?”

“The female lead in the movie, she’s an omega,” she said. “She’s so pretty. Like the ideal Korean omega beauty, right? Delicate and sweet. He’s such a traditional-looking alpha too, you know? They would make a beautiful couple.”

“I didn’t think about it before, but I can totally see that,” the other girl said. “An alpha needs someone like that. Pale skin and smaller than him. How romantic would it be if they actually fell in love while filming the movie? It’d be like a fairytale.”

The girls continued to talk, but Bambam didn’t hear any more since they were being motioned forward to join Mark and Jaebeom in front of the cameras. Bambam hated that Jinyoung thought that Bambam could ever be embarrassed of being with him. He just didn’t know how to tell Jinyoung that Bambam was the one who didn’t want to embarrass him.


	14. Chapter 14

“I can’t believe you guys actually got two more cats,” Bambam said, scratching behind Nora’s ears. The other two cats weren’t anywhere to be seen, but Bambam imagined they were roaming the space of the new apartment. “You were so set on getting a dog.”

“I came home one day and these two were here,” Mark said. He walked into the living room from the bedroom, holding two cats in his arms. They started to struggle in his hold, so he sat them down on the floor. “I had no say in it, but I get attached to animals too easily. They’re here to stay.”

The apartment that Mark and Jaebeom had recently moved into was only half unpacked. All the big pieces of furniture and appliances were in place, but the smaller items were still in boxes. Bambam was sitting on the couch in their main room, Nora nestled on his lap and purring softly. The other two cats, Koonta and Odd, were occupied with a cardboard box that was labelled, “Stuff from Mark’s parents.”

“What’d they send you?” Bambam asked, motioning toward the box.

“Plates, silverware, a microwave, five different sets of bedsheets, a rug, pots and pans, honestly, most of the shit in this apartment is from them,” Mark said.

“That all fit in that one box?”

“No, that was just pots and pans,” he said. “They’re very supportive. I’m lucky.”

“Yeah, they really love Jaebeom, huh?”

“Our parents have been traveling together lately,” Mark said. “I think they’re already planning the wedding.”

“Damn,” Bambam said. “Are you two seriously going to get married soon?”

“At this point, I’m just waiting for him to ask me.”

Bambam didn’t know why he was surprised by that. The two had been together for three years and they now had their own place. It was the natural progression of things, he supposed. He was happy for them, but he couldn’t help but think of Yugyeom.

“Have you guys actually talked about that?” Bambam asked. “It’s a lot to plan for. He has to go to the military eventually, and are you never going to live back home? Or is he planning on moving to the States with you one day?”

“I don’t know,” Mark said. “I like Korea, but yeah, I miss my home. I’m sure we’ll figure things out in the future. For right now, all I know is that I love him and I want to be with him.”

Usually when one of them said something so sappy and heartfelt, Bambam would be the first to make fun of them for it. He didn’t do it now though. Mark looked content and happy and he didn’t want to ruin that for him. Especially considering how far he had come. Bambam could still remember when they were trainees and being in the presence of an alpha made Mark wince. He always seemed so cautious when it came to them. Bambam didn’t know why he used to act like that, but he got the feeling that it was too late to ask.

“How are things with Jinyoung?” Mark asked.

“Good,” Bambam said. “I haven’t really seen him lately though. All his time is split between working at Inkigayo and preparing for the JJ Project comeback.”

“Yeah, Jaebeom hasn’t been around lately either,” Mark said. “I think I clean out the litter boxes more than he does.”

“Sounds like you should adopt a dog without telling him to get even,” Bambam said.

“I might do that one day,” Mark said. “I want the cats to settle in first though.”

They were spending a rare day off together. Jaebeom and Jinyoung were working on their comeback, Youngjae and Yugyeom were visiting their families, and Jackson was busy with his schedule in China. Bambam remembered when the three of them would hang out together, the three foreigners in the group talking in a mix of English and Korean and bonding over feeling like outsiders. They didn’t feel like complete outsiders anymore, but Bambam did miss being home. He knew Mark felt the same way.

“So, have you and Jinyoung slept together yet?” Mark asked. He had made his way onto the floor, cutting open a cardboard box. “Is he being good to you?”

“Uh, no, not yet,” Bambam said, pulling his knees up to his chest and making Nora jump off his lap in the process. “He’s been good to me in every other way though.”

“He’s not pressuring you to have sex with him?”

“No, not at all.”

“Good,” Mark said. “You should wait as long as you need to. There’s no rush.”

“I know.”

Bambam and Jinyoung had officially gotten together on November 9th, 2016. He knew the exact date because he had typed it into his phone after coming back to the dorm the night Jinyoung kissed him on the street. It was late July now and they hadn’t progressed past heavy make out sessions and Jinyoung putting his hands under his shirt.

He liked taking things one step at a time, but even he could admit that they were moving a bit too slowly. Yugyeom had jumped into bed with a barista that he had only ever spoken to about his coffee order. Bambam knew that everyone was different, but he couldn’t help but feel that he was falling behind.

“Just, um, out of curiosity, uh, what’s it like?” Bambam asked. “Being with an alpha?”

“You seriously want to have this conversation with me?” Mark asked. “You’re not going to start making faces and complaining while I try to explain things to you?”

“I’ll try not to,” Bambam said. “You’re more straightforward than the internet and I trust you to not bullshit anything.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to give you the sex talk.”

“I can’t either, but you’re my best option.”

“Well, it’s good,” Mark said. “It’s really good if they know what they’re doing. It can be kind of overwhelming at first. You shouldn’t feel obligated to do everything all at once. Every single time isn’t going to be perfect, every time might not even be that good, but it’s okay. It’s nothing worth stressing about. You get to do it as many times as you want, so if it sucks one time, you get another chance to do it again.”

“You’re not very good at this.”

“Okay, look, do you want some actual advice?”

“Yes, please.”

“Just tell him to take care of you,” Mark said. “Alphas love that. If you’re nervous for your first time, let him take the lead.”

Bambam had already been planning on doing that. It was nice to hear that it was something he could blatantly ask for though.

“How many alphas have you been with?” Bambam asked. “If you don’t mind telling me.”

It wasn’t the right question to ask. Mark’s face had gone from calm and relaxed, almost amused by Bambam’s nervous questions, to being completely blank. He had been unpacking a box of throw pillows (also labelled as being from his parents), but now he was frozen.

“I shouldn’t have asked,” Bambam said quickly.

“No, it’s okay,” Mark said. “Um, and two. Yeah, two alphas that counted.”

Bambam didn’t know what he meant by that, but he didn’t ask any more questions. This clearly wasn’t a topic Mark felt comfortable talking about and he didn’t want to push it. It left him feeling unsettled though, thinking about the different possibilities behind those words.

“It’s not like I’ve only been with alphas though,” Mark said.

“Betas?”

“Yeah, and an omega once.”

“Oh,” Bambam said. “That’s different.”

“Not really,” Mark said, laughing. “It was pretty familiar, actually.”

He had a point there. Still, Bambam couldn’t imagine being with another omega. He’d only ever been attracted to alphas, male ones in particular. He wondered if Mark’s openness came from the place he was raised in, or if it was just because of who he was as a person.

They spent the rest of the night unpacking boxes and trying to figure out where to put everything. There was a box filled with nothing but wall clocks, yet another present from Mark’s parents. He imagined they missed him a lot. Mark was one of four children, like Bambam was, but unlike Bambam, he was the only omega in his family. In addition to missing him, they probably worried about him too. The gifts seemed to be a way of showing their love for him. Bambam liked to think that his mother would make an equally big deal about him moving into his own place one day.

Dinner was eaten out of takeout containers on the living room floor. They hadn’t made much progress when it came to unpacking, because Mark was hesitant to make any big decisions without Jaebeom. The cats had come out of hiding once they smelled food. Bambam and Mark spent the meal moving their food out of the way of the cats who always wanted to dive head first into whatever they were eating.

Jaebeom arrived after they finished dinner and had given up unpacking boxes. Mark was playing a video game on the television while Bambam leaned against him, sleepily watching him play.

“Hey,” Jaebeom said. “What’d you guys do today?”

“We opened up a lot of boxes,” Mark said. Jaebeom leaned down to give him a quick kiss before stepping out of his view of the television. “How was work?”

“Good,” Jaebeom said.

He sat down on the couch next to Mark, wrapping an arm around him until he got the hint to lean on Jaebeom. Bambam watched as Jaebeom pressed a kiss into Mark’s hair before inhaling his scent. Mark moved his head to the side, maybe on purpose or perhaps just on instinct, to expose his neck to Jaebeom. That was the sign that Bambam needed to know that it was his time to leave. He originally planned on spending the night at their place, but he could take a hint when he was unwanted.

Bambam stood up, stretching his arms over his head and trying not to yawn. He didn’t want to appear too tired because then Mark would insist he stayed the night. And he didn’t want to be there for any noises he might overhear while he was trying to get some sleep.

“I’m going to head on back to the dorm,” he said. “I’ll see you guys…” He was about to say that he would see them tomorrow, because they used to see each other every day, but that wasn’t true anymore. “I’ll see you when I see you, I guess.”

“Let me take you back,” Jaebeom said. “You shouldn’t be going anywhere by yourself at this time of night.”

“I’ll be fine,” Bambam said. “I’ll take a cab.”

“Then let me take one with you,” Jaebeom said.

He wanted to argue with him, but he knew that it wouldn’t do any good. When Jaebeom made his mind up about something, it was impossible to change it. He said goodbye to Mark, who had no problem going right back to playing his video game. Jaebeom kissed him again before walking with Bambam out the door.

As they sat in the backseat of a taxi, Bambam could tell how tired Jaebeom was. His shoulders seemed heavy and he had to stop himself from leaning against the window and going to sleep multiple times.

“You really didn’t have to take me home,” Bambam said.

“Yes, I did,” Jaebeom said. “I don’t like the thought of an omega being alone at night. Especially one as adorable as you.”

“Ew,” Bambam said, wrinkling his nose. “Now I know you’re sleep deprived. You never say anything nice to me.”

“I say nice things to you all the time.”

“When’s the last time you gave me a compliment?”

“Less than a minute ago,” Jaebeom said. “I called you adorable.”

He started to laugh, a tired almost lifeless chuckle, like he had told the world’s funniest joke but was too exhausted to truly appreciate it. Bambam rolled his eyes, turning his head to look out the window at the passing lights of the city.

“Sometimes I wonder what Mark even sees in you,” he said.

“Yeah, me too,” Jaebeom said. “Do you think he’d be better off with someone like Yugyeom?”

That was not what Bambam expected him to say. He had been joking when he said that he didn’t know what Mark saw in him. There were plenty of good traits that Jaebeom had that made him not only a good person, but a good alpha as well. He never once wondered why Mark wanted to be with him.

The mention of Yugyeom threw him completely off guard though.

“Why would you say that?” Bambam asked.

“I know that he’s in love with Mark,” Jaebeom said. “At first it didn’t worry me because he was a kid, but he’s older now and still not over him and they love spending time together. I was relieved that he was hanging out with you tonight instead of Yugyeom and I hate that I felt that way.”

“Do you think Mark has feelings for Yugyeom?”

“I don’t know,” Jaebeom said. “But sometimes I wonder if Mark would prefer to be with someone else. I’ve always liked him, even when we couldn’t communicate in the same language and we fought all the time. Maybe I liked him just because he was a pretty omega, but it’s definitely become something more than that. The way we got together wasn’t by choice though and I don’t want to hold him back from anything.”

“I think this might be the most you’ve ever said to me at one time,” Bambam said. “Do you just not talk to anyone else about this stuff?”

“Talking to Jinyoung about Mark isn’t exactly easy,” Jaebeom said. “I usually talk to Jackson or Youngjae, but they’ve both got a lot going on now, so I’ve been keeping it to myself.” He paused to think. “I do talk to my eomma about Mark sometimes too, but usually just the positive things.”

Bambam was strangely touched by Jaebeom’s words. He knew that the alpha was sleep deprived and he more than likely just needed to vent to anyone who would listen, but Bambam still felt somewhat honored that Jaebeom trusted him. And their taxi driver too, an old man who was much more interested in driving than listening to anything they had to say.

“Mark loves you, hyung,” Bambam said. “He’s devoted to you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Then stop worrying so much.”

It wasn’t the best advice he had ever given, but Jaebeom seemed to be grateful to hear it. His shoulders, that had been so tense, relaxed and he nodded his head, acknowledging Bambam’s words. The nodding quickly stopped and he became tense again and Bambam knew that he had another negative thought.

“Yugyeom’s all grown up now though,” he said. “He’s good-looking and we all know he’s started dating people and Mark told me he didn’t like how he was moving so fast with people he hardly knew.”

“He’s probably just concerned.”

“Or he’s jealous.”

“You’re being paranoid.”

“Or I’m starting to figure things out.”

Or he was in dire need of a good night’s sleep.

Bambam considered Mark and Yugyeom as the two members he was closest to. If Mark was harboring any sort of romantic feelings for Yugyeom, Bambam liked to think that he would have noticed at some point. Jaebeom obviously thought otherwise, but he was also exhausted and stressed.

“We’re here,” the driver said once he came to a stop.

“I’ll walk you up,” Jaebeom said.

“No, you won’t,” Bambam said. “I can enter my own apartment building by myself, thanks. You need to go back home and get some rest.”

Jaebeom’s desire to escort Bambam to his front door must not have been that strong, since he folded easily. They said their goodbyes and then Bambam was entering the building and making his way to the apartment he shared with Jinyoung and Yugyeom, and Jackson whenever he was in Seoul. The seven of them were slowly starting to move out of their shared living space. Their closeness hadn’t faded away in the slightest, but they were all learning that they liked having their own space.

The dorm was quiet when he entered it. He went straight to his bedroom, expecting to find Yugyeom already asleep, but he wasn’t there. Bambam checked his phone and noticed that he had a few missed texts from him. He was spending the night at his brother’s place, which meant that Bambam was in the apartment alone. Well, not completely alone.

“Hey, you’re back.”

Jinyoung was standing in the doorway of his bedroom, wearing his pajamas and holding a book in his hand. He looked exactly like he did every night, when he would come to Bambam and Yugyeom’s room to kiss him goodnight before going back to his own room. Yugyeom made fun of them for it and Bambam thought it was a bit too much himself, but he still liked it. He loved knowing how much Jinyoung cared for him.

“Yeah,” Bambam said. “Jaebeom-hyung took me back.”

“That was nice of him,” Jinyoung said. “Yugyeom is at his brother’s.”

“He sent me a text.”

“Me too,” Jinyoung said. He shifted his weight and furrowed his brows as his eyes seemed to focus on Bambam’s forehead. It was clear there was something he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure how to word it. Bambam was almost afraid of what he would say. “Tonight, do you want – you can say no, of course you can say no, but would you want to–?”

“I’m going to take a shower,” Bambam said quickly. “Then get some sleep. Helping Mark unpack really tired me out.”

“Of course,” Jinyoung said. “Well, goodnight. I’m leaving early tomorrow morning, so I probably won’t see you then.”

“And I’m leaving for Thailand tomorrow night, so I don’t know if I’ll see you before my flight.”

“Right,” Jinyoung said. “I forgot all about that.”

“You’ve been busy.”

“I should’ve remembered that though,” Jinyoung said. “I should’ve tried to get off work early tonight so I could take you out to dinner.”

Bambam stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Jinyoung, pressing their chests together. Usually they were around the same height, but without the aid of a heeled shoe or insoles, Bambam found himself slightly shorter in comparison. He kind of liked it, having to look up at Jinyoung.

“You can take me out to dinner when I get back,” Bambam said.

Jinyoung held onto his waist before pulling him even closer and into a kiss. It wasn’t like their usual goodnight kisses. Those were chaste and sweet and short, mostly to keep Yugyeom from complaining too much. At first the kiss was soft, both of them taking their time and not rushing anything. Bambam always loved how Jinyoung held him in his arms. He was careful and tender, it was like he was almost afraid he would break him, even though they both knew that wasn’t possible. The way he touched him made him feel like he was precious and treasured and like he couldn’t get enough of him.

When they first got together, Bambam still had doubts about Jinyoung’s genuine desire for him. He would sometimes tell himself that it was because he was an omega that Jinyoung was close to. Those doubts didn’t come to him anymore. Jinyoung’s hands worked their way under his shirt, pressing against his warm skin as he slipped his tongue into Bambam’s mouth. A moan escaped from the back of Bambam’s throat, but he wasn’t embarrassed by it. Especially since it only seemed to turn Jinyoung on, his fingertips pushing into his back.

“I should probably go take my shower now,” Bambam said once he forced himself to pull away. They were still close, but not flushed together anymore. He ran a hand through Jinyoung’s hair and took note of the slight disappointment in his darkened eyes.

“Okay,” he said. “I guess I’ll see you when you get back.” They kissed once more, this time a single peck, before Jinyoung pulled away from him. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Bambam said.

As soon as Jinyoung was out of his room, Bambam sat down on his bed. His face was burning up and he placed a hand on his cheek, feeling how hot his skin was. There was warm arousal stirring in his stomach and he tried to think about anything that wasn’t Jinyoung to make it go away. He was leaving for Thailand to visit family and go over some brand deals and do general promotions. It was a business trip as much as it was a trip to visit his home. He had been looking forward to it, but now all he wanted was to get it over with so he could come back to Jinyoung.

Bambam took a quick shower and changed into his pajamas before sitting back down on his bed, feeling like he was right back to where he started. He wanted Jinyoung and Jinyoung wanted him, but there was some kind of mental block that was stopping Bambam from taking the next step with him. For months he had tried to figure out what that block was, but now it seemed to be completely obvious. He didn’t want Jinyoung to lose interest in him after they had sex.

The omegas Jinyoung used to flirt with when they worked at M Countdown together were all small, porcelain-skinned Korean omegas, with long black hair and demure personalities. None of those traits applied to him. Even his natural black hair was currently dyed a bright red. Now, that he thought about it, Mark didn’t fulfill all of those traits either. Jinyoung had been in love with Mark a few years ago and none of it was based on whether Mark made an acceptable omega or not, Jinyoung loved him because of who he was. The only reason they didn’t get together was because Mark stopped that from happening.

And Bambam didn’t have any intentions of stopping his relationship with Jinyoung from going any further. Even though he realized that was exactly what he was doing.

Bambam stood up, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he realized that yes, he was making this decision now. He was doing this. It was happening and he wasn’t going to stop himself anymore. Bambam went to Jinyoung’s room and didn’t bother knocking on the door before opening it and stepping inside.

“What’s up?” Jinyoung said. He was sitting up in bed with his book in his hands and looking perfectly confused at Bambam’s sudden appearance. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Bambam said. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“Do you…I mean, would you be interested in…” He took a deep breath before finally saying it. “Do you want to have sex with me tonight?”

He imagined there were probably hundreds of ways to ask that same question in a sexier way, but he wanted to be blunt so there would be no need for confusion. Jinyoung didn’t have any problems with how he asked it either.

His book was tossed onto the floor and he pushed his blankets off himself before standing up and making his way to the door. Jinyoung shut it and then turned his entire attention to Bambam, taking his face in his hands and kissing him just as deeply as he had earlier that night. Jinyoung walked them back to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it before pulling Bambam onto his lap.

“You’re sure?” he said.

“Yeah,” Bambam said. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve always been sure about you, Bam-ah.”

Those seemed to be the magic words he was waiting to hear. Gone were all his insecurities and doubts. All thoughts of Jinyoung not truly wanting him left his mind and he felt as if he could finally relax. He was still nervous, but they were good, anticipatory nerves.

Jinyoung took the bottom of Bambam’s shirt in his hands and pulled it up to take it off him. He did the same to his own shirt and Bambam’s hands found their way to his chest, touching the smooth skin. Jinyoung’s hands slid down his back, moving over his ass that was still covered by his pajama pants. It was a touch that didn’t happen often and this time, instead of pushing his hands away, Bambam let him continue his exploratory touches.

“If I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, let me know,” Jinyoung said.

“I will,” Bambam said. “I don’t think you will though. I trust you.”

Kissing was the only thing they did at first as Bambam sat on his lap with his arms around him. There wasn’t a rush to their movements. They were both focusing on taking each other in and going at their own pace. Bambam felt himself getting wet and with the way they were sitting, he could feel Jinyoung’s cock hardening underneath him. It wasn’t the first time he had felt Jinyoung in such a way, but it felt different to him.

“Is this okay?” Jinyoung’s hand was resting on Bambam’s stomach, the tips of his fingers tracing the waistband of his pants. “Can I touch you?”

“Yeah,” Bambam said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t have to keep asking.”

“I like asking.”

Jinyoung pushed his hand into his pants and wrapped it around Bambam’s cock, giving it a few strokes that had Bambam hiding his face in the crook of Jinyoung’s neck. Of course he had touched himself before, in and out of heats. Having a hand on his dick wasn’t a new sensation, but it was when Jinyoung did it. Not only was the feel of his hand different, but the press of his body and his breath against his skin was dizzying.

He moved his hand in slow, measured strokes, going along with their theme of taking their time. It was a bit maddening and Bambam had to push down his desire to ask for him to go faster. Jinyoung pulled his hand off and before Bambam could complain, he moved it down, tracing the folds of his cunt instead. The simple touch had Bambam jerking in his lap as a spike of sensation travelled through him.

“You’re so wet for me,” Jinyoung said. “I’ve barely even touched you.”

Bambam’s grip on Jinyoung’s shoulders tightened at the sound of his voice. His tone had changed completely from the sweet questions he had been asking before.

Two fingers rubbed against where he was wet, massaging the sensitive skin and making Bambam move his hips forward toward his touch. As far as he knew, none of these touches were a part of a plan. Their conversations about sex hadn’t been that frequent or in depth. They hadn’t planned anything out, but Bambam preferred it that way. The spontaneity was nice and so was the feeling of taking their time.

Jinyoung pushed a finger inside of him and Bambam tightened up at the sensation, a low moan coming from his lips. Once again, the touch wasn’t completely new to him since he had done this to himself countless times, but everything seemed heightened when Jinyoung did it. One finger soon became two and Bambam turned his head to find Jinyoung’s mouth in a kiss, wanting to be an active participant as well.

They kissed as Jinyoung fucked into him with his fingers. He found it a little difficult to keep his focus on the kiss because of the drag of Jinyoung’s fingers inside of him. It wasn’t enough to make him feel full, but the precision with which Jinyoung moved was enough to leave Bambam breathless and panting into his mouth.

“Do you want me to make you come like this?” Jinyoung asked.

He had been waiting to be intimate with Jinyoung for so long that he almost said yes. Coming while sitting on his lap, having his undivided attention, and feeling so _safe _was the most appealing thought in the world. Well, almost the most appealing thought.

“Not yet,” Bambam said, pressing a firm kiss to Jinyoung’s mouth in an attempt to ground himself. “I don’t want it to be over.”

“You don’t think I can make you come again?” Jinyoung asked. His lips formed into a smirk that made Bambam want to roll his eyes.

“How would I know?” Bambam said. “It’s not like you’ve done it before.”

It didn’t matter how overcome with pleasure Jinyoung could make him feel. Bambam loved their banter too much to ever fully let it go.

“You’re such a brat,” Jinyoung said. “Come here.”

Bambam thought that that was a weird thing to say since he couldn’t get any closer to him. Jinyoung lifted him off his lap, moving him so that Bambam was lying on his back in the bed now. It wasn’t the first time Bambam had been in his bed since they had made out there more than a few times.

Jinyoung was standing next to the bed, looking down at him while he hooked his fingers in the waistband of his pants. Bambam had no idea what to focus on. Looking Jinyoung in the eyes seemed just as intense as watching the movement of his hands. Jinyoung pulled his pants down his legs and Bambam’s eyes helplessly went from making mediocre eye contact to seeing what was revealed. It wasn’t anything new. The seven of them had changed clothes in the same room countless times before. Still, this felt so entirely different.

“Oh, fuck,” he said.

He wasn’t fully hard, but he was visibly aroused and being able to see the proof of Jinyoung’s attraction for him was heady.

“We don’t have to do everything tonight,” Jinyoung said, settling between his spread legs on the bed. “I just want to be able to feel you.”

His hands settled overtop the waistband of Bambam’s own pants and he instantly knew what he was asking. Bambam nodded and lifted his hips up, giving silent permission. He tried to even out his breathing in an attempt to calm down.

Jinyoung kissed him as soon as they were both naked. It was soothing and gentle, like he was trying to assure Bambam that he had nothing to worry about. Being so self-conscious was such a foreign feeling to him, but he imagined that everyone felt this way their first time.

“What do you want?” Jinyoung asked. He ran a hand through Bambam’s hair and then cradled the back of his head.

“You.”

They both laughed at the vague response. It was just the first thing that popped into Bambam’s head.

“Be more specific.”

“I don’t really know, I guess,” Bambam said. “This was very spontaneous.” He thought for a moment, his mind going back to his conversation with Mark earlier that night. It felt like that had been years ago. “I just want you to take care of me.”

That was the right thing to say. Jinyoung’s eyes darkened and his hand that had been cupping his waist tightened its hold. Bambam always assumed that alphas were the ones to take control in all situations, and Jinyoung had definitely been doing that so far, but Bambam didn’t feel helpless at all.

“I can do that,” he said.

He gave Bambam a quick kiss before he moved down on the bed, planting short kisses down Bambam’s chest and abdomen until he reached where he was aching the most. This wasn’t what Bambam initially had in mind, but he realized that he had no complaints.

Jinyoung put his hands on his thighs, keeping his legs spread apart before he licked a broad stripe up Bambam’s cock. Unlike what he had been doing with his hands earlier, this feeling was entirely new to Bambam. His back arched and a sound that was embarrassingly high-pitched came from his lips. Jinyoung continued to work his mouth against his cock until he moved downward to Bambam’s cunt.

One of his hands was gripping the sheets while the other went to Jinyoung’s hair. He didn’t hold on tightly, it was just resting there so that it had something to do. Jinyoung opening him up with his tongue was unlike anything he had experienced before. The heat of him against him, as well as his hands on his thighs, gripping tightly and keeping him in place was enough to make him lose his mind.

“Fuck, _hyung_,” Bambam panted out, his toes curling in the bedsheets.

The sound of Bambam’s voice only seemed to encourage Jinyoung further. He knew he wasn’t going to last long. This wasn’t going to be some long, drawn-out lovemaking that people liked to romanticize about. With every movement of his tongue, Bambam became more and more sensitive. It was like every nerve in his body was set on fire with sensation. The heat he was feeling in his core seemed to mount as Jinyoung pressed into him harder and faster. Soon, he was arching his back completely, covering his face with one of his arms as his orgasm took him over.

His mind seemed to fog over afterward as he tried to calm his breathing. Bambam hadn’t even moved, but he felt so out of breath. His stomach hurt from clenching it so much in anticipation and he felt uncomfortably wet between his legs. Jinyoung kissed his way back up his body, giving extra focus to the sensitive skin of his neck.

“You okay?” There was a smugness to his voice that Bambam surprisingly didn’t mind.

“Yeah,” Bambam said once he figured out how words worked again. “Are you? Do you want me to–”

“No,” Jinyoung said before he could finish his question. “I just wanted this to be about you.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I know you don’t,” Jinyoung said. “And I’ll hold you to that, but for now, I need to get some sleep. I really do have an early wakeup time in the morning.”

“If you feel that way, I guess I won’t come to your room on impulse anymore.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t know, that’s what it sounded like to me,” Bambam said, sitting up in bed. “I’ll just head back to my room now. I don’t want to distract you from your sleep.”

“Don’t you dare.” Jinyoung wound an arm around his waist, pulling Bambam back so that he was against his chest. “There’s no way you’re not sleeping in my arms tonight.”

“Well, if you insist.”

Bambam smiled as Jinyoung planted a few more kisses to his neck. He still needed to get up to brush his teeth and turn the light off, but he stayed silent for a few moments, letting them have a quiet, content moment together.


	15. Chapter 15

“I think Jaebeom-hyung threatened me today.”

Bambam had been standing in front of his mirror, squinting at his reflection as he weighed the pros and cons of wearing colored contacts to dinner with Jinyoung’s family. Yugyeom hadn’t said anything as he showcased different clothing and accessory options, but now he was finally opening up. And it wasn’t about if Bambam’s outfit was too casual or not casual enough, which was really what he wanted to hear.

“Doesn’t he threaten you at least once a day?” Bambam asked.

“No, your boyfriend is the one who does that,” Yugyeom said. “Not very successfully either. I’m still alive.”

“Why do you think Jaebeom-hyung threatened you?”

“Because he’s leaving to film a reality show in the jungle, so I told Mark-hyung that if he gets lonely, I could stay with him for a few days,” Yugyeom said. “Then Jaebeom-hyung pulled me aside and told me that I needed to back off.”

“That’s not really a threat. It sounds more like an order.”

“It felt like a threat,” Yugyeom said. “Bammie, I was scared for my life.”

“Well, you did tell his boyfriend that you wanted to keep him company for a few days,” Bambam said. “Alone in an apartment with just the two of you. And everyone knows you’re in love with Mark.”

“I would never try to make a move,” Yugyeom said. “I’m not like that.”

“I know you’re not.”

He studied the holes in his ears, thinking about if wearing all his piercings was a good idea. Jinyoung said that dinner was going to be casual. Bambam wondered if skipping the colored contacts and settling on his plainest earrings was a good idea. That felt almost too plain though, like he was about to get on an airplane instead of having dinner with his boyfriend’s family.

“I just never thought Jaebeom-hyung wouldn’t trust me though,” Yugyeom said. “That’s what’s really bothering me. I hate that he thinks I’m the kind of guy who would try and seduce someone else’s partner.”

“To be fair, you did a lot of flirting with Mark a couple years ago. You were always interrupting their dates.”

“I was barely 18 and I didn’t know what I was doing,” Yugyeom said. “It wasn’t like I was a threat. He mostly just found me annoying.”

Bambam sighed and dropped the different hoop earrings he had been comparing. He sat on Yugyeom’s bed next to him and patted him on the shoulder. The simple touch prompted Yugyeom to immediately fall over onto his side, his head resting on Bambam’s lap.

“What’s the end goal here, Gyeom-ah?” Bambam asked, running a hand through Yugyeom’s alarmingly yellow hair. “Are you really trying to move on? Or do you think you might be trying to steal Mark away from him?”

“I don’t think I’m trying to do anything.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Bambam said. “You have to pick something to set your heart on.”

“My heart’s always been set on Mark-hyung.”

“I know it has,” Bambam said, “but it might be time for you to let him go.”

He realized this wasn’t the best time to be having this conversation with Yugyeom, but it was a topic they frequently covered. It was almost like a weekly tradition for Yugyeom to come to him and vent about his feelings for Mark. Usually Bambam would be a good friend and listen attentively, but he really did need to get ready for dinner. He was slowly running out of time.

His savior came in the form of a short knock on their bedroom door before it swung open. Jackson took one look at them on the bed before asking, “What are you two doing?”

“I’m supposed to be getting ready to leave,” Bambam said. “And Yugyeom is venting, so I leave him to you.”

Bambam pushed Yugyeom’s head off of his lap and then slipped off the bed, going back to his mirror to continue his decision making. Jackson took his spot easily enough, pulling Yugyeom on top of his thighs and linking their hands together.

“What’s going on?” Jackson asked.

“Usual stuff,” Yugyeom said.

“Mark?”

“Yeah.”

“Jaebeom?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s definitely the usual stuff,” Jackson said. “I came in here to tell Bambam to hurry up since Jinyoung is ready to go, but I can listen to you vent, if you want.”

“That’d be nice, hyung,” Yugyeom said.

“He’s waiting on me already?” Bambam said. He looked at his watch to check the time. There were still 10 minutes until they had to leave. “Why is he rushing?”

“That’s something you’ll have to ask him, I guess,” Jackson said. “Go on, Gyeomie, tell me what’s going on.”

As Yugyeom started to talk about things he had already heard a million times before, Bambam started to quicken his pace. He had known Jinyoung’s family for years, just like he had known all the members’ families. They were always nice to him and none of them ever made him feel uncomfortable or shy. Jinyoung’s two older sisters, Sooyoung and Boyoung, were both alphas, and the three siblings got along well. Bambam always got the feeling that his parents were on the strict and traditional side, but Jinyoung told him that they were nothing but supportive of their relationship. There was no reason for him to be nervous, and yet he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he tried to put on an earring.

“I’ve been going on a lot of dates lately,” Yugyeom said from his spot on the bed. “Mostly with girls, almost all of them, really. I did go on a date with a guy last week. He was a beta, like me and it was...weird.”

“What’d you two do?” Jackson asked.

“We went to dinner and then he performed at a poetry reading at a café.”

“Oh no,” Jackson said.

“We didn’t talk much during dinner and his poetry was terrible,” Yugyeom said. “It was a bad date, but we still ended up making out in his car. And then I let him, um, well.”

Bambam had given up on his earrings and was listening to Yugyeom’s date story instead. Yugyeom always went through phases when it came to dating. He either saw three different people a week or he went celibate for months. It was always up and down, but this was the first time he ever mentioned being physical with another guy. Before, Yugyeom’s dates with other men always ended with Yugyeom giving them handshakes and pats on the back and then never seeing them again.

“Let him do what?” Jackson asked.

“I let him blow me.”

“Oh,” Jackson said, seeming startled. “At least you got something out of it.”

“This happened last week and I’m only just now hearing about it?” Bambam asked.

“It’s not like we’ve had time to talk,” Yugyeom said. “We’ve all been busy with promotions and when we’re not working, you’re with Jinyoung-hyung.”

It was impossible to argue with that. He had been having sex with Jinyoung for three months now and things were…good. Very good. Incredibly good. Fucking phenomenal. He literally had no complaints. They were intimate whenever they got the chance, which wasn’t very often given their busy schedules. Because of that, he hadn’t spent much time with Yugyeom or the other members in the group outside of work.

“Sorry,” Bambam said. “I have been preoccupied lately, huh?”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Yugyeom said. “And we’re talking about it now, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we are.” He sat down on the bed with them. “So, everything about this guy’s personality was wrong, but you liked hooking up with him.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Yugyeom said. “I guess now I can’t say that I only like girls and Mark-hyung is the one exception.”

They both laughed, but Jackson stayed quiet. Bambam knew he didn’t have a problem with Yugyeom being attracted to men. He obviously didn’t care that the rest of them weren’t straight either. Something about his expression was off putting though, like he was thinking about something he didn’t want to examine too closely. Bambam had a suspicion he knew what it was.

“I know Youngjae-hyung is bi,” Yugyeom said, oblivious to Jackson’s change in mood. “Mark-hyung told me that he’s pansexual and, honestly, I don’t even know what that means. Are they the same thing? I think I’m one of those, or a mix of the two, or maybe something entirely different. I don’t know. I just know that I’m not straight.”

“That’s good enough,” Bambam said. “At least you’re not ignoring that part of yourself anymore. Or in denial about it.”

He didn’t mean to look Jackson directly in the eye when he said it. Bambam’s gaze met Jackson’s though and he instantly wished that he could take it back.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jackson asked.

“It means that I’m happy for Yugyeom,” Bambam said.

“Then why were you looking at me when you said it?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Bambam couldn’t remember being stuck in a conversation with Jackson that felt this hostile. The two always got along and almost never argued. He wasn’t used to Jackson’s steely gaze being targeted on him.

“Hyung, if you want to talk to us about anything, you know you can, right?” Yugyeom said. “We’re here to listen.”

“There’s nothing I need to talk about,” Jackson said. “I’m past the point in my life where I needed to figure everything out. I’m straight. That’s it.”

It was a blatant lie. Clearly this was something that Jackson had been telling himself over and over again lately. He seemed determined, almost like he was daring one of them to question him. Bambam just wanted the conversation to be over, but Yugyeom seemed determined to keep it going.

“What about Youngjae-hyung? You two were–”

“That didn’t mean anything,” Jackson said. “I ended things a while ago. I was just, you know, trying it out. Experimenting.”

Bambam felt like he had been doused in cold water. Judging by Yugyeom’s face, it looked like he felt the same way. It was one thing to insist he was straight, but saying that what he had with Youngjae had been nothing, just something he was experimenting with, was infuriating. Bambam thought about how he could see the longing and heartbreak on Youngjae’s face whenever he looked at Jackson. How when Jackson overworked himself to the point of making himself sick, Youngjae had been the most worried. How the two always had a fondness for each other that was quiet and steady and strong.

He supposed it hadn’t been that strong to Jackson.

“Oh, fuck you,” Bambam said before he could think of a more appropriate response.

There wasn’t any time for any of them to react to that, because Jinyoung was walking in, completely unaware of the topic of their conversation.

“Are you ready?” he said to Bambam. “We have to get going.”

“Yeah, I’m good to go,” Bambam said. He grabbed the earrings he had abandoned in front of his mirror and then followed Jinyoung out of the room. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“What were you three talking about?” he asked.

“If I talk about it, I’ll get upset,” Bambam said, “and I don’t want to get upset before dinner with your family because I’m already nervous about that.”

“You have no reason to be nervous,” Jinyoung said. “My parents already love you and my sisters think you’re adorable.”

“I know, but this is like the first big thing we’re doing with your family as a couple,” Bambam said. “I want them to like me as more than just your friend.”

“They do, trust me,” Jinyoung said. “They know how happy you make me.”

Those words worked wonders for Bambam. What Jackson had said about Youngjae was still in the back of his mind, but he could push it aside for now. They were just behind the door of the main entrance to their building, on the other side was the street and the world outside. Bambam leaned forward, kissing Jinyoung.

“Thanks,” Bambam said.

“No need to thank me,” Jinyoung said. “I’m just being honest.”

They shared soft smiles, both of them momentarily forgetting what they were supposed to be doing in the first place. Bambam was so caught up in Jinyoung that it took him a moment to realize what the other was wearing.

“Wait a second,” Bambam said. “You said tonight was casual.”

Jinyoung’s hair was styled and he was wearing a blazer with a turtleneck sweater and dress shoes. He looked the complete opposite of “casual.”

“So, I might have lied about that,” Jinyoung said. “I knew if I told you it was formal, you would wear a suit and a diamond watch _and _a diamond bracelet, and that would have been too much. You’re only wearing the diamond watch tonight, so I consider that a win.”

“You know me so well,” Bambam said. “It kind of freaks me out.”

“Or does it excite you?”

“You’re so weird,” Bambam said, rolling his eyes before pulling him in for another kiss.

They were the first ones to make it to the restaurant they were meeting Jinyoung’s family at, despite Jinyoung being convinced they were going to be late. He settled into his seat next to Jinyoung in the private room they had reserved, before remembering that he had stuffed his earrings in his pocket.

“Can you put these on me?” Bambam said, handing them to Jinyoung.

“Did you forget that I don’t have any piercings?” Jinyoung said. “I don’t know how to put those on.”

“I have faith that you can figure it out.”

He fumbled with the clasp a few times, but eventually Jinyoung managed to secure one of the earrings. As he worked on the second, he brought up what Bambam wanted to talk about the least.

“Why were you in such a hurry to leave?” he asked. “What were you talking to Jackson and Yugyeom about?”

“Your family could arrive at any moment,” Bambam said. “Do you really want to get into this now?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I’ll give you the short version then,” Bambam said. “Yugyeom told us that he’s not straight but he doesn’t know what label he falls under – or if he even wants to use a label – and I told him that was fine, that it was better than being in denial. Then Jackson said he was straight and what he had with Youngjae didn’t mean anything and he was just experimenting. And then I told him to fuck off. Or I said ‘fuck you.’ It was in the heat of the moment, I can’t remember which one I said.”

It was at that moment that Jinyoung’s family walked into the private room. Jinyoung’s surprised face at what Bambam had just told him was quickly masked as he stood up to greet his parents and sisters. Sooyoung went right to Bambam, enveloping him in a hug. Boyoung was right behind her. Like Jinyoung, the two were incredibly pretty alphas with fair skin and polite smiles. They always made him feel like he belonged whenever he saw them.

“I think you get more gorgeous every time I see you,” Sooyoung said, resting a hand on his cheek. “Are you sure you don’t want to run away with me instead? My brother can be such a bore.”

“He definitely doesn’t want to do that, noona,” Jinyoung said.

“Actually, now that I think about it, you _are _kind of boring,” Bambam said.

He laughed along with Jinyoung’s sisters. Jinyoung himself was making the same face he always did when he was highly unimpressed by something. Bambam saw the expression at least three times a day.

“How have you been?” Jinyoung’s mother said, pulling Bambam into a hug. “You’ve both been so busy. I’m surprised we managed to steal you away for a dinner.”

“I’m surprised too,” Jinyoung said. “I’m happy we’re doing this though.”

Dinner went smoothly from then on. Bambam kept to himself for most of it. He chose to focus on eating and paying attention to any responses that he would need to remember for future family get-togethers. Boyoung was dating a new omega. Sooyoung had broken things off with the one she’d been seeing. Jinyoung’s father recently got a promotion and his mother was learning how to make French confectioneries. He only spoke up if someone directed a question at him and those questions were always about his family and if he missed living in Thailand.

“I was wondering something the other day and now is the perfect time to ask it,” Jinyoung’s mother said as she read over a small dessert menu their waiter had brought her. “Are you two ever going to publically announce your relationship? You’ve been together for nearly a year. I think it’s time.”

“Now that you mention it, it is kind of weird that you haven’t,” Sooyoung said. “Mark and Jaebeom have been open about their relationship from the very beginning and everyone adores them.”

“Oh, that Mark,” Jinyoung’s father said, “he’s such a lovely omega, isn’t he?”

“He really is,” his mother agreed. “I always liked him.”

“We like keeping things private,” Jinyoung said, resting his hand on Bambam’s thigh under the table. “It’s not like we’re in any rush to get married or mated. Bambam just turned 20 this year.”

“Most omegas are mated by at least 19,” his mother said.

“Is there another reason why you’re so hesitant to tell people?” Jinyoung’s father asked.

He gave Jinyoung a sharp look that made Jinyoung clench his jaw. Bambam decided that it was his turn to give him a comforting touch, so he covered the hand on his thigh with one of his own.

“Eomma, Appa, lighten up,” Boyoung said. “You can’t expect them to get mated anytime soon. Omegas who work in entertainment never get mated so young. Just let them do their own thing.”

“We’re only curious,” his mother said. “Usually when you start seeing a new omega, you tell us all about it. You’ve been with Bambam longer than any of the others, and you’ve barely told us anything. I just want to know if you’re planning a future together. Or if this is just going to be another relationship you’re going to let slip through your fingers.” She flipped the menu over, frowning at the options there before turning it back to the front. “Now, does anyone want dessert?”

No one ended up wanting dessert.

They said their goodbyes outside of the restaurant. Bambam received warm hugs from Jinyoung’s sisters once again, but the hug he got from his mother seemed frigid and forced.

“You really are such a…” She patted his chest a few times while studying his face, like she was looking for the right adjective to describe him with. “Exotic-looking omega, aren’t you? I’ve always thought that you were a sweet boy. I’m sure that one day you’ll find an alpha as…unique as you are. But I don’t think that’s my son.” She moved her hand forward to just barely touch one of his earrings. Her polite smile, that didn’t quite reach her eyes, faltered slightly in disapproval. The only jewelry she wore was a ruby ring on one of her fingers, so he doubted she liked his tendency to accessorize. “Have a lovely night, Kunpimook.”

He had no idea his own given name could sound like such an insult.

“I think that went well,” Jinyoung said after waving goodbye to his family as they walked down the street. “Things got a little awkward around the end when they started talking about going public and getting mated. I think they might just be ready for a grandchild. Sooyoung-noona is five years older than me, so they’re probably tired of waiting around for her to get married.”

Bambam thought about telling him what his mother had just said to him. She clearly didn’t voice any of her negative opinions about Bambam to Jinyoung, since he seemed light and carefree after telling her goodbye. He wanted to tell him, but the soft smile on his face and the way he looked at Bambam like he was the only thing that mattered was enough to make him keep those words to himself.

“I love you,” Bambam said instead.

Jinyoung’s eyes widened and he started to shake his head. “No.”

“No?”

“No, you can’t say that to me,” he said. “I wanted to say it first.”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve told you I love you,” Bambam said.

“This is the first time it’s been declarative,” Jinyoung said. “The other times happened before we started dating and all the other times after we got together were casual. Like ‘goodnight, I love you’ or ‘good luck at work today, I love you’ or ‘wow, you really fucked up that entire dance, but it’s okay, I still love you.’ None of those count.”

“Okay, then how do you want to tell me that you love me?”

Bambam could tell that he didn’t expect to be put on the spot so suddenly, but Jinyoung always handled pressure well.

“Phom rak khun,” Jinyoung said.

“Oh,” Bambam said. “Wow. Your pronunciation is terrible.”

“I practiced that.”

“Really? I can’t tell,” Bambam said. “I almost didn’t know what you were saying.” He wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulders, smiling at his frowning face. “I appreciate it though. I love you, too.”

Jinyoung kissed him and for a moment he could forget that they shouldn’t be kissing in public and that his boyfriend’s mother wanted him to stay far away from her son. He could just focus on the feeling of Jinyoung’s lips against his own and his hands on his waist and how he didn’t have any plans of ever walking away from him.


	16. Chapter 16

“I can’t believe you’re making me jealous of your phone,” Jinyoung said, kissing a line up Bambam’s neck. “I’ve got my hands on your ass and you won’t even look at me.”

“I’m just reading the update from Yugyeom’s brother about my sons,” Bambam said.

“Don’t call them your sons.”

“They’re my children. I adopted them.”

“They’re cats that you own,” Jinyoung said.

“Who are also my children.”

Jinyoung tilted his head back, groaning loudly in frustration. Bambam could tell that he wasn’t actually annoyed though. There was a faint smile on his lips, a giveaway that he wasn’t being serious. Last month he had adopted a cat and after having him for a few weeks he quickly realized that his first son, Pudding, needed a brother to keep him company. That was when he adopted Latte. Jinyoung wasn’t the fondest of them. He always looked at them from the corner of his eye when they were at the dorm, like he was anticipating their every move as if they were a threat.

The dorm itself was quickly emptying. Jackson had found his own place and Yugyeom was making plans to move in with his older brother. That would leave Bambam and Jinyoung alone together at the dorm. Bambam found it strange that he wasn’t ready to only live with Jinyoung. They had lived together for years, even before their debut, but living with his boyfriend alone felt different from that. He was looking into getting his own place and so was Jinyoung. Maybe the reason he felt the need to adopt two cats was because he didn’t want to get lonely when he had his own apartment.

“Can we please stop talking about your cats?” Jinyoung said. “It’s not every day we get a chance to be alone like this.”

“Oh, did you have something in mind you wanted to do?” Bambam asked.

They were in their shared hotel room in Hong Kong. One they had been boarded up in after performing at MAMA earlier that night. It was late now, past midnight, and while Bambam imagined most other idols were using this time to sleep, Jinyoung seemed to have other ideas. And Bambam didn’t have any complaints.

Jinyoung’s response to his teasing question was to reach down and grab his thighs before hoisting him up so that Bambam could wrap his legs around his waist. He laughed into Jinyoung’s mouth as they kissed, finding his excitement somewhat adorable. Bambam wasn’t surprised anymore whenever Jinyoung showed his attraction toward him, whether it was in words or action. When they first got together, Bambam seemed to question everything he did, but now he could easily accept that Jinyoung wanted him just as much as he wanted Jinyoung.

The walk from the door to the bed wasn’t particularly long, so Bambam soon found himself on his back, his head cushioned by four hotel pillows, all stacked on top of each other. There were about ten other pillows on the bed and Bambam didn’t waste any time, pushing most of them on to the floor. Jinyoung tossed one to the floor as well to act as an active participant before cupping Bambam’s face in his hands.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jinyoung said, stroking his jawline with his thumb.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Bambam said.

He moved forward to kiss him, but Jinyoung stopped him before he could.

“I’ve been thinking about something lately.”

“Really?” Bambam said. “You throw me on the bed and then you want to stop so that we can talk?”

“I didn’t throw you, I gently placed you,” Jinyoung said. “I just want to ask you something. It won’t take long.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

Despite saying that his question wouldn’t take long, Jinyoung didn’t immediately ask it. He tilted his head to the side and pressed his lips together, like he was thinking over the best way to word what he wanted to say. Bambam didn’t pressure him at first. He wound his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulders, running his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck while watching as Jinyoung’s face cycled through different expressions.

“Hyung, what is it?” Bambam asked.

“I just don’t want to offend you.”

“I don’t think you could ever do that,” Bambam said. “Just tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I want to spend your next heat with you.”

Bambam hardly thought that that was something worth getting so worried about. Jinyoung was always by his side during his heats, in one way or another. It wasn’t until his last one that he did more than cuddling and getting him water or snacks when he needed them. His last heat was the first one Jinyoung had actually taken care of him like alphas usually did when their omega was in heat.

“I was already expecting that,” Bambam said. “You always keep me company during my heats.”

“This time I want something more though,” Jinyoung said. “I want to knot you.”

“Oh.”

They had never talked about that before. It always seemed like a topic they both knew about, but refused to discuss. Bambam had taken health classes in school, he had been on the internet, he talked to Mark, he knew what to expect. Still, the thought of it made him nervous in ways that other sex acts didn’t. Over the past few months he had learned that sex was a lot more than Jinyoung putting his dick in him. There were so many other things they could do that were just as satisfying. Knotting was one thing that they hadn’t tried yet and he hadn’t expected Jinyoung to bring it up so suddenly.

“I ruined the mood,” Jinyoung said. “Sorry. I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately.”

“You didn’t ruin the mood,” Bambam said. “That’s just not what I was expecting you to say.”

“What did you think I was going to say?”

Bambam was expecting him to talk about his mother. He hadn’t mentioned anything she had said to him outside the restaurant they went to two months ago. It wasn’t a topic that Bambam knew how to bring up. He didn’t know how to tell Jinyoung that his mother outright told him that she didn’t approve of him and didn’t want them to be together. When Jinyoung told him that he wanted to talk to him about something, and after taking a long time to think about how to word it, Bambam thought he was going to tell him that his mother had told Jinyoung directly of her disapproval.

But no, Jinyoung wanted to talk about knotting. He almost wished he wanted to talk about his mother instead.

“I don’t know,” Bambam said. “I just didn’t think you were going to bring up knotting.” He ran his hand up Jinyoung’s side, slipping under his shirt and feeling his warm skin. “So, you’ve been thinking about it a lot, huh?”

“Do you not think about it?” Jinyoung asked.

It wasn’t exactly something that was always on his mind, but Bambam didn’t want to bruise his ego.

“Of course I do,” Bambam said. Jinyoung pressed his weight down on top of him even more, planting a few kisses on his neck. “I was just surprised that you brought it up.”

“I felt like it was the natural progression of things,” Jinyoung said. “I’m always with you while you’re in heat. Even before we got together, I kept you company. You drive me crazy most days, but when you’re in heat, I have to hold myself back.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said. “I’ve never been much of an alpha for most of my life. I was indifferent to it, but being with you makes me want to be the best alpha for you in every way I can be. Knotting you is something else I can provide for you, if you’ll let me.”

“Yes,” Bambam said immediately after Jinyoung finished his sentence. He didn’t even have to think it over. “I’ll let you.”

They kissed again and this time the kisses weren’t soft and lingering. It was clear that they were done talking for the night. They really hadn’t gotten the chance to have sex in a while. Jinyoung’s hands were sure, and almost impatient, as they went to Bambam’s pants, fumbling with the button to unfasten them, when there was a loud series of knocks on the door.

“Fuck,” Jinyoung said, pushing himself away from Bambam.

“Wait a second,” Bambam said. “Maybe they’ll stop knocking and go away.”

“I think you’re being too optimistic,” Jinyoung said. “You know how our friends are.”

Almost as if Jinyoung had spoken it into existence, there was more knocking on the door. Bambam watched from the bed as Jinyoung went to the door, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to make it lay flat after Bambam kept touching it. Jinyoung had barely turned the door handle when Jaebeom pushed the door open and came barging in.

Out of all the members, he was the last one Bambam expected to see. He would have guessed that one of their managers was at the door instead of Jaebeom.

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Jinyoung said.

“And whatever it is, can you make this quick?” Bambam said. “We were kind of in the middle of something.”

Jaebeom didn’t appear to hear either one of them. He was pacing in their hotel room, rubbing his hands over his face like he was trying to calm down or come to his senses. Bambam tried to make eye contact with Jinyoung, to silently ask him if he knew what was going on, but Jinyoung was too focused on Jaebeom to notice him.

“Hey, calm down,” Jinyoung said, grabbing his shoulder and getting him to stop his pacing. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” Jaebeom said. Bambam felt almost a kneejerk reaction to agree with him, but now was not the time for making fun of him. “I just – _fuck_. I can’t believe I actually thought that he would want me the same way I…I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what anymore?” Jinyoung asked. “Are you talking about Mark-hyung?”

“It’s always about Mark,” Jaebeom said. He reached into his pocket, taking out a small black pouch and shoving it in Jinyoung’s hands. “Guess what he said when I showed him that.”

Bambam didn’t have to wait for Jinyoung to empty the contents of the bag to know what was inside. Jinyoung opened it up and turned it out onto his palm, revealing a delicate platinum ring that he imagined would look perfect on Mark’s finger.

“You asked him here?” Bambam said. “In a hotel room? After an award show? What did you think he was going to say?”

“Bam-ah, not the time,” Jinyoung said.

“It shouldn’t have mattered,” Jaebeom said. “Mark doesn’t care about big romantic gestures. He doesn’t need everything to be extravagant. I thought that I would be enough. I _should _be enough.”

It was at that moment that Bambam realized that Jaebeom wasn’t only distraught and upset, he was pissed. His hands were formed into fists and he had a nasty scowl on his face, almost like he was disgusted. Jaebeom didn’t get angry like that anymore. When they were trainees he was always hotheaded, but he had mellowed out since then. Bambam always thought that most of his newfound calmness was because of Mark.

“So he completely rejected you?” Jinyoung said. “Or did he just say he wasn’t ready to get married? Because those are two entirely different things.”

“If he told me he wasn’t ready to get married, I wouldn’t be upset,” Jaebeom said. “As soon as I showed him the ring he turned me down. He told me that it wouldn’t be fair to me because of…because of what he feels for Yugyeom.”

That was the moment Bambam felt like he had been waiting months for. He knew that Mark had a special spot in his heart for Yugyeom. Mark took care of him in a way that was different from how he looked out for the rest of them. Of course Yugyeom’s constant affection for him was also there, but Bambam thought that Mark had come to like Yugyeom all on his own.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Jinyoung said. “But you know there’s no way Mark doesn’t love you. He’s just confused right now. He’ll come around.”

“I don’t think he will,” Jaebeom said. “He’s not confused about anything. He knows exactly what he wants and it’s not me.”

“That is such bullshit,” Bambam said before he could stop himself. “Of course he wants you. Mark doesn’t play games with people and he especially wouldn’t do that to you. He wouldn’t move into an apartment with you and talk about how he wants to spend the rest of his life with you if he didn’t want you.” Bambam stood up, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m going to go check on him. He’s probably just as upset as you are and you just left him all alone.”

He took a spare keycard from the nightstand and pocketed it. Jinyoung grabbed his hand before he could make it out the door, stopping him for a moment to kiss his cheek.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Jinyoung said.

“More than likely.”

Bambam didn’t foresee sleeping in his own room tonight. He briefly mourned the loss of having sex with Jinyoung before heading to what was Mark and Jaebeom’s room. After knocking on the door a few times, he wasn’t met with a response. He knocked again, louder this time, and the door almost instantly opened.

“Jaebeom, I – oh, hey Bam,” Mark said.

His eyes were watery and there were streaks down his blotchy face from tears. Bambam’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest. He stepped into the room, taking Mark into his arms just as the door closed behind him.

“He looks just as upset as you,” Bambam said.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Mark said. “Did he tell you what–”

“More or less,” Bambam said. “I saw the ring. You should have said yes just for that.”

“I’m not in the mood for jokes,” Mark said. He sat on the bed, pulling Bambam down with him. “I really fucked up.”

“I don’t think you did,” Bambam said. “You were just being honest. It was better for you to tell him now than sometime in the future.”

Mark put his face in his hands, breathing deeply like he was forcefully trying to calm himself down. Bambam rubbed his back, not wanting to rush him into saying anything. He had a million questions and curiosity was eating away at him, but he pushed all of that down. What he needed to do now was comfort his friend, not interrogate him.

“I love Jaebeom,” Mark said. “I love him so much and I do want to marry him.” He wasn’t saying it like he was trying to convince himself that that was the truth. Mark said the words like he was stating that the sky was blue or that there were four seasons or that the Earth revolved around the Sun. It was true and honest, inarguable. “But I can’t stop myself from loving Yugyeom too. He’s always been by my side, even when he was a kid. I’ve seen him grow up into a man and he’s loved me so unconditionally…I never thought I could be deserving of love like that, but he makes me feel like I do. We’ve been getting closer and I can’t…” His voice started to sound watery again, like tears were coming once more. Bambam wrapped his arms around him, leaning closer. “I’m so fucking awful.”

“No, you’re not,” Bambam said. “You just love two people at once. It’s not like you cheated on Jaebeom-hyung with Yugyeom.”

He didn’t even ask for Mark to confirm or deny that. He knew that hadn’t happened. And it wasn’t because Yugyeom hadn’t said anything or that Yugyeom was a terrible liar who wouldn’t be able to keep something from him. It wasn’t even because he knew that Yugyeom would never do something like that. Bambam was so sure because he knew Mark. Mark who was one of his first friends when he came to Korea. Mark who was always honest, even when he was upset. He knew exactly what kind of person Mark was, and he wasn’t the type to betray anyone’s trust.

“I don’t know what to do,” Mark said. “Jaebeom probably doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I can’t tell Yugyeom how I feel because he’ll think he’s a rebound. And I just can’t…I can’t lose Jaebeom. Bam, I can’t lose him.”

“You’re not going to,” Bambam said. “The three of you will work something out, I know you will. You have to stop thinking of the worst-case scenarios though, because that’s not doing you any good.”

Mark wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. That only helped to stop the tears from falling for a couple of seconds and then his eyes were welling up again. It was as if all the bad thoughts were rushing back to him in full force. Bambam continued to hold him, smoothing his hair and letting him lean against his body.

Being the one to comfort Mark was unfamiliar. When he was younger and feeling the ache of homesickness, he would always go to Mark to help distract him. They would watch a movie or go for a walk or play a video game until all thoughts of home left him. He wanted to do the same for Mark. A walk wasn’t possible and they didn’t have what they needed to play a game, so a movie would have to do. He fumbled for the television remote, turning it on and then quickly realizing that he didn’t know Cantonese.

“What are you doing?” Mark asked.

“I thought we could watch a movie,” Bambam said. “It could help distract you.”

“You seriously want to rent a hotel movie?”

“Why not?” Bambam said with a shrug.

Mark was the one who set up the movie, clicking on a few random buttons to change the menu to English before scrolling through titles. He settled on an action movie that neither one of them had seen that looked like nothing but mindless explosions and poorly choreographed fight scenes. It was the perfect choice.

They were halfway through the movie, when Mark’s eyes started to grow heavy. Bambam continued to rub his hand up and down his back in an attempt to help him go to sleep. It looked like he was about to succeed when Mark’s phone started vibrating on the nightstand. At first it only buzzed a few times, but then it started to chime rapidly, like he was receiving ten messages at once. Eventually it started ringing like someone was calling him.

“I was so close to passing out,” Mark said, reaching over blindly to grab his phone.

“Just put it on do not disturb,” Bambam said.

Mark didn’t take his advice, choosing to look through his texts anyway. Bambam brought his attention back to the movie, but he couldn’t focus on it for too long since he felt Mark go rigid at his side.

“Bam, you don’t have your phone with you, do you?” he said.

“No, it’s in the other room,” Bambam said. “Why?”

He didn’t answer with words. Mark shoved his phone into his hands and the first thing Bambam saw was a photo of him and Jinyoung kissing. It had been taken outside of the restaurant from a few months ago. He scrolled down and his stomach fell. The next photo was from over a year ago, the night they got together and kissed on the street. They were posted to a gossip blog and, judging by the amount of texts to Mark’s phone, it wasn’t only one website reporting on it.

Bambam scrolled up to the top of the page to read the title of the article. “_Opposites Do Attract?! GOT7’s Jinyoung and BamBam and Their **Deceptive **Secret! EXCLUSIVE PHOTOGRAPHS_” He clicked on another link Mark had been sent. “_You’ll Never Believe Who GOT7’s Jinyoung Is Dating! A Shocking Scandal!_” And another one. “_The Secret Love Affair That NO ONE Saw Coming! Over a Year Together and Only Just Now Being Shown to the Public!_”

“Mark.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to be sick.”

“I’ll get the ice bucket.”


	17. Chapter 17

Bambam was trying his best to keep his focus on the conversation he was having with Doctor Cha, but there were several factors that were making that difficult for him. Her voice from the other line on the phone was soft and soothing, as it always was, as she asked him a few checkup questions about his heat. She did this for all of his heats and each time his answers were exactly the same. The suppressants were working fine. He was still with Jinyoung. His heats weren’t unbearable and after the first day he was usually in good enough shape to go to work without any issues.

This heat was different though. It had started on time, but instead of the heat growing in intensity throughout the day, he had woken up with a t-shirt drenched in sweat and his mind foggy. He called her immediately after waking up and she had instructed him to start drinking water. So, that was what he did. Bambam was sitting at the kitchen table in his own apartment that he had only moved into a few days ago, drinking water and trying not to make eye contact with Jinyoung who was staring at him from the other side of the kitchen. Jinyoung was the only one still living in their old dorm, but he had stayed the night at Bambam’s since his heat was starting today.

“Are you feeling any pain?” Doctor Cha asked.

“No, not really,” Bambam said. “Discomfort, yeah. Not because of pain though. I just woke up and it felt like I was already in the middle of my heat.”

“So, it came on quickly,” she said. “That is a sign that your current suppressants are starting to fail you.”

“I’ve only been on them for two years though.”

“We knew this was going to happen after our very first appointment, Bambam,” Doctor Cha said. “Your heats are unusually strong. I told you that suppressants are only going to help you for a short amount of time. The only true way to normalize them is to get mated.”

“I know,” he said. “I just didn’t think it would happen this soon.”

Mating didn’t scare him. Even if he and Jinyoung had never sat down and had a serious discussion about it, Bambam knew that he wasn’t ever going to love anyone else. Jinyoung was it for him; he was the love of his life. Being tied to him until the end of time didn’t worry him. What worried him about mating was how a successful mating always ending in a pregnancy, and he was not ready to have children for a multitude of reasons.

“You’re planning on being intimate with Jinyoung during this heat as well?” Doctor Cha asked. “I know your last one was the first one where you two were together like that. I’m honestly surprised that didn’t help to make your heats milder. Knotting usually does that.”

“Uh, well.” Bambam looked at Jinyoung who was no longer staring at him in worry. He was now drinking his own glass of water and squinting at the kitchen countertops, like he was inspecting the quality of the granite. “We had sex last time, but he didn’t knot me.” Suddenly Bambam was much more interesting to Jinyoung than the countertops. “He’s going to this time though.”

Jinyoung nodded his head quickly, silently agreeing to something he had already agreed to a month ago. His chest seemed to puff up as well, like he was proud of this achievement that he hadn’t even done yet.

“That should definitely make a change then,” Doctor Cha said, sounding satisfied. “You’ll have to tell me how that helps, if it does. Then we’ll see if your next heat starts any calmer than this one did. Do you want me to talk to him for a moment? I could give him instruction.”

He already knew that Jinyoung wasn’t going to accept the offer, but he asked him anyway. Trying to keep his face in a neutral expression proved to be difficult though.

“She wants to know if you need instruction on how to knot,” he said.

“No,” Jinyoung said instantly, his eyes widening. “I don’t need help. I know how to do it. I’ve done it before.”

“Apparently my boyfriend is a knotting expert,” Bambam said.

“Don’t say it like that,” Jinyoung said. “You’re making me sound like an escort.”

Bambam tried his best to keep his laughter in as he exchanged parting words with Doctor Cha. Jinyoung finally made his way over to him, abandoning his forced fascination with the kitchen counter. He leaned against the table Bambam was sitting at, placing a hand on one side of his neck and stroking the skin with his thumb. His neck was sensitive most days, but during his heat it was impossible for him to stay still in his chair as Jinyoung touched him. He leaned down, kissing right under Bambam’s jaw right as he ended the call.

“You couldn’t wait until I said goodbye to her?” Bambam said, tilting his head to the side to allow Jinyoung better access to kiss down his neck.

“I just wanted you to hang up faster,” Jinyoung said. “You got the information you needed from her. Now it’s time to get what you need from me.”

“Oh, that was a terrible line.”

“It was?”

“Yeah, like really fucking cheesy,” Bambam said. “Just say you want to fuck me.”

“That’s a little too obvious though.”

“I like obvious.”

On a normal day, a topic like Jinyoung’s bad attempts at saying something that he thought was drama-worthy, resulted in them bantering for at least 20 minutes. Today wasn’t a normal day though, so they both let that would-be conversation die. Jinyoung took him into his arms and picked him up. Times like this made Bambam want to ask Jinyoung to move in with him. It still felt like a big step, but he loved the idea of Jinyoung taking him to _their _bedroom in _their _apartment and closing the door behind them so that _their _cats wouldn’t try to jump on the bed with them.

He was content to wait on that dream though. Being forced to go public with their relationship made them put a pin in things. After the photos leaked the first thing Bambam felt after panicking for a good ten minutes was relief, oddly enough. They had told their company about it when they first started dating. Their family and friends already knew. And they were an alpha and omega couple, so it wasn’t like it was shocking or “unacceptable” for them to be together. It had only been a month since the news broke, but the media had already found other stories to obsess over.

Most people were upset because they felt like they had been lied to, like they deserved to know everything that happened in their personal lives. People who didn’t even know anything about their group were annoyed that an omega who wasn’t Korean had “stolen away” one of their most eligible alphas. It was a mixed bag of reactions. They were trying to keep attention away from themselves now, so announcing that they were moving in together so soon wouldn’t do that.

“Let’s just get this out of the way first,” Jinyoung said.

He placed Bambam on the bed before pulling his shirt over his head. Bambam followed his lead and started to undress as well. He wasn’t wearing that much to begin with since he would just sweat through everything he put on anyway. With each layer he took off though, he instantly felt his overheated skin react to the chill of the air. That alone was startling to him. It was January and he always liked to keep his apartment warm by turning the heat to a high setting.

“You’re burning up,” Jinyoung said, pressing the back of his hand to Bambam’s forehead. “Are you sure you’re up to this? If it gets bad, we might need to call–”

“I’m fine,” Bambam said. “Just come here.”

That was all the convincing Jinyoung seemed to need. He climbed onto the bed on top of Bambam, smiling softly at him before kissing the tip of his nose. Bambam wanted to roll his eyes from the small kiss, thinking that it was silly, but he stopped himself because he knew that he loved the brief affectionate touches from Jinyoung. He didn’t know what kind of things he liked when it came to sex before his first time with Jinyoung. Part of him always thought that he would want to be adventurous or kinky, but he quickly discovered that he liked how sweet Jinyoung was with him. Going slowly and softly was a turn-on for him more than anything else and Jinyoung seemed more than happy to go along with what he preferred.

He ran his hands through Jinyoung’s hair as they kissed, always finding himself amused by the difference in textures of their hair. Bambam’s hair tended to be on the drier side because of how often he dyed it, but Jinyoung’s was always soft and easy to pass through with his fingers. He loved to take his time kissing Jinyoung. His weight on top of Bambam was grounding instead of suffocating and the way Jinyoung ran his hands up and down his body always made sparks seem to fly behind his eyes. Every time he touched Bambam it was familiar and yet completely new.

“Usually I would love to just make out with you for an hour,” Bambam said, turning his head to disconnect their mouths. “But I’m really starting to–”

“Of course,” Jinyoung said. He knew what Bambam was asking for even though he hadn’t finished his sentence. “I’ve got you. Just let me open you up first.”

“You really don’t have to,” Bambam said. “Not when I’m in heat.”

“I want to.”

“Hyung, seriously, you don’t–”

“Bam-ah,” Jinyoung said. “Let me do this for you.”

His tone and the determined look in his eyes made Bambam all but melt against him. Bambam could understand why some people often mistook Jinyoung for a beta, and even sometimes an omega. He was certainly pretty enough to be an omega. Nothing about Jinyoung’s overall demeanor was particularly overbearing or dominant or intimidating. Bambam never questioned that he was an alpha though.

Jinyoung kissed his lips once more before moving down his body. Just the movement of their skin brushing against each other had Bambam’s back arching slightly as he bit into his bottom lip, stopping a moan. His heats always made him hypersensitive, but the sensation never became this strong this early on. He held onto Jinyoung’s shoulders as his licked over one of his nipples, his fingernails instantly digging into his skin at the sensation.

“_Fuck_,” he gasped.

His reaction made Jinyoung continue his actions with ease. If his mind wasn’t quickly becoming hazy with pleasure, he might have allowed himself a moment to become jealous of omegas Jinyoung had been with in the past. He knew of a high school girlfriend and an omega who he helped with heats before they debuted, and of course the casual hookups he had before they got together. Bambam didn’t hold it against Jinyoung; in fact he liked having a more experienced partner. The sex was never bad and things were rarely awkward between them. Sometimes he even sent a silent “thank you” to all the omegas that came before him.

Two of Jinyoung’s fingers slipped inside of his cunt without any resistance. Bambam could feel how wet he was as the fingers plunged in and out of him, spreading apart and opening him up. The sheets under his ass were damp and there was slick on the inside of his thighs as well. He had truly meant what he said when he told Jinyoung that this step was unnecessary.

“I could knot you right now, you’re so open,” Jinyoung said. He scraped his teeth against Bambam’s other nipple, making him clench around his fingers. “That is what you want, right?”

Bantering back and forth with Jinyoung was one of his favorite hobbies, but he was not in the mood for it today.

“Yes,” he said, nodding his head. “Please, hyung.”

Jinyoung’s eyebrows lifted in surprise, like he wasn’t expecting Bambam to admit to it so freely, so desperately. The almost teasing smirk that had shaped his lips was gone and he leaned down to kiss his forehead.

“I’ll always give you whatever you ask for,” Jinyoung said. “No need to beg for anything.”

The two fingers inside of him left him only to quickly be replaced with four this time. Bambam appreciated the change in thickness, since two fingers had felt like a bit of a tease. He moved his hips downward, trying to fuck himself on Jinyoung’s fingers. They kissed as Jinyoung fucked him that way, his hand moving up to meet the movement of Bambam’s hips.

It wasn’t enough though. The relief of being slightly fuller was only satisfying for a few moments before he wanted more.

“Alpha,” Bambam said, pushing a hand against Jinyoung’s chest.

Jinyoung’s eyes widened at Bambam calling him “alpha,” but he masked his surprise quickly enough. It wasn’t something that Bambam called him often, when he did it was when he was making fun of him. Saying it during sex or while he was in heat almost seemed too personal in a strange way. It even felt too submissive, like he was truly allowing his omega instincts to take over. Maybe that was what he needed though.

Calling him that seemed to get Bambam what he wanted. Jinyoung reached over to the nightstand, pulling open the top drawer and reaching his hand inside. He rummaged around, trying to maintain eye contact, but quickly giving it up in favor of actually looking for what he was reaching for. Jinyoung finally managed to grab a condom from the drawer and while they both always insisted that Jinyoung used one while they had sex, Bambam felt his stomach churn just looking at it.

“No,” he said, shaking his head as Jinyoung ripped the package open. “Don’t use one.”

“Bam-ah,” Jinyoung said softly in the gentlest scold.

“I don’t want it,” Bambam said. He wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulders and held on tightly. “Put it away, Alpha. We don’t need it.”

His heat was really starting to hit him hard. It wasn’t how hot he was or how much he wanted Jinyoung to knot him that made him realize that. Those thoughts were in the back of his head, but what he wanted more than anything now was to just let Jinyoung mate him and give him a child.

Bambam kissed a trail up Jinyoung’s neck as he moved his legs up to wrap around his waist. Their cocks brushed together and he let out a moan at the feeling, jerking his hips up again for more friction. Jinyoung’s hands were gripping his thighs tightly, keeping him in place but also stopping him from moving so that Jinyoung’s cock lined up with him enough to push inside of him.

“Fuck, Bambam, you know we’re using one,” Jinyoung said.

He let go of Bambam’s thighs only to use his hands to pry Bambam’s arms from around his neck. With some distance between them Bambam could look at his face and see how affected Jinyoung was. Usually he was in control at all times, but now he looked like he was sweating as much as Bambam and his eyes were dark with desire.

“But I don’t want–”

“**_It’s not up for debate_**.”

The arguments he had lined up died on the tip of his tongue. Jinyoung hadn’t just given him a simple request. It was an alpha’s command, one that he couldn’t disobey even if he wanted to. He had never heard Jinyoung use the tone with anyone before, which made sense since it only worked on omegas and the two he was around the most were Mark and Bambam. Mark would probably punch him in the face for using it, but Bambam…Bambam was quickly realizing that he didn’t exactly hate it.

“I’m sorry,” Bambam said. He kissed the shocked look off of Jinyoung’s face. Apparently he hadn’t intended to use it either. “Use the condom, but please just _hurry_.”

That was the last thing he had to say before Jinyoung finally hurried into action. Bambam continued to plant impatient kisses to his neck as he waited for Jinyoung to put the condom on. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so needy, but he wasn’t self-conscious about it. His heat was making it impossible for him to be embarrassed of his own desperation.

“You should turn over,” Jinyoung said. “It’ll be easier for you once I knot you.”

Just the mention of knotting made another wave of heat spread through Bambam’s body. He let Jinyoung guide him in flipping over onto his stomach. Not being able to see Jinyoung made him feel unsettled, but then his hands were holding onto his hips and he kissed the nape of his neck and all of those worries melted away. Bambam always knew that he never had to worry when he was with Jinyoung. He made him feel safe.

The feeling of being spread open on Jinyoung’s cock wasn’t unfamiliar to him. Usually there was a bit of a stretch, but since Bambam was in heat, there wasn’t any resistance. Jinyoung finally followed through with Bambam’s request to hurry. He wasted no time thrusting in and out, fucking into him again and again. Jinyoung’s thrusts were long and evenly paced, making it so Bambam could count to them on time if he wanted to.

His body was too overwhelmed with sensation to think about anything else though. All Bambam could feel was Jinyoung’s chest against his back, their skin sticking together with their sweat. One of Jinyoung’s hands covered his hand that was clutching onto the pillowcase, their fingers lacing together as Jinyoung continued to fuck into him. They were both breathing loudly, but Bambam was the only one making more expressive noises, like the moans that he couldn’t stop.

“You always take me so well,” Jinyoung said, his voice sounding strained as he spoke against Bambam’s ear. “So fucking good for me.”

Bambam couldn’t find the strength to properly form the words he wanted to say, so he kept them to himself. One day he would tell Jinyoung how good he made him feel and how he never had to worry about anything when he was with Jinyoung and how much he loved everything he did for him.

“I’m getting close, sorry,” Jinyoung said. His thrusts were starting to lose their perfect rhythm, becoming more erratic. “Do you still want–”

“_Yes_,” Bambam said. It was the only syllable he could manage and it was enough for Jinyoung.

After a few more thrusts, Jinyoung stopped almost completely. He pushed forward slowly, his knot pressing against where Bambam’s cunt was already stretched open. Bambam didn’t know what he had been expecting. For some reason he thought that Jinyoung would push in all at once and that he would feel a spike of pain. Instead, Jinyoung pushed his knot into him at an even pace. His hand came around him to grab Bambam’s cock that he had been rubbing against the mattress in time with Jinyoung’s thrusts.

As soon as his knot was fully inside of him and Jinyoung put extra pressure on the head of his cock, he felt the familiar heat of an orgasm rush through him. At the moment that he thought it was over, Jinyoung continued to move his hips as much as he could, making his knot brush against Bambam’s walls.

“I’m going to make you come on my knot again,” Jinyoung said.

“Hyung, I–” Bambam gasped. “Oh, _fuck_.”

Jinyoung bit down on the back of his shoulder right as Bambam came again. He could feel Jinyoung shudder against him, like he had found his own climax as well. That only added to Bambam’s pleasure, knowing that what they were feeling was completely mutual.

Bambam wasn’t sure how much time passed until they were lying down on their sides, Jinyoung’s knot still inside of him, keeping them together. Jinyoung couldn’t keep his hands in one place as he stroked different patches of skin on Bambam’s body, like he was doing a complete check-up.

“I love you so much,” Jinyoung said.

“I love _you _so much,” Bambam said. “For the orgasms. Only for that. Nothing else.”

“Yeah, well I only love you for everything that you are.”

“You never miss an opportunity to say something embarrassing, do you?”

“Never,” Jinyoung said.

He was lulled to sleep by the feeling of Jinyoung’s hands softly mapping his body and his lips pressing a row of kisses against any part of him that he could reach. Bambam was content and satisfied, but most of all he felt taken care of.

When he woke up he felt groggy and heavy. He was still in heat, but it was a simmering burn that he was more used to, no longer the strong fire he felt earlier. Bambam turned over onto his back, taking note that he was in bed alone. That normally would have alarmed him, but he soon heard sounds coming from the kitchen. Smiling to himself, Bambam got out of bed and slipped on a pair of clean underwear and then Jinyoung’s sweater that he had left on the floor. He took his phone as well, scrolling through what he had missed since falling asleep.

“Hey, you’re up,” Jinyoung said from where he was standing in front of the stove.

Jinyoung cooking was a strange enough occurrence, but what was even stranger was Pudding being held in Jinyoung’s arms like a baby. Latte was sitting on the counter, watching Jinyoung’s every move. Bambam didn’t think he had ever been more attracted to him.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Cooking,” Jinyoung said. “Am I doing it wrong?”

“Well, I don’t know what you’re making, so you might be,” Bambam said.

He held out his hands, a silent signal for Jinyoung to transfer Pudding into his arms. The cat instantly started to purr once Bambam was holding him. He snuggled up against his chest and Bambam scratched him behind his ears.

“How are you feeling?” Jinyoung asked.

“Better,” he said. “A lot better, actually. I guess knotting did help.”

“And that’s a good thing, right?” Jinyoung said. “You liked it?”

“Are you seriously asking for a performance review right now?” Bambam asked. “Of course I liked it. I came twice. You’re very talented. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Well, maybe not with that level of attitude, but yes,” Jinyoung said. “That’s nice to hear.”

Bambam kissed him on the cheek if only to see him make that goofy smile he always had whenever Bambam kissed him there. When they were trainees and Bambam was a lot younger and much more naïve, he would always give Jinyoung kisses on the cheek whenever he asked for them. He stopped once he got older, but Jinyoung never stopped lamenting about how much he missed them, even after they started dating.

“I want to apologize,” Jinyoung said.

“For what?”

“Commanding you like that,” Jinyoung said. “I never wanted to be the type of alpha who would use that on their omega. I shouldn’t have done it and I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Bambam said. “I understand why you did it. I’m happy that you did. I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly.”

“That still doesn’t make it okay.”

It was then that Bambam noticed that the stove wasn’t even turned on and that Jinyoung had just been stirring food – what Bambam could now identify as some leftovers he had in his fridge – around in a cold pan instead of actually reheating it. Normally he would make fun of him for it, but the tight frown on Jinyoung’s lips stopped him from doing so. Bambam placed Pudding on the counter next to Latte, freeing up his arms so that he could wrap them around Jinyoung, resting his head on his back.

“You’re a good alpha, you know that, right?” Bambam said. “You’re always taking care of me. You never push me to do anything I don’t want to do. You don’t make me feel small or insecure. Yeah, I guess it’s something we should have discussed beforehand, but you did it for a good reason. You apologized for it and I’m fine. We’re fine.”

Jinyoung placed his hands over Bambam’s, squeezing tightly before intertwining their fingers. They stood in silence for a while, just pressed together and enjoying a calm moment before the next wave of Bambam’s heat hit him. His phone was still in one of his hands and it started to vibrate quickly, like he had just received multiple text messages.

“Who is it?” Jinyoung asked once Bambam pulled his hand away to look at his phone.

“Yugyeom,” Bambam said. “It’s probably not an emergency, so I’ll just read them…wait.”

He skimmed over the texts and then reread them so that he was positive he hadn’t somehow hallucinated what Yugyeom had written.

“What is it?” Jinyoung asked.

“Apparently he has a plan.”

“A plan for what?”

“To figure things out with Mark,” Bambam said. “He finally knows what he’s going to do.”

“Please don’t tell me he’s going to kill Jaebeom.”

“No, it’s kind of the opposite of that,” Bambam said. “He says he’s going to make Jaebeom fall in love with him.”

One of the knobs on the stove clicked as Jinyoung turned it on as he finally realized that he had been trying to reheat food with no heat. Bambam watched as he continued his act of stirring the contents of the pan.

“Killing him would probably be easier,” Jinyoung said.


	18. Chapter 18

“I’m surprised we won,” Jaebeom said, looking at the trophy in his hands.

His surprised expression matched his words. He was looking at the trophy like he wasn’t sure it was real. Mark was sitting next to him, leaning close and opening his mouth slightly, like he was about to give a few words of encouragement, but Yugyeom spoke instead.

“I’m not surprised at all, hyung,” Yugyeom said. “It’s a great song and you worked really hard on it, so of course we won.”

Yugyeom had placed his hand on Jaebeom’s thigh and he was enthusiastically nodding his head, like he needed Jaebeom to believe what he was saying. Mark seemed amused by Yugyeom’s actions, while Jaebeom looked more confused than anything.

“Uh, thanks, Gyeom,” he said, patting him on the shoulder. “I appreciate it.”

“I still think we should have won for ‘You Are’ too,” Yugyeom said. “You know we all really loved that song. You’re so talented, hyung.”

The compliments had apparently gone too far, because instead of looking awkwardly flattered, Jaebeom now appeared to be suspicious. Yugyeom wasn’t someone who shied away from complimenting others, but even Bambam could tell that he was trying too hard. It was something he had been doing for nearly three months now. March was coming to an end and they were making the rounds on music shows, promoting their new album. Their title track was written and produced by Jaebeom, so Yugyeom hadn’t wasted any opportunities to give out praise and compliments with every breath he took.

“How long do you think this is going to last?” Jinyoung entered their dressing room, walking up behind Bambam and wrapping an arm around his waist. “It’s getting painful to watch.”

“Then I suggest you look away,” Bambam said. “I think this is going to go on for a while.”

“Well, I admire Yugyeom’s tenacity,” Jinyoung said, dropping a kiss on Bambam’s shoulder before pulling away. “I’ll give him that.”

They were all supposed to be packing up their things to leave for the day. Mark, Jaebeom, and Yugyeom didn’t seem to be too interested in going though since they were all still sitting in the corner of the room. Jaebeom was stuck between the two of them, leaning into Mark and continuing to glance at the hand Yugyeom still had on his thigh.

Bambam didn’t envy any of them. Mark and Jaebeom hadn’t broken up or even taken a break after the failed marriage proposal and Mark admitting that he was in love with Yugyeom. If anything, their relationship had somehow gotten stronger. Mark had told Yugyeom about his feelings for him and the three had a long talk and Bambam was… Honestly, Bambam didn’t know what was going on. He just knew that if he was in the same situation, he would not be taking it as well as they were. Sharing Jinyoung with someone was something he never wanted to do.

“What are you doing when you get home?” Jinyoung asked. He was the only one who was actually getting ready to leave.

“I’ll take a nap, probably,” Bambam said. “Do you want to come over?”

“I think I will,” Jinyoung said. “Then maybe I’ll move in too.”

He had walked right into that. It was a conversation they had countless times ever since Bambam got his own place. Jinyoung didn’t understand why they didn’t move in together and Bambam was running out of excuses. Even though he never had any legitimate excuses in the first place. Jinyoung was still living in their old dorm. Most of his time was spent at Bambam’s place though.

“You really want to move in while we’re in the middle of promotions?” Bambam asked. “We’re going on tour in a few months too. There’s really no time.”

“How about after all that then?” Jinyoung asked. “Unless you just don’t want to live with me.”

“Of course I want to,” Bambam said.

“Then why do you keep turning me down?” Jinyoung asked. “I’m not as messy as I was anymore. I can clean up after myself.”

“What an improvement.”

“Bam-ah, seriously, why don’t you want me to–”

“I have an announcement to make!” Jackson declared, walking into their dressing room with one of his arms in the air, like he was demanding their attention. His other hand was holding onto Youngjae who was trailing behind him.

Bambam had never been more relieved to see Jackson in his life, since he saved him from continuing his talk with Jinyoung. Jaebeom looked equally relieved. Yugyeom’s hand that had been on his thigh had at one point made its way to the back of his head, playing with his hair that he had started to grow out.

“What is it?” Jaebeom asked.

Jackson didn’t answer right away. His eyes made a sweep of the room, like he was making sure all seven of them were there, before he shut the door behind him. All the confidence he seemed to have when he walked into the room was slowly melting away. Youngjae gave their joined hands a squeeze and he sent Jackson an encouraging smile and suddenly Bambam knew exactly what he was going to say before he even spoke.

“So, well, after a lot of thinking,” Jackson said, “and soul searching, contemplating different things, really looking at all aspects of my life from multiple angles–”

“Seun-ah,” Jinyoung said. “What’s going on?”

“I’m gay.”

“Oh, okay.”

The news was more of a relief than a surprise. Everyone else in the room seemed to feel the same way. It was like a weight that had been pressing down on all of them had finally been lifted.

“Not exactly the response I was expecting,” Jackson said. “I thought there would at least be some light applause.” Yugyeom started to clap, but only managed to put his hands together a few times before Jackson motioned for him to stop. “The moment has passed.”

“Hyung, you haven’t even told them everything,” Youngjae said.

“Well, you could tell them,” Jackson said.

“We could both tell them.”

“At the same time? We’d have to rehearse something like that though.”

“Not necessarily,” Youngjae said.

Jackson didn’t have the time to ask Youngjae what he meant before he was brought into a kiss. Yugyeom was quick to act this time, clapping enthusiastically as soon as their lips met.

“Technically, I still think that was you telling them, not me,” Jackson said once he pulled away.

The way he looked at Youngjae made even Bambam’s own heart skip a beat. He had always noticed the two glancing at each other whenever the other one wasn’t looking. Their eyes would linger and he could sense longing and pain and so many other tortured emotions. This time, as Jackson looked directly into Youngjae’s eyes, there was nothing but love and a sense of calmness that Bambam couldn’t recall ever seeing from him before.

“It’s about time,” Jaebeom said. “I thought you two would never work things out.”

“Really, hyung?” Jackson said. “You can’t even say ‘congratulations’ or ‘I’m so happy for the two of you?’ I’m planning on throwing you three a party whenever you figure out whatever’s going on with you.”

“What are you even talking about?” Jaebeom said, as if one of his hands wasn’t holding Mark’s while Yugyeom had now draped his entire body over him. Bambam was starting to wonder if Jaebeom truly didn’t know that Yugyeom was showing interest in him.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jackson said. “This isn’t about you. It’s about me. And Youngjae.”

Jinyoung seemed to take this as his cue to spring into action. He pulled both Jackson and Youngjae into a hug.

“I’m so happy for you both,” he said. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks, Jinyoungie,” Jackson said. “I can always count on you.”

Mark was the second one to go to them. After Jinyoung took a step back, he wound his arms around Jackson’s neck and held onto him tightly before speaking to him softly. Bambam could just barely hear what he said, but he knew that he wouldn’t understand it even if he was speaking clearly, since Mark was speaking in Mandarin.

“I’m happy for you, hyung,” Bambam said, hugging Youngjae.

“Thanks, Bambam,” he said.

All of them knew how much this meant to both Jackson and Youngjae. Bambam liked to think that their relationship had always been something that they all kept in the back of their minds. He wanted to ask them questions about how they were going to make things work. They couldn’t exactly go public with their relationship since they were both betas. It would be a move that would end their careers. He kept those questions to himself though since he didn’t want to bring down the mood.

“So, we’re not telling anyone about us,” Jackson said after a long series of hugs from everyone. “Just you guys and Youngjae told his brother, but that’s, uh, that’s really it.”

“We won’t say anything,” Jinyoung said. “You know you can trust us.”

“Of course I know that,” Jackson said. “I’m just making sure you guys don’t mention it in front of one of our managers or something.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Mark said. “Just be together, be happy, that’s all you have to do.”

They all agreed with that sentiment and the brief tension that seemed to fill the room left. What was once a happy announcement now seemed bittersweet. Bambam was happy that the two were together, but he hated that they couldn’t be completely open about it. He supposed that was just the way the world they lived in worked. That didn’t mean he was content with it though, not at all.

Eventually it was time for them to all head back home. Mark and Jaebeom usually went together, but today they were joined by Yugyeom, whose arm had yet to leave its spot around Jaebeom’s shoulders. Bambam wished him a silent “good luck” in his attempts to make Jaebeom see him as a romantic possibility. Jackson and Youngjae left together as well, which left him with Jinyoung alone in the dressing room.

“So, I think we should continue our conversation from earlier,” Jinyoung said.

“Maybe tomorrow,” Bambam said. “Or the day after that. Or next week. I’m tired. I really do want to take that nap.”

“Bambam, we have to talk about this eventually,” Jinyoung said. “We’ve been together for over a year. We’ve lived together for years in the dorm. I spend the night over at your place most nights. Moving in together seems like the obvious next step.”

Jinyoung was right. Of course he was right. Bambam hated admitting when he was right. Everything he said was logical and it made sense, but there was still something holding him back from fully agreeing with him.

“Does this have anything to do with my eomma?” Jinyoung asked. “Do you not want me to move in because of what she said to you? You don’t seriously think you’re not good enough for me, do you?”

Apparently Jinyoung’s mother had told him what she said to Bambam the night they all had dinner together.

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” Bambam said. “How long have you known that she said that to me?”

“About a month after it happened,” Jinyoung said. “She told me she didn’t approve and that she had already told you that we weren’t a good fit.”

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

Bambam couldn’t exactly argue with that. And even if he did have a solid argument to make, he wouldn’t want to make it. He didn’t like arguing with Jinyoung. Bringing family members into an argument would only make things worse too.

“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you,” Bambam said. “Maybe it was because you thought the dinner went really well and I didn’t want you to have a bad opinion about your mother.”

“So, it wasn’t because you thought I would break up with you?”

“Uh, no,” Bambam said. “I never even considered that. Did you?”

“Of course not,” Jinyoung said. “I’m not the kind of person to break up with someone just because my mother doesn’t approve. Especially not when that person is you.”

“Well, good,” Bambam said. “We’re on the same page.”

He took Jinyoung’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. Over the past few months his mind rarely thought about what Jinyoung’s mother said to him. It stung at the time and it was a far from pleasant memory to have, but he lived with it. He wasn’t going anywhere. It would take more than a disapproving mother to have him leave Jinyoung.

“About that, at least,” Jinyoung said. “Not about me moving in with you.”

“You’re never going to let this go, are you?”

Bambam opened the door to the dressing room and walked into the hallway. One of their managers was waiting outside and she gave them a pointed look as soon as they walked toward her. Apparently she didn’t like to have been kept waiting.

“I just don’t understand why you don’t want to live with me,” Jinyoung said. “I don’t have that much stuff. I won’t take up much space.”

“I’d want you to take up space though,” Bambam said. “If we lived together, I would want it to feel like _our _place. Not just my place with some of your stuff there. It’s already that.”

“Then I’ll take up space,” Jinyoung said. “Is there anything else you would want me to do?”

“That’s not the point,” Bambam said. “I’m just not ready for us to take that step.”

He could tell that it was killing Jinyoung not to ask him to elaborate. Jinyoung was the type of person who hated being left in the dark. He wanted to have all the answers and didn’t like to be kept guessing. So, he decided to take pity on him.

“I’ve never lived on my own before,” Bambam said. “I like having my own space that’s just mine. Yeah, I get lonely sometimes and I do want to live with you one day, but for now, I want a place that’s just mine. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said. “It makes sense.”

Bambam fell asleep during the car ride back to his apartment. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it happened. One second he was sitting in the car, looking out the window and then he was in his bed, resting his head on Jinyoung’s chest while one of his cats pressed their paws into his thigh.

“How did I get here?” he asked, his voice thick from sleep as he slowly opened his eyes.

“I carried you,” Jinyoung said.

“How’d you get in?”

“I know your security code.”

“Stalker,” Bambam said, holding onto Jinyoung tighter and nuzzling his head against his chest.

Jinyoung laughed. “You’re like a cat.”

“My sons have rubbed off on me,” Bambam said.

As if on cue, Pudding stopped pushing at his thigh and decided to crawl over him instead. He settled on Jinyoung’s stomach, purring instantly as soon as he curled up into a ball.

“You’re never going to stop calling them your sons, are you?” Jinyoung asked.

“Nope.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes in the way he always did whenever Bambam did something he found mildly annoying and yet still adorable. It was a look that he saw from Jinyoung often. He kissed Bambam on the top of his head, stroking his hand up and down his back a few times before slipping under his t-shirt and pressing against his skin.

“She’s going to come around,” Jinyoung said.

“Who’s going to come around to what?”

“My eomma,” Jinyoung said. “She’s going to love you. She already likes you, she always has. I know that she’ll get over whatever…prejudices she might have and realize that supporting us is her only option.”

Those were beautiful, hopeful words and Jinyoung said them with a sort of determination that didn’t leave much room for arguing. Bambam wanted to believe that what he said was guaranteed to come true as well, but he wasn’t that naïve. Of course he wanted Jinyoung’s mother to approve of him as his boyfriend. He just wasn’t going to get his hopes up about it.

“If you’re so sure that she will, then I believe you,” Bambam said.

Jinyoung didn’t respond to him immediately, so Bambam let himself relax again. His breathed in Jinyoung’s scent, finding the familiarity of it comforting as he started to drift back off to sleep. There was something about being in his arms that made him feel so safe, like nothing could ever hurt him.

“I know we don’t talk about the future that often,” Jinyoung said. His voice was soft like he knew that Bambam was about to fall asleep again and he wanted to be conscientious. “And that’s fine. I don’t mind just living day-by-day, but I do want you to know something, just so we’re clear.”

“What is it?”

“I’m going to ask you to marry me one day,” Jinyoung said, “and you’re going to be my mate and we’re going to have as many children as you want to have.”

“What if I want 15 kids?”

“Then we’ll have four human children and the other 11 will be cats.”

Bambam laughed at both the idea of having so many cats and to hide that he was getting a little emotional. He rubbed his face against Jinyoung’s chest, trying to stop any tears from welling up. Jinyoung held onto him even tighter.

“Sounds good to me,” Bambam said. “I want that too.”

“Good,” Jinyoung said. He hooked his finger under Bambam’s chin and lifted his head up so that he could look at him before kissing him. “I’m never going to love anyone like I love you.”

So much for trying to stop himself from getting too teary-eyed. Bambam nodded in agreement, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden declaration. It wasn’t exactly a surprising one to hear, but it still struck a chord within him. He could remember years ago when he would look at Jinyoung from afar and wonder if he even knew he existed. Bambam used to long for him in ways that had kept him awake late at night feeling sick to his stomach with want.

“I feel the exact same way.”

“I know,” Jinyoung said, kissing him once more.

It was a kiss that seemed to chase away his tiredness and instead left him aching with a desire for anything and everything that Jinyoung wanted to give him.


	19. Chapter 19

“I’m just worried about how it’ll all work out,” Yugyeom said.

“How what will work out?” Bambam asked.

He hated to admit that he hadn’t been paying attention to Yugyeom. His eyes were focused on Jinyoung who was slow dancing with Jackson in the center of the room. They were in the middle of their world tour and had a show in Paris tomorrow night. Tonight they had been free to do what they wanted after the camera crew finally left them, so they decided to check out the night life. Jackson had somehow managed to find the tiny bar they were in right now. There weren’t any strobe lights or a DJ playing nonstop EDM. The lights were dim and there was a live band and the whole place stunk of cigarettes. It was small and nondescript and no one knew who they were, so it worked for them.

After a few drinks, Jackson had asked Jinyoung to dance with him and the two hadn’t left the dancefloor since. That had been over 20 minutes ago and they were still swaying together, a little tipsy and laughing at every word the other said. It was weirdly adorable.

“Being with Mark-hyung and Jaebeom-hyung,” Yugyeom said. “I feel like I’m making some progress, finally, but the other day Mark-hyung kissed me and then later I thought about kissing Jaebeom-hyung and it wasn’t a terrible thought to have, but then I remembered that if he actually falls in love with me, I’ll have to have sex with him one day and I’ve never been with an alpha before and the two guys I’ve had sex with were both betas and one just gave me a blowjob and the other one let me top, so how is it all supposed to work out between us?”

“Take a breath, Yugyeom,” Youngjae said. “You didn’t breathe for any of that.”

“Why would I need to breathe?”

“Because you’re panicking,” Bambam said.

“I’m not panicking,” he said. “I’m fine.”

Bambam shared a glance with Youngjae, both of them knowing that Yugyeom was anything but fine.

“You don’t have to have sex with him,” Youngjae said. “Even if you two have feelings for each other, that doesn’t have to translate into having sex. Especially if you’re this on edge about it.”

“I kind of want to have sex with him though,” Yugyeom said.

“Well, then I’m sure it will work out,” Youngjae said. “You just have to keep an open mind, be willing to try new things, and if you’re uncomfortable with anything, then speak up about it. Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Thanks, hyung,” he said. “You give good advice.”

Yugyeom took a sip from his drink and then let his eyes focus on the other side of the room. The three of them were in a booth in the corner, somewhat hidden away from everyone else. Where Yugyeom’s eyes were resting was on Mark and Jaebeom, sitting at the bar. Jaebeom’s arm was around Mark’s waist and their thighs were pressed together as they talked to each other. Bambam glanced back to Yugyeom to see that he was looking at them with a deep sense of longing. He wasn’t sure when Yugyeom’s pining for Mark had turned into pining for both Mark and Jaebeom, but the feeling seemed to be just as strong.

“Do you think Jaebeom-hyung would be okay with bottoming?” Yugyeom asked.

It was the worst time for Bambam to take a sip of his own drink. He started to choke on it, the burn of alcohol even stronger. Youngjae’s entire face wrinkled up in distaste, like just the thought of it was unpleasant.

“I know it’s not exactly ‘traditional,’” Yugyeom said, using heavy air quotes. “He’s so pretty though and I could do that for him. I’d be happy to do that. I’ve been thinking about it a lot actually.”

“Uh, well, that’s…” Youngjae seemed to have difficulty finding the right words. “You could ask him about it, if you two ever get to that point.”

“It’s weird though, right?” Yugyeom said. “Alphas aren’t supposed to…” He looked at Bambam. “Have you and Jinyoung-hyung ever–”

“No,” Bambam said before Yugyeom could finish his sentence.

“You’re not even a little bit curious about what it would be like?”

“Not at all,” Bambam said with a shrug. “I’ve thought about it once and it freaked me out and Jinyoung has never mentioned it before and I just…I really just don’t want to. I like making him do all the work. And if I feel like being more active, I can just ride him.”

He was being honest when he said he thought about it once and that was enough for him to never consider it again. Bambam had a complicated relationship with being an omega. For the most part he was content with it, even if sometimes he hated how people thought he was too loud or outspoken or crass. But besides being content, he also loved being an omega. That side of himself worked well with Jinyoung, who never strayed from everything an alpha should be. He supposed they did have a traditional relationship, maybe even a little old-fashioned, but that was how they both liked things.

“So, you two don’t ever try anything new?” Youngjae asked.

“We did it in the bathtub once,” Bambam said. “It was nice while we were fucking, but afterward there was water all over the floor and he didn’t want to clean it up, so I had to do it and–”

“Wow, you two are boring,” Yugyeom said.

“We like what he like,” Bambam said, feeling a little defensive. “We’re comfortable with each other. We like things simple. I’m sorry if my sex life bores you.”

“I just never expected you to have a boring, traditional sex–”

Before Yugyeom could finish his sentence, Youngjae cut in, “Speaking of boring and traditional,” he said, “what do I wear to a wedding?”

Bambam wasn’t sure what had warranted the topic change, but he was thankful for it. Yugyeom seemed just as confused by the random question. He adapted to it quickly though.

“Whose wedding are you going to?”

“Namjoon and Jimin’s,” Youngjae said.

“Wait,” Bambam said, holding up a hand. “You were invited to the wedding of the year and you didn’t tell me about it?”

“Technically, I wasn’t invited,” Youngjae said. “Jackson-hyung was. He’s taking me as his plus-one. As a friend though. We can’t exactly tell people we’re dating.”

“Sorry, hyung,” Yugyeom said.

“It’s okay,” Youngjae said. “I’ve gotten used to it. The people who matter know about us. That’s enough for me.”

The three of them knew that wasn’t entirely true. Youngjae had recently told his sister and his parents about his relationship with Jackson, so his entire immediate family knew now. Apparently he came out to them as bi when he was in high school though, so it wasn’t a big shock to any of them. Jackson refused to tell his family the truth. Bambam supposed coming out to them was hard enough. The added pressure of telling them he also had a boyfriend was probably too much for him to even think about.

“When’s the wedding?” Bambam asked.

“This weekend,” Youngjae said. “We’ll be in Korea for less than a day to go to it before meeting the rest of you in Taipei for our concert.”

“That’s going to be rough,” Yugyeom said, wincing in sympathy.

“We’ll make it work,” Youngjae said. “So, what am I supposed to wear?”

“Depends,” Bambam said, tapping his chin. “Traditional Korean wedding or is it a Western-style wedding?”

“Western.”

“A religious ceremony?”

“Jackson-hyung said neither one of them is religious, so I doubt it.”

“Outdoors or indoors?”

“Outdoors. Private beach.”

“That sounds nice,” Yugyeom said. “I bet it’ll be so romantic. I’ll have to text Jeonggukkie about it.”

“Or you could just ask me,” Youngjae said.

It did sound romantic. A beach wedding was something he had decided against when he was young and used to spend hours daydreaming about his wedding and the alpha who would meet him at the end of the aisle. Sand would get everywhere and people would complain about the lack of shade and there was no telling what the weather would be like. Lately he had been thinking about marrying Jinyoung more and more. They talked about it sometimes, but Jinyoung always insisted he was happy to just call Bambam his boyfriend and take things a day at a time. Bambam had been content with that too, but he was starting to become impatient. Hearing about another alpha and omega couple planning on getting married soon filled him with envy.

“Don’t wear a full suit, skip the jacket,” Bambam said. “It’s June, so it’s going to be hot outside. Either wear boots, so there’s no way sand can get in them, or wear shoes that are comfortable without socks so you can take them on and off. Light colors should be good. Just don’t wear all white. That’s rude at Western-style weddings.”

“Thanks, Bam-ah,” Youngjae said. “That’s good advice.”

“What’s good advice?”

Jackson and Jinyoung had finally decided to take a break from dancing. The two joined them at the table, looking more clear-eyed than they had when they left for the dancefloor. Bambam didn’t know that dancing could make someone more sober, but that seemed to be the case for the two of them.

“Bambam was just telling me what I should wear to the wedding this weekend,” Youngjae said.

“That was nice of him,” Jackson said. “You should dance with me.”

“You’re not tired of dancing?”

“I’m tired of dancing with Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung, who had sat down next to Bambam and immediately put his arm around him, clutched at his chest. “I can’t believe you’re tired of me. You have no idea how much that wounds me.”

“You were the one complaining that your feet were starting to hurt,” Jackson said. He took Youngjae’s hands in his and pulled him to his feet. “Come dance with me.”

“If it’s really that important to you,” Youngjae said. The words were teasing, but his bright smile showed nothing but enthusiasm. He gave a look over his shoulder to Jinyoung as he was dragged away. “Sorry, hyung.”

“I think I’m going to get away from this table too,” Yugyeom said, standing as well. “I’m being summoned.”

Bambam was about to ask what he meant by that, but Yugyeom pointed in the direction of the bar. Mark’s back was still turned, but Jaebeom was looking directly at Yugyeom, motioning him over with a wave of his hand.

“Good luck,” Bambam said.

“Why would you say that?” Yugyeom asked. “I wasn’t nervous to go over there, but if you think I need luck, then–”

“Gyeom-ah, you’ll be fine,” Bambam said. “Just calm down. Be yourself.”

It wasn’t exactly the most inspired advice, but it seemed to be enough for Yugyeom. He squared his shoulders and gave a firm nod before making his way across the dancefloor to Mark and Jaebeom. Upon his arrival, Mark’s face lit up into a smile and Jaebeom placed a hand on the small of Yugyeom’s back, bringing him closer to them. Bambam knew that whatever was going on between those three wasn’t official by any means. All progress had been miniscule, but they weren’t stagnant. Some change was happening. Even if it was only a little bit at a time.

“What’s it like?” Jinyoung asked, bringing Bambam’s attention back to him.

“What’s what like?”

“Being the most beautiful omega in the world.”

Bambam couldn’t stop the loud laugh that escaped him after hearing the terrible line. Jinyoung’s alcohol tolerance was incredibly low, so after a few drinks he always started acting a lot less like himself. He wasn’t drunk yet. His speech was clear and he wasn’t having trouble keeping upright, but he was more relaxed, both his posture and his words.

“You really think I’m the most beautiful omega in the world?” Bambam asked.

“Of course,” Jinyoung said. “Who else would it be?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Bambam said. “Maybe Hyunjin?”

Slightly tipsy, flirty Jinyoung was quickly replaced by something resembling his normal self. He wasn’t instantly sober, but he immediately sat up straighter and his mouth formed into a worried line.

“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?” Jinyoung said. “I said he was pretty. Once. That’s it.”

“I know,” Bambam said. “I also know that he’s obsessed with you.”

“You’re so cute when you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.”

He wasn’t jealous at all. If anything, Bambam thought it was cute how many young omegas seemed to latch onto Jinyoung. He was an easy alpha to fall in love with. The obvious crush Hyunjin had on Jinyoung annoyed him at first, but the more he thought about it, the more it simply amused him. Out of all the omegas that flirted with Jinyoung and had even gone on dates with him, Bambam was the one that won out in the end.

“I get jealous sometimes too,” Jinyoung said. “Every time we do an event in Thailand, all I can think about is how every single security guard there can’t take their eyes off of you.”

“I don’t think that’s jealousy,” Bambam said. “I think that’s you being possessive.”

“It’s the same thing.”

“It’s really not.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and Bambam couldn’t help but laugh at his exasperation. Teasing each other was an essential part of their relationship and Bambam couldn’t see them ever stopping.

Despite his annoyance (that Bambam knew wasn’t even genuine), Jinyoung still pulled Bambam onto his lap. He kissed the side of his neck before leaning back in the booth and wrapping his arms around Bambam’s stomach to keep him secure. Jinyoung’s hands were warm on his body, he could feel the heat of them even through his shirt. A public place wasn’t usually where Bambam would feel so comfortable, but somehow he felt perfectly safe. His tilted his head to the side, exposing his neck to Jinyoung and grinning when an open-mouthed kiss was delivered to his skin.

“I know I’ve been focused on learning English lately,” Jinyoung said. “But I’m still trying to work on my Thai too.”

“Don’t overwork yourself.”

“I’m not,” Jinyoung said. “Lately I’ve been thinking about how I can barely talk to your family. Your mother especially. We go back and forth in English and she knows some Korean and I know some Thai, but we always end up speaking over each other and getting confused.”

“She appreciates the effort,” Bambam said. “I do too.”

“I know,” he said. “You can talk so easily to my family though. Last month, when we went to dinner with my sisters, they talked to you more than me. Your Korean is perfect.”

“It’s definitely not perfect. I’ve gotten plenty of critique.”

“Well, I think it’s perfect.”

“Is that why every time I record my lines for a song you’ve written, you’re always correcting my pronunciation?”

“That’s different.”

Bambam laughed again, loud and unrestrained and gaining them some attention from the other patrons. Jinyoung buried his face into Bambam’s shoulder, embarrassed or exasperated, Bambam couldn’t tell. He placed his hands over the ones Jinyoung had resting on his stomach, holding them tightly so that Jinyoung wouldn’t let him go.

As Jinyoung held him in his arms, in the tiny booth that was a bit too grimy for Bambam’s liking, he looked at their friends. Jackson and Youngjae either never made it to the dancefloor or had given up on dancing after only a few minutes. They were with a small group of people on the other side of the room, where tables and chairs were all crowded together. Jackson was in the center of it, telling a story that required a lot of exaggerated hand motions. Bambam imagined he was speaking in English, and probably working in the two or three French words that he knew whenever he could. His hand was holding on tightly to one of Youngjae’s, who was watching Jackson talk to everyone with a look of utmost fondness. Sometimes Jackson would stop mid-sentence, blinking a few times before looking at Youngjae, kissing the knuckles of his hand and drawing plenty of coos from their small audience, before launching back into his story.

Mark, Jaebeom, and Yugyeom were keeping to themselves at the bar. Somehow Yugyeom had worked his way between the two of them. He had a hand on the back of Mark’s neck, playing with the ends of his hair while Mark rested his head on his shoulder. Jaebeom’s hand was still pressed against the small of Yugyeom’s back, almost like it was the only place he felt confident on touching.

“Hey, hyung,” Bambam said.

“Yeah?”

“If none of us ever auditioned for the company, where do you think we would have ended up?” he asked. “Do you think we still would have found each other somehow?”

“I’d love to give you a romantic answer and say yes, but, honestly I don’t think so,” Jinyoung said. He answered Bambam right away. It was almost like he had thought about the same topic before and already knew the answer. “We’re from four different countries. It’s just not plausible.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Bambam said.

He tried to think of how they would have all found each other anyway. Jaebeom would still work in music, but probably more focused on writing and producing than performing if he never auditioned. Yugyeom would still be dancing. Youngjae would continue singing and composing and playing piano. Jinyoung would do something flashier. He wouldn’t be content to work behind the scenes. A career in musical theatre was the first thing that came to Bambam’s mind and it suited him well.

They always made fun of Mark for coming from the American equivalent of a chaebol family, even though he always insisted that his family wasn’t _that _wealthy. Bambam could imagine him at a prestigious university, unsure of what to study but still enjoying his time figuring things out. Jackson would still be fencing. He would have made it to the Olympics and won a medal and accepted the scholarship to Stanford and maybe he would have even met Mark. California was what brought those two together and the other four lived in Korea and Bambam was the odd one out. He liked to think that he would be working in the restaurant business with his family if he hadn’t chosen to be a performer.

So, Jinyoung was right. It was unlikely that any of them would have crossed paths if they all hadn’t decided to audition for the same company. Life was funny that way, he supposed.

“You ready to go back to the hotel?” Jinyoung asked. “I need to get some sleep so I’m not useless at the concert tomorrow.”

“You could never be useless.”

Jinyoung kissed the side of his head. “You’re sweet. Come on, let’s go.”

The other five were all going to stay at the bar for a little while longer, so after telling them goodbye, Jinyoung and Bambam left. He could understand why they wanted to stay. It wasn’t because they were having a great time at the bar, it was because they didn’t have to hide. Jinyoung and Bambam could be open about their relationship wherever they went, but the others couldn’t. Staying in a place that was in public where no one knew who they were and they were free to be themselves, was probably incredibly freeing.

“June was a great month to come here,” Jinyoung said as they walked down the street hand-in-hand. “The weather is so nice, even at night.”

“Most places have nice weather during June,” Bambam said.

“You really can’t let me say something without challenging me on it, can you?”

“You’re just now noticing that?” Bambam said. “How long have we known each other?”

“Too long,” Jinyoung said, “and yet, not long enough.”

It took all of Bambam’s self-control to not call Jinyoung out for saying something cheesy again.

“I was talking to Youngjae-hyung and Yugyeom earlier tonight,” Bambam said. “They think we have boring sex.”

Jinyoung was understandably caught off guard by his sudden change of topic. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, his grip on Bambam’s hand becoming almost nervously tight.

“Do you think we have boring sex?” he asked. “Does sex with me bore you? Because I’m never bored when we have sex.”

“I’m not bored either,” Bambam said. “Yugyeom seems to think we’re boring because we never, well, switch.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung said. His entire body seemed to be frozen except for his face which was showing what Bambam liked to call Jinyoung’s Face of Discomfort and Displeasure. “We don’t do that, they’re right.” He raised Bambam’s hand up to his face, looking for some sort of distraction. “I really like how you’ve started painting your nails. It’s very pretty. I don’t know why you didn’t do–”

“Relax,” Bambam said. “I don’t want to switch either.”

“Oh, thank God,” Jinyoung said, his shoulders sagging in relief.

“You can thank god, but I’m thanking Buddha,” Bambam said. “After they mentioned it I thought I might have been depriving you of something.”

“Bam-ah, you deprive me of nothing.”

“Okay, that’s it, we’re taking a taxi back to the hotel,” Bambam said. “Drinking makes you even mushier than you usually are.”

It was Jinyoung’s turn to laugh at him. He pulled Bambam into his arms, pressing their foreheads together so that their noses brushed. This close, Bambam could see the faint blush on his cheeks from the alcohol and his sweet, lazy smile he seemed to reserve only for Bambam. He couldn’t help but step even closer to him, wrapping his arms around Jinyoung’s neck as he was brought into a kiss.

And maybe for just a moment he could imagine them as someone else. They weren’t public figures, they hadn’t known each other for years. They were just two travelers from two different countries, meeting in what was the most romantic city in the world and kissing because they wanted to. Bambam had to admit that the other life seemed appealing, but he also knew that he wouldn’t trade the lives they had together now for anything else.


	20. Chapter 20

“I think you’re more nervous than I am,” Bambam said, scratching Cupcake behind her ears as she purred in his lap. He had adopted his third kitten during the summer and then King, the tiny gray cat Jinyoung was holding, only a couple of weeks ago. Bambam always knew he was an animal lover, but he never knew who much he loved cats until he adopted four of them. And he was still thinking that four just wasn’t enough. “Shouldn’t I be the one freaking out?”

“We can both freak out if you want,” Jinyoung said.

They were sitting on the bed in what Bambam could finally call _their _bedroom. After months of putting it off, he gave Jinyoung the go ahead to move in with him. There were still cardboard boxes filled with Jinyoung’s belongings in the living room. Bambam thought he would need time to adjust to the change, but they easily fell into a routine together.

“Tell me why you’re nervous.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“How would you hurt me?”

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung said. “Generally speaking, I could cause you physical pain.”

“Then I’ll tell you if I don’t like something,” Bambam said.

Jinyoung’s face was flushed and his skin had a thin sheen of sweat covering it. King, who clung to Jinyoung more than he did anyone else, started meowing loudly, like he could sense something was wrong. Nothing was wrong though, so that was a relief at least. Jinyoung was in rut and he was being stubborn about it. His birthday had passed right in the middle of their promotions for their new album and with his birthday, came his rut. He always avoided Bambam for the one or two days that it lasted, but this time Bambam wanted to spend it with him.

“I’ve never spent my rut with an omega before,” Jinyoung said. “And you’re…you’re my boyfriend and I love you and if I hurt you–”

“You won’t,” Bambam said.

He decided that he would need to be the first one to take action since Jinyoung seemed so determined to hold himself back. Bambam scooped Cupcake up in one of his arms before reaching for King with the other. He got off the bed and dropped them both outside in the hall, closing the door behind him. Instantly, he heard upset meows from not two, but all four cats.

“I trust you,” Bambam said as he got back on the bed, straddling Jinyoung’s lap. “You’re not going to hurt me, or freak me out, or turn me off, or whatever other negative reactions you think I’ll have.”

“I might get a little…aggressive.”

“I don’t mind aggressive,” Bambam said. “Just as long as you don’t hit me.”

“Hit you? Bam-ah, I would _never_–”

“I know,” Bambam said. “Stop worrying and just do whatever those alpha instincts want you to do.”

“Sometimes my instincts make me want to do weird things.”

“What kind of weird things?”

“Things that don’t need elaborating.”

The way Jinyoung said the words, short and clipped, and how he awkwardly shifted on the bed were enough for Bambam to realize how uncomfortable Jinyoung felt with the entire situation. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend his rut with Bambam. He knew that he did. Jinyoung wouldn’t have brought it up if he didn’t.

Usually if he sensed that someone didn’t want to talk about something, he wouldn’t press the issue. This involved him though, so he felt like he needed Jinyoung to elaborate.

“I’ll leave if you want me to,” Bambam said. “I can stay at Yugyeom’s place, if you want to take care of this on your own.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to either, but I will if this isn’t going to work out.”

Jinyoung gripped his hips, pulling Bambam even closer to him on his lap. Bambam tried not to let it show on his face that the movement made him feel how hard Jinyoung was. He didn’t want to embarrass him anymore than he already was.

“During your heat I can focus on you,” Jinyoung said. “I can focus on taking care of you and your needs. I’m not distracted by the thoughts in my head. When I’m in rut I’m just…I’m selfish. I’m only thinking about myself.”

“You know it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, right?” Bambam said. “And I understand. It’s your rut. I’m expecting you to put your needs first and I’m okay with that.”

It didn’t seem like that was all Jinyoung was worried about. His grip on Bambam got even tighter and sweat was now starting to fall down his neck in drops, pooling shallowly in the dip of his shoulder. Bambam kissed his jaw, relishing the groan Jinyoung made when he did.

“The way I think about you is different,” Jinyoung said. “You’re not just my boyfriend or my Bam-ah anymore. You’re my omega.”

“Well, yeah. That’s not exactly different, hyung.”

“You don’t get what I’m saying.”

“Then explain it to me.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Make it simple then,” Bambam said. “We’re just talking in circles. I’ve told you so many times, you would never hurt me. I trust you more than anyone. Tell me what’s going on or I’ll leave and we can talk about it when you’re ready.”

“I want to mate with you,” Jinyoung said, speaking so quickly that it was almost as if the words were forced out of him. “Every time I’m in rut and I’m by myself, my instincts are screaming at me to find you and mate you and breed you and I don’t like thinking about you that way.”

His rut seemed to really be getting to him now, if the blunt honesty was anything to go off of. Jinyoung’s grip on Bambam was even tighter now, like he had to focus on holding his waist so that his hands wouldn’t act on their own. Bambam realized that if Jinyoung were any other alpha, he would have been terrified to be in this position. Even though he was the one sitting on Jinyoung’s lap it felt like he was the one trapped and incapable of moving. Jinyoung wasn’t another alpha though. Bambam meant what he said, he trusted him more than anyone.

“Okay,” Bambam said. “That’s okay. I don’t mind that you think of me like that.”

“It’s objectifying.”

“It’s two days out of a year,” he said. “And I don’t hate it. It’s nice to be wanted.”

“I just don’t want to freak you out.”

“Hyung, I’ve known you for years,” Bambam said. “You’ve done a lot of weird shit. I’m immune. You’re not going to freak me out.”

“If I do, you’ll tell me.”

It wasn’t a question or a request, Jinyoung made it sound like a command and for some reason that made Bambam’s heart flutter in his chest.

“Yeah, of course,” he said. He kissed him, soft and sweet and reassuring. “So, stop talking and take what’s yours, Alpha.”

The reaction was immediate. A growl sounded as if it was almost ripped from Jinyoung, like it left him without his consent. His eyes darkened and Bambam was only given a moment to brace himself before he was brought into a hungry kiss. Their kisses always had a way of ending up passionate and intense, so it wasn’t unfamiliar to him, but usually they partook in foreplay before it got to that point. They would lead up to it with sweet, teasing touches, so by the time they were in bed and naked, Bambam was wet and pressing up against Jinyoung, desperate and eager for whatever he saw fit to give him.

There wasn’t any lead up this time. Bambam stayed put on Jinyoung’s lap, locked into place by the firm grip on his hips, keeping him still. Their kissing lacked the finesse that it usually had. Bambam winced as their teeth clacked together, but carried on without complaint, too turned on to critique Jinyoung’s rushed technique.

Sitting on his lap didn’t last for much longer. He was turned over onto his back, Jinyoung’s weight trapping him against the mattress. It was a familiar feeling, but the hands pushing down on his hips were new. Usually he was free to push upward so he could rub against him. Jinyoung even had him get off by rubbing against his thigh while they were in a similar position once.

“Take this off,” Jinyoung said, pulling on the bottom of Bambam’s t-shirt. “Take everything–”

“Got it,” Bambam said.

He could still lean up to give him a quick kiss before pushing his sweatpants down his legs while Jinyoung took care of his shirt. Bambam expected Jinyoung to strip as well, but he kept his clothes on as he moved his mouth to his neck.

There was something so vulnerable about being completely naked while Jinyoung was still fully clothed. They had seen each other naked countless times, but Bambam couldn’t help but feel a little shy.

“I want to give you my mark so bad,” Jinyoung said. His teeth scraped against Bambam’s skin and he whined, trying to lift his hips to gain some kind of friction. Jinyoung had held onto him once again though, so he couldn’t. “Want everyone to know you’re mine. That you belong to me.”

Bambam prided himself on being a modern-thinking omega. Omegas weren’t property of their alphas. They were their own people. Still, he couldn’t help but moan at Jinyoung’s words. His body responded to them as well. He could feel himself getting even wetter, his cunt tightened around nothing as more slick dripped out. Jinyoung’s nostrils flared.

His teeth sunk into Bambam’s neck in a bite that had his back arching and his fingers twisting in the fabric of Jinyoung’s shirt. It wasn’t a real mating bite. They weren’t knotted together and Bambam was on birth control, so it wouldn’t make them mated. It would leave a mark though, one that their makeup artists would complain about for weeks, one that would fill Jinyoung with pride every time he saw it against Bambam’s tan skin.

“I’m so lucky to be the only alpha to ever touch you,” Jinyoung said. He started to rut down against him, the friction from his pajama pants against Bambam’s bare skin uncomfortable and yet still addicting. “No other alpha deserves you.”

The words made a spread of warmth flood through Bambam. He almost felt like he was in heat.

“Oh, yeah?” Bambam said, finally deciding to talk back. “And why’s that? Why are you so – _ah, fuck_ – so…so special?”

Talking was difficult with Jinyoung’s hand around his cock, stroking it in firm, quick strokes. It was almost like he was trying to make Bambam come already.

“Because you’ve been in love with me since you were 13,” Jinyoung said. “You chose me. I’m the alpha you’ve been desperate for since you were a child. Of course no one else would ever satisfy you.”

So, Jinyoung while he was in rut was a narcissist. That was good to know. And it wasn’t like he was lying either.

“Lucky you,” Bambam said.

Despite Jinyoung’s heated words and the effect his rut was having on him, he still managed to break through the fog for just a moment. Bambam didn’t have doubts anymore when it came to how Jinyoung felt about him. Sure, his love didn’t stem from a childhood infatuation that turned into something deep and real, but it was still strong enough to take his breath away. Love was always present in the way Jinyoung looked at him.

“Yeah, lucky me.”

He kissed him once more and it truly felt like the calm before the storm. Bambam held on to him tightly, gasping when the head of Jinyoung’s cock pushed inside him without any warning. He was still dressed, only having reached into his pants to take his cock out. Bambam didn’t know if staying clothed was to save time or if it was some kind of power dynamic Jinyoung was into, but he didn’t really care enough to ask about it.

The pace of his thrusts was erratic and rushed, not at all the steady rhythm Jinyoung usually had whenever they had sex. The only thing Bambam could do was hold onto the fabric of his shirt as Jinyoung’s cock stretched him open and filled him up. Jinyoung traded talking for low grunts as he pressed his face against Bambam’s neck, continuing to mouth at his skin in ways that would definitely leave marks.

It was so unlike the sex they usually had. Even when they were in a hurry and wanted to squeeze a quick fuck in, it was never like this. Bambam felt somehow ignored and worshiped at the same time. He knew that Jinyoung was lost to his rut and using him as a way to take care of his needs, but the small touches made him know that he was still cared for. For every scrape of his teeth against his pulse point was a lingering kiss. Jinyoung’s hands held onto him tightly, but then would smooth against his skin as if in apology for being so rough. His sharp thrusts would sometime punch the air from Bambam’s lungs and then immediately be long and steady.

The contrasts were dizzying and combined with the heat of Jinyoung’s cock and the weight of his body and how Bambam’s own cock found friction every few seconds, he felt himself coming. Bambam brought one hand up to Jinyoung’s hair, holding tightly onto the strands as he came around him, his knot pushing into him just as he came down from his high.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung said, finally moving his face from Bambam’s neck so that he could look at his face.

“Why are you – _oh_.”

His entire body was sensitive to the point that any movement brought so much intensity that he couldn’t think straight. Jinyoung continuing to rut into him with his knot, while they were tied together, made his head spin. It was almost too much, the way he was rubbing inside of him. Bambam’s cunt was aching and he felt like all he could do was close his eyes and ride out this next wave with Jinyoung.

“Never want to stop touching you,” Jinyoung said. Their mouths were brushing together in an almost kiss. “Never want to stop fucking you.”

Bambam managed to lift his legs so that he could wrap them around Jinyoung while he continued to fuck his knot into him. They panted into each other’s mouths and Bambam knew he didn’t trust himself to say anything that wouldn’t sound like a moaning, broken mess. Despite his oversensitivity, Bambam could feel another orgasm cresting inside of him.

“Hyung,” he managed to say, tightening around Jinyoung and closing his eyes as well.

When he came this time it seemed to stretch through him in one long wave, pleasure pulsing through his body. Jinyoung continued his movements almost as if nothing had happened at all. The feel was definitely too intense now and Bambam had to keep his eyes closed, like opening them would bring in even more sensation. He breathed in sharply through his nose, trying to find a way to ground himself when he felt Jinyoung spill into him again.

There wasn’t time for him to open his eyes before Jinyoung’s weight came down on him. When Bambam did he saw Jinyoung with his forehead against his collarbone, breathing deeply and shaking, like everything was too much for him. Bambam pushed his hands through his hair, tilting his face downward so he could kiss the top of Jinyoung’s head.

“Okay?” Bambam said.

He didn’t rush him to find an answer. Instead he continued to stroke through his sweat-dampened hair, trying to catch his own breath. The room seemed to be spinning and Bambam desperately wanted it to still.

“Are you saying that was just ‘okay’ or are you asking me if I’m okay?” Jinyoung asked.

“Both.”

Jinyoung raised his head to look up at him, frowning deeply and making Bambam laugh. “I know you’re joking, but that still stings.”

“Does it hurt your alpha pride?” Bambam said.

The response he got were some grumbling noises that could have been words, but was probably only audible pouting.

“Of course it was better than okay,” Bambam said. “You’re my alpha. You always know how to make me feel good. You didn’t weird me out either.”

“Good. That’s good.”

“I love you too much to be weirded out by all the weird shit you say.”

“I’m starting to regret knotting you.”

“No, you’re not.”

Jinyoung kissed the center of his chest and then placed a proper one to his lips as well. “You’re right. I’m not.”

***

Bambam woke up to an empty bed and sun streaming in through a sliver of an opening in his blackout curtains. He was still naked, but at some point Jinyoung must have wiped his thighs since there wasn’t an uncomfortable stickiness between them. The door was open, so the cats had found their way in. Pudding, Latte, and Cupcake were all asleep in a pile together on Jinyoung’s side of the bed. He petted each of them before standing up. There was a soreness between his legs, but it wasn’t painful. It was just an aching reminder of the previous night’s activities. Bambam changed into a clean pair of boxers and one of Jinyoung’s t-shirts (an outfit that had become somewhat of a morning after uniform for him) before walking out of the bedroom.

In the living room was Jinyoung, sorting through one of the cardboard boxes. This one was filled with winter clothes, judging by the selection of neatly folded sweaters he was stacking on the floor. King was sitting next to him, watching his every move with his tail swaying back and forth.

“Aren’t you supposed to be making me breakfast?” Bambam said, joining him on the floor.

“I’m the one in rut; you should be taking care of me.”

“I already did that last night.”

“You make a good point,” Jinyoung said. He leaned over the box to cup Bambam’s face in his hands and kiss him. “Thank you for last night.”

“You don’t need to thank me.”

“I know,” he said. “I still wanted to.”

“You could thank me by making me breakfast.”

“You trust me not to set the kitchen on fire?”

“I don’t think even you can mess up making rice, a few eggs, and heating up the leftover soup in the fridge,” Bambam said. “But if you do, I think I might still love you.”

“Then I have nothing to lose.”

He kissed him once more before walking into the kitchen. The apartment had an open floor plan, so the kitchen wasn’t separated by any walls. Bambam could still see him clearly, getting the carton of eggs from the refrigerator and then moving things around on the shelves to find the soup.

“Can I open up another box?” Bambam asked.

“Sure,” Jinyoung said.

Bambam grabbed a smaller box, one that was lighter than the others, so it probably didn’t hold any clothes. He sliced through the packaging tape with a box cutter and opened it up to see journals and notebooks and loose pieces of paper.

“Is it okay if I unpack this one?” Bambam asked. “It looks like personal stuff.”

Jinyoung walked back into the room, taking a glance into the box and nodding. “It’s mostly writing. Song lyrics, some poetry that I want to turn into lyrics one day. It was all sitting on my bookshelf, so I didn’t get a chance to really look through it at the dorm. You can go ahead.”

“Any love songs about me?” Bambam said as he started to stack the journals on the floor next to him.

“It’s possible.”

That seemed to be as clear of an answer that he would get. The loose pieces of paper all had scribbles of random lines and words. None of them made much sense, especially the ones that only had English words on them, more than likely prospective song titles. Bambam still read over all of them, smiling to himself at Jinyoung’s commitment. There were even napkins with lyrics on them, written with a thick black marker so that they could easily be seen over the restaurants’ printed logo.

One piece of paper slipped out of a spiral notebook and onto his lap. Bambam unfolded it, expecting to find more lyrics. But as soon as he started to read, his heart dropped and his stomach twisted and it felt like there was something caught in his throat.

_Mark,_

_I know that writing a letter is a stupid thing to do, but I want to apologize for the other day. I’ve never been with an omega like that before and I just wanted to take control because that’s what I’ve always been told to do, but clearly you weren’t comfortable with that. I never want to hurt you. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. I’m in love with you and just being near you is enough for me. Spending your heat with you was more than I could have ever asked for. You’re the most beautiful omega in the world. You could have any alpha you wanted and for some reason you trusted me with taking care of you and I fucked it up. Please give me another chance. I promise I’ll make it up to you. I really do see a future with you beyond working at this company and being your friend. You’re constantly in my thoughts and I dream about calling you my omega one day. I know you said you just wanted to stay friends while we do this, but I don’t think a physical relationship will be enough for me for much longer. I don’t think I’m capable of being around you without thinking about how much I’m in love with you. I know that I’ll never love another omega like I love you.  
  
Please give me a second chance. I want to make things right with you.  
  
Yours,  
Jinyoung_

“So, do you want your eggs scrambled or fried?” Jinyoung asked. “I could attempt an omelet, but I wouldn’t be too hopeful about that.” He stopped in front of Bambam, his face quickly clouding over with concern. “Are my lyrics that bad or that good? Should I take crying as a compliment or–”

“‘You’re the most beautiful omega in the world,’” Bambam quoted. “‘I’ll never love another omega like I love you.’”

“What are you–”

Bambam stood up and shoved the letter against his chest, watching as Jinyoung read it over. He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to stop the tears from falling. Usually he didn’t mind crying in front of Jinyoung, but right now the thought of doing so made him sick.

“Bam-ah, this was–”

“You fucked Mark?” Bambam said. “You helped him through one of his heats? I always knew you used to like him, but this? Am I just some sort of replacement–”

“This was years ago,” Jinyoung said. “Before we even debuted. I don’t feel this way anymore. I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“You didn’t think it was a big deal?” Bambam said. “That letter is a big deal, Jinyoung. Fucking Mark who – who’s like my older brother, one of my best friends and you just… You didn’t think I should know? That I’m too stupid to find out?”

“Of course I don’t think you’re stupid,” Jinyoung said. “I didn’t see how it would help anything. It was in the past and you didn’t know when it was happening, so I didn’t see the point in telling you now. It would just hurt you.”

“But at least you would have been honest with me,” Bambam said. “Do you think I’m insecure?”

“You’re the least insecure person I know. I would never think that.” Jinyoung took his hands in his, but Bambam pulled away. “I’m not going to lie and say that what I felt for Mark was nothing or that it was childish and it didn’t matter, but it’s over now. I haven’t felt that way about him in years.”

“How many times did it happen?”

“I don’t see how–”

“Just answer my question.”

He wanted Jinyoung to say that it only happened once. They did it and then put a stop to it and they never talked about it again. The letter was just a way for Jinyoung to vent out his feelings before moving on.

“I spent his three heats in 2013 with him,” Jinyoung said. “And we were together a few times outside of his heat as well. It ended before Jaebeom and Mark were assigned to be a couple.”

“A year,” Bambam said. “You were with him for a year and you didn’t think it was important to tell me.”

“It was just sex.”

“Maybe to Mark, but obviously not to you,” he said. “I always just thought you had a crush on him. That you liked him like every other alpha at the company. I never knew that…that all the romantic shit you tell me is just something you used to tell him. That in all of those journals you couldn’t think of anything new to tell me.”

“Bam-ah, that’s not what this is,” Jinyoung said. “If you would just let me explain–”

“I don’t need you to explain, I need you to leave.”

“Don’t be like this,” Jinyoung said. “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

“If you left then you wouldn’t have to talk to me when I’m like this.”

“Where would I even go?”

“To Mark’s place,” Bambam said. “Maybe he can help you through the rest of your rut.” The words felt sickening as he said them and he hated himself a little bit, but he wanted to hurt Jinyoung more. “Then maybe for my next heat, I can ask Jaebeom to–”

“Don’t,” Jinyoung said. “Don’t even put that thought in my head. I know you’re mad, but I can’t hear you say that when I’m in rut. The thought of another alpha putting his hands on you–”

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite,” Bambam said. “Get out.”

He didn’t watch Jinyoung leave. He only waited for the sound of the front door to close.

Bambam went back to the bedroom as if on autopilot. Jinyoung’s scent was strongest there. Overpowering and intoxicating and causing his head to feel like it was going to split open. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, thinking over whose number he wanted to call. Jinyoung instantly came to his mind, because he was the one Bambam always wanted to talk to, but that wasn’t going to work now.

Once he decided on the right contact, the phone rang twice before a sleepy “hello” greeted him from the other line.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s early,” Bambam said. “I just really need someone right now. Can you come over? And make Jackson promise not to get violent if he comes too?”

“Yeah,” Youngjae said, still tired, but more alert now. “I’ll be right there.”


	21. Chapter 21

“So, when did you find out?” Bambam asked.

Jaebeom looked up from his book, slowly turning his head to the side to look at Bambam. It was at that moment that he seemed to realize that he was trapped on a plane with him, sitting in the window seat and incapable of running away from Bambam and his questions. The typical calmness on Jaebeom’s face had a tiny bit of panic slipping out.

“Find out what?” Jaebeom said. “That I wanted to be a singer? Because that started at a very young age.”

“You know exactly what I’m asking you,” Bambam said. He took Jaebeom’s book from his hands and held it tightly in his lap. “Answer the question.”

“I don’t know what you’re asking me,” Jaebeom said. “And give me back my book. You’re going to crease the cover.”

“Then bring a hardback book next time.”

Bambam watched as Jaebeom looked around the cabin of the airplane, more than likely searching for help. He wouldn’t get any. Jackson and Youngjae were seated behind them, both fast asleep as they leaned on each other. Mark and Yugyeom were a few rows ahead, talking quietly amongst themselves while Yugyeom rested his hand on Mark’s thigh in a way that was a little too obvious. Jinyoung was sitting with one of their managers and was keeping to himself with his earbuds in.

“It’s been months and you just now want to know?” Jaebeom asked. “You found out in September.”

“I know.”

“It’s December.”

“I know how time works, hyung,” Bambam said. “And yeah, I want to know now. From an unbiased point of view.”

“I’m not very unbiased,” Jaebeom said. “But, sure, I’ll tell you.” He cleared his throat and looked out the window of the plane at the dark night sky. They were on their way back from Hong Kong after attending MAMA and everyone was asleep since it was so late. “I’ve always liked Mark, but I knew that Jinyoung liked him more than I did at the time. In early 2013, he told me that he had sex with Mark and that he thought they were going to actually be together, so I pushed my feelings aside and let it go, but then they broke things off before the year ended and that was it.”

“You’re terrible at describing things,” Bambam said. “You can’t give me any more details?”

“No, I can’t,” Jaebeom said. “Bam, it happened almost six years ago. I don’t think about it. Jinyoung doesn’t have feelings for Mark anymore. It doesn’t bother me that they used to have sex. Jinyoung is still my best friend and Mark is still the love of my life. Nothing has changed for me.”

“I feel like everything has changed for me though.”

“Because it’s still new to you,” Jaebeom said. “For the rest of us though, it’s all in the past.”

He wasn’t sure how “in the past” it was for Yugyeom though. Since Bambam found out about Mark and Jinyoung’s past, they had told Yugyeom as well so that no one was in the dark. Whatever was going on between Mark, Jaebeom, and Yugyeom was still so new that he didn’t feel the same kind of betrayal that Bambam did. He wasn’t quick to accept it and move on to the news, but he handled it much better than Bambam had.

“You have a right to be upset,” Jaebeom said. “But you need to stop shutting him out. He’s miserable without you. So is Mark. You need to stop punishing them for something that happened years ago.”

“I know.”

Bambam wanted everything to go back to how it was before he found out. He knew that it was up to him to put things back to where they were. Finding the strength to talk to both of them was difficult though. Maybe it was his sense of pride holding him back, but he had a feeling that it was something else. The words Jinyoung had written in that letter had been repeating in his mind for the past couple of months and he couldn’t stop himself from overanalyzing them.

“So, is Yugyeom not the love of your life too?”

“What?” Jaebeom said, clearly thrown by the change of topic.

“You said Mark is the love of your life,” Bambam said. “Is Yugyeom not included in that?”

“That’s…” Jaebeom trailed off. “What I feel for Yugyeom is complicated. The way I feel attraction for people is strange.”

“That doesn’t sound unsettling at all.”

“It’s not a bad kind of strange,” Jaebeom said. “I have to really get to know someone before I start to feel any attraction toward them and it’s only happened for a few people. Mark is really the only person I’ve, well, uh…I like Yugyeom a lot. You don’t have to worry about his feelings not being reciprocated, because they are, I just need to take my time to fully let those feelings develop.”

“I feel like you just explained a lot to me without really explaining anything at all,” Bambam said.

“It’s a talent of mine.” Sensing an opportunity, Jaebeom reached over the armrest and took his book back from Bambam. He examined the cover to make sure that it wasn’t creased and then settled into his seat. “Any more questions?”

“No,” Bambam said. “I guess not.”

That wasn’t exactly true. He still had a million more questions he wanted to ask, but they were questions that Mark and Jinyoung would have the best answers to, not Jaebeom. Looking around the plane again, he took stock of where everyone was now. Jackson and Youngjae were still sleeping. Jinyoung was still listening to music. Yugyeom hadn’t moved from his seat, but Mark had. He was walking down the aisle toward Bambam and Jaebeom, a determined look on his face that instantly made Bambam nervous.

“Trade seats with me,” Mark said to Jaebeom as soon as he stopped in their row. “I need to talk to Bambam.”

“Works for me,” Jaebeom said.

Bambam stayed frozen in his seat. This didn’t stop Jaebeom though. He climbed over Bambam’s lap to get to the aisle so that he could move past Mark and to where Yugyeom was sitting. Mark stepped over Bambam’s legs and took Jaebeom’s empty seat.

“I don’t have anything to talk about with you,” Bambam said. It was such an obvious lie that he didn’t even believe himself.

“Well, you can just listen then,” Mark said. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” Bambam said, surprised by the sudden apology. They both knew what the apology was for too, but Bambam couldn’t help but want him to elaborate more. “What for?”

“For sleeping with the guy you’ve always been in love with,” Mark said. “Multiple times. And then not telling you about it. Even though I had plenty of opportunities to tell you.”

“Okay,” Bambam said.

He was strangely at a loss for words. After giving both Mark and Jinyoung the silent treatment for the past few months, he wasn’t expecting Mark to be so blunt with him. His hands were in his lap and he kept twisting them together, resisting the urge to pick at the black polish on his fingernails.

“I’m not sorry that it happened though,” Mark said. “I don’t regret being with Jinyoung. I just regret the way we went about doing it.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that…” Mark sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Do you remember when you were helping me move last summer? When it was just the two of us unpacking boxes at my place?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“You asked for sex advice and I told you I’d only ever been with two alphas that counted.”

“Right,” Bambam said, his mind remembering the moment. He never thought too much about what those words meant. Bambam just assumed they meant that Mark had been with two different alphas and that was the end of it. “Yeah, I remember.”

“So, Jaebeom and Jinyoung are the two,” Mark said. “But they’re the only two that I actually count because…other alphas I’ve uh, not _been with_, but they…it wasn’t consensual.”

Mark said the last few words in a rush, like he had to force them out or else he would never say them. There was a brief moment that Bambam’s mind hadn’t processed what those words meant. He could live in ignorant bliss for a single second before the weight of Mark’s words came crashing down on him.

“No,” Bambam said because it was the first word that came to him.

“It was a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t matter, it still happened,” Bambam said. “What – Who – I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Bam,” Mark said. “Just let me finish, okay?”

Bambam nodded, pressing his lips together and trying to push down the devastation that was brewing inside of him. He always looked up to Mark as an older omega. They were like brothers and they were always there for each other. Mark had never given any signs that he had been through something so terrible. He always put on a strong front. And he never missed a moment to tell Bambam to be careful around alphas he didn’t know.

“It happened back home, before I came to Korea,” Mark said. “When I came here, I only stayed close to betas and omegas. I didn’t talk to any alphas unless I absolutely had to. I didn’t talk to Jaebeom or Jinyoung that often, but eventually I got comfortable around them. I knew Jinyoung liked me, but I wasn’t ready for something like that and I honestly just didn’t have any feelings for him other than friendship. He asked me if I wanted to spend my heat with him and I wanted to say no, but I kept thinking about how I always flinched whenever an alpha touched me or how I didn’t want to be terrified my entire life. I hated feeling helpless, so I…I said yes.”

Mark took a pause, turning his head to look out the window despite it still being completely dark outside. He balled his hands up into fists on his thighs, not out of anger, but discomfort. It was like he was annoyed with himself for not telling the story as quickly as possible to get it over with.

“Take your time,” Bambam said, placing one of his hands over Mark’s.

“Jinyoung and I, we’re not a good match together,” Mark said. “I knew it right away, but he wanted to keep trying and I wanted to get over being scared of alphas. I don’t know what letter you found, but I never saw it. He never gave me a letter and after I told him I didn’t want whatever it was we were doing to be romantic, he stopped trying to make me fall in love with him. We didn’t exactly think through what we were doing, but it helped me, whatever it was. I’m not scared of alphas anymore. He helped me with that, so I’m grateful that it happened. I just hate that you got hurt.”

He turned his hand upward to press his palm against Bambam’s. Mark laced their fingers together.

“I’ve never been in love with Jinyoung,” Mark said. “I love him because he’s my friend, but that’s it. And yeah, he had a crush on me, he liked me, but he’s fucking crazy about you. I’m not interested in him, he’s not interested in me. Bam, he’s so in love with you. You don’t need to worry about anything. Jinyoung’s all yours.”

“I know he is,” Bambam said. “And I know he’s been with other omegas, besides me. That’s never bothered me. It’s just that when I found that letter, I felt like a kid all over again. I remembered when I was desperate for his attention and he just thought that I was a child.”

“To be fair, you were just a kid,” Mark said. “It’d be concerning if he didn’t view you that way.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Bambam said. “Sometimes I get scared that things might go back to how they were. His parents still don’t approve of me. Everyone thinks we make a weird couple. He’s going to get more and more acting roles and that means more love interests who will be played by actresses who everyone will think will suit him more than me. And…and he was so in love with you.”

“That sounds like a lot of worries you should be talking to Jinyoung about, not me,” Mark said. He stood up, stepping over Bambam’s legs like Jaebeom did before. “We’re good, right? You and me?”

“We’re good,” Bambam said. Mark took a few steps down the aisle away from him before Bambam reached out and grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry. What those alphas did was–”

“I know,” Mark said. “You don’t have to tell me you’re sorry. It’s okay.”

It didn’t feel like enough. As Bambam watched Mark walk away, he felt the strangest mix of contentment and pain. He was relieved that they were talking again and he wasn’t mad at him anymore. The knowledge of Mark being hurt in such a way was weighing on him, but he knew that the weight he felt was nothing compared to what Mark had to carry every day.

He settled back into his seat, waiting for Jaebeom to join him again, or maybe Yugyeom if Mark and Jaebeom wanted to sit together for the last part of the flight. Instead, Jinyoung came to him. He had his glasses on and his hair was tousled and he looked like an overall mess. The disheveled look was one he had embraced the past few months.

“Can I sit next to you?” he asked.

“Sure,” Bambam said. Instead of letting Jinyoung climb over him to get to the window seat, Bambam moved to that seat himself. “Are you expecting to be forgiven because Jaebeom and Mark talked to me?”

“No,” Jinyoung said. “I just thought that you might be in a talking mood.”

“Depends on the person trying to talk to me.”

“And if the person is me?”

“Then I might be persuaded to say a few words,” Bambam said, shrugging.

Jinyoung took his hand in his, raising it to his lips to give Bambam’s knuckles a kiss. Usually he would roll his eyes or make fun of Jinyoung at the gesture, but he had missed his touch so much that he couldn’t help but melt under it.

“I’ve missed you,” Jinyoung said.

Bambam wanted to say something rude in response. Like asking how he could miss him when they worked together and saw each other constantly. He didn’t have the energy to talk like that anymore though. Especially since he missed him too. Bambam’s living room still had unpacked boxes on the floor. Seeing them every day was a painful, constant reminder that they weren’t talking and that Jinyoung hurt him and that maybe Bambam was too prideful to be the one to make things right.

“I’ve missed you, too,” Bambam said.

“That’s good to know,” Jinyoung said. “I’ll be sure to tell Sooyoung-noona you feel that way. She’s tired of me sleeping on her couch.”

“I thought you were staying with Youngjae.”

“Some nights, yeah,” Jinyoung said. “When Jackson is out of town. I tried to sleep over once when Jackson came back from one of his trips to China and it was… They’re both very loud.”

“Ew,” Bambam said, wrinkling his nose. “That’s weirdly not surprising, actually, but still, ew.”

Jinyoung laughed and the sound of it was like a balm to all of Bambam’s senses. He really did miss him too much to be mad anymore.

“And then I stayed at Yugyeom’s place for a little while,” Jinyoung said. “His brother is great.”

“Everyone loves Euikyum.”

“But then Yugyeom wouldn’t stop talking about feeling guilty for housing the enemy, so I started staying at my sister’s instead,” Jinyoung said. “Sooyoung is starting to get tired of me though, so I might move to Boyoung’s soon.”

Bambam had made it clear that he didn’t want anyone “picking sides” between them. He didn’t want their issues to affect the group in any way. For the most part, things had worked out well, but Yugyeom was loyal to him in ways only a best friend could be. He was civil with Jinyoung, but his agitation toward him had grown over the past couple of months.

“Your poor sisters,” Bambam said. “Eventually you’re going to have nowhere else to go except Mark and Jaebeom’s place.”

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Jinyoung said. “The best part of staying at Yugyeom’s was the nights when he wasn’t there because he was somewhere else. If you get what I mean.”

“I definitely do.”

He still had no idea how Mark, Jaebeom, and Yugyeom managed to make it work. At first he thought the only solution for them would be for Jaebeom and Yugyeom to “share” Mark. He couldn’t understand how that could work for very long though. At some point in time the three of them developed their relationship that seemed stable and strong and not in any danger of one of them feeling left out. That had been Bambam’s biggest worry. He didn’t want Yugyeom to feel like a third wheel and thankfully it seemed that that wasn’t the case.

“I think my last resort would have to be my parents’ place,” Jinyoung said.

“I’m sure they would be delighted to know that you aren’t staying with me anymore.”

“I don’t care what they think of you,” Jinyoung said. “That’s why they would be my last resort. I don’t want to hear them say anything bad about you.”

“You should care what they think of me,” Bambam said. “My family loves you. They think you’re great. They don’t have any problems with us being together. That’s how family is supposed to act.”

“I know,” Jinyoung said. “They’ll come around eventually.”

“You keep saying that, but it never happens,” Bambam said.

“Things like this need time.”

“Or they need you to stick up for me and tell them to get over whatever prejudices they have and accept that I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t possibly be mad at me for what my parents feel,” Jinyoung said. “It’s not in my control.”

“Yes, it is,” Bambam said. “Everything is always under your control. You could make your parents like me. You could have told me about your relationship with Mark.”

“I was going to tell you eventually.”

“No, you weren’t,” Bambam said. “You told me every detail about your high school girlfriend who you haven’t seen in years, but you didn’t tell me that you were fucking Mark.”

“Because I didn’t see what good it would do, okay?” Jinyoung said. “Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear? I didn’t think you could handle it and clearly I was right.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re overreacting,” Jinyoung said. “Giving me the silent treatment, throwing a temper tantrum. You’re acting like a little kid. All I want is to move past this and be with you. I want to pick things up where we left off, but you just can’t let this go.”

“Maybe I’ll let it go when you give me a decent fucking apology instead of trying to make me feel like this is my fault.”

“Bam-ah, that’s not what–”

“I think we should trade seats, hyung.”

Bambam didn’t know when Yugyeom had walked over to them, but he was glad that he did. His arms were folded over his chest and he looked angry in a way that Bambam almost never saw. It was easy to forget that Yugyeom could have a certain intensity to him that could be intimidating.

“Yugyeom, we’re in the middle of–”

“Get up,” Yugyeom said. His tone gave Jinyoung no room to argue. It didn’t matter that Yugyeom was a beta or that he was younger than Jinyoung.

For a moment, Bambam thought that Jinyoung was going to resist, but he agreed after being stared down by Yugyeom. He left the seat, not looking back at Bambam as he walked up the aisle to take the seat Yugyeom had left.

“Are you okay?” Yugyeom asked, wrapping his arm around Bambam as soon as he sat down. “Do you need me to go punch him?”

“No, I don’t want you to punch anyone,” Bambam said. “I just want you to be here for me.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Bambam leaned his head against Yugyeom’s shoulder and tried not to think about what Jinyoung had said. He didn’t want to start believing that this was actually his fault.


	22. Chapter 22

“What did he do?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific,” Bambam said.

He leaned against the railing of the boat to watch the water rush by underneath them. Baby did the same, tilting her head to look at him. She nudged him in the side with a bony elbow and he did the same to her until they both stopped the conversation for a full 30 seconds to elbow each other. He missed her.

“Jinyoung,” she said, glancing quickly over her shoulder as if to strengthen her point. “You’ve barely looked at him since you two got here. Mæ̀ may be convinced that nothing is wrong, but I’m not. Neither are they.”

She gestured toward the bridge where his two older brothers, Beer and Bank, were at the wheel. They were looking at the water for the most part, but every few seconds their eyes would drift to where Jinyoung was talking to their mother and their gazes weren’t exactly approving.

“We’re in Phuket for a few days,” Baby said. “That’s all the family vacation time we have and mæ̀ invited him, but something is wrong.” She placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently, the touch a stark contrast from the jabs from before. “Did he cheat on you?”

“No,” Bambam said. “He would never do anything like that.”

“Did he call one of your cats ugly?”

“No. It’s a little more serious than that.”

“Did he hurt you?” she asked. “Like did he…hit you?”

“No,” Bambam said, making his voice as firm as possible. “He’s never done that. Ever. It’s nothing like that. We just had an argument. It’s complicated and a very long story and you don’t need to worry about it.”

“Telling me not to worry isn’t going to make me worry any less, P’Bam,” she said. “But if it’s just an argument, then maybe you should try and work things out.”

He didn’t know how to tell her that they had been trying to work things out for months now. January was coming to an end soon and his heat at the beginning of the month had been his first one without Jinyoung in three years. Even before they started dating, Jinyoung still kept him company during his heats in the form of sitting next to him or giving him casual touches. He had been completely absent a few weeks ago and it hadn’t been easy. Especially since his heats were getting progressively more intense.

Baby pressed up against his side, leaning her head on him as they both looked out onto the sea. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and thought about how grateful he was to have his family. Bambam never felt like he had to try with them. He didn’t need to impress them or convince them of anything. None of them ever fought. Everything was so easy when it came to his family.

“Not to alarm you or anything, but I think I’m getting mated soon,” she said.

“Consider me alarmed,” Bambam said. “To who?”

“Some random alpha I met on the street the other day,” Baby said. She jabbed him with her elbow again. “My boyfriend, you idiot. Who else would I get mated to?”

“Obviously I knew you meant your boyfriend.”

“Did you though?” she said.

She was smirking at him, clearly making fun of him, and he couldn’t help but be amazed by how much she reminded Bambam of himself. Everyone said they looked like twins, even though he was older than her. Their older brothers were betas, so they were the only two omegas in the family along with their mother. Despite growing up mostly in Korea and not seeing her as often as he would like to, Bambam always felt a close connection to Baby.

“You’re too young to get mated,” Bambam said.

“I turn 21 this year,” she said. “I know that for entertainers that’s young, but for every other omega, it’s pretty normal. Besides, I want to mate with him. We’ve been together for over a year. He’s a good alpha who’s kind to me and he treats me well and respects my boundaries. I really love him.”

“You don’t need to give me a full speech,” Bambam said.

“I know,” she said. “I’m just practicing for when I tell those two.” She pointed to Beer and Bank once more. “They’re going to have a fit. They’ve already planned 18 different ways to assassinate Jinyoung on this trip.”

“The trip only started today.”

“Yeah and they’re ready to kill your boyfriend,” Baby said. “I think they have a secret hand signal to let the other one know that it’s time. Do you want me to show it to you?”

“You’re not very funny.”

Baby seemed to think she was hysterical. She pressed her hand to her mouth, covering it as she laughed loudly at her own absurd scenario of their brothers planning to kill Jinyoung. The idea was morbid, but Bambam had to admit, that it was also a little funny.

As she continued to laugh, Bambam looked to where Jinyoung was sitting with his mother. The two were doing their best to carry a conversation and even though Bambam couldn’t hear what they were saying, it was endearing to watch. Jinyoung’s Thai and his mother’s Korean were limited, so English seemed to be the middle ground. Neither was fluent though and body language had to be added to the mix as well.

“Do you want me to go save him and send him over here?” Baby asked. “Maybe you two can make up and then actually enjoy your time off together.”

“That sounds nice,” Bambam said. “I don’t know how well it’ll work though.”

“Let’s find out,” she said.

Before he could stop her, Baby walked to the other side of the boat, leaning over to talk directly to Jinyoung. He gave her a grateful smile and then took Bambam’s mother’s hands in his, saying a few words that made her beam at him. Bambam turned around to face the water again, squeezing the rail tightly.

Jinyoung arrived by standing behind him, pressing his chest to Bambam’s back and covering his hands. Despite everything, Bambam’s body instantly relaxed against him.

“I’m sorry I ruined your family vacation,” Jinyoung said. “Your mother was so insistent though and I couldn’t think of a legitimate excuse–”

“It’s fine,” Bambam said. “She would have thought something was wrong if you didn’t come.”

“Oh, she already knows something is wrong,” Jinyoung said. “So do your siblings.”

“I knew about my siblings, but my mom knows too?” Bambam said.

“As soon as I got here, Bank made eye contact with me while slowly unfolding a pocketknife,” Jinyoung said. “I don’t know what that means, but it felt like a threat.”

“It was definitely a threat,” Bambam said. “How does my mom know?”

“She kept talking to me about how all the problems in the world could be solved through talking,” Jinyoung said, “and that forgiveness was a beautiful thing. And that she wants grandchildren.”

She definitely knew something was wrong. If she couldn’t speak in Thai, small talk was the only conversation she would take part in. Going out of her way to talk to Jinyoung about open communication and forgiveness definitely pointed to her sensing that they were having issues.

The horn of the boat suddenly blared and they both jumped. Jinyoung took a step back and Bambam looked to the bridge to see his brothers waving their arms at them. It was clear that they thought Jinyoung was a little too close and for once, Bambam was grateful for their overprotectiveness.

“I’ll keep my hands to myself then,” Jinyoung said, standing at his side instead. “I don’t need to give them any more reasons to want to kill me.”

Neither of them spoke up directly after that. The anger and frustration and betrayal Bambam had been feeling over the past four months was starting to turn into something else. He was tired and lonely and he missed Jinyoung so much. Of course they saw each other for work, but it wasn’t the same.

“How was your heat?” Jinyoung asked after a few minutes passed. “I wanted to be there for you.”

“I know you did,” Bambam said. “You offered enough times.” He looked down at his hands that were still gripping onto the rail so tightly that his hands were losing color. “I went to Doctor Cha’s office to get a sedative.”

“Fuck, Bam.”

“I know,” Bambam said. “It was bad.”

“I should have been there.”

“I didn’t want you there.”

“I’m your alpha.”

“Are you though?”

Apparently he wasn’t the only one who wasn’t angry anymore. Instead of being mad or annoyed by the accusation, Jinyoung looked devastated by it. Bambam hadn’t said it to hurt him. He was only being honest. How could Jinyoung be his alpha if their relationship had been on pause for so long?

“I want to be,” Jinyoung said. “I want to be your alpha. And I…I should have told you about Mark. I should have told you when we got together or maybe even before that. You’re not a little kid anymore. You haven’t been a kid for a long time and I’m sorry I acted in a way that made you feel like that was all I saw you as. You’re a man – the man I’m in love with. The man that I hurt and I’m sorry for everything.”

“Hyung, that’s–”

“I’m still going.”

“Okay, continue.”

Jinyoung took his hand in his. This seemed to be an acceptable touch, judging by the lack of disruption from Bambam’s brothers.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to get upset,” Jinyoung said. “And, yeah, a part of me thought that you couldn’t handle the truth. I know better now. I know that you weren’t mad that I was with Mark, you were mad that I kept such a big secret from you. I’m never going to do that again.”

“Jinyoung–”

“There’s still more.”

“Please, keep going.”

“I’ll talk to my parents,” he continued. “I’ll tell them that if they can’t accept you, then I won’t be in their lives anymore.”

Out of everything he said up to that point, those were the words that surprised Bambam the most. Family meant so much to him. He couldn’t imagine not being in their lives just because they didn’t like who he was dating. Bambam’s family was different from Jinyoung’s though. If Bambam’s family didn’t approve of who he was with, it would probably be for a legitimate reason.

“That’s taking things too far,” Bambam said.

“No, it’s not,” Jinyoung said. “I’ve been a shitty alpha to you. I thought because you’ve liked me for so long, nothing I did could make you upset with me. I was an idiot to think like that. I need to fight for you. Be better for you.”

“What brought all of this on?” Bambam asked. There was a tingly sensation in his eyes, one that signaled that tears were very close to forming. He hated crying and doing that in front of his family, while talking to his boyfriend, was the last thing he wanted to do. They would either think he was getting dumped or proposed to. “Did you rehearse this on the plane?”

“On the plane, yeah,” Jinyoung said. “And the past week, whenever I got the chance. Youngjae yelled at me.”

“Youngjae?”

“He’s terrifying.”

“And very motivational, apparently,” Bambam said. He made a mental note to call Youngjae later and ask exactly what he said to Jinyoung. “That was a really good apology.”

Jinyoung nodded, like he agreed that his apology was impressive. Bambam was surprised by the suddenness of it, but mostly he just felt conflicted. Jinyoung told him everything he wanted to hear. He seemed to be completely genuine as well. They were all the words that needed to be said, but something still felt off. Things weren’t clicking back into place. He wasn’t overwhelmed by the desire to rush into Jinyoung’s arms and kiss him without caring that his family was watching. The apology hadn’t been empty. There was just something lacking.

“There’s one more thing,” Jinyoung said.

That was it. Bambam knew there had to be more. Nothing could ever be clear-cut between the two of them.

“What is it?” Bambam asked.

“This isn’t exactly easy for me to say,” Jinyoung said.

His shoulders tensed up and he looked more nervous. More nervous than he had been for his big apology. Bambam’s mind instantly went to the worst-case scenario. There was another omega. Of course there was another omega. They hadn’t really been together for four months. A lot could happen in that time. Jinyoung did just say that he wouldn’t keep any secrets from him anymore, so he was getting it all over with now. Confessing his sins and hoping that Bambam would forgive him.

“I don’t deserve you,” Jinyoung said. “I get insecure about it a lot, actually, thinking that there are other alphas out there more suited to you than I am.”

The momentary relief he felt from his worst-case scenario not being true was quickly replaced with confusion.

“What are you talking about?” Bambam asked.

“I’m talking about how different we are,” Jinyoung said. “I’m boring. Everyone knows it. I know it. I even like being boring. I don’t change; I’m always going to stay the same. You’re invited to go to all of these glamourous parties. You and Mark just got back from going to Milan for a fashion event. You travel all the time and your life is just so…so extravagant compared to mine. I like staying home, keeping to myself, keeping to Korea.” The tension in his shoulders seemed to lessen, but they didn’t do it out of relief. It was more like they dropped in exasperation. “This entire country is in love with you. It’s like my world is so much smaller than yours.”

Bambam always knew they were completely different people. It never bothered him. He liked that they were so different. “Opposites attract” was always a phrase he heard people use when he was younger, but he never truly understood what it meant until he started to have feelings for Jinyoung.

“You’re not boring,” Bambam said. “And I don’t care that not all of our interests line up. I don’t mind that you’d rather stay home than travel with me for brand deals and events. Because that way I know I’ll always have someone to come home to.” He wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s neck, waiting a few moments to see if his brothers would object, and then continuing when they didn’t. “Korea isn’t really my home. I haven’t lived in Thailand since I was a kid, so this doesn’t feel like home to me either. Home for me is my family and the other guys in the group and you. Mostly you. I don’t want other alphas just because they might suit me better or because other people think we’re too different. I just want you. I’ve always only ever wanted you.”

His brothers did object to Jinyoung kissing him. The horn of the boat loudly filled the air around them, but they didn’t pull away from each other. Bambam pressed eagerly against his mouth, not caring that his entire family was watching him make out with his boyfriend. It had been months since he had felt Jinyoung’s lips against his and his hands on his waist, holding him close. Nothing about it was fumbling or awkward. It was as if they had never taken a break at all.

“Have I mentioned lately how beautiful you are?” Jinyoung said once they parted. “Because you are so beautiful.”

“Nope,” Bambam said. “You can’t do that anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Tell me I’m beautiful,” Bambam said. “You’re not allowed to use any line on me that you wrote in that letter. I don’t care if Mark never saw it, you’re not recycling compliments. Come up with something new.”

“Right now?” Jinyoung said. “You’re really putting me on the spot.”

“Be spontaneous,” Bambam said. “Try out a new phrase. And you can’t use words like ‘pretty’ or ‘gorgeous’ or ‘stunning’ or ‘perfect.’ No clichés.”

“You’re so needy.”

Jinyoung’s hands went from his waist to Bambam’s hips, squeezing tightly in a way that Bambam felt promised something more. The movement gained another horn blare from his brothers and Jinyoung quickly moved his hands back up to his waist. Even he thought it was a little too much to do in front of Bambam’s family.

“‘Needy’ is another word you’re not allowed to use,” Bambam said.

He studied Bambam’s face for a few moments, his eyebrows knitting together like this was actually something worth thinking about. Bambam just wanted to hear something romantic, he wasn’t too particular about what it was. Jinyoung was probably seeing this as a moment of redemption. The letter had been what started everything, so maybe he was taking this time to try and rewrite history in a way.

“You’re,” Jinyoung said, cupping his face in his hands, “you’re iridescent.”

Bambam tried. He really did. But nothing could stop him from bursting out into laughter.

“What does – What does that even _mean_?” he asked between laughs, trying to catch his breath.

“You don’t know what iridescent is?”

“No, I know what that is, but how am I iridescent?” Bambam asked. “I’m not a reflective surface.”

“That’s not how I meant it,” Jinyoung said. “I meant that you’re different from every angle. You shine in a way that looks unreal, but that’s exactly how you’re supposed to be. You’re always changing, never staying the same, evolving and growing as you go along. And I love watching you. I love you, Bam-ah. I’ll never stop. No much matter how you change or choose not to, I’ll always be there, loving you.”

It was then that the tears he had forgotten about decided to fall. He tried to put on a strong front most days. Bambam never liked falling into the stereotype of omegas being vulnerable and overly emotional. But sometimes he couldn’t stop the tears from falling and after four months of uncertainty and heartbreak, hearing Jinyoung’s words seemed to mend every worry in his heart.

The horn of the boat started to blare again, but Bambam finally took matters into his own hands.

“They’re happy tears! Shut up!” he yelled to the bridge.

“Did he propose?” Baby shouted back at him.

“No! We’re just having a moment! Let me cry about it!”

“Do I want to ask?” Jinyoung said, putting his hands on Bambam’s shoulders.

“No, you really don’t.”

Jinyoung wiped his tears away, smiling softly at him like his crying was somehow endearing. Bambam wouldn’t put it past Jinyoung to find interest in his tears. He seemed to think everything about Bambam was interesting and it was such a bizarre thought that he wasn’t sure how to process it.

Bambam stepped into his embrace again, his entire body seeming to sigh in relief at the contact. He knew that their talk wasn’t an instant fix to all of their problems. It wouldn’t stop future problems that he didn’t have any control over now. What it did do was bring him a sense of ease in his relationship with Jinyoung that hadn’t existed before. He didn’t have to think about worst-case scenarios anymore.

“Hyung,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“I love you, too.”


	23. Chapter 23

The last few seconds of the final song on the EP played out in the studio, leaving nothing but silence after it was over. Jaebeom was sitting at the control desk, fiddling with a dial that Bambam knew didn’t actually do anything. Yugyeom was in the chair next to him and trying his best not to look too nervous.

“Wow,” Bambam said after nearly a minute passed since the song ended. “I can’t believe you two wrote six songs about how much you want to fuck Mark.”

“And each other,” Yugyeom said without missing a beat.

Both of their responses elicited a laugh from Mark who was resting on the couch in the recording room. He had been relaxing while Jaebeom and Yugyeom played their first EP from their newly formed subunit for Bambam. On his stomach was a tiny poodle named Milo, napping quietly. Mark had recently adopted him after getting fed up with Jaebeom continuing to bring cats into their apartment without telling him. They were up to five cats and one puppy now.

“That’s a colorful way of putting it,” Jaebeom said. The back of his neck was red from embarrassment. “Did you at least like it?”

“Yeah, it was great,” Bambam said. “Don’t tell Jinyoung, but I might like it better than _Verse 2_.”

“Oh, I’m definitely telling him that,” Yugyeom said, getting his phone out of his pocket.

“Don’t do it, Gyeom-ah,” Mark said. “They just got back together two weeks ago. Be nice.”

Yugyeom put his phone back without complaint. He went to the couch where Mark was resting and sat on the edge of one of the cushions. Bambam hadn’t mentioned it, but he thought something was wrong with Mark. Their heats were on the same cycle, so he knew Mark just had his last month. Still, his skin was flushed and he was unusually quiet, even for Mark.

“Are you still feeling sick?” Yugyeom asked. His voice was as soft as his hand, making its way through Mark’s hair. “You should go back home and rest.”

“I will,” Mark said. “I just wanted to spend some more time with the two of you.”

“We can do that at home,” Jaebeom said.

He joined them at the couch, kneeling on the floor next to Mark. One of his hands found Milo’s fur, but the other brushed against Mark’s jaw. Bambam was starting to feel like an outsider, so he took a seat at the control desk and kept to himself. The first thing he noticed today when he walked into the studio, after greeting Milo for the first time, was the ring on Mark’s finger. It was the same engagement ring Jaebeom had proposed to him with over a year ago when the three of them hadn’t worked anything out. None of them brought it up again, but since Mark was now wearing it, Bambam assumed a second proposal had gone much smoother.

“What’s going on?” Bambam asked, inserting himself in the conversation whether they wanted him there or not. “Mark, are you sick?”

“I’m not sick,” Mark said. He sat up on the couch, ignoring protests from both Jaebeom and Yugyeom, wanting him to sit still. “I am mated, though.”

It was February, so Bambam hadn’t even blinked upon seeing Mark wearing a turtleneck sweater when he saw him in the studio. Usually Mark was a t-shirt and sweatshirt kind of guy, so he probably should have questioned the choice more when he first saw it. Mark grabbed the collar of his sweater, pulling it down to show the column of his neck, where a red bite mark stood out clearly against his skin.

“Oh, shit,” Bambam said softly, his eyes widening.

“Sorry, I’m late.” The door to the studio opened to reveal Youngjae who was also appropriately dressed for the cold. “I was facetiming with Jackson-hyung and lost track of – oh, shit.”

His eyes widened as he took in the scene in front of him, his eyes going from Mark’s neck to the puppy on his lap. He quickly turned to Bambam, more than likely seeking solace as the only two who had no idea what was going on.

“You mated,” Bambam said after Youngjae shut the door. “You actually…holy shit. Are you pregnant?”

“Probably,” Mark said. “It happened a few days ago, so I can’t do a test yet, but have you ever heard of a mating that didn’t result in a pregnancy?”

“No,” Bambam said. “I haven’t – I…I didn’t even know you were planning to get mated.”

“We weren’t,” Mark said, blunt and sharp and more than a little pissed off.

“Mark,” Jaebeom said. “I said–”

“I know, I get it,” Mark said. “I’m not mad.”

Bambam didn’t believe that for a second, but Mark had come a long way from punching anything and everything that pissed him off. He was more in control now, capable of calming himself down and thinking rationally instead of lashing out. The puppy on his lap probably helped as well to keep him calm.

“I still think it looks really pretty, hyung,” Yugyeom said. He traced the mark, that was just barely starting to scab over, with his fingers. “The placement’s nice.”

“And you’re okay with it?” Bambam said. “That they’re mated?”

A million questions had flooded into his mind as soon as he saw the bond mark, but he was mostly worried about Yugyeom. Mark and Jaebeom getting mated (and engaged, judging by the ring) wasn’t surprising to him since they had been together for so long. An inevitable pregnancy was alarming, but nothing they had to worry about at that exact second. He was worried about Yugyeom more than anything.

“Of course,” Yugyeom said. “I knew it would happen someday. I never wanted them to put their relationship on pause for me. Just include me in it, as much as they can.”

It wasn’t exactly a clear response, but Bambam got the feeling that was the most detailed explanation he was going to get. For now anyway. He could talk to Yugyeom later whenever they had time to themselves.

“What about you, hyung?” Youngjae asked Mark. “You’re okay with this? It affects you more than anyone.”

“Yeah,” Mark said. “Jaebeom’s the alpha I want to be with. Besides, I’ve always wanted kids.”

There was still some agitation in his voice, like he was holding himself back from saying something rude to Jaebeom, but he kept it in check. Not for the first time, Bambam found himself incapable of understanding the relationship between the three of them. He didn’t want to tell them that sometimes he thought they were fighting a lost cause, but that was how he felt. They couldn’t publically tell people that Yugyeom was a part of their relationship. Yugyeom was a beta, so he couldn’t claim Mark or be claimed by Jaebeom. It was so uneven and unbalanced and now this had happened and Bambam just didn’t know what to do with the three of them.

“You know I’ll always be here to support you,” Youngjae said. “If I can help with anything, just let me know. Even if it is being a future babysitter.”

Apparently Youngjae didn’t need the same kind of adjustment period that Bambam did.

“Thanks, Jae,” Mark said. “And I don’t even know if I’m actually pregnant.”

“The bite looks like it took, so I don’t see how you aren’t pregnant,” Jaebeom said. “And I _feel _mated to you. I know it worked.”

“And it’s a good feeling?” Mark said. “Being mated to someone like me?”

Out of all the responses Jaebeom could give Mark, a growl was the last one Bambam expected. It sounded angry and animalistic, almost like it had been ripped out of Jaebeom’s throat. The other three all jumped at the sound, but it made Mark smile softly as he cupped Jaebeom’s cheek in his hand.

“I hate it when you do that,” Jaebeom said. “You’re the only mate I want and, well, if Yugyeom was an omega, I’d want to mate with him too.”

“Oh,” Yugyeom said, his eyes widening and his pale skin flushing at the admission. “Uh, thanks, hyung.”

“Always such a romantic,” Mark said, kissing him.

“You’re the perfect omega,” Jaebeom said against his lips. “No one even comes close to you.” He paused, looking over his shoulder. “Sorry, Bam.”

“No offense taken,” Bambam said. “You’re the last alpha I would want to mate with.”

“I think any alpha who isn’t Jinyoung is the last alpha you would want to mate with,” Mark said.

“That is true.”

Mating wasn’t something they were thinking about doing anytime soon though. They hadn’t even sat down and had a conversation about it or tried to work out a future timeline. Bambam just knew that he was ready for an engagement ring at any moment in time. Whenever Jinyoung got around to asking him, he was prepared to say yes. That was the only huge, life-changing event he was ready for though.

“The next time the seven of us are together, we’ll all talk about this,” Jaebeom said. “Obviously this is a decision that doesn’t just affect Mark and me.”

“I don’t know when that’ll be,” Bambam said. “Jinyoung just started filming his drama and he’ll be busy for the next few months. And I feel like the only time we see Jackson anymore is when he’s promoting with us, so it could be months until we see him too.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Jaebeom said. “I’ll make sure of it.”

He said it with the type of certainty that only came with a long history of faking it until he made it. It was the same kind of energy he had used to convince everyone that he and Mark were a real couple when they debuted. The same energy Bambam noticed he used around Yugyeom sometimes. He didn’t like thinking about it.

“Just play the album for Youngjae,” Mark said. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore and that’s why he’s here.”

Yugyeom was the one who went to the control panel to start playing the first song on the album. Jaebeom and Mark stayed seated on the couch with Milo, talking softly amongst themselves and not paying attention to the rest of them. Bambam took one of Yugyeom’s hands in his, giving it a squeeze.

“Want to come over for dinner tonight?” Bambam asked. “We can order pizza.”

“Can I come too?” Youngjae said.

“Of course,” Bambam said. “Jinyoung has a night shoot, so it’ll only be the three of us. Maknae line only party.”

“Okay,” Yugyeom said. “Sounds fun.”

They let the rest of the EP play through without talking over it. Youngjae gave his approval once the final song ended, patting both Jaebeom and Yugyeom on the back and praising their hard work. They told Mark and Jaebeom about their dinner plans before awkwardly leaving the studio. The drive back to Bambam and Jinyoung’s apartment was even more awkward since none of them knew how to even approach what they all wanted to talk about.

When Bambam got home he checked on the cats, seeing if their litter boxes needed to be cleaned and filling up their food and water bowls. Yugyeom sat on the couch in the living room, bringing Cupcake onto his lap and patting her on the head in a way that made her annoyed, her tiny paws swatting at his hands.

“So, what’s going on?” Bambam asked. “They’re mated. How the hell did that happen?”

“Can we please talk about something else?” Yugyeom said. “For right now at least? I want to hear about someone else’s problems. How are you and Jinyoung-hyung?”

“We don’t have any problems,” Bambam said. “We’re good, really good. Sorry to disappoint.”

Before Yugyeom could tell Bambam how disappointed that news actually made him, Youngjae spoke up.

“Jackson-hyung told me I should see other people if I want to,” Youngjae said.

“He _what_?” Bambam said.

Youngjae sat down on the couch with them, leaning against the armrest and pulling his legs up to his chest. He looked so small that way, like he was caging in on himself.

“We don’t see each other that much,” Youngjae said. “He’s in America right now and then he’ll probably be in China and whenever he’s in Seoul, we’re always working, so we don’t have that much time to ourselves. He doesn’t think it’s fair to me to wait for him, so he said that if I want to see other people, then I should.”

“And do you want to?” Yugyeom asked.

“Do I want to what?”

“See other people?”

“No,” Youngjae said. “I knew that being with Jackson wouldn’t be easy. It was never easy. First he was in denial about being gay and now he thinks that an open relationship would work.”

“Would he be seeing other people too in this scenario?” Bambam asked.

“I don’t think so,” Youngjae said. “He told me that he’s so busy working that he doesn’t have the time. I guess that means he thinks I have plenty of time to fuck around.” He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling heavily. Bambam could tell that he was annoyed, but it was like he was too polite to really show it. “He’s working in other countries, you and Jaebeom-hyung are working on your subunit, you’re about to have a fan meeting tour next month in Thailand, Jinyoung-hyung is filming his drama, Mark-hyung has started promoting in China and he’s on the cover of every magazine I’ve seen lately and now he’s having a baby, apparently. I know that I don’t keep busy like the rest of you, but I still have work to do. I’ve got my own shit.”

“Of course you do, hyung,” Bambam said. “We all know how hard you work. Jackson’s probably just feeling insecure.”

“Then he should talk to me about it,” Youngjae said, “instead of making it seem like proposing some kind of open relationship is doing me a favor.”

Bambam would never tell either one of them what he was feeling in that moment. It was something he would only ever tell Jinyoung. He felt relieved. For once, he didn’t have any issues in his life. The planning for his fan meeting tour was going smoothly. He was in a great place with Jinyoung. Everything was falling into place for him. It was like his happy ending was right around the corner, but the rest of them had problems that needed time to be worked out.

“Just tell him how you feel,” Yugyeom said.

“I will,” Youngjae said. “I want to. But I think that would make me a hypocrite.”

“Hyung, you didn’t,” Bambam said.

“I almost did,” Youngjae said. “Because yeah, I do get lonely when he’s gone and we were in Japan last week for our concert and you know we’re all close to our backup dancers and I almost…slipped.”

“An ‘almost’ doesn’t count,” Bambam said right as Yugyeom asked, “Was it with Matthew?”

“It might have been with Matthew,” Youngjae said.

“So it was with Matthew.”

“Yes, it was with Matthew,” Youngjae said. “How could you tell?”

“You two are always flirting,” Yugyeom said. “And what does an ‘almost’ mean?”

“It means that he was complimenting me and touching me and being wanted felt nice, but then I remembered my very stupid boyfriend who gave me permission to fuck other people, so I left,” Youngjae said. “Can we talk about your problems now? I’m tired of talking about mine.”

It seemed that Yugyeom didn’t expect Youngjae to turn things over to him so quickly. He sunk into the couch, continuing to pat Cupcake’s head until she finally jumped off his lap. Bambam sat quietly between the two of them, trying not to enjoy this too much since he knew that would make him a terrible friend. Still, it was oddly refreshing to not have his own issues be the topic of conversation for once.

“I think it’s my fault they got mated,” Yugyeom said. “I think Jaebeom was starting to feel threatened by me, so he acted recklessly and now I can’t even look at Mark-hyung without feeling guilty. I’ve got to end things with them. This whole idea was stupid. We were – _I _was stupid to think this could ever work. There’s no place for me with them.”

“They love you, Gyeom-ah,” Bambam said.

“I don’t see how that matters in the long run,” Yugyeom said. “I need to let them go. I can’t keep holding them down.”

“You’re not holding anyone down,” Youngjae said. “It’s not supposed to be easy. None of our relationships were meant to be easy. If anyone found out about me and Jackson, we’d get blacklisted in the industry. The same thing would happen to you if word got out about you being with Mark and Jaebeom. Only Jinyoung and Bambam should have it easy and they have their own set of problems. You can’t just give up because things aren’t going your way. None of us can.”

Bambam could tell that he had been thinking that way for a while now. He was right too. Betas weren’t allowed to be anything but straight in their industry. Relationships weren’t supposed to have more than two people in them. Their managers didn’t even know the full truth about what they were going through. The only people they could rely on were each other and things were starting to get a little claustrophobic.

“So, what am I supposed to do?” Yugyeom said.

“I don’t know,” Youngjae said. “I don’t know what to do either. I can’t stop Jackson from using female pronouns in all of his songs or making his costars all women in his music videos and acting like he’s the straightest man on the planet. I can talk to him about this open relationship thing and try to work things out though. That’s really all we can do. We just have to talk to them.”

It was almost funny how Youngjae and Yugyeom’s shoulders both seemed to slump at the exact same time.

“Should I order the pizza now?” Bambam said once he was positive they had stopped talking. “Pepperoni?”

“Yes, please,” Yugyeom said.

“I’ll take sausage and mushroom on mine,” Youngjae said.

For the rest of the night Bambam put a ban on talking about the other members of their group. They ate pizza and watched a romantic comedy show that Yugyeom did a terrible job of hiding his immense interest in. Eventually it got late and the cat hair in Bambam’s apartment got to be too much for their allergies. He hugged them both goodbye at the door before calling it a night.

After a shower he slipped into bed and checked his phone to see if he had any messages from Jinyoung. He didn’t, but there were a few from his sister that he quickly replied to. Bambam started to feel himself drift off to sleep, but it wasn’t coming easily to him that night. He kept thinking of ways to fix Youngjae and Yugyeom’s problems, even though he knew it was futile. They weren’t his problems to fix and he didn’t even know how to start solving their issues.

He was brought out of sleep by the mattress dipping behind him and a soft kiss being pressed to his neck. Bambam swatted his hand in the air like he was trying to hit a fly, but instead made contact with Jinyoung.

“I’m sleeping,” he said.

“You sound awake to me,” Jinyoung said.

“Smartass.”

Jinyoung laughed at his response and then kissed his neck once again. “Go back to sleep. I just wanted to let you know that I’m home.”

“How was your shoot?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” Jinyoung said. He wrapped an arm around Bambam’s waist, spooning him. “Sleep now, Bam-ah.”

That was all the encouragement Bambam needed to hear. He nodded his head against the pillow before letting sleep take over once more. Worrying about other peoples’ problems could also wait until the morning.


	24. Chapter 24

Bambam didn’t know how he was going to survive the next few days. He agreed to be the MC for the shows Jaebeom and Yugyeom were doing for their Jus2 showcase in Thailand. It seemed like a fun job at first and he was happy to support his friends, but he was now starting to regret his decision. The first show had gone smoothly and he couldn’t sense any real tension between Jaebeom and Yugyeom. It had been two months since he found out that Mark and Jaebeom were mated and a little over a month had gone by since Mark took a pregnancy test that ended up being positive. Somehow the public hadn’t managed to find out yet and the three were still continuing their relationship.

The dedication they had when it came to acting like nothing life-changing had transpired over the past two months was admirable. And more than a little stupid, Bambam liked to think.

It couldn’t last forever though. Bambam ate dinner with Jaebeom and Yugyeom after their showcase. Focusing on his food was almost impossible with the two of them avoiding eye contact and not talking to each other. They would always ask Bambam questions and look at him to continue the conversation whenever there was an awkward silence. Jaebeom would put his hand on Yugyeom’s shoulder and it would immediately be brushed away. Yugyeom would lean on Jaebeom and seconds later the alpha would excuse himself to use the restroom.

Bambam had no idea what was going on between the two of them, but he wasn’t curious enough to investigate further. They were sharing a hotel room and Bambam had a room all to himself. He wasn’t going to jeopardize it by checking on Yugyeom and asking what was wrong. Tomorrow at breakfast would be the perfect time for an interrogation.

He was sitting on his bed after a shower, adjusting the shirt he was wearing every minute or so as he waited for Jinyoung to facetime him. While he waited, he scrolled through different websites, trying to find something interesting to keep him entertained. An article with his name in the title caught his eye and, against his better judgement, he tapped on the link.

“_10 Idols We Think Suit GOT7’s Jinyoung More Than BamBam!_”

It wasn’t exactly an original idea. Bambam had seen countless articles with similar titles ever since their relationship was outed to the public. He clicked on the article, curious to see their choices. The options ranged from omegas that Jinyoung had only interacted with a few times, like Jeongguk, to betas he was publicly friends with, like Jisoo. Mark was on the list as well, but his came with a disclaimer that he was happily in a relationship with Jaebeom, so that was “too bad.”

Bambam was used to it. That didn’t mean he wasn’t upset whenever he saw one. And maybe, shamefully, a tiny bit annoyed that he never came across any articles that talked about how he was too good for Jinyoung. It was always the other way around.

Still, the articles weren’t as bad as the comment section for each one. People loved to criticize him for being Thai or for showing off his wealth or for experimenting with makeup and fashion. Or they just went straight to sexualizing him. When it came to their group, Mark was the angelic omega all the alphas online wanted to mate with. Bambam was the painted whore with the cocksucking lips they all wanted on the side.

He closed out of all the apps he had open on his phone before tossing it to the side. Sometimes he thought about Jinyoung’s parents finding articles like that and reading them, agreeing with them, wanting desperately for their son to be with a more appropriate omega.

Before he could wallow in self-pity any longer, his phone started to ring. He answered the call and, despite his somewhat bitter mood, smiled as soon as he saw Jinyoung’s face on the screen.

“I’m late, sorry,” Jinyoung said. “I just got back home. I had dinner with Youngjae and we lost track of time.”

“That’s okay,” Bambam said. “How’s he doing?”

“Missing Jackson, but doing all right,” Jinyoung said. He ducked out of frame for a moment and Bambam could hear loud meows before King’s face took up the entire screen of his phone. “This little one has missed you. They all have.”

“You’ve been taking good care of our kids, right?”

“Of course.”

King meowed loudly, like he was backing up Jinyoung. Bambam rested his hand against his cheek, smiling at the tiny gray cat before Jinyoung was back on camera.

“And have you missed me?” Bambam asked.

“More than anything,” Jinyoung said. “How are Jaebeom and Yugyeom?”

“They’re so fucking weird,” Bambam said. “None of our friends are normal. I’ve always known they were weirdos, but hyung, things are really weird.”

“What’s going on?”

“Everything’s fine when they’re rehearsing or performing,” Bambam said. “When they’re not focused on work, everything just falls apart. They won’t make eye contact, they don’t talk directly to each other, they’ll touch for like half a second and then back off. I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Have you talked to Yugyeom about it?”

“No,” Bambam said. “Do you think I should?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said. “He probably needs someone to talk to.”

Bambam sighed, leaning his head back against the pile of pillows on the bed. He already had plans to talk to him in the morning, but maybe something more urgent was needed. Jaebeom and Yugyeom were going to spend the night in the same room together though, so he hoped they could work it out between the two of them.

“I’ll talk to him soon,” Bambam said. “Have you seen Mark lately?”

“We went to lunch together yesterday,” Jinyoung said. “He kept asking me about my drama and whenever I tried to ask him about the baby or Jaebeom or Yugyeom, he changed the subject. I don’t know what’s going on with the three of them.”

“I can’t believe we’re the normal ones.”

“It was our turn,” Jinyoung said. “We deserve being the normal ones for once.”

It was certainly nice being the normal ones. They hadn’t had much time together to enjoy it though. Bambam had been in Thailand for the past couple months and Jinyoung was busy working on his drama. They saw each other a few times, but most of their interactions were done over the phone. Bambam knew that people said that absence made the heart grow fonder, and while he was learning that that was true, he still didn’t like being away from Jinyoung for so long.

“I can’t wait to be back home,” Bambam said. “I miss the kids.”

“What about me?”

“Yeah, I guess I miss you a little bit too.”

“I don’t believe you,” Jinyoung said. “I think you’ve been missing me a lot.”

“Maybe,” Bambam said with a shrug.

He didn’t need to tell Jinyoung that he missed him every single second of every day that he was away. They both already knew. Bambam didn’t need to tell him that he couldn’t stop thinking about Jinyoung and longing for the home they had made together in their apartment with their cats that Jinyoung was finally starting to call his own. He wanted to be with him always, so being apart was a very unique type of torture for him.

“I saw your post from a few days ago,” Jinyoung said. “The one where you’re showing off your new tattoo.”

Bambam knew the exact post he was talking about. He had slowly started getting tattoos a few months ago. It was something he always wanted to do and with encouragement from Mark, Youngjae, and Yugyeom, who all had tattoos of their own, he started getting them. His most recent was the word “KING” going vertically down his side. It was minimalistic, like the rest of his tattoos, and now it was the first one Jinyoung had outright mentioned to him.

“Do you like it?” Bambam asked.

“It’s nice,” Jinyoung said. “I like all of your tattoos. This one might just be my favorite though.”

“And why’s that?”

He couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes as he asked the question. Bambam had a feeling he already knew what Jinyoung was going to say.

“You got it for me, right?” he said. “Because of our song together?”

“No,” Bambam said. “I got it for the song that I wrote.”

“That you asked me to write on as well, and then perform with you.”

“I thought it’d be nice for us to do something together.”

“You adopted a cat and named him after the song too,” Jinyoung said. “And now you have a tattoo of the word.” He shook his head in a way that was almost patronizing. It made Bambam want to kick him. “Bam-ah, I think you might have a crush on me.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“No, I’m being serious,” Jinyoung said. “You really like me, don’t you? You even bought me that fancy watch.”

“I only bought you a watch because you won’t buy me a ring.”

That was not what he wanted to say. Bambam wanted to say that he bought Jinyoung a watch because he was his boyfriend and he liked giving him nice things. His mind sometimes had a way of pushing the words he really wanted to say out of his mouth though.

Jinyoung’s playful demeanor quickly vanished as he took in the meaning of Bambam’s words.

“Sorry,” Bambam said before Jinyoung could speak. “That just slipped out. I’m not in any hurry to–”

“What if I’ve already bought you a ring?”

All of the words that were on the tip of Bambam’s tongue, rushing to get out so that Jinyoung wouldn’t think that he was angry that they weren’t engaged yet, faded away. Instead his heart felt like it was speeding up inside of his chest and his face was getting warmer, like his body couldn’t truly believe what Jinyoung said.

“You bought me a ring already?” Bambam said.

“I’ve had it for a while,” Jinyoung said. “I’m just waiting for the right time. So, don’t worry. I’ve got a ring. And you’ve got a tattoo that makes me feel even more possessive of you. Don’t lie and tell me you didn’t even think about me when you were getting it.”

“Of course I thought about you,” Bambam said. The cool and controlled façade he was trying to keep was quickly crumbling away. “You’re what I’m always thinking about.”

“Is that why you’re wearing one of my shirts?”

“Yeah.”

Bambam sunk down even further on the bed, pressing his thighs together and thinking that it was finally happening. When they were away from each other, they always liked calling or facetiming to catch up and talk, but there was another reason they liked doing it as well. They had become proficient in phone sex over the past two months. It was always awkward to bring up at first whenever they called each other, but they managed to drive the conversation in that direction each time without fail.

“When did you take that one?” Jinyoung asked.

“Two weeks ago,” Bambam said. “The last time I was home. It still kind of smells like you.”

It wasn’t exactly a special shirt. Bambam had been in their room, packing for yet another long trip away from home, only to see the shirt on the floor of Jinyoung’s closet. He picked it up, ready to scold Jinyoung for not knowing how to properly use a hanger, but instead kept it for himself. It was just a plain white button up shirt. One that didn’t hold any specific memories or meaning to it. He still took it with him though.

Bambam definitely didn’t regret the decision now. Even through the small screen of his phone, he could see the way Jinyoung’s eyes trailed down his neck to his collarbone, where he had the shirt unbuttoned.

“It looks good,” Jinyoung said.

“You don’t think it’s covering too much?” Bambam asked. He tilted his phone down to show where the shirt was still half buttoned up. “I can take it off.”

“Don’t.”

He was so predictable and Bambam didn’t want him to be any other way.

“So, you’ve been thinking about me, huh?” Jinyoung said. “Thinking about me touching you? Putting my hands all over you?”

“More than just your hands,” Bambam said. “I miss your mouth.”

“Of course you do,” Jinyoung said. “You’re always so needy for it.”

The combination of Jinyoung’s voice, that was getting deeper with every word he spoke, and the dark look on his face as he stared back at him, made his heart leap into his throat. This wasn’t anything new to him, but Bambam couldn’t help that, instead of replying with a line of his own, his impulse reaction was to end the call instead.

He dropped the phone on the bed, staring at in disbelief, his own actions having surprised him. There was an aching between his legs and he pushed his thighs together even harder, sending pressure to where he needed it most. His phone started to ring with another facetime request, but he declined it again, his face burning.

Bambam called Jinyoung with a regular phone call instead, putting the phone to his ear and biting down on his bottom lip as he waited for Jinyoung to answer.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asked. “I thought you hung up on accident, but you declined my second call. Is everything all right?”

“I’m fine,” Bambam said.

“Then why did you…_oh_.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re fucking adorable.”

“Stop talking.”

“My Bammie is so shy.”

He hated that he could perfectly picture Jinyoung’s face in his mind. By the sound of his voice he was delighted by this sudden development. It was like no matter how much Bambam matured into an adult, there would always be a part of Jinyoung that saw him as the cute little kid he met all those years ago.

“It’s just – It was a lot, okay?” Bambam said. “I miss you and your voice and the face you were making weren’t helping and I’m so fucking turned on right now but embarrassed that I hung up because I couldn’t handle everything and I want… I want you to just talk to me. Can you do that for me? Please?”

“Anything for you,” Jinyoung said. “Go on, touch yourself for me. I want you to feel good, Bam-ah. What were we talking about before? My mouth? Is that what you want?”

It was what he always wanted. Bambam could admit that he wasn’t the biggest fan of giving oral sex, but he loved receiving it. There was something about having Jinyoung touching him only to give him pleasure that was so satisfying to him.

He reached his free hand down, finally sliding it into his underwear and palming at his cock. It had filled out some since they started talking, but was nowhere near as affected as his cunt that was already wet with slick. He pushed two fingers into himself, moaning as he did.

“You know I’d go down on you for as long as you wanted me to, right?” Jinyoung said. His voice was tighter, like he was trying to control it and keep it even. Bambam squeezed his eyes shut and imagined Jinyoung stroking his cock as he talked to him. “I’d eat you out until your legs started to shake and you begged me to fuck you. Bring you to the edge again and again and just when I let you come, I’d fuck into you.”

“That is such an asshole thing to do,” Bambam said.

His own voice was breathless, but he didn’t care. Despite calling Jinyoung an asshole, the image he created in his head was only getting him hotter. Bambam moved up onto his knees, twisting his hand at an awkward angle so that he could somewhat ride his own fingers.

“You want me to do it though.”

“Fuck yeah I do.”

Jinyoung chuckled, his voice dark and deep in a way it only was when he was talking to Bambam like this. It sent a current of heat down his spine, knowing that Jinyoung only talked to him in this way. He knew that Jinyoung was possessive of him. The alpha had never hidden that fact and Bambam didn’t mind it. It turned him on more than anything and he knew that Jinyoung wasn’t the only one who was possessive. He got off on it too, thinking of how he was the last omega Jinyoung would ever be with. There would be no one after him.

“Just because I like teasing you, doesn’t mean I want you to tease yourself,” Jinyoung said. “Don’t draw this out now. We both know you need it. Make yourself come.”

That was something Bambam could do with ease. Bambam settled his phone in between his head and shoulder, using his free hand to stroke his cock while he continued to finger himself. He rode his fingers as best as he could, given the angle, exaggerating his breaths and moans a bit to help Jinyoung out on the other line.

Jinyoung knew his body almost as well as he did. If he wanted to, he could probably make Bambam come in a minute, but Bambam was still the most knowledgeable when it came to his own body.

He fell back onto the bed after his orgasm hit him, continuing to rub at his cunt as it stretched through his body. Sex was great, but there was still something so satisfying about getting off by himself. Even with Jinyoung on the phone to assist.

Bambam evened out his breathing, listening as Jinyoung groaned loudly from the other line. It was a sound Bambam knew well at this point in their relationship and the heavy breaths that followed were just as familiar to him.

“That was nice,” Bambam said, resting his hand on his stomach.

“You’re always so nonchalant every time we do this,” Jinyoung said. Bambam wanted to say that “nonchalant” wasn’t the right word to describe his mood. Maybe “relaxed” or “peaceful” would work better, but Jinyoung spoke up again before he could say anything. “I love you.”

“And you get so sappy every time we do this,” Bambam said, incapable of stopping the soft smile that formed on his lips. “I love you, too. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Less than a week to go,” Jinyoung said.

“Then you can give me that ring.”

“I’ll give you the ring when it’s the right time,” Jinyoung said. “It’ll be grand and romantic. When you least expect it.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Bambam said. “Just don’t make me wait too long. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life waiting for you.”

Orgasms tended to make him looser and more open than he liked to be. His filter was even more non-existent than it usually was. Bambam hid his face in his hands, waiting for Jinyoung’s response.

“Don’t worry,” Jinyoung said. “I won’t make you wait long. I promise.”

They talked for a while longer, going into detail about their days and what they had planned for tomorrow. While Jinyoung’s voice had done nothing but rile Bambam up earlier, it was now lulling him to sleep. He curled up under the covers of the bed, continuing to talk softly to Jinyoung despite him being alone in a hotel room with no risk of waking anyone else up. Talking quietly felt like the right thing to do though. Eventually they said their goodbyes and Bambam was fast asleep before he could even turn off the lamp on the nightstand.

He slept soundly for a while, but was quickly brought out of it by loud knocking on the door. Bambam sat up quickly in bed, disorientated and half-asleep. He checked his phone that was still on his pillow, seeing that he had only been asleep for just over an hour. The knocking continued, getting louder by the second. Bambam stumbled out of bed, dragging the comforter with him to use as a cape.

“I’m sorry,” Yugyeom said as soon as Bambam opened the door. His eyes were red and puffy and he kept rubbing at them with the back of his hand. “It’s late, but I just can’t be in the same room as–”

“Come in,” Bambam said.

As soon as Yugyeom was in the room, Bambam closed the door behind him before joining him on the bed. He wrapped his arms around Yugyeom, running a hand through his hair and waiting for him to talk.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Yugyeom said. “I can’t be with them. I can’t do it. I’m so sick of wanting them and just…I want to be the one who’s _wanted_. Is that too much to ask? I just want someone to choose me.”

“I want you,” Bambam said. “I’ll always choose you.”

“I know, Bammie,” Yugyeom said, holding onto him tighter. “But it’s just not the same.”

Bambam knew that it wasn’t, but he also didn’t know what to say to ease the pain he was feeling.


	25. Chapter 25

“Your Uncle Jackson loves you so much! I can’t wait to meet you!”

Jackson gave a loud kiss to Mark’s stomach that resulted in Mark giggling and Bambam rolling his eyes up to look at the ceiling. His baby talk voice was starting to get a little grating, but Jackson continued on. It was like he was trying to get the unborn fetus inside of Mark to already recognize him.

“Well, only 22 more weeks to go,” Mark said. “I don’t really mind though. It’s kind of nice.”

“Seriously?” Jackson asked. “My mama called me as soon as the company made the announcement. She gave me a long speech about how much she hated being pregnant and that she hoped you weren’t miserable like she was.”

“There are some difficult moments, but it’s not too bad,” Mark said. “And I am an omega, so I’m kind of made for this.”

“That’s an old-fashioned way of putting it,” Bambam said.

“I know,” Mark said. He ran a hand through Bambam’s orange-dyed hair. “I’m not saying that’s all we’re good for, but we _are _good at it.”

It was difficult to argue with that. Bambam’s mother was pregnant four times and she always said she would have had more children if his father hadn’t passed away so soon after Baby was born. Pregnancy was making Mark glow even more than he usually did. He was 18 weeks along and barely showing. There was a firm bump on his lower stomach, but it was easily hidden under the oversized t-shirts and hoodies Mark loved to wear. It wasn’t able to be hidden by their stage costumes or the clothes their stylists put them in while they were promoting in New York. And if his stomach wasn’t enough of an indicator, the bond mark on his neck was a dead giveaway.

They were in Mark and Jaebeom’s hotel room after a day of interviews. Their concert was tomorrow and all the other members had been fretting over Mark all day. The shows in Seoul had gone well, but it was as if every time Mark started a dance move, everyone froze and watched to make sure he was okay.

“When are you going to tell me if I’m having a niece or nephew?” Jackson asked.

“We want it to be a surprise,” Mark said. “So, you’ll find out when everyone else does.”

“I’m not known for my patience,” Jackson said.

“Then I guess you’ll have to learn.”

Jackson frowned at him before resting his head on Mark’s stomach once more. Bambam was suddenly overcome with a strange sense of nostalgia. He watched as Mark worked his hand through Jackson’s hair, the two of them talking softly in a mix of English and Mandarin that Bambam used to hear as noise, but could now almost fully understand. It had been a while since the three of them spent time together. They were all busy working on their own projects these days. Time together really only came when they were on tour. It was somehow their busiest and most relaxed time.

“Any big plans for our one night off in New York?” Jackson asked, sticking to English so that Bambam didn’t have to try and use his limited knowledge of Chinese to understand. “No cameras following us around. No schedules. Just one night in the Big Apple.”

“Why do they call it the Big Apple?” Bambam asked.

“I have no idea,” Jackson said. “It’s just what everyone calls it in movies.”

“I’m not moving from this spot,” Mark said. “Jaebeom and I are ordering room service and going to bed early.”

“That makes sense for the senior citizens in our group – ow!” Jackson said just as Mark pulled on his earlobe. “You’re going to rip my earring out!”

“I’m only six months older than you, asshole,” Mark said. They were both laughing, so Bambam knew they weren’t actually upset with each other. “And there’s nothing wrong with resting before we have a big show tomorrow. It’s also exhausting growing a human being inside of me.”

“Then what’s Jaebeom’s excuse?”

“My excuse for what?”

“For being a tired and boring old man,” Jackson said as Jaebeom walked out of the bathroom.

“We’re the same age,” Jaebeom said.

“Now he admits it,” Jackson said, throwing his hands in the air like this wasn’t a conversation the two of them had had over a hundred times.

Jaebeom’s hair was wet from the shower he had just taken and his t-shirt was sticking to his skin in spots that he hadn’t completely dried off. He climbed onto the bed, taking Mark’s face in his hands and kissing him so tenderly that Bambam was positive that Jaebeom thought Mark was going to break.

“If you think we’re so boring, then what are you doing tonight?” Mark asked.

“I’m so glad you asked,” Jackson said. He sat up on the bed, allowing Jaebeom a chance to wrap Mark up in his arms and pull him away from Jackson. It was a move he had been doing a lot lately, keeping Mark to himself as much as he could. “Because I have an entire night planned. A night of romance.”

“Jack, you’re so sweet,” Bambam said. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“Obviously it’s not for you,” Jackson said. “It’s for Youngjae. He loves New York and I wanted to plan something special.”

Bambam didn’t know why he found it so comforting to hear of Jackson’s devotion to Youngjae. Maybe it was because he had been worrying about all of them for months. He worried constantly about whether or not the two would keep things steady even though their relationship was long distance most of the time. The worry he had for Jackson and Youngjae was nothing compared to how he worried about Yugyeom though.

“You’re such a romantic,” Mark said to Jackson.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Jackson said. “I’m figuring that out about myself.”

The door to the hotel room opened with a soft beep of the lock. Perfectly on cue, Youngjae popped his head into the room, making eye contact with Jackson.

“Are we leaving soon, hyung?” he asked. “I’m getting hungry.”

Jackson glanced at his watch to check the time and his eyes widened before he shot up to his feet.

“We’re leaving right now,” he said. “I don’t want to be late for our reservation.”

“Ooh, reservation,” Bambam said. “Going somewhere fancy?”

“Of course,” Jackson said. He pulled Youngjae into the room so that he could kiss him quickly behind the closed door. “Only the best for you.”

“I would have been happy to eat a hot dog from a street vendor,” Youngjae said. “I just want to spend time with you.”

That answer got him another kiss from Jackson, this one deeper and longer than the first. While Bambam had found the first kiss sweet, he couldn’t stomach watching the second one for longer than a few seconds. Mark seemed to feel the same way since he grabbed one of the pillows from the bed and threw it at them.

“Stop making out in our room and go to dinner,” Mark said. “You’re going to be late.”

“You are so right,” Jackson said, checking his watch again as if it hadn’t been just a minute since he last checked it. “Let’s go.”

“I got this from our manager,” Youngjae said. He held up the keycard he used to enter the room. “I’m not giving it back either. I don’t want anyone bothering you two on your night off.”

“Thanks, Youngjae,” Mark said.

“There’s a reason why you’re my favorite,” Jaebeom said.

“Yes, he’s perfect, we’re going to dinner now, goodnight,” Jackson said, waving at all of them and then leaving the room with Youngjae.

Even after the door was closed, Bambam could hear Youngjae’s loud laughter from the hall. He tended to find everything Jackson did amusing, so seeing him so frazzled over getting to the restaurant on time was probably the peak of comedy to him. The air in the room felt different without the two of them and suddenly Bambam was painfully aware of being left alone in a room with Mark and Jaebeom. It was a situation he had tried not to find himself in ever since they broke things off with Yugyeom.

“What are you planning on doing tonight?” Mark asked. “A date with Jinyoung?”

“Not really,” Bambam said, moving slowly toward the door. “We’re hanging out with Yugyeom. Can’t really be a date with the three of us.” He quickly realized what he just said and spoke again to try and fix his mistake. “Not that three people can’t go on a date. That’s definitely a thing that people do. Just not Jinyoung and me. We’re not those kind of people. Not that there’s anything wrong with–”

“Bam, breathe,” Jaebeom said.

It wasn’t a true alpha command and Jaebeom didn’t have any ownership over him since he wasn’t his alpha, but the words still helped Bambam find his breath.

“Have fun tonight,” Mark said. “And tell Yugyeom…Just tell him that we still want to talk. We never really got around to doing that.”

“Okay,” Bambam said. “I’ll tell him. Goodnight, hyungs.”

He didn’t know how to tell him that though. The three had officially put an end to things at the end of the Jus2 showcase tour back at the beginning of May. It was the end of June now and nothing felt right between the three of them, so of course as a group the seven of them felt off balance as well. Yugyeom was avoiding them and Mark and Jaebeom were so caught up with the pregnancy that they didn’t have time to try and solve anything. It had been a messy and confusing breakup that Bambam still didn’t know all of the details of. All he knew for sure was that Yugyeom was the one who ended it.

“Where are we going to eat?” Bambam asked as soon as he walked into the hotel room he was sharing with Jinyoung. “I’m so hungry; I’m down to eat anything.”

“Something within walking distance,” Jinyoung said. He was sitting on one of the beds in the room, still dressed and reading through one of the many books he packed for their tour. “I don’t feel like taking a taxi anywhere. Or the subway.”

“No public transportation for prince charming, got it,” Bambam said.

“Don’t act like you like it,” Jinyoung said. “You’re even more delicate than I am.”

Bambam rolled his eyes but didn’t argue as he was pulled into Jinyoung’s arms. He wasn’t exactly wrong. Bambam worked hard for his life of luxury and he liked enjoying it to the fullest. That enjoyment did not include sharing small spaces with strangers or sitting in the backseat of a dirty car with mysterious stains on the seat cushions.

“Delicate enough for a pretty ring on my finger?” Bambam asked, winding his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulders.

“Not tonight,” Jinyoung said. “Nice try though.”

“By the time you give me this imaginary ring I won’t even be interested anymore,” Bambam said.

“Interested in me or the ring?”

“Both.”

Waiting for Jinyoung to propose was torturous. He imagined most people saw a marriage proposal coming, but were still somewhat surprised when it happened. Bambam felt like he was being led on every time they did anything special. They would go to an expensive restaurant and he would expect a ring to be hidden in the dessert. Jinyoung cooked him dinner one night and he didn’t burn anything, so Bambam thought for sure he would get down on one knee after they did the dishes together. It got to the point where Bambam was starting to think Jinyoung would hide the ring in their cats’ litter boxes. He was slowly losing his mind.

“Do we have to tell Yugyeom we’re leaving?” Jinyoung asked. “I was looking forward to a date night with you.”

“You know we have to,” Bambam said. “Jackson and Youngjae never get time to themselves and we can’t leave him with Mark and Jaebeom. And you know how much Yugyeom hates being alone.”

“The managers are here,” Jinyoung said. “Our backup dancers.”

“And his best friend,” Bambam said. “I’m not abandoning him.”

“I hate that you’re such a good and loyal friend,” Jinyoung said.

“No you don’t.”

“You’re right. I don’t.”

They left their hotel room after Jinyoung gave him a lingering kiss that almost made him want to leave Yugyeom behind. He was staying true to his friend though and knocked on the hotel room door that was right next to theirs. Yugyeom answered after the first set of knocks, dressed to go out and smiling brightly at them like nothing in the world was wrong. Bambam knew him better than that though.

“Where are we going?” Yugyeom asked.

“We’re just going to walk until we find a place that looks good,” Jinyoung said. “Does that work for you?”

Yugyeom nodded enthusiastically. It seemed like he was up for anything and not willing to complain. Bambam told him he didn’t need to feel bad about third wheeling and tried to insist that if anyone was the third wheel it was Jinyoung. That got him a laugh from Yugyeom, but the smile that accompanied it didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was one of the most helpless feelings in the world, seeing his best friend act like a shell of himself and not knowing what to do to help.

They settled on an Indian restaurant that was a 15 minute walk from their hotel. It was a family owned business that reminded him of the first restaurant that his mother opened. They settled into a table in the corner of the room, ordering their food and making meaningless small talk throughout dinner.

“So, Mark and Jaebeom told me that they want to talk to you,” Bambam said. “If that’s something that you want to do.”

“Talk about what?” Yugyeom asked. “Our concert tomorrow?”

“No,” Bambam said. “I think they want to talk about your relationship.”

“Our friendship?” Yugyeom said. “How we’re all members of the same team?”

“Yugyeom-ah, stop acting like an idiot and listen to what Bambam is telling you,” Jinyoung said.

“Don’t call him an idiot,” Bambam said. “We’re just worried about you, Gyeomie.”

“I don’t know why,” Yugyeom said. “I’m fine. I’m great! And I don’t have anything to say to them anymore. I said everything I wanted to say when I left the relationship. It’s all over.”

He pushed around what remaining food he had on his plate with his spoon. Bambam was so lost. No matter what he said to him, it was like it just went right through him. He had a rehearsed answer for every question. Nothing felt genuine from him.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to be with them anymore,” Jinyoung said. “Dating within the same group is always messy. None of us have done it perfectly, but you can’t leave things unresolved. Clearly they still need answers from you and…and that baby is going to come whether you want it to or not and you know we’re all going to be in their life. We’re…it’s kind of an old term, no one uses it these days, but we’re like a pack, aren’t we? The seven of us. You can’t just close us out like this. Especially not Mark and Jaebeom, given the history you have with them.”

Bambam’s surprise at Jinyoung being level-headed toward Yugyeom was quickly ended by Yugyeom standing up abruptly. His chair hit the wall behind him and he stepped around the table, more than ready to leave.

“Thanks for dinner,” Yugyeom said. “I’m going to walk around for a while. I’ll see you both tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your date.”

He left the restaurant before either one of them could say anything more to him. Bambam slumped down in his seat, defeated. Jinyoung didn’t have the same attitude that he had though.

“That is not happening,” Jinyoung said. The waitress had already dropped off the check, so he placed a stack of folded bills, that Bambam knew was way too much money, on the table. “We’re following him.”

“Hyung, he needs time to himself,” Bambam said.

“No he doesn’t,” Jinyoung said. “He’s had almost two months to himself. I’m not letting this go on any longer. We’re going to talk some sense into him.”

Arguing with Jinyoung once he set his mind on something was one of the most impossible things to do. He was stubborn and set in his ways. If he got an idea in his head, he was going to see it through to the end. The only thing Bambam could do was go along with him until it was over.

They left the restaurant, looking up the street both ways for Yugyeom. Bambam couldn’t see him, but Jinyoung must have since he grabbed his hand before dragging him along.

“What are you even going to say to him once we catch up to him?” Bambam asked. After a burst of powerwalking, he could see Yugyeom walking ahead of them. “He won’t listen to you.”

“I’ll make him listen to me,” Jinyoung said.

“Your determination is admirable, but you’re not thinking this through,” Bambam said. “He’s closed off from everyone. He won’t even talk to me about this. We have to wait until he opens up to one of us.”

“What if that never happens?”

“It will.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because he’s my best friend,” Bambam said. “I know him. Yeah, he’s never acted like this before, but he’s Yugyeom. He can’t be mad forever. That’s not the kind of person he is.” He stopped walking, using all of his strength to make Jinyoung stop as well. “Let’s go back to the hotel. He’ll find his way back on his own and if you’re still feeling this determined in the morning, you can corner him then.”

Jinyoung looked in the direction Yugyeom was walking. His back was getting smaller and smaller as he got further away. Bambam put a hand on his cheek, turning his head to look at him instead.

“I love that you’re worried about him,” Bambam said. “I love that you’re a worrier. But sometimes you just have to let things go and trust that everything will work out in the end. Let him come to us, okay? Don’t force it.”

“I hate it when you make perfect sense,” Jinyoung said.

He kissed him and in the back of his mind, Bambam couldn’t help but think about how romantic the moment probably looked to other people. A couple in love, kissing in the middle of the street in a big city, not caring who saw them. It would be a perfect scene for a proposal, but Bambam quickly shut down that thought. He needed to stop examining every moment he had with Jinyoung as a potential proposal.

They went on a walk of their own before going back to the hotel. It was nice to have a short date in the middle of their busy schedules. Bambam did his best to focus only on Jinyoung and nothing else as they acted like tourists, taking in the city. Once they were back at the hotel they watched a movie and then got ready for bed. It was the kind of boring night that Bambam used to think was only for older couples, but he actually discovered he was quite fond of the simplicity of them.

He kept his phone on the nightstand and didn’t put it on do not disturb in case Yugyeom got lost and needed help finding the hotel again. The only sound that filled the hotel room was the running water from the shower Jinyoung was taking. Bambam slipped under the covers of the bed just as someone knocked on the door. He already knew exactly who it was and a sense of relief washed over him. It looked like Yugyeom was coming to them a lot sooner than he thought he would.

Unfortunately, Yugyeom didn’t come to him like he wanted him to. Instead of a sad, possibly teary-eyed Yugyeom coming to their door, he was greeted with one who smelled like alcohol and an unfamiliar alpha.

“Weren’t you two supposed to be watching him?” One of their managers was with Yugyeom in the hall, her eyes looking like daggers. “I found him in the lobby on one of the couches. It’s a miracle he made it back to the hotel.”

“He said he needed some air,” Bambam said. “I thought he was just going for a walk.”

“Clearly it wasn’t just a walk,” she pushed Yugyeom into the room and he instantly latched himself onto Bambam, giggling against his ear. “I need to check every single corner of every social media page to see if anyone saw him like this. Make him take a shower and then get him in bed. Don’t let him leave this room.”

“Okay, got it,” Bambam said. “At least he’s 21, so he can’t get in trouble for drinking.”

“That’s the least of my concerns, Bambam,” she said. “I’m putting a chaperone on him for the rest of the tour.”

She slammed the door shut and Yugyeom jumped in his arms at the loud sound it made. His jumpiness was quickly replaced by more giggles.

“Noona’s mad,” Yugyeom said, his shoulders shaking as he laughed.

“Sit down,” Bambam said.

There were two beds in the room and he directed Yugyeom to the one that was still made and pristine. He could already imagine the look on Jinyoung’s face once he got out of the bathroom and saw Yugyeom. Bambam was not looking forward to it. He hated Jinyoung’s “I told you so” face.

“Where did you go?” Bambam asked, sitting next to him on the bed. “You said you were going on a walk.”

“That’s what I did,” Yugyeom said. “I walked and then I found a club, so I went inside. There was this alpha there and she was so pretty, but my English isn’t that good, so we mostly just danced and I had some drinks and then…and then I was walking back here. And I wanted…I wanted to see Mark-hyung and Jaebeomie-hyung, but then noona got to me and brought me to you.” He looked at Yugyeom with his flushed cheeks and eyes that were a little cloudy, studying Bambam’s face. “I always come back to you, Bammie. You’re like the one thing in my life I can always count on. You’ll never leave me or get tired of me.”

“Of course I won’t leave you,” Bambam said. “You’re my best fr–”

It had been years since he kissed Yugyeom, in a hotel room that was in Japan instead of New York. His first kiss was a memory he treasured because it was so safe and innocent and he trusted Yugyeom with everything he had. This kiss was the exact opposite of that. Yugyeom’s lips were chapped and he smelled like alcohol and the strange alpha he’d been dancing with and his hands were tightly holding onto his waist, like he was afraid Bambam would pull away and leave him.

“Stop,” Bambam said, turning his head to the side and wincing when he felt Yugyeom’s mouth touch his cheek. “You’re drunk.”

Yugyeom’s hands held his waist even tighter and he pressed his face against his neck, his shoulders shaking. Bambam felt a few tears against his skin and instead of pushing him away, like his instincts were telling him to, since he just kissed him and he certainly wasn’t his alpha, he pulled him closer.

“I should’ve fallen in love with you,” Yugyeom said. “It would have been so much easier. We would’ve been so happy and I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t have to ever feel like this. I hate feeling like this all the time. I don’t feel like I can be myself without them, but I can’t go back to them. There’s no place for me with them.”

He wanted to tell Yugyeom that he was wrong. Bambam wanted to let him know that Mark and Jaebeom couldn’t function without him either, but that wasn’t the truth. He thought of Mark sitting on the bed, holding his slightly rounded stomach and smiling as Jaebeom kissed him and held his face in his hands like he was holding his whole world. Yugyeom could have a place with them, but it wasn’t one that was naturally there. He would have to forcefully carve out a spot for himself in their lives, and Bambam didn’t know if that was something he wanted to do.

The bathroom door opened and out walked Jinyoung who looked at them with instant confusion.

“What’s going on?” he asked. “Is he all right?”

“He’s drunk and he needs to sleep,” Bambam said. “We’ll talk in the morning. Do you hear that, Gyeom-ah? We’re going to figure this all out in the morning.”

“I’m sorry, Bambam,” Yugyeom said, his voice thick with tears.

“I know,” Bambam said, rubbing his back. “I’m sorry too.”


	26. Chapter 26

Bambam always loved the day after his heat ended. His heats were hell and they were getting worse and worse, even with Jinyoung’s help. He couldn’t help but think of the day when Doctor Cha would tell him that mating would be the only cure for his miserable heats. Bambam hoped he still had a few years left until that happened. Mark settled into the role of a mated omega a lot easier than he ever could. He used to think that he would wait until his 30s to settle down and start a family, but it seemed like that wouldn’t be the case for him.

He spent his early September heat in Thailand, on strong suppressants while he went to brand deal meetings and events and then off the suppressants in Jinyoung’s company once they got back to the hotel. When he was back home he almost always stayed with his family, but there were some noises he never wanted them to hear from him. All seven of them were originally planned to be in Thailand for a few special concerts, but they decided to go on hiatus until the end of the year because of Mark. He insisted that they all continued without him. His persistence didn’t work though. Everyone either had individual schedules or was using the time to enjoy a break after touring all summer.

It wasn’t worrying that they all seemed to be doing their own projects more and more. Bambam almost found it comforting, how they could all work so independently, but still came back together in the end.

“We can postpone,” Jinyoung said, walking into their bedroom. “We just got back this morning. They’ll understand.”

“I want to go tonight,” Bambam said.

They had arrived back in Korea that morning after a week in Thailand. His heat had finally fizzled out last night and he was starting to feel more like himself. Not entirely back to normal though, but he liked that feeling. Despite his heats being rough, the afterglow was always appreciated. He felt lighter when they were over, more relaxed, and somehow even more desirable to Jinyoung. Bambam wasn’t sure what it was about the day after his heat, but Jinyoung always had trouble keeping his hands to himself.

“Are you sure?” Jinyoung asked.

He wrapped his arms around Bambam’s waist, pulling him back against his chest. His lips found their way to his neck, where a purple bruise was standing out brilliantly against his tan skin. Bambam was tempted to not even try covering it with any makeup, but he knew that would be a step too far.

“I’m sure,” Bambam said. “I just want to get this over with. This is the last time I’m trying with them.”

“Everything should be fine,” Jinyoung said. “I talked with them a while ago.”

“Okay,” Bambam said.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think that Jinyoung had tried for him. He knew that he had. Last month, he had come back to their apartment after having dinner with his parents, acting confident like he had just won a difficult battle. Bambam wanted to believe that the battle was already won. He wanted to believe that when he stepped into Jinyoung’s parents’ house for dinner that evening that they would welcome him with open arms and apologize for their past actions. Getting his hopes up would only lead to disappoint though, so he didn’t believe Jinyoung. Not until he had proof.

“My sisters will be there,” Jinyoung said. “And Boyoung has started dating someone new, so that will be a distraction. I’m sure they’ll ask her plenty of questions.”

“Is the person she’s dating Korean?” Bambam asked, looking through his earring options and feeling a weird sense of déjà vu. “Because I’m sure they won’t have any problems with that.”

Jinyoung put his hands up to his shoulders, squeezing tightly. Bambam wasn’t sure what the touch meant. He was either reassuring him or silently telling him to be more positive. Maybe it was both.

“Please go into this with an open mind,” Jinyoung said. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

“I hope you’re right,” Bambam said.

Meeting with Jinyoung’s parents again was something that he had been dreading. He kept telling himself that this was their last chance. If they didn’t accept him tonight, then he would stop worrying about what they thought of him. Those words didn’t have any lasting effects though. Bambam’s mind would instantly bring up images of a future wedding and then future children and how he didn’t want to keep Jinyoung’s parents out of his life for those events. Then his pride would come into play and he would tell himself that prejudiced people who didn’t like him because of where he was from didn’t deserve to be a part of those moments. The cycle would continue and he would lose sleep over it as it never stopped repeating in his head.

On the drive to the house, Bambam kept to himself. He didn’t speak up and only gave short answers whenever Jinyoung asked him a question or tried to start a conversation. It was like he was saving his energy for whatever situation he was about to find himself in. Would he need to defend his honor or would he only sit meekly while Jinyoung’s mother made snotty remarks while his father silently nodded along to everything she said? He didn’t know and he could definitely wait to find out.

“It’s going to be okay,” Jinyoung said after he parked the car. He reached over the center console to give Bambam’s thigh a reassuring squeeze. “If you start to feel uncomfortable, we’ll leave right away.”

Bambam nodded mutely, grabbing the door handle before being stopped by Jinyoung’s hand tightening on his leg.

“Come here,” Jinyoung said, pulling him forward.

“We’re going to be late,” Bambam said.

“We won’t be,” Jinyoung said.

He took Bambam’s face in his hands and kissed him soundly on the lips. The first thing he noticed was that Jinyoung did a bad job of shaving that morning. He could feel a few pricks against his skin as their lips moved together. Bambam didn’t mind it though. Jinyoung was usually so polished that it was nice to have evidence that he wasn’t perfect. No matter how tiny that evidence was.

“Distracting me isn’t going to make my nerves disappear,” Bambam said.

“It was worth a try.”

Jinyoung kissed him once more, soft and sweet and making Bambam want more, even though his heat had just ended a day ago. Logically he should want Jinyoung to give his body a break, but he had never been much of a logical thinker when it came to Jinyoung.

They walked up to the house hand-in-hand and Bambam silently thanked Jinyoung for not making a comment about how sweaty his palm was. He wanted to go into this dinner with a clear mind and his head held high. Now, with only a door being his shield between himself and Jinyoung’s parents, running seemed like a better option.

“Right on time!” Sooyoung said as soon as she opened the door. She smiled at both of them brightly, ushering them inside so that she could give them big hugs. “Eomma just finished cooking. She could have finished 15 minutes ago, but she kept tasting and seasoning everything over and over again, so if something is too salty, keep it to yourself.”

“She never does that,” Jinyoung said, taking his shoes off. “Is she okay?”

“I think she just wants to impress the guest of honor,” Sooyoung said.

“Who’s that?” Bambam asked.

His first thought was that Boyoung had ended up bringing the new omega she was dating, but the looks Sooyoung and Jinyoung gave him told him otherwise.

“You, of course,” Sooyoung said. “You’re the one she wants to impress.”

“Me?” Bambam said.

He couldn’t question her further because Boyoung walked past them, carrying a large, steaming plate of food.

“Dinner’s ready!” she said. “Eomma bought the expensive beef this time, Jinyoung-ah. She means business.”

“What kind of business?” Bambam said.

“The good kind, hopefully,” Jinyoung said. Sooyoung left them in the entryway so that she could help Boyoung with the food. Jinyoung’s hands rested on his shoulders, turning Bambam to look at him. “Stop worrying. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Again, Bambam wanted to believe him, but he still couldn’t fully accept his optimism.

His first greeting with Jinyoung’s parents was polite enough. They said “hello” and asked general questions about work and life until their small talk options were gone and they had nothing else to say. Thankfully, as they all sat around the dinner table to eat, Jinyoung’s mother focused on Boyoung and her new girlfriend instead.

He quietly ate his food, overthinking a million things with every bite he took. Bambam tried to tone down his appearance for the dinner. Plain earrings, no makeup (except for what he used to cover the hickey on his neck), his hair wasn’t styled and was back to his natural color. The watch he was wearing was actually one of Jinyoung’s, simple and classic. His clothes weren’t flashy or revealing. Looking at himself, he wondered if he tried to make it seem like he could be a suitable partner for Jinyoung. Bambam preferred to dress up and show off, but Jinyoung always liked to appear as simple as possible when it came to his clothes. Tonight, they almost matched in simplicity.

“It’s still very new,” Boyoung said after the tenth question from her mother. “We’re getting to know each other.”

“What do her parents do for a living?” Jinyoung’s mother asked.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I haven’t asked.”

“You’ve been seeing this girl for two weeks and you don’t know what her parents do?” their mother said. “Have you at least talked about your family with her?”

“Not really,” Boyoung said. “I’ve mentioned Sooyoung-unnie and Jinyoung, but not you two. I don’t want her to feel like I’m pressuring her.”

Bambam watched as she quickly took a large bite of food, more than likely wanting to save time before her mother bombarded her with more questions.

“What does that even mean?” she asked as Boyoung chewed as slowly as humanly possible. “How would talking about your parents pressure her?”

“It’s kind of a taboo subject for a new couple, Eomma,” Sooyoung said. “Whenever I start dating a new omega, I never mention family for the first few months. If I start talking about family, they might get the impression that I want to introduce them soon.”

“I don’t see what the problem is.”

“It means that the alpha is eager to mate,” Jinyoung said. “Noona doesn’t want her girlfriend to get the wrong impression. That she’s already prepared for her to meet the family. It’s a big step.”

“That still doesn’t make any sense,” she said. “I don’t understand modern dating. Your father introduced me to his family a week after we met.”

“Yeah, and then I showed up nine months later,” Sooyoung said under her breath.

The remark went unnoticed by their parents, but Boyoung caught it. She gave her sister a pointed look, which resulted in a shrug from Sooyoung and a soft laugh from Jinyoung. The two sisters glared at him for laughing and Bambam came to the conclusion that he would be satisfied to do nothing but watch the interaction between the three siblings for the rest of the night. They all got along so well and were perfectly in sync. He loved that they were close, but watching them also made him miss his own siblings even more.

“Well, dating is different for female alphas,” Boyoung said. “Everyone thinks it’s acceptable for male alphas to wait until they’re in their 40s to mate with - almost always - a barely legal omega.”

“Or by the time they’re 40, they’ve mated three omegas, all ten years apart in age,” Sooyoung said. “Trading in for the ‘newer model.’”

“But for us, if we’re not mated by 30, we’re failures,” Boyoung said.

“No one thinks you two are failures,” their mother said. “And Boyoung, you’re not even 30 yet. Sooyoung, you just turned 30 this year. You have plenty of time to find your future mate. Not everyone can be like your brother.”

Bambam had been perfectly content to act like he was invisible for the entire meal. After the awkward small talk at his arrival, he hadn’t been addressed once, not even indirectly. Now, he was being brought into the conversation whether he wanted to be or not.

“I’m lucky, I guess,” Jinyoung said. He took one of Bambam’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. “We’re both lucky.”

“Yeah, we are,” Bambam said.

“And we’ve known each other for years,” Jinyoung said. “I met Bambam when we were kids. It’s not like this happened overnight.”

“Speaking of kids and relationships that are years old,” Boyoung said. “How’s Mark? He’s due any day now, right?”

“Not until November,” Jinyoung said. “Late November, too. So, a little over two months to go.”

“That long, huh?” she said. “I feel like he’s been pregnant forever.”

“I still can’t believe Jaebeom is going to be a father,” their mother said. “I remember when you two first met. You were both so young. Now, Jaebeom is mated to Mark, who is just _stunning_.” Bambam shoved another spoonful of food into his mouth. He knew that “stunning” was never going to be a word used to describe him in this household, but he wasn’t going to say anything. Being ignored for this long was almost a blessing. “I’ve seen recent photos of him and he’s glowing. They’re going to have the most beautiful child.”

“They are a very good-looking couple,” Jinyoung’s father said, speaking up for what was the second or third time that night before going back to his dinner.

“You’ve all seemed to grow up so fast,” Jinyoung’s mother said. “They’re expecting a child. You two are engaged.”

Bambam was grateful that at that moment he had just finished swallowing a mouthful of food, so that he didn’t choke on anything. They were not engaged. Jinyoung had been promising an elaborate proposal for months and Bambam had gone from overanalyzing his every move, to pushing it to the back of his mind so that it would be a surprise. He even had suspicions that Jinyoung didn’t have anything planned and had hyped it up so much that now he didn’t know what to do.

“We’re not engaged,” Jinyoung said. “Not yet. We will be. Soon. Very soon.”

“Jinyoung, what does that mean?” his mother asked. “You’re the alpha. You need to ask him. An omega as lovely as Bambam won’t wait around for you forever.”

For the first time that night, Bambam looked up from his food to look at Jinyoung’s mother instead. Her face in his memories was always snobbish and superior and for some reason, he pictured her as being taller than him, like she was looking down on him. Now, she looked at him with a soft, apologetic smile and he didn’t know how to react to it.

“Do you not have a ring?” she asked, turning to Jinyoung. “Is that the problem?”

“No, I have a ring,” Jinyoung said. “I’m just waiting for–”

“Well, even if you have a ring, I think it’s all right for me to give this to you now,” she said.

She stood up and walked to the other side of the table to where Bambam was sitting. His heart sped up in his chest and he shifted in his seat, wondering if he would need to run for the door soon. Nothing she said indicated that what she wanted to give him was something bad, but he was still cautious.

“For the past few generations in my family, we’ve passed this down whenever an omega gets married or mated, whichever one comes first,” she said. “I was given it by my mother after I was mated, but since all of my children are alphas and Jinyoung is the first to find the omega he’s going to spend the rest of his life with, well, I think it’s time that I gave you this.”

On her left hand was the only piece of jewelry he had ever seen her wear. It was a ring with a gold band and a circle-shaped ruby in the center. She slipped it off and placed it in the palm of Bambam’s hand, curling his fingers overtop of it.

“You don’t have to give this to me,” Bambam said. “This is too much.”

“Of course I have to give it to you,” she said. “Engagement rings haven’t been popular in Korea that long, and this ring definitely isn’t that. It’s not a replacement for the one Jinyoung has gotten for you. My mother told me that it’s not supposed to be a symbol of an omega who is unavailable or owned, but to show that the omega wearing it has an alpha who loves them and protects them more than anything.” She took a shaky breath, pressing her hands over his. “You are a beautiful omega with a good heart, and I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I would be honored to have you marry my son and join our family.”

“Eomma,” Sooyoung said. “You made him cry.”

At those words, Jinyoung pulled Bambam away from his mother, inspecting the tears in his eyes. Crying in front of Jinyoung’s family caused him to feel a strange mix of embarrassment and relief. He rubbed at one of his eyes while Jinyoung carefully wiped away the tears from the other one.

“I didn’t mean to,” their mother said. “I just wanted him to know that he’s welcome here and–”

“It’s okay,” Bambam said. “I’m fine. My, uh, my heat just ended yesterday, so my hormones must be making me act weird. I don’t usually cry.”

“What that actually means is that he cries all the time, but he hates it when people see him cry,” Jinyoung said.

“Well, while you get settled,” Jinyoung’s mother said, “why don’t I serve dessert? Would anyone like some?”

They all instantly raised their hands.

***

Bambam looked at the ring that he managed to squeeze onto his little finger, the ruby shining back at him from the lights of streetlamps and passing cars. It was a snug fit, so he knew he would have to get it resized to fit him better. Jinyoung kept glancing over at him from the driver’s seat. Dinner had gone smoothly as soon as he received the ring. He even managed to get Jinyoung’s father to talk to him while they all ate dessert together, to the surprise of everyone in the room.

“I can’t believe you got a ring from my mother before you got one from me,” Jinyoung said.

“And whose fault is that?” Bambam asked.

“Mine,” Jinyoung sighed. “I have something to confess.”

“You don’t have an extravagant proposal plan?”

“I don’t even have a mediocre proposal plan,” Jinyoung said. “I have no ideas. Jackson’s been yelling at me for months to properly plan something. Every time I start to think of an idea, it’s either unoriginal or too boring.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed again. “It doesn’t help that we don’t have a special place either.”

“A special what?”

“A special place,” he said. “Our first real kiss was on a random street corner. The first time we said ‘I love you’ was outside of a restaurant. We don’t have a special bench or tree or lamp post–”

“A _lamp post_?” Bambam said. “How many dramas have you been watching?”

“Not that many,” Jinyoung said. “My point is that I can’t think of a spectacle that’s grand enough for you and we don’t have a sentimental place where I can ask you.”

“Of course we have a special place.”

“No, we don’t,” Jinyoung said. “I have thought of every single place we’ve ever been to together and I can’t–”

“Take me home.”

Jinyoung didn’t take long to process what he meant by that. His mouth opened slightly and he let out a soft, “oh,” like suddenly everything was falling into place for him.

When they entered their apartment, they were greeted by four distinct meows. Bambam bent down to pet their cats as they rubbed against his legs, threatening to trip him.

“I’m just going to, uh, get the thing,” Jinyoung said, pointing toward their bedroom door.

“I’ll be waiting,” Bambam said.

He took off his shoes and jacket and then sat down on the couch in their living room. The cats joined him, all jumping onto his lap and fighting for his attention as he tried to pet all of them at once.

“Okay, I’m ready.” Jinyoung walked into the room, holding a small black box and looking red in the face, like anxiety was already getting to him. “I’m going to do it.”

“Go ahead,” Bambam said. “And if you mess up, feel free to start over. I won’t judge.”

“You’re not funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”

Bambam wasn’t sure if this was the best way to start off the proposal he had been waiting months for, but he was at least having fun with it. Jinyoung nodded his head, determined, before getting down on one knee and taking one of Bambam’s hands.

“Kunpimook–”

“Don’t call me that, it sounds weird coming from you,” Bambam said. “Try again.”

Jinyoung stood up, did a small circle around the room, and then came back to him, kneeling again.

“Bambam, my love – no, sorry I never call you that,” he said. “One more time.”

Another lap around the room and then he was back.

“Bam-ah, I love you,” he said. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you – Fuck, that’s terrible.”

He stood up and placed his face in his hands and Bambam could imagine him doing this over and over again for the past few months. This was clearly weighing down on him a lot and Bambam knew it wasn’t because Jinyoung didn’t want to marry him. He wanted to marry him, but the pressure of a perfect proposal, because that’s what he thought Bambam deserved, was getting to be too much for him.

“Come here,” Bambam said softly. “Do it again.”

Jinyoung knelt in front of him once more, but before he could speak, Bambam kissed him. It was over soon, just a short, lingering kiss to act as a brief distraction. He kept his fingers on the back of Jinyoung’s neck, playing with the strands of his hair that were a little longer than they usually were.

“You know what I love about us?” Bambam said. “I love that we’re boring together. We’re not trying to impress each other all the time. We’re just together and that’s all I want. I want to eat the shitty food you make and I want to read the rough drafts of the songs you write and go over whatever new script you’ve gotten from whatever drama or movie you’re auditioning for. I wake up every morning and I look forward to feeding our cats and eating breakfast together.

“Yeah, I’ve loved you since I was a kid, but that wasn’t real. I had a crush on you because you were an alpha who I thought was cute and you were nice to me and I wanted to kiss you. I’m an adult now and what I feel for you is so different from that, it’s so much stronger. I don’t think we’re destined mates or some bullshit like that. But we fit together really well. You keep me grounded, I make you more exciting.

“I want to marry you, I want your bond mark on my neck, I want to have kids with you. I want all the big moments, but the little stuff is nice too. Like grocery shopping, or picking out a rug, or knowing that you’re the only person who could ever be the adoptive father to my cats. You’re the person I always come back to. You’re my home.”

When they kissed again, he wasn’t sure whose tears were making their lips taste slightly salty, but he imagined it was because of both of them.

“You’re so much better at this than I am,” Jinyoung said.

“I’m still making you ask me the question though,” Bambam said. “You’ve kept me waiting long enough.”

“I have, haven’t I?” Jinyoung said. He pressed a firm kiss to his lips once more before finally opening the box in his hands. Inside was [a ring](https://sofiazakia.com/collections/rings/products/stardust-in-my-eyes-ring) that was surprisingly simple, when compared to Bambam’s usual taste, but he still loved it because it reminded him of Jinyoung more than it reminded him of himself. A simple gold band with tiny diamonds scattered across it, like little stars in a galaxy. “Bam-ah, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

“Yes,” Bambam said as the ring was slid onto his finger. “Yes, I will.”


	27. Chapter 27

“I can’t be pregnant,” Bambam said, staring at the wall of his bathroom and trying to find something calming in the white tile. “I refuse to be pregnant. I’m rejecting the idea that I might be pregnant.”

“Well, we’ll see in a few minutes,” Youngjae said.

“Yeah, we’ll see a negative result in a few minutes, because I’m not accepting that you’re pregnant either,” Jackson said. “You have terrible timing.”

“My period has terrible timing,” Bambam said. “I just need it to be late by only a couple of days, not nine months.”

“You’re not pregnant,” Jackson said with a kind of finality that was difficult to argue with. “Periods can be late for a lot of different reasons, right?”

“Yeah, but I might have missed a few days taking the pill,” Bambam said. “And Jinyoung doesn’t always use…I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“I think you just told me everything I needed to hear,” Jackson said. “He doesn’t use protection?”

“Of course he does,” Bambam said. “Sometimes I ask for him not to and I’m on birth control–”

“That you’re apparently not taking regularly,” Jackson said.

Bambam sighed, leaning his head back against the wall. This was exactly why Youngjae was the only one he dragged into the bathroom to take the test with him. Jinyoung would panic the entire time and Jackson would lecture him. Unfortunately, he followed them into the bathroom when Bambam pulled Youngjae aside and now the three of them were in there together, waiting for the test results.

“It’s just really irresponsible,” Jackson said. “After everything that happened with Mark–”

“Hyung, stop it,” Youngjae said. “He doesn’t need you to make him feel bad about himself.”

Jackson listened to Youngjae. It was something he had been doing a lot lately and Bambam liked to think that it was for the better. He ran a hand through his hair and Bambam’s eyes instantly went to the ring on his finger that matched the one Youngjae was also wearing. They had appeared after Christmas and Bambam hadn’t commented on them. He knew the two couldn’t get married, so matching rings (that their fans were likely to obsess over once they wore them in public) was as close as they could get.

“Sorry, Bam,” Jackson said.

“It’s okay,” Bambam said. He watched as the timer counted down on Youngjae’s phone. “How long do you think until Jinyoung starts looking for all of us?”

“He was very serious about watching the food, so I don’t know,” Jackson said. “He’ll need to turn around eventually and realize we’re not there.”

“How could he not notice you two are missing though?” Bambam said. “You’re both so loud.”

“You’re one to talk,” Jackson said.

December was coming to a close and with it so was 2019. New Year’s Eve was two days away and the four of them were getting together for dinner before Jackson left for China to perform on a New Year’s show. Usually their group performed on end of the year shows in Korea, but they were still on hiatus. Bambam was ready to get back to work. They originally had a comeback planned for November, but it had been pushed back because of Mark’s pregnancy.

So, the last thing they needed was for Bambam to now be the pregnant omega in the group.

“Thirty seconds left,” Youngjae said.

“I’m scared to look,” Bambam said. “You’ll have to look at it for me.”

“Okay,” Youngjae said. “We’ll be by your side no matter what. You know that, right? And Jackson-hyung isn’t actually mad.”

“Whatever you say, babe.”

“Did you just call him ‘babe?’” Bambam asked, completely forgetting to thank Youngjae for his kind words and undying support. “‘_Babe_?’ In English? You’re going full American.”

“I’m trying it out,” Jackson said. He turned to Youngjae. “Do you like it?”

“No,” Youngjae said right as the timer went off.

Bambam laughed at Youngjae’s bluntness, contrasting with Jackson who looked genuinely hurt that Youngjae didn’t like his new pet name. The temporary joy he felt at Jackson’s expense quickly disappeared when Youngjae turned off the timer on his phone and reached to pick up the plastic test. He was ready to flip it over when the door opened and Jinyoung popped his head inside the bathroom.

“What are you all doing in here?” he asked.

“Seeing if I’m pregnant or not,” Bambam said. There was no reason not to be honest with him. “Do you want to stay for the grand reveal?”

“You’re taking a pregnancy test?” Jinyoung said. “And you didn’t tell me about it?”

“Your pacing stresses me out.”

“And Jackson doesn’t stress you out?”

“He followed us in here,” Bambam said. “Come here. Listen as Youngjae-hyung tells me my fate.”

“I haven’t even had time to process that you–” Jinyoung started.

“He’s not pregnant,” Youngjae said. “Congratulations! Can we eat now?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Jinyoung said.

He shooed the other two out of the bathroom so that he could be alone with Bambam. Jinyoung knelt in front of him, taking his hands and waiting for Bambam to stop staring at the wall so that he could look at him. It was difficult to make eye contact though, because Bambam didn’t know how he would act when he did.

“It was just a stupid feeling,” Bambam said. “My period is two days late. That’s happened before. I shouldn’t have made a big deal and brought Youngjae into it.”

“I’m not mad,” Jinyoung said. “Or upset. Relieved? Honestly, yeah, I’m really relieved.”

“Me too,” Bambam said. “After what happened with Mark, I–”

“You don’t have to explain,” Jinyoung said. “I get it.”

They moved forward at the same time to kiss and Bambam wondered why he hadn’t grabbed Jinyoung in the first place to take the test with him. Then he remembered Jinyoung’s tendency to pace and voice every terrible possibility that could happen when he was put under stress. Youngjae had definitely been the right choice.

“Did you burn dinner?” Bambam asked as they stepped out of the bathroom. “Is there something edible waiting for us?”

“It might be the opposite of burned, actually,” Jinyoung said. “I think the chicken might be a little raw.”

“I know you’re trying to make a joke to freak me out so you can laugh at me overreacting to the dangers of raw chicken, but it’s not going to work,” Bambam said. “I know you too well.”

“Damn,” Jinyoung said, holding onto his waist and pulling him close. “You do know me. We should get married or something.”

“Sorry, I’m already engaged.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Seriously?” Jackson said from the kitchen table. “I call Youngjae ‘babe’ once and Bambam humiliates me for it, but you two are allowed to do this little song and dance while we’re trying to eat?”

“This is our apartment,” Bambam said. “We can do whatever we want.”

Jinyoung backed him up by kissing him and Bambam smiled into it, the noises of disgust from Jackson and Youngjae only making him want to deepen the kiss more. He loved feeling like this. Now that a possible pregnancy wasn’t looming over him, he could relax and actually enjoy dinner with his friends. Bambam felt light and free and it was something he hadn’t allowed himself to feel for the past month.

“How is it?” Jinyoung asked after they stopped kissing and finally sat at the table. “Do I get a pass?”

“It’s good,” Jackson said right as Youngjae gave a lukewarm shrug, “It’s not bad. Not that impressive though.”

“You know I don’t know how to cook,” Jinyoung said. “This was hard for me.”

“Did Bambam help you?” Youngjae asked.

“No, I did it myself,” Jinyoung said.

“It’s not terrible,” Youngjae said. “It’s just decent chicken pad thai. Out of all the dishes from Thailand you could have made, you really went with the least inspired one.”

“I’m a beginner,” Jinyoung said. “Everyone has to start somewhere. Why are you being so difficult?”

“You asked for our thoughts and I’m just being honest,” Youngjae said. “I didn’t say it was bad. I’m eating it, aren’t I?”

Bambam didn’t know how much longer their argument was going to last, but he couldn’t keep in his laughter any longer. It fell from his lips, loud and unrestrained and alarming everyone at the table.

“Uh, Bambam,” Jackson said. “Are you okay?”

He nodded his head, but couldn’t catch his breath to fully get the words out. The laughter was the kind that he couldn’t stop, that made his stomach clench up and ache when he did it for too long. Jinyoung rubbed his back, trying to calm him down while sending panicked looks to the other two.

“You two just–” He pointed at Youngjae and Jinyoung, still trying to catch his breath. “It’s just that…We used to – We used to argue over stupid shit like that all the time and I…I remembered when we were trainees.”

Bambam took a few deep breaths and leaned into Jinyoung who was still rubbing his back. He didn’t know where the laughter had even stemmed from, but seeing Jinyoung and Youngjae, who always got along well and almost never argued, bicker back and forth, brought so many memories back to him.

“Oh,” Youngjae said. “Yeah, we did fight about a lot of stupid stuff, didn’t we? I wasn’t even a trainee with you guys for that long, but I still have plenty of stories about fights we got into.”

“We were a reckless bunch,” Jinyoung said. He was more relaxed now that Bambam had calmed down, but his hand stayed on his back. “Like live wires.”

“Still kind of are,” Jackson said. “Especially Yugyeom. I can’t believe that kid.”

They all nodded in agreement, each of their nods were slightly different though. Youngjae was fond, but Jinyoung was worried. Bambam was somewhere in between. He didn’t think he would ever stop worrying about Yugyeom, but at least he was taking action instead of spiraling into a depression like he had been for almost the entire year.

Mark and Jaebeom left last week to spend time with Mark’s family in California and Yugyeom had tagged along. It had been a dramatic moment, saying farewell to the couple at the airport one moment and then the next turning around to see Yugyeom sprinting toward them as quickly as his long legs would let him. The scene that unfolded before him had been like something out of a drama, but Bambam was happy for them. He hoped that they spent their time together actually talking and figuring things out. Whether they came back together or with Yugyeom still separate from them, he didn’t know. He just wanted them to be talking to each other.

“He’s unpredictable,” Jinyoung said. “I talked to Jaebeom this morning, which I guess was yesterday afternoon for him. Anyway, things seem to be going well. Mark’s family is taking care of him and Jaebeom’s been talking with Yugyeom a lot, so I guess we’ll see what happens.”

“I guess that’s all we can do,” Jackson said. “They deserve to be happy, after what happened with the baby.”

The topic was quickly changed and they went onto talking about lighter and happier things. Bambam told them about how Jinyoung got talked into doing shots with his cousin at his brother’s wedding earlier in the month. He could vividly remember Jinyoung with his red face, only an hour into the reception and sitting alone at one of the tables, staring sullenly at the floor. Jinyoung hid his face in his hands as Bambam told the story to Jackson and Youngjae, going into detail about how he almost cried when Bambam refused to dance with him when they were trying to leave the venue after the wedding was over. Youngjae told them about his own brother’s wedding and the four of them settled into easy conversation for the rest of the evening.

“We should do this more often,” Jackson said as he and Youngjae grabbed their coats and put on their shoes at the front door. “The four of us never go on double dates.”

“Double dates aren’t really our thing,” Jinyoung said. “Well, unless they’re with this other couple. They’re fun.”

“Which couple?” Jackson asked.

“I can’t tell you,” Jinyoung said. “I don’t want to out anyone.”

“Is it Jisoo and Lisa?” Youngjae asked.

Bambam and Jinyoung glanced at each other, both surprised by Youngjae’s correct guess, but neither one of them confirming it because they really didn’t want to out their friends. Jisoo and Lisa were an easy couple to hang out with in public, because no one could find anything to pick at or be mad about. Bambam and Lisa were childhood friends and Jinyoung knew Jisoo from cohosting Inkigayo together. It helped that the two women were in the same group as well. They didn’t raise any suspicions when they were together, so no one had to worry about anyone being outed and they could all just enjoy a nice double date.

“Youngjae has a very accurate sixth sense when it comes to these things,” Jackson said, taking their silence as confirmation. “It’s why he didn’t give up on me when I was trying to convince myself that I was straight.” He stopped buttoning up his coat halfway to frown in disgust. “I can’t believe I thought I was straight.”

“It was a flaw that took me a very long time to see past,” Youngjae said. He reached his arms out to bring Bambam into a goodbye hug. “Maybe we can do this again, at our place next time.” He sneezed, perfectly timed as if to make his next point even stronger. “I like your cats, but my allergies are killing me.”

“Sorry, hyung,” Bambam said. “We tried to keep them out of the main room, but they’re escape artists. I’m sure the fur doesn’t help either.”

“It really doesn’t,” he said, pulling away. “I guess I’ll see you two in 2020. I’m going with Jackson-hyung to China, so I won’t see you on the actual holiday.”

“Happy New Year, then,” Bambam said.

Their goodbye to each other was a lot less dramatic than the one Jackson and Jinyoung were exchanging. The other two were wrapped up in a tight hug, swaying side-to-side as they whispered to each other, completely in their own little world.

“Why don’t you marry me instead?” Youngjae asked, taking Bambam’s left hand and tapping his engagement ring. “I’ll give you plenty of attention and never ignore you for another man.”

“I do require a lot of attention to survive,” Bambam said.

He wrapped his arms around Youngjae’s neck just as Jackson and Jinyoung pulled away from their hug.

“Not happening,” Jackson said. “It’s not our fault you two can’t appreciate our special relationship.”

“I think Bambam and I could have our own special relationship if you two continue with your long farewells,” Youngjae said. “Maybe we could try out the poly thing too.”

“Never in a million years,” Jinyoung said.

“I can’t be in a polyamorous relationship if Bambam’s a part of it,” Jackson said. “I practically raised him. He’s like my son.”

“‘Little brother’ was right there, but you went for ‘son’ instead,” Bambam said.

Jackson grabbed him away from Youngjae, and instead of pushing him to the side like Bambam thought he was going to do, he brought him into a hug instead. It reminded of when they were younger and Jackson and Mark did, in their own way, raise him. He had been taller than Jackson for a while, but it still felt a little off to be the one with the height advantage when they hugged. Part of him always expected to be smaller than Jackson, to be the one who needed protecting.

“Happy New Year, Bam,” he said, patting him on the cheek.

“Yeah, you too,” Bambam said.

After they left, Jinyoung and Bambam went to the kitchen to clean up the mess they had all left behind. It had taken Bambam a long time to get Jinyoung to freely go with him to clean something, but now he did it with only a little complaining.

“What did Jackson tell you while you two were kissing goodbye?” Bambam asked, handing a clean pot to Jinyoung so that he could dry it.

“We weren’t kissing,” Jinyoung said. “Only hugging.”

“Romantically hugging.”

“It was emotional hugging, I’ll give you that,” Jinyoung said. “He told me that he’s going to come out to his parents.”

“Oh, shit,” Bambam said, his eyes widening. “That’s a big step.”

“It’s one he’s ready to take,” Jinyoung said. “That’s why Youngjae is going with him, for moral support.”

“That’s…scary,” Bambam said. “I wish he told us during dinner. I would have been able to…I don’t know, encourage him? Cheer him on?”

“He knew I would tell you,” Jinyoung said. “The only thing we can do is be there for him if things go badly.”

“I hate feeling so helpless,” Bambam said. “I can’t do anything to help him. I couldn’t help Mark.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” Jinyoung said. He put down his dishtowel and walked behind Bambam, hugging him tightly and making him feel secure. “What happened with Mark was…No one could have done anything. You don’t have to fix everything. We don’t know what’s going to happen with Jackson and Youngjae in the long term, if they’ll ever come out and risk their careers, or just keep their private lives private forever. And we definitely don’t know what’s going to happen between Mark, Jaebeom, and Yugyeom.” He kissed Bambam’s neck, and then his jaw, indulging in simple touches. “What we do know is that I love you and you love me and we’re good. We’re the stable ones now. We’ve got to be the ones they lean on for a change.”

“Yeah, I know,” Bambam said. “And we can provide distraction in the form of our three different weddings.”

He was comfortable talking to Jinyoung about heavy topics, but sometimes he needed to lighten the mood. Wedding planning was a popular topic he liked to pick because it always resulted in Jinyoung pouting like a little kid being forced to eat vegetables.

“Two weddings,” Jinyoung said. “I agreed to two. One in Korea, one in Thailand.”

“But don’t you want a destination wedding too?” Bambam said. “With only close friends and family? It’d be so romantic.”

“That’s called a honeymoon,” Jinyoung said. “Without the close friends and family though. It’ll be just the two of us and that is infinitely more romantic.”

“Of course we’re going on a honeymoon,” Bambam said. “But we can also do a destination wedding.”

“That is so unnecessary.”

“You don’t want to marry me three times?”

“No, I don’t,” Jinyoung said. “I’m happy just to marry you once, but I can agree to two times. Three? That’s pushing it.”

“But I want three weddings.”

“Compromise is a beautiful thing.”

“You know what else is beautiful?” Bambam asked. “Three different weddings that are all equally beautiful.”

Bambam knew he was pushing his luck, but he enjoyed teasing Jinyoung too much to let it go. He didn’t want three weddings either and he was more than happy to settle on the two that he actually wanted. Especially since Jinyoung actually agreed to them.

Jinyoung’s hands slid under his shirt, pressing against his stomach until they were so close that Bambam felt like they were going to merge together. He was going to ask what brought on the sudden clinginess, but Jinyoung spoke up first.

“How about instead of spoiling you with a third wedding, I spoil you in another way?” Jinyoung said. “Will that make you happy?”

“Depends on how well you take care of me,” Bambam said.

His scoff, overconfident and cocky and so alpha-like, made Bambam bite into his bottom lip. He knew the alpha posturing wouldn’t last long. It only held up during sex when Jinyoung was in rut, but he still liked the illusion of it.

He scooped Bambam up in his arms, fierce and determined and puffing his chest out like he had something to prove. Of course he didn’t, but Bambam let him have his moment.

“I guess I’ll just have to show you, huh?” Jinyoung said, walking to their bedroom.

“Guess so.”

Once they were in the room, Jinyoung dropped him on the bed before looking around the room, checking for any of the cats. Too many times they had been in the middle of having sex, only to have it ruined by a cat sticking their claws into someone’s foot or Jinyoung getting creeped out by seeing a pair of glowing eyes in the corner of the room. While Jinyoung looked, Bambam stripped out of his clothes, tossing them carelessly onto the floor and trying not to think about how he was going to pick them up later and put them in the laundry hamper.

“No cats?” Bambam said after Jinyoung closed the door.

“Unless they’ve turned invisible, they’re not in here,” Jinyoung said.

He sat down on the bed next to Bambam, resting back against the pillows before pulling Bambam onto his lap. It wasn’t the usual position that they started in, but he didn’t have any complaints. He still thought about Youngjae and Yugyeom accusing them of having boring sex. What they said didn’t bother him, but he still thought about whether or not it was really true. In the end, he supposed it made no difference to him. Boring or not, they were both always satisfied and that was what mattered the most.

Bambam was rubbing against his thigh as they kissed, one of Jinyoung’s hands was on his ass, pushing him forward bit by bit. He was naked while Jinyoung was still clothed; the friction of his pants against Bambam’s cunt was making his hips stutter as he moved.

“I thought you were going to spoil me,” Bambam said. “But I’m the one doing all the work.”

“You’re barely moving,” Jinyoung said. “Sitting on my lap like a princess, about to get everything you want. You really don’t have any patience.”

“I have plenty of patience,” Bambam said. “When it comes to other things. Not sex. Not when you’re touching me.”

“Then I guess I should go ahead and give you what you want, huh?”

He nodded quickly before chasing Jinyoung’s lips for another kiss. Truthfully, he didn’t know what it was that he wanted. Bambam liked sex when it was spontaneous, but Jinyoung was more of a planner. Sometimes he wondered if every time they had sex had been meticulously planned out by Jinyoung and he only let Bambam believe that it was all improvised. He wouldn’t be surprised if he found out that to actually be the case.

“Come up here,” Jinyoung said, squeezing his hips.

“Up where?” Bambam asked. “I’m already sitting on your lap.”

“Sit on the pillow,” Jinyoung said. “Above me. I want to open you up with my mouth.”

Usually, Bambam would go right along with whatever Jinyoung suggested, but after a shiver ran through his body, his mind caught on to the words he had used.

“Just say you want me to sit on your face,” Bambam said. “No need to try and make it sound romantic.”

If Jinyoung was annoyed by Bambam’s sass, he wasn’t letting it known. He wouldn’t be able to fully voice it either, because Bambam was moving up to the pillow, kneeling over Jinyoung’s face and holding onto the headboard in front of him. The first thing he felt was Jinyoung’s nose, against the bottom of his cock, pressing against it lightly as he moved his face to the right position. Bambam had only a moment to brace himself before Jinyoung grabbed his thighs and ran his tongue up the slick folds of his cunt.

They didn’t do this position often. Bambam got so sensitive so easily, the position was a sure way to get him to come quickly. If Jinyoung wanted to spoil him though, this was a great way to do it.

He tried his best to keep his hips steady, keeping his legs clenched tight so that he wouldn’t be tempted to rub himself against Jinyoung’s mouth, controlling the pressure for himself. Jinyoung never gave him a reason to do that though. He loved eating Bambam out, opening him up with his tongue until Bambam was dripping wet, his small cock hard and untouched against his stomach.

“_Alpha_,” Bambam moaned as Jinyoung started to push his tongue into his opening, fucking him with it. He held onto the headboard tighter and squeezed his eyes shut. His entire body felt like one long line of tension as he tried to control himself. He knew that Jinyoung wanted him to come quickly. It was what he always wanted whenever they did this, but the stubborn part of him wanted to hold off as long as he could.

Jinyoung’s grip on his thighs tightened and he pulled Bambam down more, until his mouth was totally against him and he could feel not only his lips and tongue, but teeth as well. Bambam whined as they scraped against his folds and he finally gave in, pushing down against him as Jinyoung continued to lap up into him.

“Fuck,” Bambam gasped, his hips jolting forward slightly all on their own. “Oh, _oh_, _oh fuck_.”

His entire body shuddered as he came. Bambam palmed at his cock with the hand that wasn’t gripping the headboard, rubbing it as his orgasm crested through him. Jinyoung didn’t stop the movements of his tongue, even moving his mouth farther back, grabbing at Bambam’s ass instead of his thighs so that he could press his tongue against that hole as well. He didn’t get the chance to tease him there for very long though, because Bambam got up onto his knees, out of breath and still shaking.

Jinyoung got the hint, sliding out from under him so that Bambam could completely sit down on the pillow. He folded his arms on top of the headboard, resting against it as he tried to even out his breathing. Bambam’s skin felt so hot and he was reminded that his heat was less than a week away. Usually he tried to take it easy when it came to sex when he was so close to his heat.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist and he could feel Jinyoung’s chest against his back. Without even looking behind him, Bambam knew that he had taken the time to get undressed while Bambam tried to recover.

“Feeling spoiled yet?” Jinyoung asked, kissing a line across his shoulders. His cock was hard against him, rubbing across his lower back. “Do you want to call it a night or–”

“No,” Bambam said. “I want you to fuck me.”

Jinyoung chuckled, his lips continuing to ghost over Bambam’s heated skin. “Like this? Want me to mount you?”

Bambam moaned, pushing back against his cock. He was so used to getting what he wanted right when he asked for it.

“Then beg for it,” Jinyoung said. “Be a good omega and tell me how much you want my cock.”

This wasn’t at all how they usually did things, but Bambam couldn’t find a reason to complain. Every word Jinyoung said to him sent heat through his body. The tops of the inside of his thighs were sticking together because of how wet he was. He pushed back again, causing Jinyoung’s cock to press against his ass.

“Go on,” Jinyoung said. “Let me know how you want me to fuck you.”

“Just like this,” Bambam said. His voice sounded so unfamiliar to his own ears, like he was listening to a different person. “I don’t want to move, I just want you to have me. Please, just fuck me. I’m yours, I’ve always only been yours.”

Bambam might have been desperate for a good fuck, but he was still clear-headed enough to know how to play with Jinyoung’s weaknesses. He knew exactly what he loved to hear.

The words worked perfectly. Jinyoung pushed his cock between his thighs, the head of it brushing against his hole before moving to where he was wet and open and wanting. Bambam thought that he would tell him to beg more, but that had never been the kind of alpha he was. He pushed inside of him, stretching him around his cock.

“I love you so much, Bam-ah,” Jinyoung said once he was fully inside. He kissed the side of his neck and Bambam was instantly comforted by his voice. That was his Jinyoung, the one he knew and loved and trusted. “Always love touching you like this. Love making you come undone for me.”

His thrusts were how they always were: strong and deep and uniform in timing, Jinyoung never missing a beat as he fucked into him again and again. He grabbed onto Bambam’s hips tightly, holding him in place so he couldn’t move, only allowed to take what Jinyoung gave him, completely at his mercy, and yet still safe in his hold. What Bambam could control was how he touched himself. He held onto the headboard with one hand, but used the other to take hold of his cock. The tip was wet with slick and he focused most of his attention there, rubbing the sensitive head, pushing his thumb against the opening and making himself leak even more.

“Come for me,” Jinyoung said. “Go ahead, Bam-ah. Let go, just let go.”

He came with Jinyoung plastered to his back, whispering sweet words and praises to him. Bambam didn’t even know if Jinyoung had come or not as he was moved to lie on his back, resting his head, instead of his knees, onto a pillow. His answer came quickly enough because Jinyoung cupped his jaw with one hand, kissing him gently as he jerked himself off, his come hitting Bambam’s soft stomach as he came.

“If you’re into hearing me beg, you could have brought it up before,” Bambam said after a few minutes had passed. Jinyoung went into their bathroom to grab a couple of washcloths to clean them up with. “I liked it.”

“It honestly wasn’t something I had really thought of,” Jinyoung said. He curled his hand around Bambam’s knee, kissing the side of it before gently spreading his legs open so that he could wash his thighs and stomach. “I’m glad you liked it though.”

“I like everything you do for me,” Bambam said.

Bambam meant that in the context of sex and outside of it. When he was younger, growing up in Thailand and still not completely sure what it meant to be an omega, he had dreams about who he would marry. The person was always beautiful and kind and treated Bambam like he was a precious jewel. Jinyoung was all of that and more.

Once they were cleaned up, they changed into their pajamas and quickly decided that the bed in the guestroom would be much more comfortable to sleep in after they examined the damage to the sheets. After moving rooms, they curled up together under the clean sheets, having left the door open in case the cats wanted to sleep with them. Bambam rested his head on Jinyoung’s chest, his eyes half open as Jinyoung stroked his hair.

“I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning, but I’ll be back in time for your heat,” Jinyoung said. “I still hate to be leaving you alone though.”

“It’s okay,” Bambam said. “They can’t exactly stop a movie production just because you want to keep me company _before _my heat. We’re lucky they’re giving you time off to come back.”

“You could always come with me,” Jinyoung said. “Come on set with me. I want to show you off.”

“I’m the one who wants to show you off, my movie star fiancé,” Bambam said. “Fiancé. That still feels weird to say.”

“I like hearing you say it,” Jinyoung said. “Just think about it. I’d like it if you came.”

“Consider it in my thoughts.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung said. He kissed the top of his head. “I love you, Bam-ah.”

“I love you, too,” Bambam said after a big yawn.

His thoughts stayed focused on Jinyoung as he drifted off to sleep. Bambam thought about his warmth and his soft smile and the way his hands touched him with such reverence and care. He used to get so homesick when he first moved to Korea. The feeling would almost make him physically ill, as he thought about how he left behind his mother and siblings. Bambam would always miss them, but that certain ache had dulled over the years. It had been replaced by something just as strong though. He knew that he was going to go with Jinyoung to Taiwan while he filmed his movie. It wasn’t even something he had to think about. Bambam never felt homesick when he was with him, because his home was where Jinyoung was.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story! I know not every plot line had a clear and happy ending, but I promise those will come in future fics in this series. I'm really looking forward to writing the JackJae fic next, so hopefully some of you will stick around for that. I loved writing this story. This is my first GOT7 fic and I'm so happy I could write for this pairing because it's one of my favorites and it's very deprived of content here on AO3.
> 
> I would love it if you told me your thoughts, but I totally understand people who are silent readers, so don't feel pressured to leave a comment. I'm just happy to have people reading this story. I honestly thought that posting it would be like writing to a void since all the pairings in this fic can be considered rare or unpopular. But I love writing for rare pairings, so I wouldn't have it any other way.
> 
> Thanks again!  
-Erin  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/linksofmemories)  
[Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/linksofmemories)


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